first, a selection of George Carlin quotes
"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
"Why is it called tourist season if we aren't allowed to hunt them?"
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
"Is there another word for synonym?"
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"
Weather forecast for tonight: Dark
"A raindance is schedualed for tomorrow night, weather permitting."
"I can do nothing to stop you. Your background music is too strong for me." - Who's Line is it Anyways?
If violence is not solving your problems you're just not using enough of it. - Misato (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell". - Brian Clark
"Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other peoples affairs." [pause] "Since when, sir?" General Hammond and Colonel O'Neil, Stargate SG-1
"The quality of my life would be greatly reduced if I did not have nostrils." - 'Weird Al' Yankovic
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams.
"For many years I have tried to visit your fair city, BUT YOU HAVE ALWAYS SHOOTED AT ME!" - Don Karnage (Tailspin)
"Best defense - is not be there." - Pat Morita
"I want to see how a war is fought, so badly!" "You've come to the right place. A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, High Chief of the vikings, accidentally ordered 300 battle helmets with the horns on the inside." - Blackadder Goes Forth
"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" "Dunno, how many kinds are there?" - Disney's The Gummi Bears
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Noel Coward
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork." - Edward Abbey
"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools." - Doug Larson
"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?" - Spike Milligan
"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." - Hubert H. Humphrey__________________
I bet that if you cooked an elephant, you'd have a lot of leftovers.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
"Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
"Why is it called tourist season if we aren't allowed to hunt them?"
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
"Is there another word for synonym?"
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?"
"Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?"
Weather forecast for tonight: Dark
"A raindance is schedualed for tomorrow night, weather permitting."
"I can do nothing to stop you. Your background music is too strong for me." - Who's Line is it Anyways?
If violence is not solving your problems you're just not using enough of it. - Misato (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
"The shortest distance between two points is through Hell". - Brian Clark
"Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other peoples affairs." [pause] "Since when, sir?" General Hammond and Colonel O'Neil, Stargate SG-1
"The quality of my life would be greatly reduced if I did not have nostrils." - 'Weird Al' Yankovic
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams.
"For many years I have tried to visit your fair city, BUT YOU HAVE ALWAYS SHOOTED AT ME!" - Don Karnage (Tailspin)
"Best defense - is not be there." - Pat Morita
"I want to see how a war is fought, so badly!" "You've come to the right place. A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, High Chief of the vikings, accidentally ordered 300 battle helmets with the horns on the inside." - Blackadder Goes Forth
"What kind of idiot do you take me for?" "Dunno, how many kinds are there?" - Disney's The Gummi Bears
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Noel Coward
"One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork." - Edward Abbey
"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools." - Doug Larson
"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?" - Spike Milligan
"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." - Hubert H. Humphrey__________________
I bet that if you cooked an elephant, you'd have a lot of leftovers.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin