From the first bit of Slytherin Eater
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"I was hoping to go out in a blaze of glory." He replied instead.
"C'mon! We both know that you are too good to die like that. If you were rolling around in a wheelchair you'd still kick everyone's asses."
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EASTER EGG LEVEL!
Also...
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"Lieutenant Cherry Weasley! What the hell are you talking about? Why would you even know who Harry Potter is?" Her expression added a layer of shame at his questions.
"Sorry sir..." She NEVER called him sir. "... I shouldn't have said any of that. It's just so great a shock, I got carried away. I can't even begin to calculate the odds of this happening."
"That still doesn't answer my question." At least he was now sure it wasn't anything harmful.
"He's turning eleven this year. Just stay close to him on his birthday and you'll get your answer." She hesitated then added. "And please don't eat the owl, Dumbledore wouldn't like it if you ate one of his school owls."
He shook his head incredulously, she was the only person alive who could talk circles around him, so if she didn't want to tell she wouldn't tell.
Still he had to be sure to pack some extra ordnance this visit, just in case.
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...and, a bit later on... (note that double quotes are speech. single quotes are the main character thinking to himself.)
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There were three people there. Cherry Weasley, Colonel Campbell his replacement and some guy in a white coat he didn't recognize.
"I presume this is about the girl?" Big Boss asked.
"Yes. We got a problem with her that we think only you can help with."
'Run Big Boss run.'
His Paranoia listed all scenarios. He made the plans for the worst he could come up with first.
'If this tries to turn into a cheap porno flick I'm grabbing a weapon and shooting my way out.'
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OMAKE!
The author has an interesting skill balance. Story looks good, none of the obvious fanfic Badnesses, and grammar and spelling correct - but it's like the author is uncomfortable using english in anything other than character speech - it just comes out a bit awkward. Not something I've ever run into before in quite that way, and in te absence of other flaws.
-------------
"I was hoping to go out in a blaze of glory." He replied instead.
"C'mon! We both know that you are too good to die like that. If you were rolling around in a wheelchair you'd still kick everyone's asses."
-------------
EASTER EGG LEVEL!
Also...
-------------
"Lieutenant Cherry Weasley! What the hell are you talking about? Why would you even know who Harry Potter is?" Her expression added a layer of shame at his questions.
"Sorry sir..." She NEVER called him sir. "... I shouldn't have said any of that. It's just so great a shock, I got carried away. I can't even begin to calculate the odds of this happening."
"That still doesn't answer my question." At least he was now sure it wasn't anything harmful.
"He's turning eleven this year. Just stay close to him on his birthday and you'll get your answer." She hesitated then added. "And please don't eat the owl, Dumbledore wouldn't like it if you ate one of his school owls."
He shook his head incredulously, she was the only person alive who could talk circles around him, so if she didn't want to tell she wouldn't tell.
Still he had to be sure to pack some extra ordnance this visit, just in case.
------------
...and, a bit later on... (note that double quotes are speech. single quotes are the main character thinking to himself.)
-------------
There were three people there. Cherry Weasley, Colonel Campbell his replacement and some guy in a white coat he didn't recognize.
"I presume this is about the girl?" Big Boss asked.
"Yes. We got a problem with her that we think only you can help with."
'Run Big Boss run.'
His Paranoia listed all scenarios. He made the plans for the worst he could come up with first.
'If this tries to turn into a cheap porno flick I'm grabbing a weapon and shooting my way out.'
-------------
OMAKE!
The author has an interesting skill balance. Story looks good, none of the obvious fanfic Badnesses, and grammar and spelling correct - but it's like the author is uncomfortable using english in anything other than character speech - it just comes out a bit awkward. Not something I've ever run into before in quite that way, and in te absence of other flaws.