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Black Aeronaut · 10-27-2006, 03:47 AM

Okay... I've been a busy little boy lately and during that time I ran accross a book in the Borders Express in my mall called Flight Vol. 3. Now, while I don't necissarily judge a book by it's cover, this one caught my eye and I started flipping through it.
Turns out that its a series of short comics collected from people who are reputed to be excelent story tellers. One story in particual caught my attention: Polaris by Azad Injejikian.
Despite the way the story ends I like it, but I still feel so terrible for poor little Amelia Zot. And so, in my writing project where we never know who or what we're gonna run into next, I figured, what the hell. It'd be interesting if he had an adopted daughter...
Oh, and BTW, Amelia Zot is used with permission from Azad Injejikian. References for Earthsong, however, I'm still waiting to hear back on - until then they're used without permission.

It was saddening to see yet another perished world especially when it was Earth. Some Earths were glassed radioactive cinders left over from a terrible war. Others were polluted to death barren rocky lands bathed in caustic mists or lifeless arid wastes where harsh winds blow with fantastic force.
This was a water world, a place without a single trace of dry land. The Ice Caps, for one reason or another, had melted down, but not boiled off. It was one of the more common scenarios for worlds that had mismanaged their efforts to control air pollution.
My task here was a simple one: search for survivors.
It was a disheartening one at that. Command knew already from the reports of our probes that I wasnt likely to find many survivors, if any at all. Thus, all I was given was a single Pegasus scout craft.
After a day of intensive sensor sweeps I was about to make ready to break orbit when the computer warbled for my attention. A single human life sign had been detected. It was a weak, yet steady sign and more than enough reason for me to go down there for a closer look.
I found her in the northern polar region, floating in the water under what appeared to be something like an oil-derrick. With great care, I eased the Pegasus into the water next to her. I then slipped out onto the hull of the craft, spooking a seagull in the process, and smoothly scooped her from the water. She was a beautiful little girl who could be no more than eight years old, with fair hair and skin.
That fair skin had suffered. It was red, blotchy and cracked from who knew how many days under a harsh, unforgiving sun and bone-chilling nights.
Gently, I ran my I ran my right hand over the tortured skin of her face the worst affected area healing it with the tissue regenerator built into that hand. Within a few moments work her face was restored and taking on a healthy bronze tone. And yet, a troubled ex-pression darkened that face.
Mommy, she whimpered. Mommy Please dont leave, Mommy Take me with you Mommy, please It was more than I could take, even now as I write this account. Tears stung my eyes as I felt my heart break for this poor little orphan.
Oh my God, I cried softly as I held her close to my chest and wept for her. You poor thing. You poor innocent thing. Im so sorry.
Suddenly I felt her little arms wrap around my chest and hold to me tightly. She held me so tightly that I dont think I could have made her let go, even if I had wanted to. I then knew that she was wakeful enough to hear my words, to know what sorrow I felt for her. I then knew that I would never make her let go of me, nor could I let go of her.
I swear to you, little one. I will protect you, always.
***
Shortly after I got her inside the scout crafts tiny, yet serviceable, sickbay and got her to drink a restorative. As I prepared the bio-bed for her, I noticed that she watched every movement I made. But then as I moved my hands, I noticed that it was not necessarily what I was doing that she was watching. She was watching me as I was not skinned and wore no gloves.
Oh, I guess you noticed that Im not normal, huh? I said when I realized this, holding up my left hand and wiggling my fingers so she could see it working. She did so with what appeared to be morbid fascination. She then looked at me as though to ask what had happened to me.
Well, I had a bad accident a long, long time ago, I explained as I continued to ready the bio-bed. The only way I could live something like a normal life was to be given this machine-body. Its not as nice as having a normal body, but I can do things no normal humans can because of it. You could say that Im special.
She looked at me in wonder and curiosity at that. I smiled back at her that was much better than the morbid fascination she had earlier. I then went to her and gently scooped her up. At first she froze, frightened at what it would be like to touch me she apparently didnt remember too much about me carrying her in here. But then, she relaxed as I carried to the bio-bed and then set her down. She then looked at me in startled amazement. I could tell what she was thinking. How could someone made of metal be soft? Suddenly, she reached out and poked my right arm and felt the myomer under my jumpsuit yield. I smiled.
Yeah, it is pretty amazing, isnt it?
She nodded her head in reply.
Anyways, this bed is a special machine. If you lay down on it, it will heal you. The only thing is, though, is that you have to be naked for it to work right, so Im going to go
Suddenly she lunged and grabbed me up around my chest, taking me by surprise. That surprise melted into compassion as she then began to sob softly on my chest. Gently, I put my arms around her comfortingly.
Okay, I wont leave, I said softly. Ill just turn around while you get those old clothes off and lay down to let the bed do its work. Okay?
She looked up at me with a tear-streaked face and nodded. I noticed that her skin-tone on her face had darkened considerably since I had healed it earlier a reflex from being out in the sun for so long. This little one was going to have a Cali-girl complexion. Smiling down at her, I gently set her back on the bed, then turned around and stood at ease. I could hear the old tattered clothes and single shoe she wore fall to the deck, and then the sound of the bio-beds tissue regenerators going to work on the girl. It did not take very long, and once it was through, I reached over to a shelf in the bulkhead and handed her a blanket behind me. I waited a moment, and then turned to look at her.
Will I ever learn to always expect the unexpected?
There she was, with the blanket wrapped around her. This wouldnt have been strange except that the bottom edge of the blanket was hovering about a couple of decimeters above the deck. With no sign of feet or legs underneath it.
Are you a telekinetic? I asked.
She gave me a confused look.
Never mind. Could other people on your world hover like that?
She shook her head.
You were the only one that could do this?
A slow, reluctant nod.
Thats interesting. Ive never heard of anything like this in real life before. Ill save the rest of the questions for later, though. Right now, lets get you dressed in something nice, huh? A slow nod. She seemed so sad, though I couldnt blame her. Everyone she had ever known was dead. However, something about her sadness told me that it was something else as well. Unfortunately, she still seemed to be shell-shocked from the experience, thus words would probably not come easily to her for a while.
Again, I gently grab her up into my arms. She makes no complaints whatsoever and I make sure to snag her old clothes.
This way now, I say as I take her out of the sickbay and into the small common area which doubles as the galley and mess. It was odd to hold her like that since she figuratively weighed nothing, but I could certainly feel her mass as I moved with her. Very curious, indeed. I let her go when I approached the replicator in the room and looked through the old clothes for the tags.
Computer, one childs jumpsuit, size eight, cotton, pink scheme, one pair of childs ship-boots, white, size four, and a set of underclothes. I collected them from the replicator and placed the old ones on a nearby desk, then went to the girl and gently grabbed her up again and took her over to the crew quarters and showed her how to use a sonic shower. Then, afterwards, it was time for a meal she chose spaghetti-and-meatballs from the computers pictographic menu. It was during that meal that I learned, by giving her a PADD to type on, that her name was Amelia Zot. And so, with all those tasks out of the way, Amelia was clean, dressed, fed and much healthier looking.
Well now! You look much better, I told her.
Amelia managed blushed a bit at that and smiled weakly.
Now that weve got all that out of the way, how about we get going?
She gave me a look as though to say, Go where?
My home. Its out in space.
She gave me an incredulous look.
Its true. Come on up to the control room with me, Ill show you. I began to move to the front of the Pegasus and she followed, slowly. Almost reluctantly, Amelia followed. To my eyes, the control room was nothing remarkable, but to someone like Amelia, who was taking all these technological marvels with remarkable stride, simply looked around in awe.
She gave me a mildly surprised look when I gently took her by the shoulders and placed her in the co-pilots seat and activated the safety harness. I smiled as she felt and tugged at the harness experimentally and sat down myself in the pilots seat next to her. She then watched me with fascination as I then began to start the Pegasuss engines once more, running through the checklists as I did so.
I was about to lift off when suddenly the proximity sensors went off, bringing the shields online. Something hit the Pegasus with incredible force and I was glad that Amelia was in the harness. The inertial compensators were not very effective this far into a gravity well, thus the jolt. Automatically, the Pegasus went into Red Alert.
Before I could even assess what was going on, we were pummeled again.
The system popped up a warning at me the matter/antimatter reactor chamber (MARC) could not fully power up the Pegasus for lift-off if we kept on getting pummeled like this. In this landed state the Pegasus was helpless. Maybe if it were a larger, more capable ship, then we wouldnt have this problem. The only option for me was to go outside and face this threat myself.
Youll be safe here, I told Amelia as I got up.
She gave me a horrified look that I read as, Please dont leave me alone!
Im sorry, but I gotta do this. Dont worry Ill be back. I promise. And with that, I left her.

