Shinji Ikari Raising Project

[LynnInDenver]

To: anika@survival-shot.fen
From: nene@jmc.fen
Subj: RE: Cake
I'll have to take one of the *saner* groups up on it. To be fair, though, I think I'm still just creeped out by which group it was that first asked me to crash a party that way. Cyber should be just a faction, not a fetish. *shudder*'
I'll check with Jeph regarding the fuel. We're close enough now it's not going to make a difference in terms of fuel burn to get there versus when we get there.
And yes, there's more than enough cake we can get Shinji in on the feast.

--

"You know how parents tell you everything's going to fine, but you know they're lying to make you feel better? Everything's going to be fine." - The Doctor

[Dartz]

I've been thinking.

As it is, Frigga isn't a nice place for Shinji to actually be living, long term. It's like living in Battersea Power Station, just trying to keep the place from falling apart. While there're more people due to come (Someone has to fly the helicopters) it's still generally a bad place for someone who's the equivelant of a 14 year old boy to end up. Mackie's with 'family' and happily so and everyone else has settled in in their own way.

But there's a good chance Shinji'll want to live somewhere else.... and it'll probably be in his best interests. It'll be his choice and he won't be kicked out so he might end up staying it depends on how things go.

The reason I'm posting this now is because he's going to have to go somewhere and where that is is going to drive the plot for the next while. I suppose it depends on what different people coming to Frigga offer him. Rei offers a familiar face and some interesting possibilities... Gina too but in a different way, even if she is spoken for. Nené offers experience and a fun personality. Frigga has Mackie and Anika and lax driving regulations.

I'm also still not sure what exactly he's going to do when he wakes up in the morning and realises he's still in the same place. It is fun in a way. For one thing, everyone assumes he likes classical music and while that is what he plays..... it isn't what he listens to (except once).
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[ECSNorway]

I'm fairly sure he'll have open invitations at several places. I can't speak for Stellvia, but Greenwood would definitely welcome him. (And has the advantage of a very familiar face.)
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[robkelk]

Stellvia would be willing to take him in, but nobody gets a "free ride" in StellviaCorp. Noah would be willing to accept "high school student" as Shinji's occupation for a few years, though... but if he'd rather live on Greenwood, Yayoi wouldn't even make the offer of a place on Stellvia.

There's always other factions... Shinji might enjoy being an "acting ensign" on a Federation ship, or a supernumerary on a Sammie cruiser somewhere - either would let him put his skills to use in a non-combat environment.

And that link of piano/cello duets didn't list just classical pieces... I think.

Edit: Even if it didn't, Yayoi will know a few pieces:

"We really should have a guitar in the mix for this, but that isn't essential. Ikari-san, have you ever heard of Carl Perkins?"

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Bob Schroeck]

Mm. If Fenspace!Kat gets involved, it's possible Grover's Corners would have a place for him. After all, we already have several teenagers in the crew within a year or so of his age, including Fenspace!Nina (and borderline-genki Nina trying to draw Shinji out his shell is a mental image that suddenly appeals to me). Having friendly contemporaries without the Tokyo-3 baggage -- and a lot of open space that looks like Earth -- might be good for him.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Dartz]

That's probably the best place for him to end up living. Jet in-universe would likely agree and advise him to spend time there.... it's central enough to both Greenwood and Stellvia that visiting Rei or Yayoi should be little trouble and he's in the middle of things. Still it's Shinji's choice and I'm having a tough enough time planning him one-scene in advance as opposed to an ending to the story.

Music wise... I've been doing a little digging. While Shinji does play classical, it isn't what he chooses to listen to (except once). Evageeks managed to pin down the exact songs Shinji keeps listening to: Both songs sung by Kotono Mitsushi. Image songs from the Y's II OVA, I think.

One of the things I'm having fun with is how Shinji's different from what people are assuming about him.
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[Dartz]

This. I hate scenes like this. I need another set of eyes.

Daryl Haur finished pouring herself a mug of tea, before setting the empty pot on the table. All five of them had gathered in Kotono’s apartment to figure out what to do next.

“I told you so,”

There was no satisfaction in Kotono’s voice. Still in her nightwear she settled back into her own couch.

“Now what?” Daryl asked, before taking a sip from a cup of something green, steaming and sweet-smelling.

Jet’s armour scratched off itself as she crossed her legs. “Marsden, Rei and Yayoi Fujisawa are on their way. And I just heard that Ben and Gina are on their way too, and Starbug with Nene. It’s been decided that we need help with this,”

The bitter note to her tone.

“You didn’t ask?” Daryl asked.

“I was going to wait and see how he woke up before asking Yayoi to come.”

“This is exactly what we were trying to avoid with all this you know,” said Ford.

“What? People finding out that we really have no idea what we’re doing with him and need help beyond a little advice and some good wishes?”

Silence answered Kotono. Jet, Ford and Daryl shared quick glances, causing her to wonder if she hadn’t been closer to the mark than she truly expected.

Jet downed a mouthful of broadleaf tea before speaking. “Nené’s due at 1am, Rei, Marsden and Yayoi about an hour after. Ben and Gina will be here shortly after that.”

“We have to figure out what we did wrong,” said Ford.

“He isn’t a machine,” Anika reminded her, her tone flatly annoyed.

“It still applies. We didn’t understand the problem right and made things worse.”

