ROTFL, Part II

[CattyNebulart]

That seems to be always the case with Carrots works, or so it seems.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Bob Schroeck]

Well, usually they last a little longer than five or six chapters before they implode under their own weight. But giving the 11-year-old female wizarding reincarnation of Annakin Skywalker a set of Washuu puppets and throwing Bill and Ted into the mix... whew, this one is hitting critical mass well ahead of schedule.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

[Sweno]

I don't think it's the case of a reincarnation of Annakin Skywalker. It's a case of, people in HPverse have no reference for Darth Vader, so it seems plausible that I can pose as such.
but aside from that, yeah. A little heavy on the crack.-Terry
------
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint Exupery
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." - Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
Mary Sue's theme music
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy

[Bob Schroeck]

Latest chapter, she explicitly claims to be Vader, at least, and in internal dialogue bitches for a bit about not being male any more. In earlier chapters she trains Harry and herself in Force use, they build lightsabers, and she declares herself a Sith. Plus there's the Anna->Anakin soundalikism. As far as I'm concerned, if it's not Vader as an 11-year-old girl, it's someone so good at pretending to be (s)he might as well be.
Besides, Carrot himself is incarnated in an owl in this fic.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

[CattyNebulart]

She's supposed to be a male that died in a car crash, or at least that is implied. Maybe her pas past inarnation was vader, it's certainly starting to feel like it. Well we'll see.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[WengFook]

I admit I was in the camp of people who believed that Anna was Carrot's self insert, I also assumed that the whole Anna pretending to be Darth Vader was merely blowing smoke in the faces of the HP cast.. but then.. after reading Bob's post..
I could kinda see Anna as Anakin Skywalker. This was a mistake because with the realization of this angle one's concious memory had to ream the rest of the character's knowledge into place. with a crowbar.
-----
Imagine if you will Darth Vader sitting in his Hyperbaric Chamber as it swivels shuts and hydralic seals makes the chamber totally soundproof, a soft hiss as his fearsome visage, his helmet unseals and is retracted into the ceiling. Glowpanels illuminate the chamber softly.
Using the force Vader triggers a control and the room if plunged into darkness as the glowrods are suddenly turned off. A few white panels inside retract invisibly to let stereo speakers and a holoprojector emerge from recesses. The holo begins to play the beginning scenes of A Nightmare on Elm Street.

-----
Darth Vader stands on the bridge of his flagship the Executor. His left hand is fully extended the index finger and thumb an exact inch apart. He is force choking an unfortunate admiral who has failed for the last time.
Around the dying man with a healthy distance between them is the rest of the command staff of Imperial navy, they all look on in silence at the dying man in fear they will be next.
Worse still is that Vader isn't saying anything. He isn't even looking at the dying man as he ends him. Feeling the exact moment the admiral dies. Lord Vader, Lord of the Sith. Right hand to the Emperor himself, turns a full 180 degrees and he sweeps out of the room his cloak swishing and his Helmet deep within the pages of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
The door swishes shut, a perfect model of Imperial efficiency. Through the door the command staff hear a deep voiced cry from beyond the door. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo! Wormtail Survives!"
-----
Vader knelt before his master, Emperor Palpatine who was talking to him from his throne aboard the first death star.
"Yes everything is proceeding as I have forese-" the Emperor was saying when suddenly the force ripped and a telephone booth is sitting square in the center of where the his master had occupied just a second ago. There are a pair of shrivelled legs with black shoes on potruding from the side of the base of the phonebooth and a black robe his master liked to wear settled around it.
The phonebooth opened and two people emerged from inside to peer out.
"Dude. I don't think we are in Kansas man."
"You're right dude. I must have hit the asterisk a little to hard," he looks down to see the feet. "and at the wrong time for this dude. Maximum suction."
Breathing sounds emanate from Lord Vader who is still stunned at the turn of events. Why the rebel fleet was due at any second!
_______________________________
We're definitely playing this game wrong. I thought Vampire was supposed to be a game of personal horror, not about ninja airstrikes
at night.
- A friend after playing a session of Dark Ages Vampire.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. THERE IS ONLY WAR!
-Same friend.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[Aleh]

In the Anifics forums, Carrot said that Anna's not really Vader's reincarnation. She's just pretending on that count.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[Bob Schroeck]

Cool. I'll accept the word of god over speculation.
But... how did she know how to build lightsabers and use the Force?
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

[Black Aeronaut]

Probably through a correspondance course.