I only had time to don the lightweight flight armor not exactly what I would have liked to face an unknown force with, but it was far better than nothing. Once outside the airlock I got airborne to see what the heck was attacking. I was not dis-appointed as something that resembled a dragon in the ancient Chinese style reared out of the sea. It was huge bug enough to take me in a bite and it had beautiful pearlescent blue scales. However, it was not its size that bothered me. Indeed, I had killed bigger, and potentially more dangerous, bugs on Klendathu. It was what it did next.
You who has taken the gifted child, it said in a great, seismic growl, return her to me and I shall leave you in peace. This situation wasnt exactly good. This thing not only sounded intelligent, but ancient too. Ancient enough that I was picking up the vibe off him. It wasnt necessarily a bad vibe, just a dangerous one. Still, I mastered my fear as I had learned over the years. Ancient dragon or not, I swore an oath to Amelia.
And what is to become of her if I do?
That is none of your concern, strange mortal. My eyes narrowed at this.
I am sorry, ancient one, but in my experience when somebody feeds me that line of bull it usually means nothing good is going to happen.
Your feelings are irrelevant you crass young upstart. You will deliver her to me or I shall devour you.
"No, ancient one. I claim this child as my own and will take her from this place. You no longer have any right to her!"
So be it! snarled the dragon as it then lunged for me. He was fast, almost impossibly fast, but I was ready and dove to the side. Even as I did so, I ignited my plasma sword, the familiar crack and sizzle piercing the air as the blade extended from my left hand, and slashed the beast along his side.
With an outraged growl he recoiled from the strike and I pressed my advantage by letting him have it with my particle beam gun, causing him to roar in pain. Then as I came around for another pass I was given new food for though. The wounds I had inflicted were gone already!
Red light! said Akis voice in my head, coming to the same conclusion I did conventional combat was not gonna get me anywhere with this beast and Id only expend my reactors fuel supply before I knew it. I killed my plasma blade and darted to the side the dragon missed me by the proverbial mile, his jaws snapping shut were I had been. At this moment, I knew that I had to get her out of harms way.
Aki! Get her out of that things reach. Explain the situation while youre at it so she doesnt panic.
Right! With that, I felt her presence withdraw from my mind.
***
Amelia knew that there was something desperately wrong. She knew already that Benjamin, the kind man made of steel, had gone outside to fight some sort of monster. Not only that, she also knew that it wanted her. She didnt know why, she just did it was the same way when someone has an itch that they must scratch it.
Suddenly, on the black glassy-looking panel in front of her, a woman she did not recognize appeared and began to speak.
Amelia! Im going to move the ship away from the battle so that you wont get hurt. Ben said not to worry. As soon as its over Ill call the ship back, okay? Suddenly, Amelia heard a whining crescendo somewhere behind her. Before she even had a chance to even realize that it was coming from somewhere inside the Pegasus, she was suddenly shoved into her seat by some invisible force.
She gasped this was something she had never felt before. Looking around her, she tried to understand why she was feeling this sensation, and then she looked out the windows and gasped once more. The blue sky was slowly fading into darkness. No, not just darkness, a night sky! Suddenly, the stars in that sky shifted as though some great hand had turned the Pegasus, but she hadnt felt like anything had moved.
And then, at the end of this almost nausea inducing sweep, the entire planet swung into view. Last, but not least, a new image flicked onto the display before her eyes. Amelia did not really know what she was looking at she could tell that it portrayed the endless seascape that she had been rescued from. At the bottom was a white bar that had a graph with a regularly pulsing heart icon next to it that pulse and the pattern on the graph was a steady and even one. In that image, squared directly in the center, was a dragon.
Amelia was suddenly filled with a petrifying dread. She had always thought that at least some dragons in fairy tales were nice, but for some reason this one did not feel very nice to her at all. And then, to her even greater confusion, she heard Bens voice.
***
Okay, scaly. So youre some kind of magical creature? Fine then. I can do magical. My Soulstone throbbed gently against my heart as it called out to my weapons and at once they were in my hands, overhand in the left, underhand in the right.
Your weapons shall avail you not! snarled the dragon as it charged for me once more.
You know not what youre up against! I cried out as I darted just to the side and slashed the blade in my left hand along the dragons side. This time, instead of the pained roar, came an ear-splitting screech of agony. Once again, Earthsongs gift was proving invaluable.
The Dragon was the one who stopped this time as he had something to think about.
How in all eternity did you come by such weapons? Such things are not for mortals to wield!
I guess Im just special then, I growled.
No matter. I shall just have to be more cautious. And just as he said the words, the sky immediately turned dark and ominous. I looked around and saw that it was all around us. A super-storm, a perfect hurricane from nowhere, was rapidly building all around me. Not just within a day, rapidly. This storm was going to become fatally dangerous within mere minutes. Already I could see waterspouts beginning to form.
So then, you coward. Is this how you ended this world? Is this how you killed all those innocent people?
Dont make me laugh, mortal. They were nothing more than chattel. Only the gifted one mattered.
Is that so? Then Ill show you what befalls those who favor only the gifted! I then made my charge. Wild currents, water spouts and lightning all came at me at once and I was unafraid. Ive played this game before. Never fight the currents. Instead, flow with them and use them to your advantage. This is doubly so for the waterspouts. As for the lightning, I ignored it. Flesh and blood may be affected by the high-energy static discharges, but not me the lightning could not even touch me because Aki was constantly tracking the static charges and making sure that the lightning could not seek me out.
The dragon reared back in shock as I navigated his hazard field and lunged for him, my blades seeking his flesh. He tried to whip me aside with his tail and succeeded, but only to an extent. I quickly recovered and alighted on one of his coils. Of course, he was quick to take action here.
So it was that while the storm raged all around me that I did battle with this dragon, striking and counter-striking against his blows, but only managing to nickel-and-dime him. Still, I was holding my own against his onslaught.
Apparently, he didnt like that idea.
I grow tired of this game, mortal. Be gone with you! He somehow managed to shake me off and the storm dissipated as I regained stability in the air. Once I was upright, I saw that he had climbed high up in the air and was charging some sort of energy in his mouth. Before Aki could even begin to assess the risk factor he let go with it.
Benjamin! cried Akis voice. The yield of that energy discharge is phenomenal its registering in the gigaton range! We cant survive this!
My mind raced momentarily there had to be a way out of this mess. And then my eyes came to my Blades of the Sidera. I had yet to explore the full potential of these weapons as I had only recently learned to summon them at will.
Are you serious? said Aki as she picked up on my thoughts. We have no way of knowing if theyll work or not!
I never know till I try, Aki. And right now that seems to be our only viable option. I looked up at the oncoming energy sphere it was huge. There was no way to dodge this thing. The only way to go was straight through. And it sounded perfectly fine to me. I crossed the blades over my head, said the infamous spacers prayer (Lord, dont let me screw up.) and charged onwards. And then I was engulfed.
The energy swirled and eddied all around me. My shield gauge immediately began to drop steadily and the sheer force of it all wracked me. But I couldnt stop now to do so was to wish for death. I didnt want that. Never in a million years would I give up. Suddenly, seeming to have sensed my resolve, my Soulstone pulsed once again and I felt a surge of power flow through and uplift me. I shot out of the energy orb faster than I went in.
Probably made one hell of a light show, too.
What!? cried out the Dragon in shock. You should be dead! I killed you!
I adjusted my blades into a scissor formation and relieved the dragon of his head. Far below, the massive energy discharge dispersed before it could ever touch the surface.
A lot of people like you have said that, I said as I hovered over the Dragon. For some reason, he still floated there in the calm air, but now I could see its body slowly starting to disintegrate.
So, he said in a hushed, weak tone. I have been defeated. Take the child then. I shall rebuild this world anew in my own image without her power. A suddenly gust of wind came from nowhere carrying a cloud with it. When it was gone, so was the Dragon.
Aki, summon the Pegasus for a high-altitude, high-speed intercept. I dont want to stay here any longer than I absolutely have to.
Affirmative. The Pegasus is on its way now.
***
He had killed it.
Benjamin had killed the dragon, a creature that had struck such a horrible fear into Amelias heart.
That was it then, Amelia resolved to herself. No matter what happened, she wanted to be brave and strong like Benjamin. Once she was, she too could protect people the way he had protected her today. She never noticed that the Pegasus was in motion again. It couldnt be held against her though since the inertial compensators were fully operational this time.
Ben came in and she didnt notice until he unlocked her harness. Suddenly she shot out of her seat and into Ben, who had to stumble back or else shed hurt herself on him, and began to wail inconsolably.
Ben knew that she needed a good cry. Hell, she would probably need several more after all shed been through, which Ben could only guess at. For the time being, he did the smart thing. He told Aki to set course to rendezvous with the Event Horizon and send a preliminary report to Captain Keyes. Then, with nothing better to do, he took little Amelia to bed with him. He was absolutely exhausted and was more than happy to let the grieving girl fall asleep on his chest.
***
When I awoke later on, I was mildly surprised to see that Amelia was hovering just a few centimeters over me as she slept. I supposed that as she regained strength her flight ability improved. I just hoped that it wouldnt become a problem later on the last thing one would need would be to drift around ones home aimlessly in their sleep.
Carefully, I got up, slipping out from under Amelia without much trouble and she stayed where she was.
Anything from Command, Aki? I asked as I went to the common room and got a nutrient drink from the replicator.

Captain Keyes would like to speak with you as soon as convenience allows.
Right then, I replied and went to the control room to run status checks. I know Aki was minding the store, so to speak, but it was good practice to make sure that everything was ship-shape. It seemed that everything was so and we were only a couple hours from the Event Horizons current position. That taken care of, I made certain that I was presentable and sent in the call to the Captain.
Apparently she had been waiting for me.
Chief Petty Officer Rhodes, said Captain Miranda Keyes with a smile on her face. Leave it to you to find a survivor against all odds and even get into a fight with one of the locals.
Well Captain, I guess thats just my karma.
Well, whatever it is, the only person I think Ive ever seen get into as much trouble is the Master Chief. Ah yes. Good old John. No longer fighting on the frontlines these days, but training new recruits for SPARTAN II though Im sure if given the opportunity, hed gladly go to the front lines. The Captain went on, So then, tell me about this survivor, Rhodes. Im curious about this strange ability that Aki mentioned.
Yeah, she flies around with no visible means. Oddest thing Ive ever seen just like something out of comic books. I havent done anything to figure out how she does it. Ill leave that to the scientists. She even floats in her sleep it seems.
Youre right, Rhodes, that is odd. Well, you dont have to worry about her once you get here. The UNSC will take care of her from now on. I sighed at that. Being a ward of the state was not such a bad thing with the UNSC, but it still meant that she would be staying in an orphanage or a foster home, and I had already become attached to her.
Captain I dont know how to break this to you, but I want to adopt her.
Have you flipped your lid, CPO? said the Captain, just a hair under actually yelling. I know she needs someone to take care of her, but you arent exactly whats called parenting material. Youre a killing machine, not a nanny. I winced at being called a killing machine. Granted, thats what I was to be sure, but that had connotations to it that I did not like.
Captain, all due respect, you know how I feel about being referred to like that.
Right. I owe you an apology, Rhodes, but thats beside the point right now.
I dont care what anyone else thinks. And besides, shes latched onto me already. Shes lost everything shes ever known and if you take me away from her shell be inconsolable. And given her ability I think youd want her otherwise. Captain Keyes leaned back in her chair and sighed as she put a hand up to her temple.
You know what this would mean, dont you?
Ill have to be inactive while shes dependant on my constant care. Its not like youve had all that great a need of me lately, and God knows Ive earned a few years off. Besides, if you really need me for something special, then Im always around. You only have to call and Ill answer. You should know that.
Dont patronize me, CPO Rhodes, said Captain Keyes, bristling a bit. She then sighed and went on, You are right. Youve earned some inactive duty time. Ill have your living accommodations upgraded your belongings should be moved to your new residence by the time you get here. As for the custody rights Well, Ill have one of our best JAGs on it. The Captain was definitely a by-the-book officer, but when it was called for, she could also be a good friend.
Thank you kindly, Captain.
Right. Now, Rhodes, whats this about fighting a monster? Hoo boy, this one was gonna be another doozy.
It was some kind of dragon, Captain, and I dont think it was ordinary. I think it was some kind of spirit.
Rhodes, were on record here, warned the Captain.
I have proof, I replied and sent the contents of my mnemonic memory logs from the battle, tightly compressed and encoded with one of Cortanas own algorithms. The Captain noted the arrival of the file, decrypted it, decompressed it, and inspected it.
Jesus H. Christ, Rhodes! uttered Captain Keyes. What the hell is it with you? Youre like a magnet for this kind of shit.
I have no idea, Captain, but Im starting to get the feeling that someone up there has it out for me.
Well, just as long as nothing like this happens while youre inactive. I dont know if the Event Horizon would stay intact.
Not as long as I can help it, Captain.
Between you, the Manticors, Spartans, and all your other friends, I wouldnt doubt it. Dont worry about debriefing when you get here, Ill handle that. Just worry about Amelia. Understood?
Yes Captain.
Good. Ill see you once you get settled in. We saluted each other and then the signal was broken. Sighing, I went over to wake Amelia. It was a bit early yet, but good habits are best started as early in life as possible.
-To Be Continued-

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

Acyl · 10-27-2006, 04:02 PM

Hm...
I'm not familiar with the comic this was inspired by...but I think, that said, you did an incredible job of conveying the key points of Amelia's situation...and the mystical weirdness behind it...such that I didn't feel confused as an uninitiated reader. So, damn good work there.
The first-person narrative from the protagonist's point of view is fairly powerful, quite evocative, as is the third person bit following Amelia. So that's great. I liked that. Carried the emotion very, very well.
What I'm not sure about is the dialogue with Captain Keyes. It didn't sound all that natural to me. I think it was...particularly noticable since it's the only bit of extended dialogue in the story, an actual back-and-forth between a couple characters. I found the phrasing a little forced, a little stilted, a little artificial. I dunno, it just didn't flow in my head. Maybe it's the sentence structure, sentence length, punctuation or lack of apparent pauses in some bits...or something. I dunno. Can't precisely put my finger on it, but it didn't feel right.
That's just an opinion, of course.
But that's a relatively minor issue...with what was, otherwise, a damn cool piece. Kudos.
-- Acyl

deadpan29 · 10-27-2006, 05:31 PM

The first two pages of Polaris are available for preview at this link.
----------
No, I don't believe the world has gone mad. In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.

