Muttering she started changing, trying on each item with varying degrees of success, whiles others… (Recomend while, not whiles)
“Well then, consider this a lesson on “Girl Stuff.” (Recomend 'Girl Stuff'." or 'Girl Stuff.'")
“I was different… (It, not I)
“Maybe because it’s fun to watch you?” (Or seeing you being so clueless makes them just wanna reach out and hug you and love you and give you pointers!)
grab him, he (recommend a particple such as but he or as he)
She reached the door and ploughed straight into the figure at her door. (recomend rephrasing to loose the second door)
pushing some bags aside before dropped (verb agreement, use pushed and dropped or pushing and dropping)
He Chuckled. “Just seeing if you were up for anything tonight?” (to many he's and she's. replace about 1 in 4 with a Light or Neph so we dont forget who's having this conversation)
“Well, you eat stuff like than and don’t work off the calories, (awkward phrasing. recommend 'eat stuff like that then' or 'eat like that then' instead)
catching the backs (think you mean bags, not backs)
Now that the grammatical nits are out of the way... Dawww. Though there isn't really that much about learning how to unwind so far. If this is just the first scene or so, that's okay. If this is basically complete, consider retitling it.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children
“Well then, consider this a lesson on “Girl Stuff.” (Recomend 'Girl Stuff'." or 'Girl Stuff.'")
“I was different… (It, not I)
“Maybe because it’s fun to watch you?” (Or seeing you being so clueless makes them just wanna reach out and hug you and love you and give you pointers!)
grab him, he (recommend a particple such as but he or as he)
She reached the door and ploughed straight into the figure at her door. (recomend rephrasing to loose the second door)
pushing some bags aside before dropped (verb agreement, use pushed and dropped or pushing and dropping)
He Chuckled. “Just seeing if you were up for anything tonight?” (to many he's and she's. replace about 1 in 4 with a Light or Neph so we dont forget who's having this conversation)
“Well, you eat stuff like than and don’t work off the calories, (awkward phrasing. recommend 'eat stuff like that then' or 'eat like that then' instead)
catching the backs (think you mean bags, not backs)
Now that the grammatical nits are out of the way... Dawww. Though there isn't really that much about learning how to unwind so far. If this is just the first scene or so, that's okay. If this is basically complete, consider retitling it.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children