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From the rewrite of Making Uzumaki : Haku and Naruto have caught up with some of Zabuza's other former minions and are herding them into line, but first they need to clear up a few things.
Quote:"Well, I hate to say this, and I don't mean to offend you none, but you kinda... really need a new look."
Haku blinked in confusion. "What?"
"I mean, the whole 'dude looks like a lady' thing, you kinda pull it off really good... but its pretty creepy. I mean wearing pink is one thing, but panties... and... well... are those falsies? I mean seriously, man... t-that just ain't right. Makes a guy feel a bit unsettled in his sexuality if you get my meaning..."
Haku paused for a moment before face palming with a groan. "I'm actually a girl you idiot."
He blinked. "No, you're just pullin' my leg. You've gotta be. You've said you're a boy one too many times for me to buy that..."
"Really," Naruto added. "She is."
He blinked. "How'd you know?"
"Bath accident," Naruto stated wearing a blush and an indignant look from Haku, "Don't ask the details."
"You mean you've seen the goods... and he's a she... that means those soldier pills were hidden in..." his eyes went wide and he was blasted backwards by two fonts of blood exploding from his nostrils.
Kuri stood in place for a moment and then fist pumped into the air. "Waho! Still straight!"
Everyone looked at him. It was an awkward silence.
"Stupid sexy Haku."
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No, I don't believe the world has gone mad. In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.
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From The Sea of Knowledge, an interesting twist on a Zero no Tsukaima summoning fic. The short version of the opening -- summoning fails, Louise's mind is sent to another world spending time as an infomorph in a computer system before being drawn back to her body. But at least she returns with the knowledge gained over 60 megaseconds as a digital life form with free access to the data networks of the other world. Of course she also returns with a great annoyance with the limitations of a physical body.
Colbert on the other hand is excited by the knowledge she's gained and offers to take her on as an assistant so she has an excuse to remain at the school despite the failed summoning...
Quote:“Oh, right, computers. People who compute for living.” Louise finally answered.
Colbert raised an eyebrow. “You thought I was referring to something else?”
Louise nodded. “In the world of the
Sea, the word ‘computer’ refers to a machine that computes. What I would
like to do is to try and construct such a machine. A very crude and
slow by the standards of the Sea, but one that would be able to outdo a
human computer none the less.”
The professor perked up. “Machines
that replace computers? How fascinating. I assume that such would
eliminate human errors from the process?”
Louise nodded.
“Excellent. Those are always annoying when they crop up. And crop up they do. How fast could such a machine compute?”
“Well, the computers – the
computation machines that is – from the world of the sea can do
trillions of calculations per second, but those are numerous orders of
magnitude more sophisticated that what we could… Professor?” Upon
noticing the completely flaggerbasted expression on Professor Colbert’s
face, Louise stopped.
“Are you all right, Professor?”
Colbert had taken off his glasses, and was using both of his hands to rub his face and forehead.
After a minute, he stopped long enough to glance at Louise and say a quick “No, I’m not,” before resuming the activity.
Louise waited. Inside, her thoughts
were churning. She didn’t know what had happened to Colbert. What had
she said that had caused such a reaction? Had she done something wrong?
What was Colbert going to do? Could she help him somehow? Should she get
a maid? A healer? The headmaster? What had she done to cause that? Was
it her explanation? Was… It was her explanation, was it not? Trillions
of calculations per second. Right. Oops.
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Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.
Herr Bad Moon
Unregistered
LilFluff Wrote:From The Sea of Knowledge, an interesting twist on a Zero no Tsukaima summoning fic. The short version of the opening -- summoning fails, Louise's mind is sent to another world spending time as an infomorph in a computer system before being drawn back to her body. But at least she returns with the knowledge gained over 60 megaseconds as a digital life form with free access to the data networks of the other world. Of course she also returns with a great annoyance with the limitations of a physical body.
