“Wannabe”
"Well," Alec observed, "I can definitely tell you one thing about the victim."
"And that is?"
Alec straightened, rising slowly to his feet. He did so extremely carefully, with the slow and deliberate manner of a man aware that the surrounding floor and furniture were liberally coated in substances typically found within the human body.
"He's definitely dead," Alec said, thoughtfully.
Leon did not look amused. Not in the slightest. "I think," the policeman said, glaring at his costumed colleague, "I somehow knew that without your expert opinion."
"Oh," Alec mused, "did you? Yeah, I guess you would be professionally qualified to identify dead people. But you know, I've always figured eyeballing a dead guy really should be more of an art than a science."
"Look, Kazam," Leon said, suppressing the urge to sigh, "if you're not going to be helpful, I can go to MAGI and find a mystic who will. Preferably one who doesn’t think he’s a comedian."
"Wait, wait,” Alec interjected, holding his gloved hands up in a placating manner, ‘I'm not trying to be funny. Well, not more than I usually am, anyway. I meant he’s dead. As opposed to, I don’t know, undead. Hell, I can tell you for sure that’s an actual genuine one-hundred-percent dead guy, not a really good homunculus or something.”
“That’s surprisingly insightful,” Leon admitted, grudgingly. “Fine, sorry. I guess you are taking this seriously.”
The two men spent a long moment in silence, staring at the scene. The room would have been a reasonably pleasant living space, if it wasn’t for the bloody corpse on the sofa. The fact that the apartment’s former resident had suffered copious stab wounds and severe mutilation put a significant dampener on things.
“Wait til you get my bill. I charge extra for seriousness. Or I would, if I actually charged anything,” Alec said, finally.
“You’re a kind and generous soul,” the policeman retorted.
“I try,” Alec shot back, “I try. It’s part of my eternal pledge of service to the community.”
As he spoke, the magician made a few more motions with his fingers, tracing imaginary lines through the air. Combined with the borrowed sunglasses perched on his face, the groping gestures made him look like a politically incorrect caricature of a visually impaired person. Or failing that, a drunken tourist after too many cocktails. The fact he was wearing a small domino mask beneath the sunglasses didn’t help the image.
Then Alec stopped, frozen in mid-gesture.
Leon frowned too, because he’d been around costumed heroes enough to know that sort of thing was rarely a good sign. Cop instincts meant his hand twitched fractionally towards his holstered sidearm, before he forced himself to be calm. “Problem?”
“Maybe,” Alec said, slowly, a frown on his face, “maybe not. Might have to revise that dead verdict. I mean, our victim isn’t moving right now, but the murder weapon was zombies.”
“Zombies,” Leon repeated, in a low tone.
“Right, zombies,” Alec said, “well, I mean, strictly speaking the murder weapon per-se was the dagger over there. And there. And there.”
The magician pointed at the ritual blades littering the apartment, most still stained with blood.
“Probably the ones Pandora’s Box had on clearance back in August,” Alec continued, “I didn’t go down myself, but the tammyarcanus.org forums have review threads for athames, and...”
This time, Leon did actually give a sigh. He knew it wasn’t very professional of him, not the sort of thing a fine upstanding police officer should do. But he couldn’t help it. He could feel his blood pressure climbing in a way that would disappoint his girlfriend. And she was already on his case to cut down on the burgers and eat more fish. “Kazam?”
The magician paused. “Yeah?”
“Focus,” Leon hissed, “please?”
“Right, sorry,” Alec said, though he didn’t sound all that apologetic, “just trying to give some context. You have to realise, you’re not usually supposed to stab people with these things. They’re ceremonial. Consecrated tools, not weapons. Unless you’re really really angry, anyway. But yeah, zombies. Here, see...”
With a swift gesture, Alec lifted the sunglasses from his eyes, spun the frames around, and then placed them on Leon before the detective even registered the mystic hero had invaded his personal space.
Leon scowled, and yanked the glasses off. “Kazam, what the hell?”
“Huh...I could have sworn you had the codec for aura viewing,” the magician muttered, “uh, well, nevermind. Not important. I’ll probably have to stream it to a monitor or something for evidence later, anyway. Though an active scry would probably be better, I guess. Just take my word for it. There were dead people in here. Besides our victim, I mean.”
“So you’re saying,” Leon asked, as he pocketed the sunglasses. They were his to begin with, but considering what he’d just seen, he no longer felt comfortable wearing them. The costumed mage had done...something...to the lenses. “The killers were zombies?”