---

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"But first, let's test it on the penguin."
"Meep?" O.o

---

[Jeap]

---

But... how did she know how to build lightsabers and use the Force?

---

Magic.

[Bob Schroeck]

Oh. Right. Silly me.
-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...

[Jeap]

I'm sorry, it was just too good to pass up.
I'm putting it down to an SI/OC not knowing the rules of local magic and therefore ignoring them, for now. Doesn't explain why the Ministry didn't pick her up for technomancy, though.

[Necratoid]

I quote the current synopsis of 'A Matter of Force':

---

Harry has a crazy sister who remembers being someone else in a past life.I feel I should note this is a parody of self insertion stories. The girl in question is supposed to be annoying and perfect...at first. It only gets funnier.

---

I quote chapter one of lightsabers:

---

Yeah? Well, I've got another cool trick to show you. She pulled out her own flashlight, it was making a blue light as she flicked it on. She held it out in front of herself and closed her eyes for a moment. Once you figure it out, it's real easy. Just push it through the flashlight and pull the light real close together.

---

Its a mental trick that makes a beam of coherent light... the cutting power is from it getting smaller and smaller until its effectively a monofiliment stream of photons... The reason this works at all is the hinted at here.

---

How did you get it to hum like that? Harry was glaring forward and holding it in front of himself. He looked quite serious.

---

---

That's the sound of the air around it frying. She narrowed her eyes at him and turned her nose away. She didn't want to say anything, but it just wouldn't be right without it. She had a feeling she'd had something to do with it, but she wasn't sure of that.

---

The 'lightsaber' is literally a flashlight as the base of a wand... to anyone else its a fancy flashlight being made increasingly magically based as she digures ot how to do that.
The result of being self-aware as a baby meant 3 years of paralyzed extreme boredom. During this time she spent scheming and eventually started doing concentration exercises (and dragging Harry along and making up a theology for him). It was accidental magic that she used the 'Jedi mindtrick' on Vernon (which started her on the Force thing), the blocks flying around game is wandless magic as done by idiots who haven't figured out they can't actually do this kind of thing.
The only series involved are Harry Potter and Bill and Ted... the rest is just random babble that is a pop culture from another world used as a fictional mythos. Anna is talking out of an oriface not located on her head.
The idea this is based on is at a later point when she is thinking about the differences in pop-culture. The wizards of this world have put a lot of effort into how pop culture runs. The reason is not so much xenophobia, that the muggle world is kept separate and magic in pop culture stories is not as developed. Its that kids are really stupid and will believe whatever you tell them. Magic is even stupidier and will beleive the kids.
Anna is taking advantage of something the Ministry of Magic doesn't want wizards to know the above... is they did then Anna and Harry would be more normal.
Basically, if your kid is raised on Slayers and Dark Schneider and DBZ then the kids magic will start believing the kid that magic does work that way. So MoM is sculpting the world to avoid a generation of Lina inverse clones. The wands are needed thing is a cover story to convince kids that they need the wands. The wands are a psychological crutch.
The reason that kids enter magic school at 11 is that they are too old to get duped into beleiving that the can easily pitch fireballs and Dragon Slaves at people. The muggles and mud bloods are scum things is in this case to prevent a mageling from explaining that magic also works like it does in Slayers and causing a second generation Lina Inverse, that was 6 and had a first year brother that when fanboy.
Anna doesn't know how much she abused the hidden system and doesn't know that she did the above with the Starwars Mythos. The story, 'A Matter of Force' is about a deranged idiot fanboy (reborn as a girl), causing herself a lot of trouble as her delusions have got her noticed by the powers that be. She is an heir to Slythin, becuase she has managed to delude herself super powers... like Tom did when he when malignant in the orphanage.
Voldimort has so much power, because he beleived he had it, if only he had the magic powers he was told about before getting to Hoggwarts.
Delusions of power in the single digit years leads to having magic the believes you have that power.
(Posted so much later as I got my passwor from my junk filter's grasp.)