“So what was the problem then?” Daryl asked.

“We assumed that he’d have trouble accepting himself, but he spent the entire series learning to accept that he was Shinji Ikari.... so much that when faced with the idea that he really wasn’t the person he thought he was, he rejected our reality and tried to substitute his own,” Kotono explained.

Daryl snorted through her nose, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed at that,” she held up her hands.

A quick glance around informed Kotono that Ford wasn’t the only one who’d found that funnier than she’d intended. There were smirks and titters all round.

Anika sighed. “Last night,” she began, her voice soft “Before he snapped, he told me that he needed to see himself before he could return. ‘Anyone can return to human form, so long as they’re able to imagine themselves within their own heart, that’s what it was in the film’,”

“And we were trying to ease him into realising he wasn’t the Shinji Ikari he thought he was,” Jet finished. “Damn,” she breathed.

Ford glanced at her. “For those of us who haven’t seen the film?”

“At the end of the movie, Shinji wanted to go back to the real world, and to do that he needed to form the image of who he was in his mind. Because we were trying to get him to realise he was an android, he probably assumed the false reality he’d been in was fighting back,” the cyber explained.

“Gotcha...” She didn’t. “So what do we do about it?”

“We’ve still got most of today before anyone arrives,” said Jet. Her eyes scanned around the room, waiting for someone else to speak up,”Wait until he wakes up,”

Anika was sitting in her operators uniform, with her legs crossed under her, resting her elbows on her knees while supporting her head on steepled hands. One of her fingers timed out a beat as she pondered.

“Maybe we’re going about this wrong?”

“Obviously,” Darly snorted.

Anika glared at her. “That’s not what I mean! “She yelled. “ Anyway...” her voice switched back to normal. “We’ve been treating him like he’s the real Shinji Ikari because that’s who he thinks he is....” she looked right at Daryl, it’d been her idea after all, “Maybe we should treat him like who he his now?”

Jet’s attention visibly shifted to something else for a second.

“You know how I feel about that.” Daryl reminded her. “Okay so it’s a bit different but the militia do it that way because if you come in too strong, instead of easing into the new self-identity they fight against it.”

“But we came in gently and it didn’t work,” Jet pointed out.

“Well yeah, so we have to find the right middle-ground then,”

As if it was that easy.

Kotono took a few moments to think. “The thing is. When you think about it, this is pretty much the exact opposite to a biomod.”

“Oh,” Daryl’s eyebrow rose.

“I can’t speak from experience,” she offered an uncomfortable smile, “But I’ve seen people go through it on Kandor all the time. it’s probably easier to adjust a biomod to a new self-identity, because it’s in your face the whole time, while the universe stays the same.”

Jet nodded, “That’s pretty much it. The Kunst is the same. The universe remains the same, but you have to acknowledge your changed place in it,”

“Yeah, well, Shinji’s universe has changed, but we kinda assumed he’d notice he’d changed too eventually but he didn’t.” a beat. Daryl pondered a moment. “Or he did and immediately thought that was the universe screwing with him too,”

“Pinnochio glitch,” Jet sighed, closing her eyes for a second. “Alita had it for years. She found out when James Cameron first contacted her,”

“How did she solve it?” Anika asked. There was a hopeful gleam in her eyes.

Jet shrugged, “She didn’t really. She took one look at her manga counterpart, declared that she wasn’t her, pouted her lips and carried on regardless. It was a complete anti-climax,”

“Well,” Kotono continued, swallowing a deep breath, “As far as Shinji’s concerned, he’s still the same person he’s always been, but his world’s completely different.”

“How do we convince him that this is real?” asked Daryl

Jet sat there, her attention obviously split with something else. Ford eased back into her chair, covering her mouth with her metal hand as she thought. Daryl, dressed in her usual militia outfit, recrossed her legs, getting comfortable while Kotono leaned forward, waiting for somebody to speak.

“Anika might be right,” Jet eventually said. “A.C told me something similar in a message yesterday, but for different reasons.”

“So show him the damn animé already then,” Ford threw in. “There you are on the screen,” She clapped both her hands together, “Bang, we’re done.”

Anika pursed her lips, “I wouldn’t show half of that to a sane person, let alone Shinji,”

“So what, what’s in between?”

Anika inhaled, inflating her body just a little bit. “We do it they way I wanted to from the start. I go in there and tell him where I came from, where he came from, and tell him the truth straight out.”

The edges of her lips curled up ever so slightly.

“The truth hurts, but sometimes in the long run, it’s less painful,” Kotono added in support.

“Rei!” A voice rang out through the closed door.

All five women went dead quiet, throwing glances at each other, then at the door. The colour drained out of Anika’s face as she was suddenly faced with the possibility of actually going forward with her plan.

Daryl swung her legs off the table she’d been resting them on, kicking over a tin teapot. It clattered to the floor, empty except for a few tealeaves. It rolled over, coming to a stop resting on it’d handle.

“Dammit!” she spat.

Nobody moved.

“Oh, nice one,” Anika stated, rolling her eyes.

Jet sat back. “Well Anika, it’s your idea... and I've to go pick up a mail drone”

“Oh well,” the android sighed, pushing herself up out of the couch. They were all staring at her as she walked to the door.

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[robkelk]

This set of eyes doesn't see anything wrong with the scene.

