It wasn't a matter of being able to 'play' Shinji accordingly or not. Even assuming that I really was who I thought I was and not just a persona Matou thought up for himself in the course of having a mental breakdown for one reason or another.
On the third large mug of mocha, and at around midday judging by the pedestrian traffic, I realized that I _could_.
As in, was able to.
I knew, roughly, what was where in the city. I remembered his acquaintances. Everything was pretty damn clear, too, and oddly enough things only started getting foggy going _forward_ rather than going back.
Even with that, the things I could remember made me realize I'd cheerfully slug myself in the face a time or ten just to see it bloody and miserable.
Excessive, or so you'd think, right?
Um. No.
Not in the slightest.
In fact, I'd rather not go into too many details. Not now, not ever.
If I lived through the crap that was coming, and I knew it was - the few clear memories of the last year had to do with his sister, and they were fairly detailed. They were actually what made up a good number of reasons for my recent bout of 'self'-loathing - Matou Shinji was going to die.
How?
Well, someone once said that the best way to get revenge in some cases was to live well.
Pretty motto, but to be able to get that far, I'd need to assure my staying alive in the first place.
Otherwise, all this consideration ist egal.
... well, that was another nail in the coffin of alternate personality. I was fairly sure Shinji didn't know his ass from his head in German. Not that it was saying much, since it was more or less a normal state of affairs with him. Though it wasn't his ass that he didn't know from his head in that case.
... my, I'm rambling. Well, half a dozen large mochas will do that to you.
At that point, my hands were shaking. Either from the stress, or the massive caffeine dose I'd ingested in the past few hours.
Add to that the fact that the only person I knew I could con into at least some form of assistance was currently ... well, not exactly meaningless, but it would be some time ...
A few weeks, maybe a month ...
... until Emiya Shirou would be a piece in this little play.
And why the hell was I thinking like this? I _don't_ think like this.
Do I?
No, that was enough coffee, I thought. For a small horde of people, really ... or at least a small horde of people who'd never had any before.
... and I don't think Shinji ever did.
... well, at the rate I'was worrying about anything and everything, I'was going to end up insomniac anyway.
And it's not like I could just sit around waiting for a nice and useful Plot Twist, like, oh, say, meeting Bazett Fraga McRemitz on the street on accident.
Right?
Right?
...
Asshole.
Fourth Wall? Timber!
Now if I could convince somebody that an SI into a Brian J. Mason suit is a good idea.
-Griever
When tact is required, use brute force. When force is required, use greater force.
When the greatest force is required, use your head. Surprise is everything. - The Book of Cataclysm