[Aleh]

From Naruto: Kage Bunshin:

---

Although he doubted that he would use genjutsu often in battle, because of the constant concentration it took, he did find many uses for it. He found that laying a simple genjutsu trap in his apartment did a wonder on the villagers who would attempt to break into his apartment. After two failed break ins, all attempts at vandalism stopped. 'Not sure why Ojiisan had to label my trap an S-ranked kinjutsu though. All it did was make the one who triggered it get mental images of a half naked Orochimaru using his tongue to... ok maybe I do see why it is considered S-Rank.' he thought with a brief snicker. The first idiot who triggered it still hadn't been cleared from the mental ward...

---

-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[Bob Schroeck]

From the latest installment of Three Knights:

---

"Do you think he'll give the data to Sylia?" Craig asked as they walked toward Bert's truck.
"He will," Bert replied. "If not for the cash we left in the envelope, then his sense of honor will do it. I do have a question though."
"What?"
"Why did you tell him our names were Gryphon and Megazone?" Bert asked
"You didn't want to give him our real names, did you?" Craig replied.
"Of course not. But what if the real Megazone and Gryphon do show up?"
"If they do show up, and they do something to piss off Quincy and Company to the point that they go after them, it will solve a lot of our problems. After those two get through with GENOM, there won't be enough of the outfit left to fit into a shoebox."

---

-- Bob
---------
Visit beautiful Boston, proud successor to Seattle as
"City Most Scared Of Its Own Shadow

[Norgarth]

from Sunrise over Britain 29
***************
Peeves peered at the bottle in his hand, checking the label. The picture on the label looked interesting.
Weasley Wizarding Wheezes
Flaming Flatulence.
Just 3 Drops in your friends food will make their farts explode!
Exploding poop, me think, Peeves said dubiously.
How?
Says just add three in food, Peeves replied.
Is there three? asked Vex, looking intrigued.
Peeves turned and rooted around in the box, finding two more potion bottles containing the same label.
I have three! he proclaimed loudly.
The five poltergeists grinned and faded from sight. They were off to the Death Eater Kitchen.

Dustin Johan was a dull, small minded man. He was exactly what the Dark Lord looked for in a Death Eater; a follower, not a leader, and in no way an independent thinker. He had just come off a grueling twelve hour training shift and was looking forward to a meal and several hours of uninterrupted sleep.
He spooned some of the stew up and chewed, all the while wondering about the unusual taste. Cooky must be trying something new. It wasn't bad, just a little more spicy than Cooky normally served. He paused when his stomach rumbled ominously. He looked around in relief. No one seemed to have noticed. Then it rumbled again, only louder and more violently.
His arse puckered and a small amount of gas escaped. Gas was a normal occurrence at meals and usually ignored. This time, however, the gas ignited. In pain, Dustin tried to stand. The effort forced a large bubble of gas through his intestines. When it made contact with the air, it ignited and his upward momentum continued with such force, his feet left the floor. He screamed in pain and fear, then smashed into the ceiling.
There was a moment of shocked silence in the cafeteria and all eyes turned towards Dustin, still pinned to the ceiling by the exhaust from his own personal rocket engine. Then, like most rocket mishaps, he exploded, violently.
Cooky stared dumbfounded as, one by one, Death Eaters expelled foul smelling gas and launched themselves into the ceiling in a shower of smoke and flame. The unlucky ones were those trapped by the ceiling. For a lucky few, sitting under the skylights, they were treated to the experience of a lifetime as they lifted into low Earth orbit.
The event in the dining room continued for three more minutes before the building, unable to contain the mix of volatile gases, exploded in a fiery ball. Fifty Death Eaters and the entire kitchen staff were killed in the blast.
From the Astronomy tower, five poltergeists watched and applauded. 'The red headed weasel twins would be so proud!' Peeves thought__________________
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Florin]