Black Aeronaut · 10-27-2006, 07:08 PM

Quote:
What I'm not sure about is the dialogue with Captain Keyes. It didn't sound all that natural to me. I think it was...particularly noticable since it's the only bit of extended dialogue in the story, an actual back-and-forth between a couple characters. I found the phrasing a little forced, a little stilted, a little artificial. I dunno, it just didn't flow in my head. Maybe it's the sentence structure, sentence length, punctuation or lack of apparent pauses in some bits...or something. I dunno. Can't precisely put my finger on it, but it didn't feel right.

I did have a bit of trouble with that because they're both in the service, they're both on duty, so to speak, and the times and trials they've had together has forged a friendship between them. As such, I feel that there is a fine line to be walked between casual conversation and military conduct here in this conversation.
Of course, it'd be different if they were sitting down for a drink and going, "No shit, there I was..." But in this case, it's business so some degree of profesionalism is required - Captain Keye's outburst about Rhodes being a strange attractor not withstanding.
Thank you very much, as this is the first solid critical input I've had in a long time. If anyone here can make suggestions for the dialogue between Rhodes and Keyes, or anything else for that matter, I would be very grateful for their assistance.

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

10-29-2006, 04:16 AM

One thing I notice in that exchange is that they're repeating each other's names almost constantly. He's constantly saying "Captain" and she's constantly saying "Rhodes". Generally that stuff kicks in once or twice at the beginning of the conversation, and that's it - except when it's used deliberately to acknowledge or emphasize the difference in rank. He might say "Ma'am" a few times, but even that would be as acknowledgement, in a sort of "I know I'm saying something you don't like or won't like, and so I'm specifically giving respect to your rank over me at the same time so you don't feel like you have to reassert it" sort of way. When an officer is *really* chewing out a subordinate, or in a particularly strong "I own you, and don't you forget it" mood, or just outranks by a *whole* lot, it can get to the point where about half of the words out of the subordinate's mouth are "sir" or "ma'am" respectively.
"Yes, Sir. Roger, Sir. Hua, Sir. Understood, Sir. No excuse, Sir." and so on.
In this case, even with the familiarity of a long and productive working relationship he'd probably spice in the occasional "Ma'am" (assuming a naval rank structure similar to the one we use) because, really, a Captain is really far up there, from a CPO's point of view (there are any number of plausible command structures where she'd be his boss's boss's boss's boss, and it would certainly be possible to slip another layer in there if you wanted to and not strain the bounds of credibility. If she's anything less than his boss's boss's boss, it's because something a little wonky has happened to the sommand structure. Also, naval captains tend to have that "total command over absolutely everyone on the ship" thing going on.)
She might restate his rank during her "What are you thinking?" moments, but would be unlikely to otherwise.
Likewise, the Captain would not both say "at your earliest convenience" (or moral equivalent) and be specifically waiting. If it's worth enough of her attention that she's specifically waiting for it, then it's worth enough of his time that he better be responding as soon as humanly possible, or, at the latest, as soon as safety permits.
I'm assuming here that you are not and have never been military yourself. If this is incorrect, and you're drawing from your own experience, then feel free to ignore. I'm also assuming a structure that's similar in rigidity and manning to the traditional Army/Navy. If it's a quasi-military organization that simply borrows the rough outlines of the rank structure, then it would, of course, be less propped about with formality. If it's more of a Special Forces situation, I really can't speak to that at all.
I guess one of the questions to ask when trying to construct the relationship would be how many people of his approximate rank she has working for her. If he's one of three, then that's very different from being one of ten, which in turn is very different from being one of a hundred.

Acyl · 10-29-2006, 06:17 AM

...what Sirrocco said. Really, everything in its entirety. o_o
Especially the part about using "sir" or "ma'am" like every other word in a sentence, because, y'know, I've done that before.
I do note, though...there really IS a distinction between what is technically acceptable in terms of formality, and what's actually done in practice, especially among folks who've served together for years. So that's still not, y'know, wrong.
Also, is it unusual for a CPO to be reporting directly to a Captain? I dunno naval ranks, though...I was in the Singapore Army. But I can imagine it. These things happen.
For several things, I, a Corporal, reported directly to a Minstry of Defence department head...technically a civilian, but with the responsibility and authority of a Major. My boss's boss's boss.
My father was, briefly, the Estates Officer for the entire Singapore Armed Forces in the late '70s. That's a Captain's post. His rank when he got the job was Officer Cadet, though he did leave as a 1st Lieutenant.
-- Acyl

Black Aeronaut · 10-29-2006, 03:22 PM

Thanks guys, I'll get to work on fixing that stuff up a bit. I am about to ship out to Navy Recruit Training (Boot Camp) in February, so I'm going to be applying things I learn there to my work here.
Also, the dynamic that we see in Halo between Keyes (both Jacob and Miranda) is that a lot of orders tend to come straight down from the boss him/herself. Spartans (and in my world, Manticors as well) tend to work on the that level of "An army unto one's self." Also there is the level and scope of missions that are usually handled by such people - usually things of such huge scope and great importance... Well, anyone who's played Halo or read the books would understand.
Simply put, Spartans and Manticors are such big MVP's (so to speak) that a Captain can be bothered with coordinating their operations in the field.

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

Acyl · 10-29-2006, 04:30 PM

Heh. In the long run, basic military training and army service did help my writing.
In the short term, I found myself largely unable to work on any fiction projects involving military or paramilitary characters...or even dynamics. Too close to home, as it were.
Hopefully you'll have a more immediately positive experience. =)
I think it's fairly reasonable to have someone with the...I dunno, power and sheer one-man-army badassitude of your standard military science fiction supersoldier reporting directly to someone way up the chain.
What I don't understand, though, is why said soldier would have an enlisted rank.
I mean, take fighter pilots, for example - in most militaries, they're commissioned officers. Because of what they drive.
Chief Petty Officer or, in the case of HALO's protagonist, Master Chief...are high as enlisted ranks go, and reasonable for a soldier in charge of a special forces unit.
But I'd expect someone who's essentially a humanoid weapon of mass destruction to hold a higher status.
-- Acyl

Black Aeronaut · 10-29-2006, 05:07 PM

That's something else I'm kinda trying to figure out myself... When I read the Halo books I noticed that there were other Spartans who were CPO's or 1st Class PO's. John-117 is the only Master Chief among them.
Was this to maintain a chain of command among the Spartans themselves? I don't know for certain. To read the books, Spartans usually seem to operate in groups of three, minimum. This would explain why the Covenant came to grudgingly respect them as much as they do - they used to be able to do significantly more damage as they had more people. Could you imagine how the first Halo would have turned out if you had the full compliment of Project SPARTAN II at hand instead of the Master Chief alone? Then again, I suppose that's why they're now making Halo Wars.
Anyhow, I suppose that maybe, just maybe, Spartans advance rank based on a system rather like a grading curve - your merits set against the merits of your fellow sodiers. It would make sense and also maintain a certain command structure within the organization.
Rhodes, even as the test-type, proto-type, and production model of Project MANTICOR II, is not the best of the best among his group - that honor would belong to another Manticor who was part of the SPARTAN II program, but was dropped from the project due to post-surgery complications (Spartans are first trained like marines from a -very- early age, and then they are augmented through surgical procedure). In fact, all other Manitcor candidates, both past and future, are Spartan Trainees who'se enhancements backfired one way or another.
Rhodes is special because A)He was the first and was successful from the get-go, so what else would you have him do? And B) he is indeed a strange attractor for weird stuff, though this is due to the fact that he's on trial by Powers That Be. Of course, nobody knows this. [Image: wink.gif]

Thus, it'll be interesting if he runs into WashuTsunamiTokimi or SkuldBeldandyUrd because they're bound to notice something's not quite right with him there.

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

Acyl · 10-29-2006, 06:37 PM

Ah, well, if you're deliberately following the HALO source, then I suppose it makes sense for Rhodes to be an enlisted man.
Mind you, I'm still somewhat dubious about the canon justification for that. =)
I've only read one of the HALO books...and not the one with...that big cast of Spartans, so I dunno. I note that en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SPARTAN-II has a throwaway mention of those disabled by the augumentation process, "and so became high-ranking officers in positions where their enhanced thinking capabilities would be very useful". Not having read the source novel, tho, I dunno what they actually meant by "high-ranking officer", whether anything like that was stated or merely implied.
As a side note, 's almost a pity I'm not really into HALO. As it stands, I'm still tempted to work up something ficwise, just so I can insert a throwaway reference to an ATHENIAN project.
What? I like my Classical Greek. Sparta. Athens. The Peloponnesian War. Wouldn't it be appros? =)
-- Acyl

Valles · 10-29-2006, 06:45 PM

Quote:
As a side note, 's almost a pity I'm not really into HALO. As it stands, I'm still tempted to work up something ficwise, just so I can insert a throwaway reference to an ATHENIAN project.

My reccomendation for anyone who does go for such a thing is that the ATHENIAN be a power-armor design intended to augment and protect their wearer to the greatest degree possible for an unmodified human - and designed to be produced by the millions.
So what if it's less than a quarter as capable as a SPARTAN? If every goddamn Marine on the field is wearing one, the Covenant are still fucked.
Ja, -n
(*thinks that Project Spartan was a stupid waste of resources*)

===============================================
"Puripuri puripuri... Bang!"

Black Aeronaut · 10-30-2006, 10:10 PM

Quote:
My reccomendation for anyone who does go for such a thing is that the ATHENIAN be a power-armor design intended to augment and protect their wearer to the greatest degree possible for an unmodified human - and designed to be produced by the millions.

Gentlemen, with your permission, I'd like to use this concept. It's something that I had been thinking of applying to the Orbital Drop Shock Troopers (ODST's - they comprise the lion's share of marines that always accompany you in the Halo games) in my project, I just hadn't had a name for it.
My thoughts on ATHENIAN is that it would be very similar to MJOLINER armor, only much keyed down so the mere mortals can weild it efectively. It would still have energy shields and be vacuum compatible in a pinch. AI capability and massive reflex/speed boosting would not make the cut, though - merely an appreciable strength and protection boost, plus the addition of being linked directly into a UNSC Battle Network that is managed by an AI like Cortana. Thus, ODST's would be getting real-time inteligence just as the Master Chief did in Halo.
The fact that the Marines don't get pasted the instant something like Hunters or Brutes enter the picture is a nice thought. A squad of good Marines can handle pretty much anything else, including Elites unless they're Gold Rank or higher.
Interesting thought - Manticors could get away with an ATHENIAN variant armor as they already have all the speed, strength, and reflex boosting needed. AI ability is already part of the Manticor package as their own "nervous system" can piggy-back one. The armor would still need to be vacuum compatible, but life support wouldn't be needed. That can be an internal system of the Manticor bodies - an internal oxygen and nutrient supply is kept on hand. Not much is needed since the only biological components to maintain is the brain and a few vital organs (heart, a lung, the smaller lobe of liver, a kidney, a truncated digestive system)... It's a much smaller biological support system than on a normal human body. Usually the Matnicor MRE consistis of only a couple of small energy bars... and that'll probably last a Manticor for a month.
That's something that I'd love myself - being able to get away with eating just a tiny bit now and then. I despise getting hungry all the time and having to find something to eat.