(And if it's desirable for the plot, Yayoi's willing to wait out of sight in her room for a few hours... or a few days if necessary, but in that case she'd want to play cards with Nene, Ben, Gina, Chris, and Rei. Not that Yayoi's any good at cards, but she can afford to lose a few hundred credits and the face-to-face interaction is important to her.)
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Bob Schroeck]

Likewise, I saw no faults in the scene.

Real!Kat hasn't contacted me yet, but I should be able to get Fenspace!Kat on her way if you want me to bring her into the story now.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Black Aeronaut]

The only sound was the muted noise of the engines and the nuclear powerplant behind him. Benjamin knew right away that it was too quite.

He set his comms to direct laser-link to Gina's Valkyrie and keyed the mic on his headset. "Penny for your thoughts, my lady?"

A moment later, her disgusted voice came back, "How the hell do you do that Ben?"

"Gina, you should know that by know."

"Idiot! I want to hear it from your mouth."

Ben sighed then keyed his mic again. "Because whenever we're doing something that you don't like, you make damn sure that I know about it. Usually in no less than five-thousand words and in at least three different languages. Now, I know you can't be looking forward to this, but you're being awfully quiet about it. Which means that something is up, and I, as your loving and supportive partner in love, war, and child rearing, would like to know what is on your mind."

"You've actually counted?" Gina asked, an impressed tone in her voice.

"I playback the audio logs. It's part of why I picked up German so quickly."

"...You are full of surprises, idiot. I guess that's part of why I feel in love with you. My problem is... Shinji... he's a big part of what I was. Until I met you he was the only person that wanted to know me. He was one of the few that tried. I know that you know this. I know that this has got to bother you, which is why I'm trying not to say much on the matter."

"I see. Well, my lady, just so you know, it does bother me a bit, but not enough to stop me from going through with this. Also, if it had been Shinji instead of you, I would have done the same thing... well, not the exact same thing. I would have adopted the guy as my younger brother. After all, it was really hard on him... no, on both of you to lose Kaji."

"Yeah," replied Gina, this time sounding a bit wistful. "It was. Kinda hurts that the guy you loved only thought of you as a little sister. But at least now I know that I'm better off. And I owe everything to you. As far as I'm concerned, I belong completely to you."

"Now, now, don't give me all the credit. If it wasn't for you I'd probably never have settled down. At least you were immune to my Tenchi Masaki syndrome."

"You could have had anyone. Fuck, you could have had a whole fucking harem. But instead you chose me. The old me would have treated it as a triumph... but now... it's humbling. I love you, Benjamin."

"I love you, too, Gina. And don't worry, we'll get through this just fine, even if I gotta adopt the poor guy into the family. Though I doubt things will come to that."

"What makes you say that? Aren't you the guy that believes in Murphy's law so fervently that you had a shrine dedicated to it on the hangar deck just to remind everyone?"

"Yes, but this time... I dunno. Somehow I get the feeling that everything's gonna be okay."

"You and your legendary hunches. They're either dead on or spectacularly wrong. Never anywhere in between. I hope to Skuld you're right."

At that moment, Mayonaka broke in. "Not that I don't mind you guys keeping this conversation to yourselves, but it gets boring without the chatter. If you two are done with the heavy stuff can we talk about our plans for the next Cannonball Run?"

And they screamed on through the night, distracting themselves with talk of racing from the uncomfortable events that lay ahead. Quietly, Ben and Gina prayed that he was right.

---

OOC: Gina, in the first couple minutes, is going to treat this with her typical cavalier attitude...  In other words, the first words to Shinji out of her mouth are gonna be, "Oi, you still acting like an idiot, idiot-Shinji or have you decided to grow a back-bone?"

[Dartz]

Sure, the more the merrier. He's going to need long term help anyway, what better way for him to get it. It'd set up a nice ending.

All the Friggan's are trying to do is the best they can..... Befriend him, and hope that they're doing something like the right thing with everything else.

@BA: That scene makes a nice addition..... all of Fenspace rallying around one teenaged boy.
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[Warringer]

Well, you have to admit that he's one of those characters that were screwed over the most. And at least one of the best known ones that were screwed over most.

[M Fnord]

Okay. I've got to ask this, because it's been nagging at me for the last couple of scenes: Isn't putting Gina and Shinji within a million miles of each other a really bad idea? Like, apocalyptically bad? Based on all previous characterization I can't see any good coming out of that meeting, not at this juncture and maybe not ever depending on if/when they both get their massive PTSD issues sorted.
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Dartz]

I've been pondering it.

And sort of assuming that having an extra 14 years to get a handle on things works to her advantage, she's going to have a more adult and mature perspective on things rather than being a perpetual 14 year old kid. She has her own philosophy about how to deal with things.

From what I figured from reading she isn't Asuka and specifically rejected than identity..... but then I amn't her primary writer.
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[Black Aeronaut]

Dartz has the right of it. She's not gonna be gentle about it, but she's not gonna be needlessly harsh, either. Honestly, I think the toughest part she'll have to deal with is the fact that she's married and has a daughter. Shinji really had feelings for her and it's gonna be a huge let down for him. Of course, not as big as Third Impact was, but still.

[M Fnord]

See, that right there is Reason One that Gina should be nowhere near Shinji at this stage of the game. Putting aside any and all unresolved PTSD issues on her part, the whole "married with children" bit... the poor kid just survived the end of the goddamn world and then you want to roll up and say "oh hai, remember that girl you were crushing on just before everything went to shit? Guess what?" Seriously.