Colbert on the other hand is excited by the knowledge she's gained and offers to take her on as an assistant so she has an excuse to remain at the school despite the failed summoning...
Mentioning infomorph makes me think of Eclipse Phase, cuz if Louise went there shit would be fuuuuuuuuuucked up for her.
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Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"
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There's a different fic (also on SB) where that happens, though she gets bodily summoned - and only has magic when in her original body, and the element is different when she lets someone else sleeve into it temporarily. I don't think it's updated for a while, though, and I can't remember the thread title.
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"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
The Wanderer
Unregistered
CD, I've been spending time in an Okami context lately, and your .sig's reference to a "top-secret Moon Cave" in a Sailor Moon context just produced some unfortunate associations...
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I have no context for Okami, but, er, sorry for making you break out the brain bleach I suppose.
Having been reading mostly variations on Worn fic lately, I'm a bit short on funny to link - even the good ones mostly just swing the grimderp to drama or, in highlight moments, awesome.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
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It's hard to pick a quote-worthy bit from A Bright and Bitter Flame without just dumping the whole thing, but the latest chapter is always worth it.
Quote:“Then think of it as a favor you’re doing her, then. Does a nice
lady like that deserve a daughter who can’t go three days without
causing an international incident and is on on the WWF’s most-wanted
list?”
Jan stared at her. “What’d you do to the World Wrestling Federation? Do I want to know? I probably don’t want to know.”
“The World Wildlife Fund,” Lucy corrected flatly.
“Oh.” Jan frowned. “What did you do to the World Wildlife Fund? Aside from hit a bunch of migratory waterfowl with a stick.”
“Allegedly hit a bunch of migratory waterfowl with a stick.”
Lucy sighed. “Did you know that yeti are technically classed as wildlife
in spite of having a complicated social structure, a language, and a
tax code?”
Jan’s lip twitched. “Okay, let’s go find some school photos of you.”
“See? I knew you’d see it my way.”
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
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Been reading "Midst Toil and Tribulation" by David Weber and found a funny bit
Character is riding a horse thru a sleet storm, and thinks:It's so nice that we're officially into spring. Now if only someone would tell the weather that. Soon, I hope.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/ ... vo.277174/
Hey Baby, Wanna see me Kill Titans Really Fast?
In the Grim Dark Future of mankind... Johnny Bravo is a Titan Pilot. 3 parts and a fourth bit which is only an intro to a new chapter that isn't written. ignorable really. Don't Post in the thread I only found it due to someone necroing it.
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Quote:Sure and my own family is a gift from the Almighty -- which is a fine thing, since I certainly wouldn't hav paid for them.
-- Brother Ulm, Corbettite Railway Monk, Girl Genius, 14 March 2014
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Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
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Seen on a members-only forum: Quote:Revenge is sweet, Revenge is a dish best served cold. Revenge is Ice cream
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/ ... t-13546618
Quote:“It's settled, then!” Dennis announced, leaping to his feet and making a grand gesture, on foot up on his chair and arm pointed dramatically into the distance. “To the computertron! We have an internet to search!”
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"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV
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Quote:"Die, magician!" one of the priests shouted, coming at me. Lightsabers seemed pretty much the weapon of choice here, and I felt a ridiculous urge to tell them there lack of faith disturbs me.
Then I realized I was casting myself as Darth Vader and sighed.
At least you finally know the power of the darkside, Lash reassured me, and I decided that being able to squeeze a Star Wars quote out of her made the whole being on the wrong side of the force worth it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/topic/88086/ ... ters-Block
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.
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Quote:“Oh god…” If I could overthink Naruto’s dialogue enough to be confused by it, thinking he meant more than he let on, how would other ninja respond? Used to the head-games, used to the veiled meanings and hidden messages? He was their worst nightmare. He was literally brilliantly obtuse because he wasn’t even good enough at saying what he wanted to say in a way that was unambiguous. He could probably screw up asking a girl if she wanted to hang out and make her think he wanted to have sex or something equally stupid. What place was there for a person like him in a society filled with quadruple feints in dialogue?