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
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What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

10-31-2006, 05:01 AM

Disclaimer: I don't actually know the Halo universe *at all*.
Still, reading the wikipedia article on the Spartan II, they come across a little... oddly... as rank structure goes. Practically speaking, they're a named and numbered asset at the government scale. (We have X many of them. We'd like to have more, but they are *prohibitively* expensive/difficult/time-consuming to create. If we lose one, the Commander in Chief would want to know. If we lose ten, that's a noticeable blow to the overall effectiveness of the force.)
If this is Simply Not True in your universe (ie, the known worlds aren't under massive horrible assault, and they churn out a few hundred of these guys every year. We could have more of them if we wanted them, but the price tag just starts to rack up something fierce after a while) then see my previous post. Otherwise...
Otherwise, their technical rank is more of a formality than anything else. Their relationship to their captain, then, must be derived, rather than inferred.
Important questions. A number of these will influence one another:
- As before, how may of these guys does she have working for her? If it's in the one to three range, then they may well not report to anyone who isn't one of them on the way up to her, at least not in a meaningful way, and (in that case) would interact as respected and useful immediate subordinates. If it's more like twenty to thirty, then this is not so much the case, and there is likely to be (for example) at least one more officer in the chain between her and them, and probably two (Executive Officer, and Special Ops Officer. There may be a general Ops officer as well.)
- Is the captain one of them or something equivalent? (qualifying attributes would be things like being the best Foo in her generation for some applicable Foo, being a household name as a war hero, having served a significant role in their creation, and so forth. Essentially, is she replaceable? If she died of food poisoning, how difficult would it be for the navy to find someone of equivalent caliber to fill the slot? Simply put, Manticores and Spartans are not easily replaceable. If the Captain is, then they're worth more to the force than she is. That will have a dramatic effect on how they interact.)
- Does she lead them or just manage them? Obviously, she's running the ship they live on, she's debriefing them, and she has some degree of control over their lives, but there's a world of difference between the job descriptions of "Here are some Manticores. Their job is to do Foo. You job is to make sure they are happy, healthy, effective, and continually improving as they do Foo. For resources we give you a ship." and "Your job is to do Foo. For resources we give you some Manticores and a ship." even if the second has "Try to give them back in at least a good a shape as you found them, They're not easy to replace." tagged on to the end of it.
- How much power does she have over their lives and careers? (By default, the Captain of a vessel has a *tremendous* amount of power over the lives and careers of every member of the crew. Everyone answers to the Captain. The Captain answers to God.) If they decide they don't like her leadership style, would there be any strings they could pull to do something about it, or would they just be stuck with her?

Acyl · 10-31-2006, 08:15 AM

With regards to using the concept...hell, go ahead. All I contributed was the name, and that only due to my sense of symmetry...and fondness for references. =)
It should be noted that the Athens was primarily a naval power, compared to Sparta's land-based military...whether or not that makes a difference, I dunno. Otherwise, having an ATHENIAN project be a mass-production armour seems logical.
Athens was a democracy, after all. Granted, Greek democracy only applied if you weren't a woman or a slave, but still. =) There's other comparisons, of course...military training for the Spartans was a lifetime, for the Athenians it was just a couple years... and so on.
Of course, Athens ultimately lost the conflict with Sparta, but that's not necessarily because Athens sucked...there were other factors, and it wasn't simply a clash of two city-states. They had allies. Anyway, there was lots of politics, and a really, really bad plague that struck Athens, so on.
With regards to the MANTICORs...
Rhodes seems well-adjusted, but he's still got a bit of sensitivity over being called a 'killing machine'. Obviously that's a sore point with him. How do the rest of the subjects handle it? I mean, a SPARTAN is heavily cyborged...renforced skeleton and wire implants...but they're still flesh and blood for the most part. But that's NOTHING compared to the level of body replacement you're talking about. What about the possible psychological trauma?
Of course, considering a failed SPARTAN could end up disabled, getting a robot body might be considered an improvement in terms of quality of life. Still...
Hm. Does a truncated digestive system and less body tissue...mean a MANTICOR can't hold his alcohol? [Image: wink.gif]

Less body weight to get drunk.
(Well, I'm sure they have filters for that sorta thing, meaning, perhaps, they can't get intoxicated...because even mild intoxication would be a terribly dangerous thing in someone so physically powerful. Still, it's a funny thought.)
The thing about eating, though...
While you might, personally, enjoy the idea of not eating...you do realise that ain't universal? Hell, something simple as that, being unable to consume food normally, unable to enjoy a regular meal cycle, that might contribute to the psychological problems I was talking about.
I mean...I, myself, I can go for over a day without food, if I'm just too busy to eat. I don't need regular meals. If time is a concern, I can eat fast...damn fast. Army training just sped me up in that regard. =)
But...if I have the time and leisure, I like to eat. To savour things simply for flavour. I'm sure I'm not alone in that regard.
So is sleep, for that matter.
How do the MANTICORs cope with that?
-- Acyl

Black Aeronaut · 10-31-2006, 02:29 PM

Quote:
Still, reading the wikipedia article on the Spartan II, they come across a little... oddly... as rank structure goes. Practically speaking, they're a named and numbered asset at the government scale. (We have X many of them. We'd like to have more, but they are *prohibitively* expensive/difficult/time-consuming to create. If we lose one, the Commander in Chief would want to know. If we lose ten, that's a noticeable blow to the overall effectiveness of the force.)
If this is Simply Not True in your universe (ie, the known worlds aren't under massive horrible assault, and they churn out a few hundred of these guys every year. We could have more of them if we wanted them, but the price tag just starts to rack up something fierce after a while) then see my previous post.

Well, in my world the Covenant War eventually does end - how, I won't say because Halo 3 isn't even out yet and specualtion varies wildly. But it will end in my world, probably with a shaky alliance with the Elites. And then there is relative peace and more Spartans and, subsequently, Manticors are turned out to help with peace keeping operations - Covenant rogues can be such pains in the ass.
Eventually, a new threat dawns and beseges the galaxy in general. I don't know if I want it to be something that involves the Flood or not - suffice it to say that it makes that technology that accidently brought Rhodes to their world (interdimensional travel) seem awfully attractive. The lion's share of Spartans and Manticors stay behind to shore up the front lines. A select few, the most adaptable ones among them, are sent with that precious first batch of refugees in search of layover worlds and, hopefully, a new home.

Quote:
Otherwise, their technical rank is more of a formality than anything else. Their relationship to their captain, then, must be derived, rather than inferred.
Important questions. A number of these will influence one another:
- As before, how may of these guys does she have working for her? If it's in the one to three range, then they may well not report to anyone who isn't one of them on the way up to her, at least not in a meaningful way, and (in that case) would interact as respected and useful immediate subordinates. If it's more like twenty to thirty, then this is not so much the case, and there is likely to be (for example) at least one more officer in the chain between her and them, and probably two (Executive Officer, and Special Ops Officer. There may be a general Ops officer as well.)

Captain Keyes not only commands the Spartans and Manticors, but a sizable group of Crack ODST's that will accompany the Spartans and Manticors on any sizeable mission. Now, I'm hardly an expert on how groups of fighting men are orgaized, but I figure that a standard grouping would look like about 30 or so ODST's, five or so Spartans, and one, maybe-maybe-maybe two, Manticors. And there are maybe about five Manticors available at most.
As for the ship, it would be the space equivilant of one of our Amphibious Assault ships, packed with enough hardware to mount a full scale planetary invasion and all the means to support it.
Sound like assets enough for a Captain to command?
As for reporting directly to the Captain...
Spartans, and subsequently, Manticors as well, are highly independent - almost to the point of the groups operating in cells. They can strategize on their own with very little input from the brass - all they need is an objective and rules of engagement, and then the game's afoot. They love this stuff - live for it, in fact. The more leeway they have in planning an op, the better.
The stuff that gets handed down to a Spartan or a Manticor is usually Important-with-a-captiol-I, so it's normal that when they report in, the Captain wants to be the first to know. Especially when it's Rhodes-and-his-goddamnably-annoying-strange-attractor-factor. In any situation, AI's like Aki and Cortana, which most Spartans and all Manticors carry, can immediatly negotiate a secure line of communication as long as it is possible.

Quote:
- Is the captain one of them or something equivalent? (qualifying attributes would be things like being the best Foo in her generation for some applicable Foo, being a household name as a war hero, having served a significant role in their creation, and so forth. Essentially, is she replaceable? If she died of food poisoning, how difficult would it be for the navy to find someone of equivalent caliber to fill the slot? Simply put, Manticores and Spartans are not easily replaceable. If the Captain is, then they're worth more to the force than she is. That will have a dramatic effect on how they interact.)

The Captain can be replaced, but it is not something that is decided lightly. As you may have figured by now, even though these guys pretty much run themselves, their Captain needs to be someone who is known to be an excellent strategist, and leader figure like Miranda Keyes and her father before her. You could say that an ideal candidate could be that young, hotshot officer who could probably make an excellent Admiral, but needs some time to be seasoned, first. The Captain need not have any prior experience with Spartans and Manticors, per say, but it helps so that they won't underestimate their capabilities in any way, shape, or form when it comes to crunch-time. For when it is deemed necissarry, a Spartan or Manticor -will- exchange their life if it is the only means of a mission succeding. Rhodes included - in fact, the only reson he hasn't bought it yet is because someone up there likes him.

Quote:
- Does she lead them or just manage them? Obviously, she's running the ship they live on, she's debriefing them, and she has some degree of control over their lives, but there's a world of difference between the job descriptions of "Here are some Manticores. Their job is to do Foo. You job is to make sure they are happy, healthy, effective, and continually improving as they do Foo. For resources we give you a ship." and "Your job is to do Foo. For resources we give you some Manticores and a ship." even if the second has "Try to give them back in at least a good a shape as you found them, They're not easy to replace." tagged on to the end of it.

As said before, they're pretty self-contained. However, it is up to the Captain what objectives are pursued. You could say that the Foo is shared between the Captain and the Spartans/Manticors. Captain sees the over-all situation and makes a decision - This convoy must make it through enemy territory and resources are very limited. How does one juggle said resources to get small group of ODST's, and a couple of Spartans to cover that all important convoy without weakening your fronts too badly? Conversly, you need an enemy target to be hit hard, but you need to be sneaky - leave that up to the Spartans/Manticors. They're more than capable of planning some hell-raising scheme that'll probably blow anything you can even think of out of the water. And you'll probably enjoy watching the logs later. ^_^

Quote:
- How much power does she have over their lives and careers? (By default, the Captain of a vessel has a *tremendous* amount of power over the lives and careers of every member of the crew. Everyone answers to the Captain. The Captain answers to God.) If they decide they don't like her leadership style, would there be any strings they could pull to do something about it, or would they just be stuck with her?

She has the same amount of power that she has over anyone else onboard. However, the very idea that a Spartan/Manticor would screw up in such a manner to require disciplinary action is an alien one. If it were ever to happen, it would draw attention from everyone in the chain of command not because it was in the reports, but because word gets around, and fast.
As for promotion, again, it would take something incredibly impressive. As I mentioned before, these guys operate on a curve system rather than the normal one... Otherwise they'd all be MCPO's at the least.
As far as other things such as leave, inactive duty, or discharge... While it may be up to the Captain, it is like she said to Rhodes, "You are right. Youve earned some inactive duty time." We're talking about the culmination of years and years of impressive and faithful service. After all that, while Command would be reluctant to let them go, they'd be out of their minds not to. Spartans/Manticors usually have more than fulfilled their conscription contracts, and in Rhodes's case, asking for a few years off active duty is no big deal.
Besides, the way the others are wired... It's an alien concept to them. Many of them will probably serve until they either die or are forced to retire.
As for not liking a Captain's command style... This is another reason why a Captain must be carefully accepted. If you have a Captain who is anything but consistent, then the Spartans/Manticors will realize this and pretty much take over - they are that strong-willed. The best part is that if it's a new Captain who hasn't gained the trust of his/her new assets, then the rest of the Marines as well as a good deal of the enlisted men and women, even the lower ranking officers onboard, are likely to follow the Spartans and Manticors. Placing a weak Captain on a ship like that is just -asking- for a mutiny, and probably a justified one at that.
***

Quote:
Rhodes seems well-adjusted, but he's still got a bit of sensitivity over being called a 'killing machine'. Obviously that's a sore point with him. How do the rest of the subjects handle it? I mean, a SPARTAN is heavily cyborged...renforced skeleton and wire implants...but they're still flesh and blood for the most part. But that's NOTHING compared to the level of body replacement you're talking about. What about the possible psychological trauma?

