Thread of Awesome: THIS! IS!! QUOTEFILE!!!

[classicdrogn]

Before Goran could respond a timer went off and his face went a bit blank. "Oh... the explosive muffins."

Both looked at the oven in a mixture of eagerness and fear. "So... HOW explosive was the last batch you made?"

Goran was putting on an apron that seemed to be made from stone. "If I say run, could you shift us both out of here?"

Harry flexed both hands, glowing green. "Today we dine on muffins or chaos."

Goran was putting on heavy steel gauntlets. "Dear Merlin let it be muffins this time."

http://m.fanfiction.net/s/10136172/42/Core-Threads

Edit:

The Flash looked to J’onn at his side, “You know, I’ve been told I’d rue the day several times in my life. Super villains, right? But I’ve never actually thought I’d rue the day until Batman told me I’d rue the day.”

http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-22885-11 ... loaded.htm
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Bob Schroeck]

From http://www.fanfiction.net/s/536905/1/]Nine Men And A Little Lady, a LOTR crackfic about a Mary Sue who elbows her way into the Fellowship:

Galadriel's JournalLothlorien, February 15, 3019
Today the Fellowship moves on. A great evil passes from my domain, and a vast dank shadow lifts from the hearts of my people.
Oh, and the One Ring is leaving, too.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[classicdrogn]

You make observations, filter for noise, let your unconscious intuit the shape, derive a mathematical description of that shape, and presto: natural law. Get the shape right and the math will follow.

Shape of the wizarding world thus far: a grey wibbly blob with lots of tentacles and even more eyeballs that makes farty noises.

- Potter Who and the Wossname's Thingummy, Ch23

http://m.fanfiction.net/s/8484470/23

"So, wait, the reason all the Sekirei crashed was because we got caught between a Mega Vampire and an Ultra Wizard duking it out in space?" Matsu said. "Because as far as reasons go for why a spaceship would crash, that one's actually pretty cool."

A Soul of Fire Ch27 (Fate/Extra and Sekirei crossover)
http://m.fanfiction.net/s/8811128/27/

"Isn't there a young lady with an ice bloodline?" Shizune asked the messenger, thinking of the list of patients, especially shinobi, who could use new organs. Of course Shizune and Tsunade were aware that Haku was one of the rare male ice users biologically, but it just wasn't done in Konoha to argue about people's genders. It was a man's prerogative to be a man, a woman's prerogative to be a woman, a peach tree's prerogative to be Perfect and a ninja's prerogative to stab anybody who disagreed with them. No ninja ever got anywhere by letting the laws of physics dictate what they could and couldn't do, and biology was really just the manifestation of physics that died when you stabbed it.

- Uchibi Sasuke ch42
http://m.fanfiction.net/s/8222842/42/Uchibi-Sasuke

Edit again:

the Flash could trip everyone, or take off their dirty sock and stuff it in their mouth mid-monologue. If I wrote the Flash comic, it would be a very different book.

- artist's notes from the 2014-09-25 page of Grrl Power
http://grrlpowercomic.com/archives/1491
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Norgarth]

From a flashback in chapter 4 of Batzulger's 'Thank You Very Much''

"Hurry up Jack! We're th'main course and th'goddamn dessert!"
"The ladies always said I was sweet Sebastian," my friend said as he worked on the last buckle. "Damn arthritis doesn't make this easy though."
He got me free just as Kawakita finished one of Elmer's drumsticks. His skin had turned green and scaly as he ate, and his body was swelling and bulking up. He head had begun to twist and change as well. I could still taste the juice on my lips. Was that going to happen to me too?
I staggered to my walker, which the Doc had left by the door and we headed out into the hall. There was a roar of something...pain or god knows what, then a hell of a lot of crashing. Galtacki, the doc's assistant, was running down the hall at us.
"Haff! Jack! What th'holy plu-perfect hell are you guys doin' outta yer rooms after lights out? And what th'hell is that racket?"
"Doctor Kawakita needs your help and sent us to find you, Mr. Galtacki," Jack said all cool, calm, and collected. The lights were crap in the hall, so he couldn't see how messed up my face was at least. "He's in the clinic."
"He is huh? Well you two stay right there while I see what's really up."
"Y'all do that now. We'll be peaceable as church-mice," I said.
"You'd better," he pushed past us down the corridor.
"We have just moved to dessert and after-dinner mint," Jack said. "Let's get the hell out of here!"

___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[yesilmavi]

Worm. Omake for a story.

http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/ ... t-15071042

Jack: "Now that she's out of the way -- Skitter! I have a little test for you..."

Skitter: "Head spiders for everyone!"
Jack: "Wait, what?"
Skitter: "Just like Evarcha here. You see, she can lay her eggs in your ear as you sleep, and then in the morning - free spider hat babies! It's totally unobtrusive!"
Jack: "..." *turns to Bonesaw* "Run?"
Bonesaw: "Run!"

Armsmaster: "Quarantine is getting out of control. You saw what she did to those Empire thugs? We have to bring her in."
Dragon: "That isn't going to be possible."
Armsmaster: "Why not?"
Dragon: "Quarantine is the only one keeping Skitter under control. Here's a video of Skitter chasing the Slaughterhouse 9 out of town"

Skitter: "Aw, common! Don't you want your free head spiders? Just one little egg laying session and you'll have a whole adorable spider clutch all lovingly hugging your face when you wake up!"
Jack: "She's gaining! Run faster!"

[RMH999]

Professor Flitwick debated assigning a three foot essay on ”Why we must never summon Great Old Ones at Dinnertime, or for that matter, Ever,” but in the end went out and got very drunk instead.

It's Always the Quiet Ones - someone steals a family heirloom from Luna Lovegood... one that they brought back when the family moved back to England from Innsmouth...
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
- Albert Einstein

[Norgarth]

a bit I enjoyed from the latest Cat Tales chapter (The Knight of the Mirrors, part 7)

“Those are the Eggo McMuffins with letters after
their name that actually think—get this—they have some understanding of the
human mind, HAHAHAHA!  Isn’t that a riot?  So anyway, he reaches
out to Hugo Strange and Johnny Crane, and they naturally thought she’d have
got the tap too, but when they asked her, she knew nothing about it. 
Hee hee.”

“My god, those crazies talk to each other?” Lex said
incredulously.

Lex, just because you tend to avoid other supervillains unless you want something from them, doesn't mean every supervillain is anti-social.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Rajvik]

Of course, it was technically permissible in much the same sense that there wasn’t any specific rule stating that an elephant couldn’t play hockey, but Victoria had been raised by a lawyer.

A recent post in the SV Worm file.
 

[Black Aeronaut]

This one's a little dark and edgy, but MAN it is so EPIC. From the webcomic Kill Six Billion Demons, a 'conversation' between the heroine and one of the queens that rule over the multiverse.  Of course, this comes right on the heels of the heroine proclaiming that she's just a nobody and after all she's been through she'll be happy to go back to being a nobody.  This queen, though, knows far better than she what awaits her.

"You are so like me when I was your age. Your fatal error is thinking you can still run.  The boy is prophesied to become The Rising King, the Ruler that destroys me and my compatriots. The heir of the Old King Zoss.  The Prophet, I should mention, is never wrong. Yet..."
"Yet?!"
"...Yet here you are, wielding his missing power.
"That's the problem with power. The moment it touches you, destiny sinks its claws into your pretty little flesh. And oh, by the Rotting Gods it will tug.  You will be torn apart. And each part will be scrutinized and picked clean. It will hurt, of course. And fear of that pain will become your master.  Yes, I do know your fate, girl. Against your will, you have become a slave, lashed by unseen chains to a story you cannot write and want no part in.
"You will lose yourself.
"Fate will warp you beyond recognition, little miss nobody. You will become malformed. And you will hate every second of it. Such is your path now."

BTW: This queen?  She is not a nice person.  At all.

[Norgarth]

From chapter 9-05 of Heretical Edge, just after the Headmistress teleported in (by apparently magically 'reaching' through a one-way remote viewer, taking control of the system despite being in a different reality from the controls at the time and activating it to gate her in.)

Her eyes turned to me, and I started to talk. The words just poured
out. “You can’t hurt these people, yeah I said people because that’s
what they are. I know they’re big and I know they look strange because
they’re sort-of giants but that doesn’t make them evil. Yeah I know what
everyone says at the school you’re in charge of and I know all of that
but I think you have to do evil things to be evil.”

I was so… well, honestly terrified in that moment that the words kept
coming. I was nervous so I babbled without even waiting to see how the
woman was reacting. “And if you don’t do evil things I think that should
mean you’re not really evil but according to your school someone is
evil just because they were born different from human which really seems
sort of umm, bad if you think about it which I really think you should
because the letter from my mom said I could trust you and oh yeah I
forgot to mention I know my Mom was a Heretic and I know I should’ve
come to you sooner before this all spiraled out of control but I really,
really, really, hope she was right and I really can trust you because
there’s something bad happening now but they aren’t the ones doing it and if you’ll just wait a second-”

“Felicity,” Gaia spoke calmly, snapping my attention back to her. She
was holding one hand up placatingly, her other hand at her side. The
single word without any particular inflection or threat behind it shut
me up immediately and more effectively than I could ever remember
happening before.

Once I was quiet, she continued. “When I said that there are many
things we need to discuss, I did not mean that each of those discussions
should take place simultaneously within the next thirty seconds.”

___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Shepherd]

"It is important to recognize that the black light has meaning because of the spectrum of life."What- no.
No. He must be imagining that stupid little brat's earnest voice. She didn't even have lungs anymore. No, no, no-
"Your role is one of great importance, but death by itself has no meaning. Death is relevant in the context of life, and it is from this perspective that black is one of the colors of the Glow. You should not consider yourself separate," the Life Entity continued her lecture unperturbed as the spear fizzled away uselessly within her chest. As it shrank away, he could clearly see that the Life Entity was unharmed, her clothes not so much as torn.
No, no, no, no, NO!
"We... do not claim to understand why you have trouble with accepting your place in the universe as of late," the Life Entity said, clearly disappointed, before perking up. "But we will have plenty of time to talk through your problems once your interference in the physical world is over. We have faith in your ability to overcome your flaws and become a death elemental to be proud of." She smiled at him, hopefully.
Nekron gurgled as he felt his hold on William's form slipping. "H-how?" He managed to gasp out. "Why won't you... just... die!"
"Die?" The Life Entity looked puzzled. "We are an existence of life, of living. The black light is as much a part of life as the other colors. We do not understand why you believe dying would effect us in a meaningful fashion." She cocked her head to one side and nodded. "We shall illuminate your ignorance. The white light is an existence that forever arises. Even if all life in the universe ceased, as some day it will, and all the stars went out, as someday they will, and the universe as an existence ended, as it has before and will again, new existences will come from the emptiness as is the nature of things. In time, new life will arise, as will sentience. And so, killing life is a fundamentally and metaphysically pointless act."

A segment from a Dreaming of Sunshine/DC x-over:
http://www.fanfiction.net/topic/180237 ... r-Plotting#
I'll try posting a link to the fic once the author posts the finished version.
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[ECSNorway]

This thread needs a new post.

So I give you Pale Wolf's Catch The Falling Sky:

Pincers jammed through the blast door, slowly prying open a hole. The same story repeated itself at two other places along the door. Vita could barely see anything back there but flame. She could feel the heat from here.

Hallaoun dropped his hand. "Resume fire!"

They were not rewarded for the effort, as shooter bolts and X-Com's explosive projectiles roared in at, and sometimes through, the gaps.

If the shooters slipped up for a second, they were dead in droves, and everyone here knew it.

The X-Commers presumably knew the song, because a few carried up the chant on the next line. "Sound the horn and call the cry, how many of them can we make die?"

It was around there, as Vita was swinging a set of four Schwalbe Fliegen through the holes the chryssalids were trying to tear - the iron balls melted as they entered the room - that Vita decided she liked this planet.

And not just because it was the place where Hayate hung her (truly impressive) hat.

(EDIT:  For some reason the link was going back to this page; I fixed it.)
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[classicdrogn]

"Either way, as long as you keep your booger hook off the bang switch, you're good." - Swarmer31857 on firearms safety, at SB
http://forums.spacebattles.com/posts/21329362/

I know it's much shorter than the usual fare in here, but it made me actually literally laugh out loud, so I figured "good enough."

-----------

Much later edit to add:
"Uh... so this is the master race? I want a refund!" SB's dingbat779, on Brockton Bay Nazis
http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads ... hreadmarks
The quote is from ch 1.4

----------

"EVERYTHING is more delicious when it has a face!" - SV's Datcord, on hot dog octopuses
http://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/posts/6798396/

---------

"When the world throws you squirrels, you better get used to dealing with the nuts." - Harry Dresden, on his life in general
http://www.fanfiction.net/topic/88086/107502467/1
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Ebony]

ClassicDrogn wrote:

---

"When the world throws you squirrels, you better get used to dealing with the nuts." - Harry Dresden, on his life in generalhttp://www.fanfiction.net/topic/88086/107502467/1

...
No, brain, you do not want to write a Harry Dresden/Squirrel-Girl crossover. You don't know enough about the latter, and you don't have the time. Shut up and go back to work.  
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Black Aeronaut]

Actually, I don't think there really is all that much to Squirrel Girl. *Whistles Innocently*

[Rajvik]

Black Aeronaut wrote:

---

Actually, I don't think there really is all that much to Squirrel Girl. *Whistles Innocently*

Looks at BA and just starts walking slowly away. Yeah I'm not going anywhere near that.
 

[K sai]

Rajvik wrote:

---

Black Aeronaut wrote:

---

Actually, I don't think there really is all that much to Squirrel Girl. *Whistles Innocently*

Looks at BA and just starts walking slowly away. Yeah I'm not going anywhere near that.

