I was just about to suggest a section on dealing with spirits - as that seems to be a big part of this story. The negotiation handles that very nicely. But I might suggest adding a few elements later where you show how other people in the realm generally interact with spirits. Perhaps Vincent's high reality factor or personality make him get along better with spirits? Or attracts the really odd ones?
As for the stuff you've already posted, "First Covenant" is mentioned three times without any explanation. You can drop a refference once or twice and leave it as a hook for later, but by the time you mention it that third time, you'd better either get it out of the way (if it's simple, and not important to the plot), or (if it's important later and you don't want to spoil the surprise) give a small hint that gives us an idea but doesn't really explain anything. For instance, instead of "There's First Covenant, of course." you could say "There's First Covenant, which is a pain, but breaking the terms of a Boon is not something I want to do today". Or, if it's something conventional to every compact with a spirit, it could be, "There's First Covenant, they always want First Covenant." Just a little bit more, and we know you'll give us a full explanation when it becomes important.
Also - after he gets up on the first morning and the waif is in the kitchen singing, I'd have put in a comment about WHY she should be expected to be there at all. Something along the lines of "I don't know how they always fine me..." or "I really don't mind that X always sends the strays my way...", something along those lines. Even if she's there for some other reason, he should let on about his preconceptions of why it's a standing order with his house spirit that stray girls should be given couch space.
Everything else is good. The contrasts between formalism and informal 'this happens all the time' chit-chat with the various spirits is great - it gives a definite sense of him working hard to get a simple 'supernatural' power right and not actually having a completely flawless grasp of it. It's great to see a protaganist who isn't all-powerful, and is a little bumbling even in his area of supposed expertise.
When (not if, I'm sure of it) he ends up using his 'dark gift' in his new 'day job' of fighting off invading demons, I'd suggest a few of the following repercussions for comedic value (just as ideas, you don't need to use all of them): Acquiring followers (look, it's a dark lord! Don't kill us! We're your new minions!), getting reprimanded for using "non-standard-issue powers", getting sufficiently surprised by the power's manifestations that he just stands there and gets stabbed again (oh look, every time he goes in that room he gets stabbed...can we say running gag?), it knocks his reality level down for a while and he gets to find out how a normal guy lives (it's a non-native power, after all, and this could leave him with a VERY boring day to look forward to - which he might love, or hate. or both.)
That's all I've got, ATM. Great story.
"Not this again!" Minerva said. "Albus, it was You-Know-Who, not you, who marked Harry as his equal. There is no possible way that the prophecy could be talking about you!" - Harry Potter and the Method of Rationality, Chapter 84
As for the stuff you've already posted, "First Covenant" is mentioned three times without any explanation. You can drop a refference once or twice and leave it as a hook for later, but by the time you mention it that third time, you'd better either get it out of the way (if it's simple, and not important to the plot), or (if it's important later and you don't want to spoil the surprise) give a small hint that gives us an idea but doesn't really explain anything. For instance, instead of "There's First Covenant, of course." you could say "There's First Covenant, which is a pain, but breaking the terms of a Boon is not something I want to do today". Or, if it's something conventional to every compact with a spirit, it could be, "There's First Covenant, they always want First Covenant." Just a little bit more, and we know you'll give us a full explanation when it becomes important.
Also - after he gets up on the first morning and the waif is in the kitchen singing, I'd have put in a comment about WHY she should be expected to be there at all. Something along the lines of "I don't know how they always fine me..." or "I really don't mind that X always sends the strays my way...", something along those lines. Even if she's there for some other reason, he should let on about his preconceptions of why it's a standing order with his house spirit that stray girls should be given couch space.
Everything else is good. The contrasts between formalism and informal 'this happens all the time' chit-chat with the various spirits is great - it gives a definite sense of him working hard to get a simple 'supernatural' power right and not actually having a completely flawless grasp of it. It's great to see a protaganist who isn't all-powerful, and is a little bumbling even in his area of supposed expertise.
When (not if, I'm sure of it) he ends up using his 'dark gift' in his new 'day job' of fighting off invading demons, I'd suggest a few of the following repercussions for comedic value (just as ideas, you don't need to use all of them): Acquiring followers (look, it's a dark lord! Don't kill us! We're your new minions!), getting reprimanded for using "non-standard-issue powers", getting sufficiently surprised by the power's manifestations that he just stands there and gets stabbed again (oh look, every time he goes in that room he gets stabbed...can we say running gag?), it knocks his reality level down for a while and he gets to find out how a normal guy lives (it's a non-native power, after all, and this could leave him with a VERY boring day to look forward to - which he might love, or hate. or both.)
That's all I've got, ATM. Great story.
"Not this again!" Minerva said. "Albus, it was You-Know-Who, not you, who marked Harry as his equal. There is no possible way that the prophecy could be talking about you!" - Harry Potter and the Method of Rationality, Chapter 84