(I should note at this point that I'm not saying "don't write it." Plenty of interesting story can be wrung from this concept, and it's not really an Evangelion story if it doesn't involve betrayal, moral cowardice and death. I'm just saying that within the context of the story Shinji meeting Gina at this existentially delicate time is a bad idea, everybody involved should see it's a bad idea and that the consequences of this bad idea shouldn't just be shrugged off.)
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Dartz]

And those consequences are tough for me to work out.

But, once he finds out about her it's going to be tough to keep them apart. He's already asked about Asuka.... and those on Frigga are going to be wary about keeping secrets from him again.
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[robkelk]

(I should note at this point that I'm not saying "don't write it." Plenty of interesting story can be wrung from this concept, and it's not really an Evangelion story if it doesn't involve betrayal, moral cowardice and death. I'm just saying that within the context of the story Shinji meeting Gina at this existentially delicate time is a bad idea, everybody involved should see it's a bad idea and that the consequences of this bad idea shouldn't just be shrugged off.)

Heck, even Noah knows it's a bad idea - he's just diplomatic about saying so:

And he'll need that help. Everything he's sure of is wrong, and everyone he meets who he thinks he knows has changed. (Especially Gina, who left her old persona behind years ago and now has an adopted daughter – I can't begin to imagine how he'll handle that.)

But sometimes shock therapy is useful. Is this one of those times?

Oh! This assumes that Gina still looks like Asuka. Does she? (Sora's changed, and so has Agatha, but Kohran will probably never change her basic appearance. And Gina's not my character...)
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Black Aeronaut]

Oh! This assumes that Gina still looks like Asuka. Does she? (Sora's changed, and so has Agatha, but Kohran will probably never change her basic appearance. And Gina's not my character...)

Well, she's still very much recognizable as Asuka.  She's a bit taller (just a few inches) but her figure is still the same.  During the War she started wearing her hair in a braid to 1) help keep it out of the way and 2) make it easier to pack into a helmet if she ever has to button up in a hurry (which has happened a time or two).  Also, her flight suit will only bear the slightest of a passing resemblance to a plug suit.  Really, it's gonna look like some sort of light armor from Mass Effect - red in black and gold trim.

[Dartz]

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Anika tries the clear communication and talking approach to things...

“Where is my reality?”

“It is at the end of your dreams,”

He shot awake.

“Rei!”

He blinked. A dream.

The room was empty. He sat on the bed, foil blanket pooled around his waist. Naked sunlight poured in through the windows to his right, illuminating the bare bedroom.

He was still there.

He thought for a moment that, maybe if he did something the fantasy couldn’t compensate for....something that’d make this reality untenable, it’d break down around him. .

The room was bare. The bed was bolted to the concrete floor. The glass was centimetres thick.

He sickened when he realised what he’d been thinking. Shinji flopped down onto his back, staring up at the ceiling above him. It was like Rei’s apartment, only cleaner and lived in a little more. He closed his eyes and held his breath, wishing one last time to wake up somewhere else.

Nothing happened.

“I want to go home,”

Nothing happened.

“I want to go home,”

His whining voice rang back off the walls.

“Take me home! Somebody! Please!......... Anybody!”

He was panting, heat welling up inside him. It was the same feeling as before.... right before his mind cut out like a blown lightbulb. A crawling fear rose up inside him as he sat there. His body started to shiver.

Outside... something crashed hard onto the floor, something hollowing and metallic. Shinji jumped and stared at the door.

It sounded like a pot... A woman’s voice cursed.

Someone was outside. His skin crawled with penderecki cockroaches, thousands of little feet prickling down his back. He wanted to call out, but it caught in the back of his throat. All he could do was sit there and stare at the door, praying that someone would come through while at the same time being terrified to the core about it.

He turned his back to the door, forcing himself to stare out the window.

Outside, there was a shuffling of feet and more voices. He knew he recognised them but tried to deny it anyway. Footsteps stopped outside the doorway. He felt his insides go taught.

It latched open, hinges squawking at him.

“Shinji....”

It was Anika. Memories of the previous night flooded back. He didn’t even turn around.

“Just leave me alone.” He spoke into his pillow.

“But....”

“I said leave!”

His voice echoed off the walls, crisp and clear, taking a few moments to finally die out. He could hear her feet shuffling on the floor.

Shinji waited. His breathing was ragged and quivering.

“No,” she said keeping her tone firm “We’re not going to make the same mistake again,”

He rolled over with a his, hot fury boiling up. “I told you to leave me alone and I mean it,” he snarled at her through clenched teeth. His hands gripped into tight fists, crunching his bedsheets together.

He could feel himself starting to coil up under the bedsheets. Anika’s presence was still there, hovering behind him, grating at the edges of his awareness.

“I just thought you’d like to know Rei Ayanami is on her way,”

Her voice was calm, soft and even. Shinji felt his body go cold, hot fury draining out of him. For a moment, hope spark within for a few moments before he could actually think about what that meant.

“She isn’t real either,” he said, flatly.

Either way.

“I don’t think she’d appreciate that,” Anika answered, archily.

Shinji lazily rolled himself over to see her standing with her hands on her hips.

“What do you want?”