From Yagami 1/2 Chapter 15:
********
"M-Mom?" Ranma asked hesitantly. "Who's he?" He was pretty certain he would have been told if there was going to be a manservant around the house. In addition to that, the relatively unkempt appearance and rough musculature of the man definitely indicated that petty indoor work was not his primary trade.
"You don't recognize him?" Nodoka asked, looking slightly surprised as she picked up her cup in both hands. "He's the man you brought here last week. It was after that big party you went to, remember?"
Ranma's eyes widened. "He hasn't left yet?"
"You haven't let me GO yet," the man said, trying with much difficulty to keep his voice from a growl.
"What?"
Seeing her son's confusion, Nodoka explained. "Well, he IS a hostage, and the construction yard won't negotiate since your father sold the steam shovel you brought home to have the yard rebuilt. And since we've been feeding him all this time, I decided that he should start to earn his keep."
**********
And
**********
"Yes! I was selfish and short-sighted," Min said compassionately, pulling their heads close again. "You have needs too! And after you tried so hard to show me a good time, and fought for me as hard as you did, I ignored that! I'm so sorry!"
"N-Needs?" Ranma asked, his left eye twitching as realization dawned. "Dear God... YOU TALKED TO MY MOM!!"
Min blinked. "Yeah. Why? Is that a bad thing?"
Ranma suddenly ripped himself free of Min's grasp, then grabbed her shoulders. "Min, you've got to fight it! Don't give in to this madness! You're stronger than this!"
"Fight it? Fight what?" The Ninja girl asked, feeling the tables turn as she became more confused.
"My Mom's crazy! She doesn't know what she's talking about! You don't have to do anything you don't want to! We've only been on one date! It's too soon!" Ranma insisted, staring at her intently. "I'm fine! Don't worry about me! It's okay, really!"
********--
"There are crazed martial artists out there looking to improve their skills and find inner peace through exterior violence!"
--
If you become a monster to put down a monster you've still got a monster running around at the end of the day and have as such not really solved the whole monster problem at all. 

[Aleh]

From a somewhat incoherent Naruto fic:

---

Sakura and to a lesser extend Sasuke are worried about the unusual way Naruto is acting and decide to find out what is wrong with their usual amount tact NARUTO! which means none at all Why are you acting so weird? Sakura demands.
Huh? Naruto asks lazily What do you mean?
Grunting the pretty boy Sasuke mutters You are much to quiet, dobe.
Giving them both a lazy look Naruto quickly comes up with an excuse Well yesterday I was out in the forest surrounding Konoha when I found a weird plant I had never seen before. shrugging his shoulders he goes on Being curious I took it with me and looked it up in a book I got from ojisan a few years back. shaking his head as if to clear it he goes on Said something about it being Cannabis and it being a very relaxing plant. shaking his head once again he continues to speak So I put some of it in my ramen this morning because I was nervous and here I am as relaxed as can be. he finished grinning before adding for extra effect Oooh, look at all the pretty colors!
Sasuke heads out of the room while grunting Hn, your doped up, dobe. Just make sure you dont get in the way.
Hanging her head Sakura walks out of the room as well while muttering Of all the days for him to find drugs. she finished with a sigh.
Smirking a little Naruto whistles a little tune while thinking Cant believe they actually bought that.

---

-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[Jenova Silverstar]

From Powerful, A Power Rangers Mystic Force/ Harry Potter crossover.

---

Rolling the Racer over, Luna released her grip on the odd jet-like vehicle and plummeted towards the ground. Her body twisted in midair with more grace than any of her peers would have believed she possessed, and she landed feet-first on the grass with a heavy thud. Luna whipped out her own MagiStaff and pointed it at the nearest Death Eater. "Stupificus maximus!"
The action came to a halt as everyone turned to stare at her before laughter began to ring out. Even Voldemort himself seemed on the verge of laughter at what he perceived to be a grievous tactical error. "Foolish girl, that's not even a spell!"
"Actually, it is." Luna slid her hand down the MagiStaff as it shifted and transformed into a scythe. Stepping forward, she spun her weapon once before slashing at the Death Eater's neck. He stood there for a moment before his head rolled forward and hit the ground, his body hanging on for another second or two before toppling backwards onto the grass. "It makes evil minions stand and stare at me stupidly while I take care of them."
Turning to Harry, she waved rather cheerfully. "Hullo!"