Good question. Rhodes himself sees it as a much better fate than that of a crippled invalid and always remembers those first horrible months when that's all he was. He does miss being 'human' but that's why he likes to take on missions where he has to be 'skinned'. It isn't just cosmetic, either. He can feel with that skin just as if it were his original, though he can interdict pain when he needs to - useful on the off-hand chance that things go to hell.
The other Manticors handle it pretty well, considering. For a while, they find themselves in a position similar to Rhodes's until their new body can be constructed and thus it serves as a reinforcement against what has become known as Cybernetic Depression. There have even been a few that couldn't really handle it in the end and the notes left behind are usually quite moving.
Most, however, gladly take this over the alternative.
As for physical trauma involved in becoming a Manticor? These people have figured out a way to convert bone-matter into a form of ceramic while it's still attached, insert memory metal into their muscles, enhance their retinas, convert their neural pathways to electronic transmission, and other sundery enhancements. I think that somehwere they figured out the physical trauma bit. It doesn't mean that complications don't arise, such as sudden growth-spurts after the bones are augmented or nueral disorders... Just that the ordeal itself is usually survivable. Granted, they lost nearly half their 1st generation SPARTAN II's on the table, but that was then and a growing number of new Spartans are their children. They're already geneticly predispositioned! ^_^

Quote:
Hm. Does a truncated digestive system and less body tissue...mean a MANTICOR can't hold his alcohol? Less body weight to get drunk.
(Well, I'm sure they have filters for that sorta thing, meaning, perhaps, they can't get intoxicated...because even mild intoxication would be a terribly dangerous thing in someone so physically powerful. Still, it's a funny thought.)

Manticors, like the Spartans, pretty much abstain - they know the risk factors of being impaired and they do not do impaired. Period.
Rhodes, however, enjoys a mild buzz now and then and sometimes, where his missions require him to blend in, he'll do this just to fulfill the blending requirement (pun not intended, but welcome). For this reason, he is the only Matnicor who has a blood-alcohol seperator.

Quote:
The thing about eating, though...
While you might, personally, enjoy the idea of not eating...you do realise that ain't universal? Hell, something simple as that, being unable to consume food normally, unable to enjoy a regular meal cycle, that might contribute to the psychological problems I was talking about.
I mean...I, myself, I can go for over a day without food, if I'm just too busy to eat. I don't need regular meals. If time is a concern, I can eat fast...damn fast. Army training just sped me up in that regard. =)
But...if I have the time and leisure, I like to eat. To savour things simply for flavour. I'm sure I'm not alone in that regard.
So is sleep, for that matter.
How do the MANTICORs cope with that?

This is how they cope - one rather small meal a day. Granted, that is a bit much, but it's not like they'll get fat. As for sleep, while the human body itself plays a role in that, it is largely the brain that requires sleep. Trust me on this - I know it for a scientific fact and from personal experience. My brain for example... IT WON'T SHUT OFF!!! Seriously, if this planet's rotational cycle was about six hours longer I'd be just jim-crackin'-dandy.
Manticors can get away with staying alert for several days straight - and I mean -fully- alert - before they need some down time. When they do sleep, it's usually the good eight hours that our brains usually mandate.
Believe me, if I could get away with staying comforatbly awake for three days and then sleeping eight hours, I'd gladly go for it.

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

11-02-2006, 04:13 AM

On the food/sleep thing: it's worth considering that the sorts of people who are likely to fit the adjustment profiles for Manticores (and even Spartans) are likely to already *be* the sort of "effectiveness uber alles" types for whom being able to live without food or sleep would be a good thing rather than a bad one.
After reading over your descriptions of rank position wrt Spartans, Manticores, and so on, I'd say that the most likely reaction from a rank perspective is that people would start building equivalencies in their heads - saying, for example, that a Spartan E7 was really equivalent to a CW3 (for whom a Captain would normally be about boss's boss.) The Captain, on the other side, retains the full normal level of command for personnel of that equivalency.
Also, if the Captain always wants to know what happens on his missions, and they have a good working relationship, he'd know that she'd want a report without being told, and probably report to her as soon as he docked. She, in turn, would know to expect that of him, and wouldn't bother to send a message.
"Good Morning, Ma'am. CPO Rhodes reporting in."
"Ah, Rhodes. I was wondering when you'd get here. So..."
Word choice may need to be worked around a bit (I have no real grasp of the specific characters, myself) but it lets you show not tell on their long and healthy working relationship, and it lets you show her strong interest in what he has to say without her either using the power of command excessively or letting it decay.
You could also toss in an entertaining little bit part at some point, for those of us who know rank structures, where some green officer tries to wave around power he doesn't have over this guy he thinks he outranks, and then gets verbally mangled by his boss for interfering with one of the Spartans.
As a side comment, with this level of Special Forces/Regular Navy integration, you'ld have to be giving the Specials *some* kind of significant bonus pay, to account for the fact that they're serving at an effective rank well above their technical pay grade. A Manticore E7 is just plain more valuable than a normal E7, and everyone knows it. There's that "washouts go on to become officers" thing, if you recall. Semicapitalist militaries (assuming this is still a mostly capitalist society) can tolerate rank slippage when it is contained to the point that they can recognize it and adjust apropriately, but if you aren't giving some version of roughly equal pay for roughly equal work-value, people start getting antsy.

11-02-2006, 08:32 AM

An idea hit me, and I thought I'd toss it out for you to consider...
A nifty little reason to toss in as to *why* the Spec-ops types are on a semiseperate rank structure. After the Commonwealth war, it became possible to create them in some numbers. (This was especially true after the techniques had been refined to the point that it was a bit easier and more reliable to do so. Seriously, people, wait a few years on those bone grafts. It doesn't cost you any more, and it cuts way down on that particular washout rate.) Anyway, some bright boy up in the head shed figured to give the Spartans a rank commensurate with their responsibilities. They went to the Master Chief, figuring to promote him first, and promote the rest around him, and he turned them down. He liked the rank he was at, and had no desire to promote further, or to take the very real risk of getting stuck behind a desk. They went to the rest of the surviving Spartans, but they refused, to a man (and woman), to be promoted past CPO. The Master Chief was the best of them, and they got the idea that it wouldn't be right. When Spartans get ideas, it can be rather hard to sway them. The Spartan "command structure", such as it is, maxxes out at E-8... and there is only one Master Chief.
(Incidentally, if you decide to run with this, it would mean that a CPO would usually be the ranking member of a cell, with a rank-equivalent of more like CW4 or CW5, and might well report directly to a naval Captain. My previous estimate assumed that ships with a significant Spartan element would generally have a Master Chief as ranking member)
(if any of this is too deep in the weeds as far as ranks go, feel free to ask, and I'll happily explain.)

Black Aeronaut · 11-02-2006, 09:39 AM

Yeah, potential Spartans are aggressively screened - first, by their genetic profiles, for physical attributes, and second, they're personas through covert observation.
In the first, and possibly second, generation, no one knew that -children- were being selected and then trained like that. Dunno if I would keep that up in my fic as it would proabably get out eventually. And before you ask, the missing children were replaced by flash-clones... But, unfortunately, the clones all died at early ages of congenital disorders. Utterly ironic.
And Spartans and Manticors do indeed get killer bonuses... If they ever do retire or go to inactive duty. Seeing as the bonus money is not likely to ever be touched since the enhanced soldier is busy with their careers, the money is placed in a trust where it not only increases with the amount of time served, but through the interest accrued. This, of course, doesn't apply to their regular pay which is the same as other soldiers at their respective ranks.
Believe me, Rhodes is gonna have a WTF!? moment when he finally sees how much money he actually has. ^_^ He knew that he was getting some pretty nice bonuses, he just never bothered to check it out because he figured he'd never have much need. That kinda changes when you got a kid to take care of, though.
Also, if the Captain always wants to know what happens on his missions, and they have a good working relationship, he'd know that she'd want a report without being told, and probably report to her as soon as he docked. She, in turn, would know to expect that of him, and wouldn't bother to send a message.
I suppose you are right about how that would work out, given their relationship. One thing I have discovered, though, is that in our Navy, 'Sirs' and 'Ma'ams' are forbidden. You're specificly to refer to everyone by their rank. Informally, you can refer to others by last names, of course. I dunno if I could ever bring myself to refer to a superior the way Spock does with Kirk, but... Lessee, lemme tweak it a bit...