She’d been terrified of him. Stunned into silence. Just standing there looking at him like he was about about to explode and then....

wink.

Rei, in his dreams. I am there, in your reality. He sat up, pushing himself slowly up with his hands, remembering to keep the bedsheets close to his body.

Anika drew in a deep breath, and seemed to look for somewhere to sit, before finally settling on the end of his bed.

“Okay.... infodump time.” she smiled at him “You remember I told you I was artificial right?”

Shinji nodded.

“Well, five years ago I was built by a man named William Flint. He built me to be the core of a weapon, to be a sort of removable sapiency driver that could be taken out and moved between different devices. For three years he treated me like nothing more than a machine.”

Shinji watched as Anika went pale. She didn’t seem like a machine.... not at all.

“He treated me like a slave. Like a tool. Like a piece of hardware.”

She was looking at his feet, then down to hers. There was a distance in her eyes that made him feel uncomfortable

“He also deliberately crippled my hardware to keep me under control. My core processors overheat easily, causing them to cut out to keep them from being damaged. The idea was, if I tried to make a break for freedom he could just pull my cooling and I’d overheat and shut down.”

She looked right at him.

“That’s what happened to you last night. You didn’t faint, you overheated.”

Me? He pointed a finger at his chest. He thought he should’ve felt sick, but strangely didn’t.

Anika continued. “I escaped two years ago, stealing his prototype duplex drive battroid. Flint hired the people here to help recover the ‘droid. He told them I was his jealous ex-partner. I thought they were trying to take me back so I turned the battroid on them.” She gave him a self-effacing smile. “Luckily I wasn’t very good with it.”

“When they figured out that I wasn’t his partner at all, they had him arrested by the Space Patrol. He spent a year in prison, and I received all his assets as compensation, including my own design plans.”

A note of pride crept into her tone.

“A couple of months ago I got shot, and we had to fix the damage. It wasn’t hard but after that, since we’re so far out here, we’re hours from help right now so Jet decided to get some practice fixing me incase something worse happened. She built a body to my design plans, so she could get used to working without actually risking damaging me.. Jet planned to dismantle it again....”

“So nobody even wanted me?”

The thought had escaped his mouth before his mind managed to catch up to it. He wasn’t admitting to it.... no way.

Anika glared at him, sitting herself upright. “I did. It was just....I...” she took a few moments to search for the words. “I saw the finished frame and it was the same as me inside so it had all the potential to do things and enjoy life and have fun that I did, so I convinced her to wave it. A few days later, we saw we were getting you and we had to figure out to do.”

Shinji looked up at her. There was a spark in her eyes that seemed to set her hair aflame.

“It was Jet, Ford and Daryl’s idea to do the whole not telling you thing.... they thought it’d be easier on you if you figured it out by yourself rather than dropping you in it. That’s why they didn’t tell you about Rei.”

He frowned.

“The plan was to do it gradually... to get you used to the idea of being here, used to us, of being an android, and then being a doppel.

“Doppel?”

“It’s what we call androids based on fictional character,”

“I see,”

He was looking at his feet, two little mountains bumping up in the bedsheets.

“We hoped to make friends first so that when we finally told you what you were we’d be able to support you.” Shinji stared at her. “It was a boneheaded plan,” she deadpanned.

Shinji offered her the merest of smiles.

“So either this is the real world, and I’m just a copy of a fictional Shinji Ikari. Or, I’m the real Shinji Ikari and this is all a figment of my mind, my mind trying to keep me trapped in my own mind because the real world is too horrible to live in,”

Anika sighed. “It’s a lot to take in,”

He didn’t doubt that she believed herself. He looked at her, then at his own reflection in the glass, and out to the rock surface beyond.

He found himself nodding gently. “I appreciate you telling me straight. I’m not sure I can believe it....but “ He swallowed a fat lump in his throat. “But thanks.”

“Search your feelings Shinji, you know it to be true,”

“I don’t want it to be.” he said, softly.

“Why?” she asked him. Her expression was a picture of compassion.

His gaze fell to the floor. “I don’t,”

And he didn’t know how to continue that. It lit up every single nerve in his body to even think it could possibly be the truth. Every fibre of his being railed against the idea.... every feeling, every sensation told him it just had to be in his mind somehow

“I’ll leave you to think about it. Rei’ll be here in about eighteen hours or so, but Kotono’s outside if you’d like to talk to someone.

“And you?”

Shinji’d decided to like her. She was the only one, aside from Mackie, who’d spoken straight to him. She was the only one who told him the truth.... or at least she hadn’t lied to him as she’d seen it.

“I have work up in the control room.” she said “If you want to get around by yourself without walking, head down to the motorpool and Ford’ll give you something”

Shinji nodded along. The offer was implied, but he didn’t really intend on taking her up on it.

He wanted so desperately for this just to be another elseworld. Another dream brought on by the Eva, by the sea of LCL, by... Giant Naked Rei. Another fantasy. Another escape.

He closed his eyes one final time, conjuring up every mental image he thought comprised himself. Every vile thing he’d done, every moment where he’d lied, or hidden, or failed to do what was necessary. Every hurt he’d caused. Every person who’d died because he was a coward, or because he was careless.

Asuka....

He formed that all into an image of Shinji Ikari in his mind then offered it up to the God’s as proof that he could recognise himself and that it was time he was allowed back to real world.

