Other useless songs?

[itsune9tl]

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Do what, John? Do what, John? Come again - do what?
Do what, John? Do what, John? Do what? Do what? Do what?
Do where, John? Do where, John? With what, with whom and when?
T'riffic, really t'riffic; pardon? Come again?

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This acts as area effect Fast-Penta affecting only people named John (may include all phonetic variations of the name) with in 300 feet of Doug. Affected "John"'s will be inclined to tell Doug the five w's of any planned action that John will be participating in.
(Doug may want to isolate a specific John to preserve sanity)