When I awoke later on, I was mildly surprised to see that Amelia was hovering just a few centimeters over me as she slept. I supposed that as she regained strength her flight ability improved. I just hoped that it wouldnt become a problem later on the last thing one would need would be to drift around ones home aimlessly in their sleep.
It was already oh-six-hundred. Given how how much time had passed in transit, that meant we were still about two hours out. The Captain would proabably want to hear my report a bit sooner, given what had occured.
After getting a nutrient drink on the way to the control room (for the curious: Mexican hot chocolate flavor - Yum!) I asked Aki to put me through to Captain Keyes. I sat there in the pilot's seat, nursing my drink and imagining what was going on on the other end:
The Captain, in her seat on the bridge, proabably going through some reports as the Adamant went about her patrol duty, when Aki pops up letting her know that I was ready to report. She would decoriously drop what she was doing because she'd know that my reporting in a bit early meant something had happened, and go to her ready room just off the bridge where she can take my call in relative privacy.
Presently, the Captain's face appeared on the monitor and with it, came the polite chirp from the computer that let me know that I was on the air.
"Good Morning, Captain Keyes. CPO Rhodes reporting in."
"Ah, Rhodes. I was wondering when you'd get here, but I didn't think that you'd find something interesting enough to report early."
"Well, I guess that's just me for you."
"Great. What was it this time and how big is their fleet?"
"You're never gonna let me live down my reputation, are you?" The Captain only smiled endulgently.
"Leave it to you, Rhodes to find all sorts of trouble even when you're not trying. So, what was it this time?"
"Well, 'Randa, despite all odds, I actually managed to find a survivor on that water world."
"Now that is remarkable!" said Miranda, truly impressed by the notion. "Tell me about this person."
"Well she's an eight year old girl named Amelia Zot." If the Captain was surprised before, she was shocked now.
"How the hell did she survive?"
"I'm not sure," I replied, shrugging for effect, "but I think it has something to do with a special talent of hers. She flies."
"What?" she replied, her ex-pression seemingly puzzled, but quickly turning to surprsie again. "You're not kidding, are you?"
"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "She never walks around or anything like that. She just hovers from point A to point B. She even seems to float in her sleep."
Miranda sighed. "You know that the folks over in Sciences are gonna want to figure out how the hell she does that."
"They'll have to do it under my supervision," I said in a rather serious tone. "I've already decided I'm gonna adopt her." I don't think I could have got a funnier look from her if I had told her she had suddenly sprouted a tail.
"Excuse me?" she drawled out slowly. "Rhodes, you're a Manticor. You've been rebuilt to run straight up to Wraiths and punch them so hard that you knock 'em into next Tuesday. You're hardly what I'd call 'Parenting Material.'"
"I know that, 'Randa, but she's already latched onto me. Besides, you weren't there to see what happened after I found her."
"Oh no," moaned Miranda, wincing at whatever thoughts were going through her head. "Rhodes, I'm almost afraid to ask."
"No need. Aki is now sending you a copy of my mnemonic memory logs from the battle." Right on cue, the Captain's terminal chimed for her attention and I waited while she watched the digital facsimili of what I had seen and done on that battle.
Jesus H. Christ, Rhodes! uttered Miranda once the battle had ended. What the hell is it with you? Youre like a magnet for this kind of supernatural shit. Indeed, I thought to myself, thinking about, among other strange things that had happened to me, the Soulstone embedded in the bio-pod in my chest.
I have no idea, 'Randa, but Im starting to get the feeling that someone up there has it out for me.
"You're telling me? Oi... So, this Zot girl saw all this?"
"Yeah, she had front row seats thanks to Aki."
"Great, I can see why she'd be so attached to you then," she said a bit sardonically. "You're that girl's hero."
"Ugh, I seem to be everyone's hero."
"Should have thought about that before you joined up - it's what you get for being The First Manticor."
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it before. We're getting off topic, here. Anyhow, can I keep her, mommie?" Just as she was taking a drink of her coffee - perfect timing! But lo, she had become accustomed to my habit of doing that and merely paused mid-sip to swallow and give me a dirty look. I only smiled innocently.
"You do realize that you will have to be inactive, right?" she said, brushing aside my intention to make her do a spit-take. What were friends for?
"I do. At least until she's old enough to be able to take care of herself for a few days at a time so I can pull reserve duty."
"I just don't see why you don't go ahead and get a discharge. We both know this life doesn't entirely suit you."
"I know, but I also know that I'd miss the action. Being a liason to Section 9 was pretty fun. So was being a fugitive from the AD Police." Ah, the memories! One moment, you're a liazon to an Anti-Mecha police force, then once they discover you're a cyborg they start coming after your head and you wind up allying with a bunch of ladies in power armor. Ah well, it was for the best, I figure. Without having met Sylia, we would never had been able to repackage Mjolnir as Athenean.
"Yeah," agreed Keyes. "And then there was Meijer and Tarok... Oh."
"Yeah. Meia." I sighed at that. Been a while since I had thought of her. It suddenly occured to me that I might accidently lead Amelia down the path of becoming a soldier, and thus, potentially to the same fate of Meia. No, that would not do. I'd have to make sure that she didn't grow up that way.
"I'm sorry, Rhodes. I didn't mean to remind you of that."
"It's okay, 'Randa," I replied, pulling my thoughts back together. "I'm past it and I think she'd be glad to see me doing what I'm doing now."
"It means that much to you, huh?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Alright then. I'll pull what strings I can. If I have to, I'll see if I can't get the best JAG Lawyer in the fleet to represent you. I'll also have your living accomadations upgraded. Do you still want to live in Ft. Whitcomb?"
"Not particularly. Not that I want to totally disasociate myself with everyone else, but I don't think it wise to bring Amelia up in the company of the service."
"What do you mean?"
"No offense, 'Randa, but I just don't want her to get any romantic ideas about the Service."
"Rhodes, you can't force that ideal on her. If she gets it in her head that she's gonna join up, then she's gonna join up."
"I can't guarunte her protection in the service."
"Rhodes, I know you've lost people that were close to you in the past, but you can't protect everyone around you forever." I had no answer for that. Miranda understood - she knew me, knew what I was feeling.
"Ft. Whitcomb it is then," I said with a sigh.
"That's better. The place would be pretty boring without you to livin it up anyways. Hurry up and get your tin-can ass back here, okay?"
"Sure thing, 'Randa. Rhodes out." We saluted each other and Aki cut the signal. I sat there for a moment thinking about what sort of life it would be like raising that girl around a bunch of Manticors, Spartans, and ODST's. I sighed, finished off my drink, and then got up to go wake Amelia. Good habits start early, after all.

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

Black Aeronaut · 11-02-2006, 09:47 AM

That idea of yours sounds right on the money. I can see that sort of thing happening - a Spartan knows that they'd be wasted behind a desk. They only want to serve to their fullest capabilities.
I'm thinking that since Manticors represent a much smaller group and usually work with Spartans as a sort of 'heavy weapons element' (which would be true in more ways than one) that they, too, would report to The Master Chief.
BTW, a CW is a Chief Warrant Officer, right?

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

11-03-2006, 04:56 AM

endulgently: indulgently
--------
"truly impressed by the notion"
--------
Seems a little over-the-top. Also definately a case of Better Show Than Tell. You've got visual coms. Throw in a pair of raised eyebrows or some other expression.
--------
"If the Captain was surprised before, she was shocked now."
--------
Again, show better than tell. This one an be covered easily by leaving out the side note and making her next line "Eight years old? How the hell..."
I'll stop commenting on this kind of thing here, but it is something that's worth running an edit sweep for.
ex-pression: expression
surprsie: surprise
err... qustion: is there a reason you're spelling it Manticor instead of Manticore?
Speaking to her by first name - and abbreviated first name, no less? that's a bit beyond the pale, even with the rank-equivalent upgrade. You pretty much Just Dont Do That unless you are equal rank. If you want a somewhat relaxed name that still fits within the militarily acceptable, try "Cap'n".
--------
"You do realize that you will have to be inactive, right?" she said, brushing aside my intention to make her do a spit-take. What were friends for?
-------
I would have expected "...that you'll have to go inactive, right?" Also, the second part of this feels...oddly clunky.
-------
"If I have to, I'll see if I can't get the best JAG Lawyer in the fleet to represent you."
-------
First, we haven't established explicitly what the legal issue would be. Is it the bit where he goes inactive? (JAG wouldn't be much help there, and she'd have enough pull to do it under her own power anyway.) Is it the bit where he's trying to adopt her? (that's fair, but see below.) Is it the bit where he's trying to keep her away from the Science types? (that just requires getting the adoption proceedings in before they catch wind of it - and the Captain can certainly manage to run a bit of information control on what does and what does not get transmitted off of her own ship.)
On the other side, I'd find it a lot more likely that she'd name a name specifically. something like "If it comes to that, I served with (name) back in (place). She'd help for a favor or two, and there's not a JAG officer in the fleet who can match her."
Rhodes finishes three of his lines in a row with "the service". a couple word choice rewrites to cut it down to one (it's not the phrase, just the repetition) would make the section flow significantly better.
livin: liven
"We saluted each other"
I realize that I am probably oversensitive about this particular issue, but I'd say at least consider "I saluted, she returned it, and Aki cut the signal."

Also, yes, a CW is a Chief Warrant Officer (which is to say, a warrant officer with a commission). Warrants serve primarily as subject matter experts. Technically speaking, and full commissioned offcier outranks any warrant. Practically speaking in the vaguest of ways, warrant ranks are roughly equivalent to the same level of commissioned officer. A CW3 is about as important as an O3. A CW5 (highest warrant rank) is approximately equivalent to an O5. Naval captains are O6s. Practically speaking in more concrete ways, a warrant's effective rank is a lot more variable based on competence than either a commissioned officer's or an NCOs. A WO1 who is particularly smart, dedicated, and really knows his or her stuff can wind up holding down a CW3-4 slot and have the respect and actual power to match - up to and including dictating terms (in certain very specific areas) to O5s. (the dictating terms was in the form of "as direct subject matter representative of that O6 over there who happens to be your boss", but I've seen it done.)
Officer respect and power comes first from rank, then from competence. Warrant respect and power comes from competence, with rank as a useful indicator of likely level of said competence.
In general, though, it looks good.

Black Aeronaut · 11-03-2006, 08:42 AM

Oi, it's gonna be tricky for me to find that happy-middle, since I don't really have any personal experiences to draw upon. Ah well, another rewrite then.
Oh, so that's what you mean by 'better show than tell.' Okay then...
Yeah, I'm terrible with spelling. As for editorial sweeps, I have no prereaders at this time and it's hard for a person to catch errors on a quick once-over on their own work. This became a bit of a rush job towards the end because I looked at the time and went "OMG..."
As for needing a JAG... That would be the Captain hedging their bets, so to speak. A bid for custody can go wrong in so many ways, even if there are no relatives to dispute the custody. Sometimes some do-gooder beauracrat intervenes - they only want the best for the child, and as the Captain pointed out, there is the question of whether or not he would make a good parent. Granted, this might be taken care of quickly and quietly before anyone who would interefer know about it, but one never knows when something might get leaked. For this reason, it may be useful to have a JAG on hand.
At this point, I don't know whether I should go ahead and have that happen or not. It might make for some good dramatic tension, but I don't want this to turn into one of those movies on the Lifetime channel. *Shudders*

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Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer

What!? Were you expecitng something witty?

Acyl · 11-03-2006, 07:37 PM

As a quick note... I like the rewrite you did.
It feels a lot more fluid, more...well, natural. Like an actual conversation between real people.
Really, that's the hard bit about writing dialogue. It's difficult to make it convincing. I think most of the changes Sirocco suggested are also aimed in that direction... making the whole exchange flow better.
I suggest actually reading the lines out loud, and seeing how they sound to you.
No, I don't say that to be condescending or anything, I actually mean it. I do that from time to time... Often, there's stuff like...repeated words, or long words, that just sound odd and awkward when you actually speak 'em. Or turns of phrase that look great on paper, but are a bit funny when read. And because the scene's supposed to be a spoken conversation...
Well, yeah.
About the subject of pay...in the Singapore Armed Forces, a serviceman's allowance (it isn't, legally speaking, a salary), is divided into two components: Rank and Vocational
That means if you're...say...a Lance Corporal, you get a certain fixed amount each month, depending on your rank. And then you get more, depending on what you do. That's vocational allowance, also called combat allowance. Meaning...a Commandos gets more on payday than a Service Medic, even if they have the same rank.
(And it's clearly possible to get a combat allowance of zero.)
Interestingly, most Singapore soldiers do think of their pay in terms of two seperate components.
So there's little resentment. If a guy's getting more, it's understood by his peers - "well, yeah, it's cool that he gets more cash than me...he also gets way more crap".
Thus, I'd say it not only makes sense that the Spartans and Manticors get paid a lot better than normal soldiers... but that, well, the normal guys KNOW it. And don't, on balance, care. Jealousy pangs, maybe, if the exact numbers slip somehow, but intellectually? Hell no, they wouldn't wanna be in those shoes.
-- Acyl

Black Aeronaut · 11-04-2006, 09:22 AM

Quote:
I suggest actually reading the lines out loud, and seeing how they sound to you.
No, I don't say that to be condescending or anything, I actually mean it. I do that from time to time... Often, there's stuff like...repeated words, or long words, that just sound odd and awkward when you actually speak 'em. Or turns of phrase that look great on paper, but are a bit funny when read. And because the scene's supposed to be a spoken conversation...

Oh, I understand. In fact, I do it every now and then, except it would get on the roomies' nerves from time to time. ^_^;;
Ah well, now that I'm by myself again...
EDIT: Okay, I've given it another coat of editorial spit-and-polish. Want me to just repost it here or should I email it to the both of you?

Black Aeronaut Technologies Group, LLC
Aerospace Solutions for the discerning spacer
"To the commissary we should go," Yoda declared firmly. "News
of this kind a danish requires."

11-04-2006, 07:44 PM

*Jumps up and down holding a sign that reads "repost"*

Black Aeronaut · 11-05-2006, 05:40 AM

Well now! And here I was thinking that no one else was paying attention. ^_^;;;
Folks, if you want to chime in just to say you like it or whatever, go ahead and do so. -Any- feedback is better than none and certainly helps me to know if I'm going in the right direction or not.
Also, for any interested parties, the sandbox for my world here is very much open. Contributions and collaborations are very much welcome.
And without further ado...

It was saddening to see yet another perished world especially when it was Earth. Some Earths were glassed radioactive cinders left over from a terrible war. Others were polluted to death barren rocky lands bathed in caustic mists or lifeless arid wastes where harsh winds blow with fantastic force.
This was a water world, a place without a single trace of dry land. The Ice Caps, for one reason or another, had melted down, but not boiled off. It was one of the more common scenarios for worlds that had mismanaged their efforts to control air pollution.
My task here was a simple one: search for survivors.
It was a disheartening one at that. Command knew already from the reports of our probes that I wasnt likely to find many survivors, if any at all. Thus, all I was given was a single Pegasus scout craft.
After a day of intensive sensor sweeps I was about to make ready to break orbit when the computer warbled for my attention. A single human life sign had been detected. It was a weak, yet steady sign and more than enough reason for me to go down there for a closer look.
I found her in the northern polar region, floating in the water under what appeared to be something like an oil-derrick. With great care, I eased the Pegasus into the water next to her. I then slipped out onto the hull of the craft, spooking a seagull in the process, and smoothly scooped her from the water. She was a beautiful little girl who could be no more than eight years old, with fair hair and skin.
That fair skin had suffered. It was red, blotchy, and cracked from who knew how many days under a harsh, unforgiving sun and bone-chilling nights.
Gently, I ran my I ran my right hand over the tortured skin of her face the worst affected area healing it with the tissue regenerator built into that hand. Within a few moments work her face was restored and taking on a healthy bronze tone. And yet, a troubled expression darkened that face.
Mommy, she whimpered. Mommy Please dont leave, Mommy Take me with you Mommy, please It was more than I could take, even now, as I write this account. Tears stung my eyes as I felt my heart break for this poor little orphan.
Oh my God, I cried softly as I held her close to my chest and wept for her. You poor thing. You poor innocent thing. Im so sorry.
Suddenly I felt her little arms wrap around my chest and hold to me tightly. She held me so tightly that I dont think I could have made her let go, even if I had wanted to. I then knew that she was wakeful enough to hear my words, to know what sorrow I felt for her. I then knew that I would never make her let go of me, nor could I let go of her.
I swear to you, little one. I will protect you, always.
***
Shortly after I got her inside the scout crafts tiny, yet serviceable, sickbay and got her to drink a restorative. As I prepared the bio-bed for her, I noticed that she watched every movement I made. But then as I moved my hands, I noticed that it was not necessarily what I was doing that she was watching. She was watching me as I was not skinned and wore no gloves.
Oh, I guess you noticed that Im not normal, huh, I asked when I realized this, holding up my left hand and wiggling my fingers so she could see it working. She did so with what appeared to be morbid fascination. She then looked at me as though to ask what had happened to me.
Well, I had a bad accident a long, long time ago, I explained as I continued to ready the bio-bed. The only way I could live something like a normal life was to be given this machine-body. Its not as nice as having a normal body, but I can do things no normal humans can because of it. You could say that Im special.
She looked at me in wonder and curiosity at that. I smiled back at her that was much better than the morbid fascination she had earlier. I then went to her and gently scooped her up. At first she froze, frightened at what it would be like to touch me she apparently didnt remember too much about me carrying her in here. But then, she relaxed as I carried to the bio-bed and then set her down. She then looked at me in startled amazement. I could tell what she was thinking. How could someone made of metal be soft? Suddenly, she reached out and poked my right arm and felt the myomer under my jumpsuit yield. I smiled.
Yeah, it is pretty amazing, isnt it?
She nodded her head in reply.
Anyways, this bed is a special machine. If you lay down on it, it will heal you. The only thing is, though, is that you have to be naked for it to work right, so Im going to go
Suddenly she lunged and grabbed me up around my chest, taking me by surprise. That surprise melted into compassion as she then began to sob softly on my chest. Gently, I put my arms around her comfortingly.
Okay, I wont leave, I said softly. Ill just turn around while you get those old clothes off and lay down to let the bed do its work. Okay?
She looked up at me with a tear-streaked face and nodded. I noticed that her skin-tone on her face had darkened considerably since I had healed it earlier a reflex from being out in the sun for so long. This little one was going to have a Cali-girl complexion. Smiling down at her, I gently set her back on the bed, then turned around and stood at ease. I could hear the old tattered clothes and single shoe she wore fall to the deck, and then the sound of the bio-beds tissue regenerators going to work on the girl. It did not take very long, and once it was through, I reached over to a shelf in the bulkhead and handed her a blanket behind me. I waited a moment, and then turned to look at her.
Will I ever learn to always expect the unexpected?
There she was, with the blanket wrapped around her. This wouldnt have been strange except that the bottom edge of the blanket was hovering about a couple of decimeters above the deck. With no sign of feet or legs underneath it.
Are you a telekinetic, I asked.
She gave me a confused look.
Never mind. Could other people on your world hover like that?
She shook her head.
You were the only one that could do this?
A slow, reluctant nod.
Thats interesting. Ive never heard of anything like this in real life before. Ill save the rest of the questions for later, though. Right now, lets get you dressed in something nice, huh?
Another slow nod. She seemed so sad, though I couldnt blame her. Everyone she had ever known was dead. However, something about her sadness told me that it was something else as well. Unfortunately, she still seemed to be shell-shocked from the experience, thus, words would probably not come easily to her for a while.
Again, I gently grab her up into my arms. She makes no complaints whatsoever and I make sure to snag her old clothes.
This way now, I say as I take her out of the sickbay and into the small common area which doubles as the galley and mess. It was odd to hold her like that since she figuratively weighed nothing, but I could certainly feel her mass as I moved with her. Very curious, indeed. I let her go when I approached the replicator in the room and looked through the old clothes for the tags.
Computer, one childs jumpsuit, size eight, cotton, pink scheme, one pair of childs ship-boots, white, size four, and a set of underclothes. I collected them from the replicator and placed the old ones on a nearby desk, then went to the girl and gently grabbed her up again and took her over to the crew quarters and showed her how to use a sonic shower. Then, afterwards, it was time for a meal she chose spaghetti-and-meatballs from the computers pictographic menu. It was during that meal that I learned, by giving her a PADD to type on, that her name was Amelia Zot. And so, with all those tasks out of the way, Amelia was clean, dressed, fed, and much healthier looking.
Well now! You look much better, I told her.
Amelia managed blushed a bit at that and smiled weakly.
Now that weve got all that out of the way, how about we get going?
She gave me a look as though to say, Go where?
My home. Its out in space.
She gave me an incredulous look.
Its true. Come on up to the control room with me, Ill show you. I began to move to the front of the Pegasus and she followed, slowly. Almost reluctantly, Amelia followed. To my eyes, the control room was nothing remarkable, but to someone like Amelia, who was taking all these technological marvels with remarkable stride, simply looked around in awe.
She gave me a mildly surprised look when I gently took her by the shoulders and placed her in the co-pilots seat and activated the safety harness. I smiled as she felt and tugged at the harness experimentally and sat down myself in the pilots seat next to her. She then watched me with fascination as I then began to start the Pegasuss engines once more, running through the checklists as I did so.
I was about to lift off when suddenly the proximity sensors went off, bringing the shields online. Something hit the Pegasus with incredible force and I was glad that Amelia was in the harness. The inertial compensators were not very effective this far into a gravity well, thus the jolt. Automatically, the Pegasus went into Red Alert.
Before I could even assess what was going on, we were pummeled again.
The system popped up a warning at me the matter/antimatter reactor chamber (MARC) could not fully power up the Pegasus for lift-off if we kept on getting pummeled like this. In this landed state, the Pegasus was helpless. Maybe if it were a larger, more capable ship, then we wouldnt have this problem. The only option for me was to go outside and face this threat myself.
Youll be safe here, I told Amelia as I got up.
She gave me a horrified look that I read as, Please dont leave me alone!
Im sorry, but I gotta do this. Dont worry Ill be back. I promise. And with that, I left her.
/* Background Music: Juno Reactor Savior */
I only had time to don the lightweight flight armor not exactly what I would have liked to face an unknown force with, but it was far better than nothing. Once outside the airlock, I got airborne to see what in Hades was attacking. I was not disappointed as something that resembled a dragon in the ancient Chinese style reared out of the sea. It was huge big enough to take me in a bite and it had beautiful pearlescent blue scales. However, its size didn't bother me one bit. Indeed, I had killed bigger, and potentially more dangerous, bugs on Klendathu. It was what it did next.
You who has taken the gifted child, it said in a great, seismic growl, return her to me and I shall leave you in peace. This situation wasnt exactly good. This thing not only sounded intelligent, but ancient too. Ancient enough, in fact, that I was picking up the vibe off him. It wasnt necessarily a bad vibe, just a dangerous one. Still, I mastered my fear as I had learned over the years. Ancient dragon or not, I swore an oath to Amelia.
And what is to become of her if I do?
That is none of your concern, strange mortal. My eyes narrowed at this.
I am sorry, ancient one, but in my experience when somebody feeds me that line of bull it usually means nothing good is going to happen.
Your feelings are irrelevant you crass young upstart. You will deliver her to me or I shall devour you.
No, ancient one. I claim this child as my own and will take her from this place. You no longer have any right to her!
So be it! snarled the dragon as it then lunged for me. He was fast, almost impossibly fast, but I was ready and dove to the side. Even as I did so, I ignited my plasma sword, the familiar crack and sizzle piercing the air as the blade extended from my left hand, and slashed the beast along his side.
With an outraged growl, he recoiled from the strike and I pressed my advantage by letting him have it with my particle beam gun, causing him to roar in pain. Then as I came around for another pass I was given new food for though. The wounds I had inflicted were gone already!
Red light! said Akis voice in my head, coming to the same conclusion I did conventional combat was not gonna get me anywhere with this beast and Id only expend my reactors fuel supply before I knew it. I killed my plasma blade and darted to the side the dragon missed me by the proverbial mile, his jaws snapping shut were I had been. At this moment, I knew that I had to get her out of harms way.
Aki! Get her out of that things reach. Explain the situation while youre at it so she doesnt panic.
Right! With that, I felt her presence withdraw from my mind.
***
Amelia knew that there was something desperately wrong. She knew already that Benjamin, the kind man made of steel, had gone outside to fight some sort of monster. Not only that, she also knew that it wanted her. She didnt know why, she just did it was the same way when someone has an itch that they must scratch it.
Suddenly, on the black glassy-looking panel in front of her, a woman she did not recognize appeared and began to speak.
Amelia! Im going to move the ship away from the battle so that you wont get hurt. Ben said not to worry. As soon as its over Ill call the ship back, okay? Suddenly, Amelia heard a whining crescendo somewhere behind her. Before she even had a chance to even realize that it was coming from somewhere inside the Pegasus, she was suddenly shoved into her seat by some invisible force.
She gasped this was something she had never felt before. Looking around her, she tried to understand why she was feeling this sensation, and then she looked out the windows and gasped once more. The blue sky was slowly fading into darkness. No, not just darkness, a night sky! Suddenly, the stars in that sky shifted as though some great hand had turned the Pegasus, but she hadnt felt like anything had moved.
And then, at the end of this almost nausea inducing sweep, the entire planet swung into view. Last, but not least, a new image flicked onto the display before her eyes. Amelia did not really know what she was looking at she could tell that it portrayed the endless seascape that she had been rescued from. At the bottom was a white bar that had a graph with a regularly pulsing heart icon next to it that pulse and the pattern on the graph was a steady and even one. In that image, squared directly in the center, was a dragon.
Amelia was suddenly filled with a petrifying dread. She had always thought that at least some dragons in fairy tales were nice, but for some reason this one did not feel very nice to her at all. And then, to her even greater confusion, she heard Bens voice.
***
Okay, scaly. So, youre some kind of magical creature? Fine then. I can do magical. My Soulstone throbbed gently against my heart as it called out to my weapons and at once, they were in my hands, overhand in the left, underhand in the right.
Your weapons shall avail you not! snarled the dragon as it charged for me once more.
You know not what youre up against! I cried out as I darted just to the side and slashed the blade in my left hand along the dragons side. This time, instead of the pained roar, came an ear-splitting screech of agony. Once again, Earthsongs gift was proving invaluable. The Dragon was the one who stopped this time as he had something to think about.
How in all eternity did you come by such weapons? Such things are not for mortals to wield!
I guess Im just special then, I growled.
No matter. I shall just have to be more cautious. And just as he said the words, the sky immediately turned dark and ominous. I looked around and saw that it was all around us. A super-storm, a perfect hurricane from nowhere, was rapidly building all around me. Not just within a day, rapidly. This storm was going to become fatally dangerous within mere minutes. Already I could see waterspouts beginning to form.
So then, you coward. Is this how you ended this world? Is this how you killed all those innocent people?
Dont make me laugh, mortal. They were nothing more than chattel. Only the gifted one mattered.
Is that so? Then Ill show you what befalls those who favor only the gifted! I then made my charge. Wild currents, water spouts and lightning all came at me at once and I was unafraid. Ive played this game before. Never fight the currents. Instead, flow with them and use them to your advantage. This is doubly so for the waterspouts. As for the lightning, I ignored it. Flesh and blood may be affected by the high-energy static discharges, but not me the lightning could not even touch me because Aki was constantly tracking the static charges and making sure that the lightning could not seek me out.
The dragon reared back in shock as I navigated his hazard field and lunged for him, my blades seeking his flesh. He tried to whip me aside with his tail and succeeded, but only to an extent. I quickly recovered and alighted on one of his coils. Of course, he was quick to take action here.
So it was that while the storm raged all around me that I did battle with this dragon, striking and counter-striking against his blows, but only managing to nickel-and-dime him. Still, I was holding my own against his onslaught.
Apparently, he didnt like that idea.
I grow tired of this game, mortal. Be gone with you! He somehow managed to shake me off and the storm dissipated as I regained stability in the air. Once I was upright, I saw that he had climbed high up in the air and was charging some sort of energy in his mouth. Before Aki could even begin to assess the risk factor, he let go with it.
Benjamin! cried Akis voice. The yield of that energy discharge is phenomenal its registering in the gigaton range! We cant survive this!
My mind raced shortly there had to be a way out of this mess. And then my eyes came to my Blades of the Sidera. I had yet to explore the full potential of these weapons as I had only recently learned to summon them at will.
Are you serious? said Aki as she picked up on my thoughts. We have no way of knowing if theyll work or not!
I never know till I try, Aki. And right now that seems to be our only viable option. I looked up at the oncoming energy sphere it was huge. There was no way to dodge this thing. The only way to go was straight through. And it sounded perfectly fine to me. I crossed the blades over my head, said the infamous spacers prayer (Lord, dont let me screw up), and charged onwards. And then I was engulfed.
The energy swirled and eddied all around me. My shield gauge immediately began to drop steadily and the sheer force of it all wracked me. But I couldnt stop now to do so was to wish for death. I didnt want that. Never in a million years would I give up. Suddenly, seeming to have sensed my resolve, my Soulstone pulsed once again and I felt a surge of power flow through and uplift me. I shot out of the energy orb faster than I went in.
Probably made one hell of a light show, too.
What!? cried out the Dragon in shock. You should be dead! I killed you!
I adjusted my blades into a scissor formation and relieved the dragon of his head. Far below, the massive energy discharge dispersed before it could ever touch the surface.
A lot of people like you have said that, I stated flatly as I hovered over the Dragon. They all underestimated me as well. For some reason, he still floated there in the calm air, but now I could see its body slowly starting to disintegrate.
So, he said in a hushed, weak tone. I have been defeated. Take the child then. I shall rebuild this world anew in my own image without her power. A suddenly gust of wind came from nowhere carrying a cloud with it. When it was gone, so was the Dragon.
Aki, summon the Pegasus for a high-altitude, high-speed intercept. I dont want to stay here any longer than I absolutely have to.
Affirmative. The Pegasus is on its way now.
***
He had killed it.
Benjamin had killed the dragon, a creature that had struck such a horrible fear into Amelias heart.
That was it then, Amelia resolved to herself. No matter what happened, she wanted to be brave and strong like Benjamin. Once she was, she too could protect people the way he had protected her today. She never noticed that the Pegasus was in motion again. It couldnt be held against her though since the inertial compensators were fully operational this time.
Ben came in and she didnt notice until he unlocked her harness. Suddenly she shot out of her seat and into Ben, who had to stumble back or else shed hurt herself on him, and began to wail inconsolably.
Ben knew that she needed a good cry. Hell, she would probably need several more after all shed been through, which Ben could only guess at. For the time being, he did the smart thing. He told Aki to set course to rendezvous with the Event Horizon. Then, with nothing better to do, he took little Amelia to bed with him. He was absolutely exhausted and was more than happy to let the grieving girl fall asleep on his chest.
***
When I awoke later on, I was mildly surprised to see that Amelia was hovering just a few centimeters over me as she slept. I supposed that as she regained strength her flight ability improved. I just hoped that it wouldnt become a problem later on the last thing one would need would be to drift around ones home aimlessly in their sleep.
It was already oh-six-hundred. Given how much time had passed in transit, that meant we were still about two hours out. The Captain would probably want to hear my report a bit sooner, given what had happened.
After getting a nutrient-drink on the way to the control room (for the curious: Mexican hot chocolate flavor Yum), I asked Aki to put me through to Captain Keyes. I sat there in the pilot's seat, nursing my drink and imagining what was going on the other end:
The Captain, in her seat on the bridge, probably going through some reports as the Adamant went about her patrol duty, when Aki pops up letting her know that I was ready to report. She would decorously drop what she was doing because she'd know that my reporting in a bit early meant something had happened, and go to her ready room just off the bridge where she can take my call in relative privacy.
Presently, the Captain's face appeared on the monitor and with it, came the polite chirp from the computer that let me know that I was on the air.
Good morning, Captain Keyes. CPO Rhodes reporting in.
Ah, Rhodes. I was wondering when you'd get here, but I didn't think that you'd find something interesting enough to report early.
Well, I guess that's just me for you.
Great. What was it this time and how big is their fleet? she said glibly.
You're never gonna let me live down my reputation, are you, Capn? The Captain only grinned indulgently.
Leave it to you, Rhodes, to find all sorts of trouble even when you're not trying. So, what was it this time?
Well, Capn, despite all odds, I actually managed to find a survivor on that water world.
Now that is remarkable! said Keyes, her eyebrows inching upwards. Tell me about this person.
Well she's an eight year old girl named Amelia Zot.
Eight years old? said the Captain, her eyes wide and jaw hanging just a bit. How the hell did she survive?
I'm not sure, I replied, shrugging for effect, but I think it has something to do with a special talent of hers. She flies.
What? Youre kidding, she said in that classic, skeptical, youre-putting-me-on tone.
I shook my head.
You're not kidding, are you?
She never walks around or anything like that, I said, feeling a little sheepish about it. She just hovers from point A to point B. She even seems to float in her sleep.
Keyes sighed. You know that the folks over in Sciences are gonna want to figure out how the hell she does that.
They'll have to do it under my supervision, I replied in a rather serious tone. I've already decided that I'm going to adopt her.
I don't think I could have got a funnier look from her if I had told her she had suddenly sprouted a tail.
Excuse me? she drawled out slowly. Rhodes, you're a Manticore. You've been rebuilt to run straight up to Wraiths and punch them so hard that you knock 'em into next Tuesday. You're hardly what I'd call Parenting Material.
I know that, Cap'n, but she's already latched onto me. Besides, you weren't there to see what happened after I found her.
Oh no, moaned Keyes, wincing at whatever thoughts were going through her head. Rhodes, I'm almost afraid to ask.
No need, I said resignedly. Aki is now sending you a copy of my mnemonic memory logs from the battle. Right on cue, the Captain's terminal chimed for her attention and I waited while she watched the digital facsimile of what I had seen and done on that battle.
Jesus H. Christ, Rhodes! uttered Miranda once the battle had ended, putting a hand to the bridge of her nose as though to fend off an impending migraine. What the hell is it with you? Youre like a magnet for this kind of supernatural shit.
Indeed, I thought to myself, pondering the other strange things that had happened to me, such as the Soulstone embedded in the bio-pod in my chest.
I have no idea, Cap'n, but Im starting to get the feeling that someone up there has it out for me.
You're telling me? she replied, her face scrunched up in disgust. She then sighed and went on, So, this Zot girl saw all this?
Yeah, she had front row seats thanks to Aki.
Great, I can see why she'd be so attached to you then, she said a bit sardonically. You're that girl's hero.
Ugh, I seem to be everyone's hero.
Should have thought about that before you joined up it's what you get for being The First Manticore.
Yeah, yeah, I've heard it before. We're getting off topic, here. Anyhow, can I keep her, mommy? Just as she was taking a drink of her coffee perfect timing! But lo, she had become accustomed to my habit of doing that and merely paused mid-sip to swallow and give me a dirty look. I only smiled innocently. What were friends for?
You do realize that you'll have to go inactive, right? she said, brushing aside my attempt to make her do a spit-take.
I do. At least until she's old enough to be able to take care of herself for a few days at a time so I can pull reserve duty.
I just don't see why you don't go ahead and get a discharge, said Keyes matter-of-factly. We both know this life doesn't entirely suit you.
I know, but I also know that I'd miss the action. Being a liaison to Section 9 was fun. So was being a fugitive from the AD Police. Ah, the memories! One moment, you're a liaison to an Anti-Mecha police force, then once they discover you're a cyborg, they start coming after your head and you wind up allying with a bunch of ladies in power armor. Ah well, it was for the best, I figure. Without having met Sylia, we would never have been able to repackage Mjolnir as Athenian.
Yeah, agreed Keyes. And then there was Meijer and Tarok... Oh.
Yeah. Meia. I sighed at that. Been a while since Id thought of her. It suddenly occurred to me that I might accidentally lead Amelia down the path of becoming a soldier, and thus, potentially to the same fate as Meia. No, that would not do. I'd have to make sure that she didn't grow up that way.
I'm sorry, Rhodes. I didn't mean to remind you of that.
It's okay, Cap'n, I replied, pulling my thoughts back together. I'm past it and I think she'd be glad to see me doing what I'm doing now.
It means that much to you, huh?
Yes, Ma'am.
All right then. I'll pull what strings I can. If I have to, I'll see if I can't get the best JAG Lawyer in the fleet to represent you. I'll also have your living accommodations upgraded. Do you still want to live in Ft. Whitcomb?
Not particularly. Not that I want to totally disassociate myself with everyone else, but I don't think it wise to bring up Amelia in the company of our Special Forces.
What do you mean?
No offense, Cap'n, but I just don't want her to get any romantic ideas about the military.
Rhodes, you can't force that ideal on her. If she gets it in her head that she's gonna join up, then she's gonna join up.
I can't guarantee her protection in the Service.
Rhodes, I know you've lost someone who was close to you in the past, but you can't protect everyone around you forever. I had no answer for that. Miranda understood she knew me, knew what I was feeling.
She had known Meia as a friend as well as a subordinate.
Ft. Whitcomb it is then, I said with a sigh.
That's better, said Keyes with a small, slightly wistful, smile. She then brightened up a bit as she added, The place would be pretty boring without you to liven it up anyways. Hurry up and get your tin-can ass back here, okay? I smiled despite myself. Yeah, she knew me pretty well, all right. Guess thats why she was the Captain and I wasnt.
Sure thing, Cap'n. Rhodes out. As per protocol, I saluted and held until she returned the salute, and then Aki cut the signal. I sat there for a moment thinking about what sort of life it would be like raising that girl around a bunch of Manticores, Spartans, and ODST's. I sighed, finished off my drink, and then got up to go wake Amelia. Good habits start early, after all.

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