But the God’s didn’t listen.

He opened them, and Anika was still sitting there with an expectant look on her face, waiting for him to do something. He was still in that bare concrete room with a shining mylar blanket around his waist.

Outer space was still just outside his window.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

“I’ll see you later,” she said, standing up once more.

Again, all he could do was nod and watch he leave. The door locked shut behind her, sealing him in.

Alone again, he held his hand over his face.

His fingers twitched. They felt like his fingers. He gripped a fist as hard as he could, feeling nails dig into his palm, nipping just a little. After a few seconds, he released.

Red marks left by his nails slowly faded.

“It’s my hand,” he breathed.

His armed flopped down beside him. Still just as heavy as it always was. He turned over, staring at his reflection in the glass.

It’d be easier to keep from thinking about it if he had something to listen to.

-----

“Just remember. How many personal problems in Evangelion could’ve been solved if someone had bothered to bite the bullet and communicate clearly for once?”

“How many times do I have to admit I was wrong?”
________________________________
--m(^0^)m-- Wot, no sig?

[robkelk]

“Just remember. How many personal problems in Evangelion could’ve been solved if someone had bothered to bite the bullet and communicate clearly for once?”

“How many times do I have to admit I was wrong?”

"Just once," replied Yayoi, "as long as you know what you were wrong about. Jet, I know what it's like to not say what I was really feeling... all right, that was the original me, not the me that's here in this world, but I still know. Not saying what I should have said caused a lot of pain to somebody I care about."
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[ECSNorway]

... meanwhile, in Marsden's RV...

"No, Christopher, it will not get us there faster if you get out and push. Sit down and drive."
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Dartz]

Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue.

It feels like scriptfic.

Jet arrived at the control room with something under her arm. Her rollerblades whined as she glided across the floor, coming to a halt beside Anika. The android was buried in her work. not noticing Jet’s approach until her reflection loomed up in the monitor.

Anika started, catching her breath a half-second later.

“I can’t believe you still went ahead with morning training.”

“It helps clear my head,” Jet answered with a smile.

Scratches and dents still covered the self-healing plastic crash-padding she wore. Restrictors hissed as she moved, placing the object on desk between two monitors. It was a standard mail drone, with a cargo compartment in it’s midsection. She tugged a USB key out of her ear, and plugged it into the drone.

It clicked, then popped open.

“I spoke with Shinji,” Anika said.

“Oh?”

“I did what I said I would. I told him where we both came from and what he was. I spoke to him like he was an android.” She took a breath. “He was pretty calm about it. He thinks that we’re either telling the truth, or that it’s a fantasy created by his mind because the real world is too horrible.”

Jet looked at her.

“He told me that he’d prefer it was a fantasy,” Anika said. “But at least, he’s open to the idea of this being real.”

A lightning bolt of inspiration struck the cyber.

“Because if it was a fantasy, he could wake up from it. He’d rather be on that beach, then here.”

“Frigga might be a bit lonely, but it’s a hell of a lot better than where he thinks he came from. What kind of life would that be?”

“I don’t know,” said Jet, a worried expression crawling across her features. She glanced at the monitors in front of her. “I don’t know why he’d rather live there.”

Anika looked up at her, pondering a moment before a flickering light demanded her attention. Jet plugged something from the drones bay into her earr

Anika punched a few keys on the panel. The light went out moments later.

She exhaled a sigh. “That’s another thing. Attacks on our network have gone up lately since news of Shinji started getting out. A lot of people are curious about him.” Her face curled up into a frown. “And some are less than scrupulous about getting their information.”

Jet didn’t seem too worried.

“Anybody get anything?”

Anika scowled at her, eyes beaming daggers in her direction. “I thought you’d have more faith in me than that!”

Jet raised her metal arms in surrender. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“You better!” Anika smirked at her, a playful gleam in her eyes. “What’s hitting us is amateur grade stuff anyway, nothing I can’t handle,” Her chest inflated with pride, expanding to accommodate her growing ego. It was nothing at all before the might of the flame-haired cyber-warrior.

“Don’t tempt fate,” Jet warned. “Anyway, you know I sent Shinji’s spec’s off to A.C, right?”

Anika nodded. “Unh,”

“She built up a frame to those specifications. She figured out how to modify your systems to overcome Flint’s little glitch,” A smile crept across her lips, “It looks pretty straightforward,”

Anika’s face lit up. “Really?” It took her mind a few moments catch up with what that implied. “Can you do it here?”

“Isn’t that why we built Shinji?”

“Just think, I can get properly angry at people and not be perpetually afraid of fainting like an idiot mid-rant. I can finally let it all out. I can soak in a hot-tub without feeling like my mind is turning to treacle... I can....”

She stopped dead in her tracks. The cheer drained out of her face.

“What?”

“I just realised. If Shinji hadn’t tripped out yesterday, I don’t know how I would’ve calmed him down.” Her voice shrunk back down into her throat. She smiled wanly. “I never thought that feature’d do something good,”

“We’ll, I’ll have to study this a little bit more but I should be able to do this whenever you want me to.”

Anika was twirling her hair between her fingers, “I’m just thinking about doing it with Shinji.”

Jet visibly fought to suppress a snigger.

“Pfft, Dirty minds,” Anika huffed.

“Freudian slip?”

“No!”