“No. More like murder weapon part deux was zombies,” Alec explained, folding the glasses and slipping them into a coat pocket, “I’m pretty sure someone was controlling the undead that broke in here. Remotely. Though, you know, with necromancers? A lot of them are kind of zombies themselves. Kind of comes with the territory. That territory being a grave, mostly.”
“Fine, whatever,” Leon pressed, “but they’re gone? If we send the forensics guys in here, they’re not going to be jumped by zombies hiding in the central heating or garbage chute?”
“Pretty sure they’re long gone, yeah. I can try to track them, but...yeah. Anyway, a zombie wouldn’t fit in the radiator pipes. Or even the trash thing. Unless this is a very strange building, or they’re very small zombies,” Alec said, “but downsizing isn’t that bad yet, even in this economy.”
“Okay. And our victim isn’t going to suddenly get up and lurch at us?”
“I...can’t say for certain,” Alec said, after a second, “but, uh, probably not? You said this was the third one, right? Third one this week? The other victims didn’t go zombie, did they?”
Leon scratched his head. “The guys at the morgue haven’t called to complain.”
“Not yet, anyway,” Alec pointed out.
Leon stared. “Are you trying to tempt Murphy, Kazam?”
“I wear a costume and do magic,” Alec replied, “I tempt Murphy just by breathing.”
“So did that guy,” Leon said, “and look where it got him.”
“Yeah,” Alec said, quietly. He glanced round the living room. Beneath the blood and other fluids, most of the space in the apartment was occupied by professional paraphernalia. There was even a box large enough to fit a person sitting in one corner, the sort with hinged doors and slots to insert swords.
Near the broken television, which had likely been knocked over in the violence, a big framed picture hung on the wall. It was a theatrical poster of the hand-painted style, depicting a man just barely recognisable as the apartment’s owner. The resemblance wasn’t that close, partially because the man was obviously a lot younger in the promotional image, but mostly because the face on the poster hadn’t been savaged repeatedly with a knife. The man in the picture wore a top hat and tuxedo with tails, a traditional stage magician’s costume.
“I’m trying not to think about that,” Alec admitted.
* * *
A/N: Alec Kazam is my main from Champions Online, currently on Virtue as a Time Manip Corruptor. Leon McNichols is Spud's character, the PPD officer originally of Bubblegum Crisis extraction. This was planned for Halloween, but it's increasingly clear I won't have it done for full posting by then, so I'll be releasing brief chunks before and after the 31st.
-- Acyl
"Well," Alec observed, "I can definitely tell you one thing about the victim."
"And that is?"
Alec straightened, rising slowly to his feet. He did so extremely carefully, with the slow and deliberate manner of a man aware that the surrounding floor and furniture were liberally coated in substances typically found within the human body.
"He's definitely dead," Alec said, thoughtfully.
Leon did not look amused. Not in the slightest. "I think," the policeman said, glaring at his costumed colleague, "I somehow knew that without your expert opinion."
"Oh," Alec mused, "did you? Yeah, I guess you would be professionally qualified to identify dead people. But you know, I've always figured eyeballing a dead guy really should be more of an art than a science."
"Look, Kazam," Leon said, suppressing the urge to sigh, "if you're not going to be helpful, I can go to MAGI and find a mystic who will. Preferably one who doesn’t think he’s a comedian."
"Wait, wait,” Alec interjected, holding his gloved hands up in a placating manner, ‘I'm not trying to be funny. Well, not more than I usually am, anyway. I meant he’s dead. As opposed to, I don’t know, undead. Hell, I can tell you for sure that’s an actual genuine one-hundred-percent dead guy, not a really good homunculus or something.”
“That’s surprisingly insightful,” Leon admitted, grudgingly. “Fine, sorry. I guess you are taking this seriously.”
The two men spent a long moment in silence, staring at the scene. The room would have been a reasonably pleasant living space, if it wasn’t for the bloody corpse on the sofa. The fact that the apartment’s former resident had suffered copious stab wounds and severe mutilation put a significant dampener on things.
“Wait til you get my bill. I charge extra for seriousness. Or I would, if I actually charged anything,” Alec said, finally.
“You’re a kind and generous soul,” the policeman retorted.
“I try,” Alec shot back, “I try. It’s part of my eternal pledge of service to the community.”
As he spoke, the magician made a few more motions with his fingers, tracing imaginary lines through the air. Combined with the borrowed sunglasses perched on his face, the groping gestures made him look like a politically incorrect caricature of a visually impaired person. Or failing that, a drunken tourist after too many cocktails. The fact he was wearing a small domino mask beneath the sunglasses didn’t help the image.
Then Alec stopped, frozen in mid-gesture.