...because it's just nuts?

[ordnance11]

For when faced with Total Annihilation all contingencies must be explored. Wherever possible the ultimate cause cannot be allowed to rest solely upon one path, one strategy, one army or one man.
Thus the only solution when faced with unacceptable outcomes is to force the existence of a new one even if it costs you the most.

http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads ... t-27649962
__________________
Into terror!,  Into valour!
Charge ahead! No! Never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn!
- Scarlett Pimpernell

[ECSNorway]

Far too long to actually quote here, but Shirou's entire battle with Kokabiel in A Demon Lord's Hero is just an entire chapter of pure concentrated Awesome.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Norgarth]

from a Spacebattles post by Stormseed (referencing an old RPG.net thread)

"Know, O Prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Adventure
Island and the gleaming cities, and the rise of the Sons of Liberty,
there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across
the world like blue mantles beneath the stars -- Hyrule, with its
pointy-eared women and towers of octorok-haunted mystery, Sosaria with
its chivalry, Charlock that bordered the pastoral lands of Alefgard,
Castlevania with its shadow-guarded tombs, Makaimura whose knights wore
lance and armor and boxers. But the proudest kingdom of the world was
the Mushroom Kingdom, reigning supreme in the dreaming west. Hither came
Mario the Plumber, black-haired, sullen-eyed, shell in hand, a
coin-thief, a box-basher, a goomba-slayer, with gigantic melancholies
and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the game under his
booted feet."

___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Ebony]

Timote wrote:

---

from a Spacebattles post by Stormseed (referencing an old RPG.net thread)

"Know, O Prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Adventure
Island and the gleaming cities, and the rise of the Sons of Liberty,
there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across
the world like blue mantles beneath the stars -- Hyrule, with its
pointy-eared women and towers of octorok-haunted mystery, Sosaria with
its chivalry, Charlock that bordered the pastoral lands of Alefgard,
Castlevania with its shadow-guarded tombs, Makaimura whose knights wore
lance and armor and boxers. But the proudest kingdom of the world was
the Mushroom Kingdom, reigning supreme in the dreaming west. Hither came
Mario the Plumber, black-haired, sullen-eyed, shell in hand, a
coin-thief, a box-basher, a goomba-slayer, with gigantic melancholies
and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the game under his
booted feet."

Brilliant. I'm totally stealing this.
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Bob Schroeck]

I've already stuck it in my quotefile.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Shepherd]

"None of us are going to make fun of you if you save us with the power of dance," Superman said. He did not make eye contact when he said it. Or even look in Batman's direction."I'm not agreeing to that," Green Lantern said.
"I'll only make fun of you behind your back," said Flash, as if that were a compromise. "You'll never know."
"I don't think that's going to work," Zatanna said.
"Knowing things is kind of his whole deal," Black Canary agreed.
Batman held up five fingers, but it was only obvious that this was what he was doing when he began ticking off items. "Volleyball in Cabo, the library at Gotham Academy, the Eggplant Debacle, Joe's missing sweater, the Iguana Talk."
"I was never planning to say anything," Green Lantern said.
"My other power? Silence." This was not Black Canary's other power.
"I'm too young to die," Flash said.

Batman pulled off his cowl.
"You're shitting me," Green Lantern said.
"You wear a second mask under the bat mask?" Flash asked.
Featureless glass eyes continued to obscure his features. In the smaller, domino-style mask tied around his head, they were actually creepier. "Do you not."
"Why would I wear two masks?" Flash asked, though Batman was already stalking toward the stage. Being able to see the irritation in his limbs made it more intimidating than when he wore the cape.
"In case of meddling kids," Black Canary said.
"Are you suggesting Batman is actually Old Man Jenkins?"
"You can do it, Old Man Jenkins!" Zatanna called toward the stage. "We believe in you!"

http://archiveofourown.org/works/8002432 Let's Dance, a oneshot in the Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts series.

hmm. Probably should have put this in the ROFL thread instead.
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[ordnance11]

There is a time and a place for the truth... That time is never and that place only exists in rumors...

Deux_Ex_Transhuman, Space Battle Forum
http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads ... 511/page-9
__________________
Into terror!,  Into valour!
Charge ahead! No! Never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn!
- Scarlett Pimpernell

[robkelk]

Copied from http://forums.sjgames.com/showthread.php?t=147251 , in the GURPS section of the SJGames forums:

Would you allow a caster to use the Zombie spell (or something similar) on a fossil, to create a skeletal T-Rex? Because that would be awesome.

No Harry. Not in this universe. Your zombies work differently.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012