Exocomps outside winced. She was on her feet, arms folded across her chest, glaring as hard as she could manage.

“I believe you, thousands wouldn’t.”

Anika rolled her eyes. Clearly she would have to be the more mature person. She sat herself back down with a huff.

“Now that I think of it, It might be a good idea to have A.C. do Shinji’s modifications,” Jet said after waiting a few moments.” I’ll be heading out there anyway in a couple of weeks to get my hardware serviced and it’ll do him good to get off of here.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Anika said, gently. She kept her arms folded across her chest, protecting herself.

“I understand, but I’d like to get another pair of eyes on him anyway and make sure he’s put together right. Many eyes make shallow bugs and all that.” She took a breath. “It’s worth it for peace of mind at least.”

“I guess.” Anika sighed.

Jet plucked something from the drone’s bay, carefully inspecting it in her hands.

“Micro-projector?”

Jet nodded. “A.C. sent it for Shinji.”

“Going to run it down to him?”

She thought about it.

“No..... Let him come an get it here, make him leave the apartment. I’ll find a USB key and add the message archive to that too.”

Anika gave her an aside glance. “You aren’t avoiding him, are you?”

Jet nodded. “I’ll just bother him like the last time. ”

“What about the puppet?”

Obviously.

“That’s resting in Ford’s bed right now.” A beat. “And it’d only confuse him,”

“Resting?” Anika spocked an eyebrow.

“Ford’s working with the new Exocomps,.

She held up a single finger, “Ah.”

She tapped at a few keys. The console in front of her emitted is a sharp electronic chirp. ‘TITANIC is syncing’ came up in flickering green characters on the monitor in front of her, followed by a scrolling list of each individual node in the system as the update spread out among them.

“The update to the client’s finished at least. It’s ready for the Paranoia LARP on Saturday.”

“Good,” said Jet, her expression going firm.

“I’m sure they’d understand if we postponed it.”

“We can’t afford to,” Jet stated. “They’d understand alright. They’d also want their deposit back, and we’ve already spent that on those exocomps.”

The scrolling continued, a few individual lines highlighted in red for an instant as they flickered past.

“Some of the Exocomps didn’t like the update.... as usual.”

“Send me the redlist and I’ll reboot them manually, I’ve some time to kill before the Piano movers get here.”

Anika mailed the list with a few keystrokes. “Piano movers?”

“Yayoi sent a piano,” Jet explained. “There’s two cellos on the way along witha few gigabytes of music on that holoprojector, all classical.” A grin spread across Jet’s face. “I’m going to have to throw in some real classics into there.”

“Like what?”

Anika was almost afraid.

“A little Pink Floyd for one thing.”

“He’s messed up enough as it is!”

“Hah!” Jet barked. “Well there’s no accounting for taste. Some just have none I guess.”

Anika pursed her lips into a sour pout, sticking her tongue out. Jet gave her a mollifying smile. The console creaked out a protest as the cyber leant back against it.

“Speaking of music.” she took a deep breath, “Noah recommended a professional psychiatrist.”

“Oh?”

Anika looked oddly worried.

“I’m thinking of contacting her.”

Jet sounded almost like she was fishing for someone to talk her into it.

“You know it’s what he needs,” Anika answered.

Jet just nodded.

TITANIC continued to work, while both of them waited for the other to speak.

Jet broke the silence first. “Call me an idiot. But, this is making me feel like a fool who can’t even look after one kid.”

The undercurrent of frustration in her voice was plainly obvious.

“If you can’t put aside personal pride for the sake of a boy who needs help, then you are an idiot.”

Anika’s expression was firm.

Jet sighed, “I know.”

He armour scratched as she crossed her legs. She was turning it over in her mind. It wasn’t quite as simple as that. Survival Shot’s business relied on their collective reputations to operate and reputation was a finnicky thing.

Especially amongst the anonymous commentators on the darker parts of the interwave who didn’t have to worry about the consequences of their opinions.

“I’ll contact her,”

Jet’s voice seemed to have shrunk back down inside her armour

“Who is she?”

“Kat Avins. She lives on Grovers,” Jet said. “I met her once when I was a courier, about ten years ago.”

“Oh. What’s she like?”

Jet shrugged her shoulders again, “I asked her for directions to where Mikuru was staying and that was it.”

“Oh.” She thought for a moment, putting her finger to her lips. “So she probably doesn’t know about us then?”

“No,” Jet shook her head, before folding her arms across her chest. “And Marsden shouldn’t either.”

The implication was obvious.

“So we’re moving the Knightwing?”

“Yeah, I’ll have Mackie fly it and our hardware to the Raven’s Garage.”

“And the SilkyDoll?”

Jet stretched her body out, yawning. “Well,” she smirked, “We’re entitled to a little private place to relax, aren’t we?”

“Naturally,”

-------

Also, something that seemed like a cool idea. But most definitely not 'canon' (Unless requested). Big Friggan Gundam doesn't just redline the cool meter, it goes right through it and spins around the other side. But it's a fun moment.

“Outer hatch seven is open!”

“Let me go out! Let me fight!”

--------

“What is that?”

“It’s a Gunda...” The transmission was cut off by a scream, then hissed to static.

----

The music was playing. A single violin.

Target in the centre, pull the switch. The railgun thumped, a shock travelling through the mecha’s frame. Shinji felt the shudder through his seat. A moment later, the target spacecraft disintegrated into a puffball of expanding gas and debris.