---

--Jenova
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
--Dr. Seuss

[Jeap]

---

"No didn't have a chance. The guy said it was fast and very reasonably priced. Same guy I brought the Dragonfly from. I dont think he would try and pull a fast one on me."
"Here try it and tell me what you think." Bill brought the broom out of his pocket and enlarged it.
Wondering what you are about to get yourself into, you grab the broom and hop on. A loud voice booms, "Congratulations! You have a Zambrano Markowitz Hammer between you legs - the broom of champions. Nail your opposition everytime with the Zambrano Markowitz Hammer. The ladies will all look at you, when you have a Hammer between your legs!"
"Err, it seems to have an advertising charm on it." You really are the master of the obvious arent you?

---

Bungle in the Jungle

[Necratoid]

www.fanfiction.net/s/3244349/1/
Its completed, it crack, its Naruto. Sasuke believes he has discovered his weakness.

---

He felt himself hit the floor before he realized hed tripped. The culprit? Sasuke removed himself from his face-plant into the clothes (luckily theyd broken his fall) and turned to see..a big yellow sign that read Caution: Wet Floor. Irritatingly enough, it was also illustrated with a stick-figure shinobi face-planting on the stick-figure floor. Sasuke growled at it and stood up with deadly intent. The sign would live no longer. He would turn it into a pile of charred, black ashes.
Blinking, he examined that train of thought.
No, he corrected, he would turn it into a pile of charred, gray ashes. Black was not an option!
Before he managed to perform the proper hand signs for turning offending yellow signs into piles of charred grey ashes, it struck Sasuke that if no one had seen his fall, then there was no point hovering around the scene of the crime! His dignity might yet be saved!

---

And later:

---

He stopped again that night for tea, but he drank it quickly. He didnt even wait for it to cool. So, he spent the rest of the night jumping through conveniently placed trees with a sore, burnt tongue. Jumping through trees at night became boring after a time. He wished in vain for a flashback or something to make the time go faster. Unfortunately, he was too mysterious for a flashback. So he continued on, doing his best to ignore his oral agony and the tedium of leaping through trees.

---

[WengFook]

---

Spike?
Vampire with a Soul Faith told her fights for our team now too used to be giving Buffy there a regular session of the old horizontal refreshment not so long ago Faith added with a smirk.
A vampire slayer with a vampire as a lover? the Guardian said eyes widening. A vampire with a soul?
Theres another Vampire with a soul too Buffy said. Also fights evil.
Faiths smirk widened. Shes screwed him too she said ignoring the glare Buffy was sending her direction. The Potentials call her Buffy the Vampire Layer behind her back you know she announced trying not to laugh.
They call me WHAT? Buffy snapped loudly.

---

From a recently recomended buffy fic over in the fic rec thread
Vampire layer absolute gold
_______________________________
We're definitely playing this game wrong. I thought Vampire was supposed to be a game of personal horror, not about ninja airstrikes
at night.
- A friend after playing a session of Dark Ages Vampire.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. THERE IS ONLY WAR!
-Same friend.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[CattyNebulart]

I think vampire layer might atually be from the show. At any rate I have seen it in dozens of fics.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[HoagieOfDoom]

I've used it several times myself. Damn, I thought I was being original.

[classicdrogn]

...because it happened to me, IRL, and I haven't had a chance to tell it yet.
It seems there was a very lost fellow looking for ski resorts here in lovely New Hampshire, who somehow ended up in Aworth, very far from ski resotrts. He stopped three times by my house for directions, going up the hill and down the hill and back up the hill this past weekend.
The first time, he actually asked "Where on earth am I now?"
No his name was not Ryoga.
His liscence plate, however, was HRY-06A.
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
For the next 72 hours, Itachi intoned, I will slap you with this trout. - Spying no Jutsu, chapter 3
"In the futuristic taco bell of the year 20XX, justice wears an aluminum sombrero!"hemlock-martini
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows