I am greatly enjoying this next new Walk story. Three things, however, jumped out at me and made me think, "Wait, what?"
The first thing, unfortunately, is the very first sentence. Not for its contents, but for what I feel is its clumsy structure, which I feel is atypical of your writing. "Although the moon was just past full, beneath the treetops little light penetrated; it was pitch dark." You've got an adverb phrase directly after a conjunctive clause (although I thought they were both prepositional phrases before I really analysized them.) Personally, I would make the second part of the sentence "little light penetrated beneath the treetops;". This is, of course, entirely stylistic on your part, but I had to re-read the sentence several times before I made sense of how it was intended to flow. I also thought the 'pitch dark' part was redundant, but again style. (Since I was so suddenly attuned to grammatical structure, I also noticed a missing comma after shadows in the second sentence. Once I got into the flow of the story, my mind auto-corrected any further errors of that type.)
The second thing to jump out at me was Harry's wondering about Charlie's identity. Harry met him, at least very briefly, getting Norbert out of Hogwarts in the first book didn't he? I will grant that it was a dark and hurried meeting though, so perhaps he didn't get a good look at him? Similarly, did Charlie not know who was involved in getting Norbert out? That would explain not connecting Harry's face with his name. I thought Hermione was there too, but I can't verify that, and I'm very much less sure of that. Am I just entirely mis-remembering the scene, and Charlie wasn't even there? I don't own any of the books and am depending on a several-year memory for this, so I can't check for myself. I am pretty sure that Charlie was at the very least the point of contact when they wrote him about getting rid of Norbert, but maybe it was just Charlie's co-workers making the pickup?
The third one involves Buckbeak, but is entirely irrelevant because I forgot the difference between a hippogryph and a griffin. My mistake on that one.
Also, one comment on the last item in the Concordance. Where Wizarding buildings are involved, space is extremely flexible. Just because there's a bunch of rooms on the first (second) floor, it doesn't mean there must be more than a front hall and dining room on the ground (first) floor to support them. That said, I have no problems with you adding a sitting room, I just wanted to point out this item for thought. Witness the Burrow!
The first thing, unfortunately, is the very first sentence. Not for its contents, but for what I feel is its clumsy structure, which I feel is atypical of your writing. "Although the moon was just past full, beneath the treetops little light penetrated; it was pitch dark." You've got an adverb phrase directly after a conjunctive clause (although I thought they were both prepositional phrases before I really analysized them.) Personally, I would make the second part of the sentence "little light penetrated beneath the treetops;". This is, of course, entirely stylistic on your part, but I had to re-read the sentence several times before I made sense of how it was intended to flow. I also thought the 'pitch dark' part was redundant, but again style. (Since I was so suddenly attuned to grammatical structure, I also noticed a missing comma after shadows in the second sentence. Once I got into the flow of the story, my mind auto-corrected any further errors of that type.)
The second thing to jump out at me was Harry's wondering about Charlie's identity. Harry met him, at least very briefly, getting Norbert out of Hogwarts in the first book didn't he? I will grant that it was a dark and hurried meeting though, so perhaps he didn't get a good look at him? Similarly, did Charlie not know who was involved in getting Norbert out? That would explain not connecting Harry's face with his name. I thought Hermione was there too, but I can't verify that, and I'm very much less sure of that. Am I just entirely mis-remembering the scene, and Charlie wasn't even there? I don't own any of the books and am depending on a several-year memory for this, so I can't check for myself. I am pretty sure that Charlie was at the very least the point of contact when they wrote him about getting rid of Norbert, but maybe it was just Charlie's co-workers making the pickup?
The third one involves Buckbeak, but is entirely irrelevant because I forgot the difference between a hippogryph and a griffin. My mistake on that one.
Also, one comment on the last item in the Concordance. Where Wizarding buildings are involved, space is extremely flexible. Just because there's a bunch of rooms on the first (second) floor, it doesn't mean there must be more than a front hall and dining room on the ground (first) floor to support them. That said, I have no problems with you adding a sitting room, I just wanted to point out this item for thought. Witness the Burrow!