ROTFL: The comeback

[Herr Bad Moon]

From Scordatura by Davner.

Skuld smiled. “When I was growing up in Heaven, I always wanted to be just like her and Oneesama. Don’t get me wrong, I love Oneesama, but Sif was always so... I don’t know... just awesome...”
“Uh huh,” Keiichi replied.
The girl’s lips turned downward. This wasn’t going well.
“Her cooking is phenomenal,” Skuld told him.
“Yeah, but Belldandy’s is better,” Keiichi said.
“Sif... um... just loves motorcycles!” Skuld gushed. “Especially...” She looked down at the Beemer. “Deutchland...um... ic... motorcycles...”
Keiichi looked up at her and arched an eyebrow. “I didn’t get that impression.”
“Well... she does.”
“You know, Skuld, it sounds like you’re trying to get me to...”
“BELLDANDY WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!” she suddenly blurted.
The world stopped spinning for a second. Skuld replayed the moment in her mind, trying to figure out where that came from. Finally, she decided there was nothing to do but run with it.
“That’s right!” she said with certainty. “A tail! Sif? Tail-free!”
Keiichi just blinked at her. “Are... Are we talking about a cute kitty-cat tail or like a demonic, pig-like tail?”
Skuld blinked at him. “What?!”
“What?!” Keiichi repeated.

And later after Skuld calls Keiichi a cheater cheater pumpkin eater.

Standing in Keiichi’s room, Urd held up the Jack-O’Lantern and shook her head. “Who puts a pumpkin in a guy’s bed?”
“I know!” Skuld replied. “It seems like such a senseless crime!”
The older goddess’s eyes narrowed and she sighed. “Jesus, Skuld...”
“You think Jesus did this?!” Skuld cried in mock horror. “But he always seemed like such a nice guy!”

And after Belldandy casts and inadvised spell on a zombie.

What is that smell?” the zombie asked in an abnormally normal voice for a dead man. “Is this... Is this kerosene?!” he demanded. He looked up at Keiichi. “You were going to set me on fire!? You ass!”
“Oh, dear,” Belldandy said, covering her mouth with her hand in chagrin. “A little too much, I think...”
Keiichi, meanwhile, took exception to the dead man’s tone. “You’re a zombie,” he said. “You set zombies on fire! That’s what you do!” he said angrily.
“How would you like it if someone just came up to you while you were in the line at McInverse, doused you with gas and set you on fire?!” the zombie demanded. “Huh?! Would that be cool with you, G?!”
“Hey!” Keiichi cried in indignation. “It’s not the same thing! I’m not trying to bludgeon a ‘Xellos the Mysterious Pie’ to death and eat its brain!”
“Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch!” the zombie replied. “It’s not like anyone’s trying to eat your eyes or anything!”

EDIT:  I was going to add more quotes, but jesus just go read the damn thing already.  Sooo sooo worth it.
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Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"