“What?” Naruto tilted his head further. “Something I said?”
I heard something of a whimper escape my own lips. “You’re a magnificent bastard and you don’t even know why.”
“Thanks!” Naruto flashed me a grin, one that barely obscured incomprehension behind a basking in the obvious words of praise.
Or was that what he wanted me to think?
http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/ ... t-13626500
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"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV
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So, I've been reading http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/ ... ou.285190/]Biting the Hand that Feeds You, thanks to Fred's recommendation over in the "New Fics" thread, and it's just chock-full of choice bits. Do not miss this round-robin if you like well-written crackfic comedy.
However, it was this short "out of story" sequence, written by several thread contributors, that made me stifle laughter here at work. Quote:Quote:Quote:"Lord Voldemort?" Asked the faceless mook.
"What?"
"It appears that the Potter boy has the Sorting Hat. It may interfere with the attack."
Voldemort sighed. "I knew this day would come."
"My lord?"
"To counter the Sorting Hat, we need a magical talking artifact of equal power."
The mook's non-existant eyes widened. "M-My lord, surely you don't mean-"
"Bring me the Scarf of Sexual Preference." Ordered Voldemort.
The mook slowly entered the chambers, torch light flickering and casting long shadows upon the rows of kneeling death eaters.
Solemnly, with head bowed, the mook approached the throne at the head of room. Upon reaching the foot of the throne, he dropped silently to his knees, hands held out before him.
In his hands was a deep purple hand knit scarf.
Voldemort rose from his throne, and gracefully plucked the scarf away from his mook. He gazed upon its splendor, the quality in its craftsmanship obvious to even the least discerning eye. Delicately, he wrapped the scarf around his neck, until both ends hang in front of him.
The ends lift into the air on their own, floating one over the other into a loose facsimile of lips.
The scarf's new mouth opened up.
"... Fabulous."
Sotto voce to audience: In today's production, the role of the Scarf of Sexual Preference will be voiced by Tim Curry.
-- Bob
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Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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Quote:"We've fought alien hordes, elder demons and Senate subcommittees. We can handle it."
Lateral Transfer (Buffy/Avengers/other): www.tthfanfic.org/Story-30132-5/batzulg ... ansfer.htm
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"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV
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From yet another "What if Taylor got a different power?" fic, Acceleration, part 2.9
Quote:I took a deep breath and yelled as loud as I could. "Hey! Enough!"
I got their attention. The beams of energy that had been thrown around
stilled. Even Glory Girl stopped her attempting to pound the suit of
armor into the ground.
Incandescence exhaled before speaking. "Enough? What exactly are you going to do if we don't stop?"
I hoped what I was about to say was absurd enough to throw them off. I
could almost guarantee they wouldn't take it seriously. "I have a bird
bath and I'm not afraid to use it."
...
Quote:"Taylor," Shawna asked slowly, drawing my attention. "Did you just use a
birdbath to take out a group of villains and a member of New Wave?"
"Not just a birdbath,"
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Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.
Quote:Arthur grinned seeing Molly stutter. Turning to the goblin, he bowed. "Sir, you are the nicest person I have held up at knife point this month. Please pass my family's grateful appreciation to Lord Potter."
Core threads is hilarious.
-People may die, but ideas are forever. Je suis Charlie.
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Quote:Ron groaned, and buried his face in his hands. "Of course the Ravenclaw head of house creates a challenge filled with intricate math calculations. Talk about sadistic."Apparently Ron had spoken a bit too loudly, because one of the Ravenclaws to their left turned to face them. "You're kidding, right? Compared to Professor McGonagall's course?"
"Professor McGonagall," Ron said, drawing himself up with wounded dignity, "might set vicious, snarling predators with a thirst for blood on students, but at least she has the decency not to make them do math."