It didn’t have time to register. Alarms in the cockpit blared warnings at him. With a rebel’s yell he gripped at the throttles, jinking the mech hard to his right. It’s engines howled. Starburst flares spat from launchers on the feet and on the wingtips. Missiles burst against the decoys, jinking and spiralling through clouds of chaff and debris.

A few made it through, tracked by the 105’s sensors and relayed onto the onboard displays.

A kick from the vernier thrusters turned the machine to his left, pirouetting in open space. Shinji brought the shield up. The remain missiles splashed against it, scorching the surface. The outer layers cracked and spalled off.

Shinji raised the railgun, aiming for the spacecraft that’d fired on him. It was squat and black, malevolant looking with a red glow from it’s engines. It was faceless and smoking, spitting sparks of bullets. He centred the targeting reticle on it.

Target in the centre, pull the switch.

This one spiralled, leaving a corkscrew contrail.

“Archangel one, Archangel one this is Brown Leader. We’ll keep those fighters off your back., Just concentrate on the leaders.”

“This is Archangel. I copy.”

Still 4:41 on the batteries. Twenty seconds had seemed like an eternity. Cockpit temperature was negative twenty Celsius and Shinji still felt scalding hot inside. It was already starting to climb. Radiator panels in the wings were already reaching the top of the green zone.

Shinji clamped his mask tight to his face, breathing deep of the refrigerated air.

Alerts flickered up on his monitor, warning of a jammed actuator in the right wing, sticking it at a positive forty-five degree angle to the usual horizontal reference line. Damage? he thought at first. No, probably just failed on it’s own.

A quick adjustment of the left wing compensated for the fault.

Another attacker dove on him from above, riding a column of arc-light as it accelerated towards him. Instinctively, he covered the mecha’s head with it’s shield. Coilgun darts splashed against it, armour layers abrading away. Stray rounds pattered against the shoulders and wings.

More alarms warned of coolant spraying from the right wing radiators and the permanently unused hardpoint on the right shoulder. He had just enough time to train his railgun on it before three missile slammed into his attackers fuselage. It cracked open like an egg full of white gas and tinfoil.

“Archangel, Brown Leader, Sorry we missed that one.”

“That’s okay.” Shinji managed to transmit back, before realising it didn’t sound very proper at all.

Everything was moving outside. Darting and diving. Pitching and rolling. Four big transports slogged along beneath a veil of CIWS and point-defence missiles, escorted by at least two squadrons of enemy fighters.

A fifth straggler was split through the middle by sustained gunfire. It buckled and crumpled, the atmosphere inside bursting out and breaking it’s back. Shinji recognised the cruciform engines of the Dragon Wagon driving straight through between both halves of the wreck.

“This is the Wagon. This is the Wagon. We got one of the transports but we’re out of ammo.”

Mackie’s voice. Shinji thumbed open a comm-link automatically.

“This is Archangel. I’m coming at you.”

“Just keep those fighters off our back for a minute. Try and draw them off the transports.”

He thrusted towards the cruiser. 4:23 left on the batteries. He saw an old Blackbird trailing smoke from one of it’s engines, being harassed by a single enemy Swordfish. Target in the centre, pull the switch. The Gundam’s software did the rest.

The attacker broke off with a hole through it’s wing trailing vapour.

“Good shooting!” someone called out over the comm-net. It brought a brief smile to his face.

Cockpit temperature was starting to edge above zero degrees. Battery thermal gauges were well into the yellow zone. One of the field guide vanes for the vernier thrusters had taken a hit. It was still running, but was down on power.

The armour on the shield was depolarising in places. Some plating had come off his legs. The radiators in the right wing had drained entirely and one of his hydraulic systems was loosing pressure fast. There were still three other circuits, the port wing was undamaged. And that plating always fell off under heavy maneuvering.

He was gasping for air, struggling to keep himself cool. Space was whirling around him while alerts clamoured for his rapidly diminishing intelligence. He jinked the Gundam out of the way of another incoming salvo. Brown 3 killed the attacker. Another three were diving down from above...

Was it just him, or was everyone suddenly concentrating on him?

“Archangel, Archangel. Good work. Keep drawing their attention we’re making a run to capture the lead ship.”

Jet’s voice confirmed everything he suspected. He was too hopped up on whatever the artificial intelligence equivalent of adrenaline to care. This was a bad idea. This had been a bad idea.

Another round of missile warnings confirmed that suspicion too.

A quick glance at the display beside him told him what suspiciously apropos music the computer had chosen. It was 40 seconds into Bach’s Air on a G-String.

He caught two missiles on the shield and one on the leg, and cursed not being able to turn something that morbid and creepy off. The shield’s armour depolarised and began it’s recharge countdown while for the first time in years he wished he’d been in an entry plug.

Another Swordfish was diving onto an attack run.

Target in the centre. Pull the switch.

Shinji piloting a GAT-105X defending somewhere against a raid. Why? Because I just finished building one.
________________________________
--m(^0^)m-- Wot, no sig?

[Foxboy]

Add the fact that almost all Gundams get stolen or used IMMEDIATELY after completion....
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[robkelk]

Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue.

It feels like scriptfic.

Just because I write dialogue-heavy stories doesn't mean everybody else has to...
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012