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Dead Bang chapter 3 up

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Dead Bang chapter 3 up
Necratoid
Unregistered
 
Re: Dead Bang Chpt 4
#29
09-13-2007, 07:11 AM
Well I'm amused, excellent job on the combat. It didn't drag anywhere, it wasn't hard to follow, the reactions of the participants where beleivable, and I didn't feel the need to reread any part(s) to make sure I read that right.
The only problem I saw was that during the scene labeled (Tuesday, October 20, 2037, 1:30 AM, GENOM Tower, Megatokyo) I noticed that you left out the word 'not' in this sentence:
Quote:
They used eight 12J's, so finding whoever authorized *that* little stunt should be too hard.
Mostly this was glaring by virtue of being the first bump in the flow of the text I could remember.
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Messages In This Thread
Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by Dragonflight - 08-23-2007, 05:46 AM
Re: Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by CattyNebulart - 08-23-2007, 07:20 AM
Re: Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by CattyNebulart - 08-23-2007, 12:36 PM
Re: Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by Bob Schroeck - 08-23-2007, 01:45 PM
Re: Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by robkelk - 08-23-2007, 01:52 PM
Re: Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by Dragonflight - 08-23-2007, 10:51 PM
Re: Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by Bob Schroeck - 08-24-2007, 12:26 AM
Re: Dead Bang chapter 3 up - by aeroprime - 08-24-2007, 01:04 AM
Minor tweaks - by Dragonflight - 08-24-2007, 06:03 PM
Re: Minor tweaks - by Bob Schroeck - 08-24-2007, 06:58 PM
Polykev and other things - by Dragonflight - 08-24-2007, 07:34 PM
Re: Polykev and other things - by WengFook - 08-24-2007, 10:22 PM
Re: Polykev and other things - by sweno - 08-25-2007, 06:42 AM
Re: Polykev and other things - by Bob Schroeck - 08-26-2007, 06:17 PM
Re: Polykev and other things - by Bob Schroeck - 08-26-2007, 06:20 PM
Chapter 4 in progress - by Dragonflight - 08-27-2007, 07:22 AM
Re: Chapter 4 in progress - by Bob Schroeck - 08-27-2007, 01:44 PM
Re: Chapter 4 in progress - by robkelk - 08-27-2007, 02:03 PM
Chapter 4 - by Dragonflight - 08-28-2007, 07:42 AM
Re: Slightly modification to chapter 3 - by Necratoid - 08-28-2007, 08:02 AM
Writing and shocktroops - by Dragonflight - 08-29-2007, 05:28 AM
Re: Writing and shocktroops - by Necratoid - 08-30-2007, 09:39 AM
Writing and music - by Dragonflight - 09-12-2007, 07:19 PM
Dead Bang Chpt 4 - by Dragonflight - 09-13-2007, 02:42 AM
Re: Dead Bang Chpt 4 - by sweno - 09-13-2007, 03:45 AM
Re: Dead Bang Chpt 4 - by Necratoid - 09-13-2007, 07:11 AM
Re: Dead Bang Chpt 4 - by Bob Schroeck - 09-13-2007, 01:55 PM
Bump in the text - by Dragonflight - 09-13-2007, 04:08 PM
Re: Bump in the text - by Norgarth - 09-13-2007, 06:28 PM
Re: Bump in the text - by Evil Midnight Lurker - 09-13-2007, 08:15 PM
Re: Bump in the text - by robkelk - 09-14-2007, 12:07 AM
Re: Bump in the text - by Norgarth - 09-14-2007, 07:19 AM
Re: Bump in the text - by Necratoid - 09-14-2007, 08:47 AM
New Armor - by Dragonflight - 09-14-2007, 10:01 AM
Re: New Armor - by Bob Schroeck - 09-14-2007, 02:13 PM
Re: Bump in the text - by Bob Schroeck - 09-14-2007, 02:16 PM
Re: Bump in the text - by Norgarth - 09-14-2007, 05:34 PM
Chapter 5 - by Dragonflight - 09-15-2007, 12:38 AM
Re: Chapter 5 - by robkelk - 09-15-2007, 01:59 AM
Re: Chapter 5 - by ECSNorway - 09-15-2007, 02:00 AM
Re: Chapter 5 - by DHBirr - 09-15-2007, 06:04 AM
Re: Chapter 5 - by Evil Midnight Lurker - 09-15-2007, 07:54 AM
Chapter 5 - by Dragonflight - 10-11-2007, 11:22 PM
Re: Chapter 5 - by ECSNorway - 10-11-2007, 11:53 PM
Re: Chapter 5 - by CattyNebulart - 10-12-2007, 01:10 AM
Re: Chapter 5 - by sweno - 10-12-2007, 02:30 AM
Nice! - by DKnight54 - 10-12-2007, 04:28 AM
Re: Nice! - by Dragonflight - 10-12-2007, 05:39 AM
Re: Nice! - by Bob Schroeck - 10-21-2007, 05:47 AM

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