From Forging the Sword, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3557725/14 ... -the-Sword]Chapter 14, by Myst Shadow.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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From today's Girl Genius: Quote:Gil: Whenever we encounter something we can't explain, that's when Science advances!
Higgs: ... Screaming, I'd imagine.
Gil: Well, yes. But with excitement!
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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Quote:The BFPG 4010 jolted her whole body and she staggered back as a wall of rainbow death erupted from the gun. Everything in front of Andy was washed away in a biblical flood of color. It was a prismatic orgy, the likes of which hadn’t been seen since the 60s. Andy just kept her finger on the trigger. Colors mixed in ways gods never intended: Tideland Pearl and Misty Rose, Harvest Yellow and African Violet. She couldn’t look directly into the spray, which would be like having liquid rainbows injected directly into her eyes. But she knew the waves of colors were demolishing everything, like a Care Bare execution squad purging a village of dissidents. Empty paint cans rained from the BFPG 4010 like spent shell casings from a machine gun. Drusilla was using her vampiric speed to keep the belt fed with fresh paint cans. The back wall flickered at fourteen colors per second.
Quote:“GAY-PRIDE HULK SMASH THE MATRAIRCHY!” The multi-colored beast screamed as he hit Mama Bell Grande so hard that physics temporarily broke. The scene of Gay-Pride Hulk hitting her had to rewind and replay in slow motion two more times as time tried to get back to its feet and start flowing normal again.
The Hulk vs. Modern Feminism www.tthfanfic.org/Story-29348-5/RedIAm+ ... minism.htm
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"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV
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From Andrew Joshua Talon, an astonishingly entertaining and funny Evangelion crossover snippet - The Rainbow Connection.
It's short enough that I can't really quote any of it without spoiling the whole thing, but by all means go read it.
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No, I don't believe the world has gone mad. In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.
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Taylor Hebert Wrote:"Dennis," I said, shaking my head. "This is how it starts. Today you're making excuses, in a month you'll be a warlord ruling the city's underworld with an iron fist." Said by Taylor Hebert to Clockblocker, while discussing his ongoing romance with Tattletale, in Jacobk's new story Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragonfly
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Sucrose Octanitrate.
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Naruto stood up and started to leave when Sakura called out, "Where are you going?"
"Shadow clone jutsu," Naruto replied, creating a clone to take his place and walking out the classroom door.
"I just can't sit here and do nothing," the clone replied. "I am bored beyond belief, so I made a clone to take my place."
"Naruto, you dork, you can't just leave a clone in your place!" she complained.
"Especially when it's this boring," the clone agreed. "Shadow clone jutsu!" the clone called out making a clone to take its place and leaving.
Sakura stared at the new clone who sat there drumming his fingers on the desk. "Did Naruto's clone just make a clone or is this a genjutsu?"
"He made a clone," the clone replied, bored. "And I can see why. How long are we expected to wait?"
"It's been less than five minutes," Iruka pointed out from the front of the class where he was doing paperwork.
"Exactly!" the clone exclaimed. "I can't just sit around here forever! Shadow clone jutsu!" The clone ran off leaving a slightly calmer clone in its place.
Sasuke, Sakura, and Iruka turned to stare at the new clone.
"What?" the clone asked, already beginning to drum its fingers on the desk.
www.fanfiction.net/s/10295866/57/Yet-Ev ... -Fragments Didn't use quotes because they wouldn't work right for some reason. Only the first line was getting quoted. Weird.
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"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV
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Quote:"Irritating mortal," Moryo roared. "No matter what tricks you
bring to bear, so long as human hatred exists I cannot be destroyed!
Soon you will tire, and then I shall devour you."
"Yeah, yeah, you
said that already. Don't you have any better lines?" Naruto complained.
"Hey, I just realized something. Does that mean every time I blow up
one of your heads you have to use up a bunch of hate to grow it back?
'Cause at this rate I think we could have world peace in a few hours."
Indomitable, chp. 12.
http://m.fanfiction.net/s/5207262/12/
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.
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