Leon frowned too, because he’d been around costumed heroes enough to know that sort of thing was rarely a good sign. Cop instincts meant his hand twitched fractionally towards his holstered sidearm, before he forced himself to be calm. “Problem?”
“Maybe,” Alec said, slowly, a frown on his face, “maybe not. Might have to revise that dead verdict. I mean, our victim isn’t moving right now, but the murder weapon was zombies.”
“Zombies,” Leon repeated, in a low tone.
“Right, zombies,” Alec said, “well, I mean, strictly speaking the murder weapon per-se was the dagger over there. And there. And there.”
The magician pointed at the ritual blades littering the apartment, most still stained with blood.
“Probably the ones Pandora’s Box had on clearance back in August,” Alec continued, “I didn’t go down myself, but the tammyarcanus.org forums have review threads for athames, and...”
This time, Leon did actually give a sigh. He knew it wasn’t very professional of him, not the sort of thing a fine upstanding police officer should do. But he couldn’t help it. He could feel his blood pressure climbing in a way that would disappoint his girlfriend. And she was already on his case to cut down on the burgers and eat more fish. “Kazam?”
The magician paused. “Yeah?”
“Focus,” Leon hissed, “please?”
“Right, sorry,” Alec said, though he didn’t sound all that apologetic, “just trying to give some context. You have to realise, you’re not usually supposed to stab people with these things. They’re ceremonial. Consecrated tools, not weapons. Unless you’re really really angry, anyway. But yeah, zombies. Here, see...”
With a swift gesture, Alec lifted the sunglasses from his eyes, spun the frames around, and then placed them on Leon before the detective even registered the mystic hero had invaded his personal space.
Leon scowled, and yanked the glasses off. “Kazam, what the hell?”
“Huh...I could have sworn you had the codec for aura viewing,” the magician muttered, “uh, well, nevermind. Not important. I’ll probably have to stream it to a monitor or something for evidence later, anyway. Though an active scry would probably be better, I guess. Just take my word for it. There were dead people in here. Besides our victim, I mean.”
“So you’re saying,” Leon asked, as he pocketed the sunglasses. They were his to begin with, but considering what he’d just seen, he no longer felt comfortable wearing them. The costumed mage had done...something...to the lenses. “The killers were zombies?”
“No. More like murder weapon part deux was zombies,” Alec explained, folding the glasses and slipping them into a coat pocket, “I’m pretty sure someone was controlling the undead that broke in here. Remotely. Though, you know, with necromancers? A lot of them are kind of zombies themselves. Kind of comes with the territory. That territory being a grave, mostly.”
“Fine, whatever,” Leon pressed, “but they’re gone? If we send the forensics guys in here, they’re not going to be jumped by zombies hiding in the central heating or garbage chute?”
“Pretty sure they’re long gone, yeah. I can try to track them, but...yeah. Anyway, a zombie wouldn’t fit in the radiator pipes. Or even the trash thing. Unless this is a very strange building, or they’re very small zombies,” Alec said, “but downsizing isn’t that bad yet, even in this economy.”
“Okay. And our victim isn’t going to suddenly get up and lurch at us?”
“I...can’t say for certain,” Alec said, after a second, “but, uh, probably not? You said this was the third one, right? Third one this week? The other victims didn’t go zombie, did they?”
Leon scratched his head. “The guys at the morgue haven’t called to complain.”
“Not yet, anyway,” Alec pointed out.
Leon stared. “Are you trying to tempt Murphy, Kazam?”
“I wear a costume and do magic,” Alec replied, “I tempt Murphy just by breathing.”
“So did that guy,” Leon said, “and look where it got him.”
“Yeah,” Alec said, quietly. He glanced round the living room. Beneath the blood and other fluids, most of the space in the apartment was occupied by professional paraphernalia. There was even a box large enough to fit a person sitting in one corner, the sort with hinged doors and slots to insert swords.
Near the broken television, which had likely been knocked over in the violence, a big framed picture hung on the wall. It was a theatrical poster of the hand-painted style, depicting a man just barely recognisable as the apartment’s owner. The resemblance wasn’t that close, partially because the man was obviously a lot younger in the promotional image, but mostly because the face on the poster hadn’t been savaged repeatedly with a knife. The man in the picture wore a top hat and tuxedo with tails, a traditional stage magician’s costume.
“I’m trying not to think about that,” Alec admitted.
* * *
A/N: Alec Kazam is my main from Champions Online, currently on Virtue as a Time Manip Corruptor. Leon McNichols is Spud's character, the PPD officer originally of Bubblegum Crisis extraction. This was planned for Halloween, but it's increasingly clear I won't have it done for full posting by then, so I'll be releasing brief chunks before and after the 31st.
-- Acyl