A Hard-Boiled Plot Bunny

[robkelk]

I put this together for the second AC3 fanfic panel, as an example of how writing style affects the story. I doubt I'll ever do anything with it, so...

It was raining in the city by the river. A hard rain; the kind that makes you wish you could afford to buy another bottle and crawl into a hole with it. The best I could do was stay in my office. That's the one with the sign that reads "Philip Nakajima, Private Detective" on the door. It wasn't like I had anywhere else to go that day.
I was trying to figure out where I was going to get the money to pay next month's rent when she walked in the door. A vision of loveliness, with a smile that lit up the room, legs that went all the way up and a skirt that didn't make much of the return trip, and a magic wand with a crescent moon on the top.
My ulcer and my wallet argued over whether I needed the headaches of a magical girl client. My wallet won.
"Hello," I said, looking her straight in the face. "What can I do for you?"
"Mr. Nakajina," she answered in a breathless voice which was probably breathless because the elevator went the way of the dodo two days ago, "they call me Sailor Moon. I need help to find the other Senshi, and a friend said you could help me. Please, Mr. Nakajima, I don't know where else to go..."

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Aleh]

Interesting idea. It's almost a shame that you won't do anything with it, but it's pretty well written.
As a side note, that's probably totally irrelevant, there's a real Philip Nakajima. He's a research analyst at Barclays Capital and has an MBA from the University of Edinburgh.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[robkelk]

Thanks. I suppose I could do something with it, but that would mean delaying BSBW even more.
There's a real Philip Nakajima? Better change the name in the fic, then...

-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Aleh]

It's not exactly a rare set of names, although the conjunction is considerably less so. I only noticed because I did a search in case he was a crossover I didn't recognise.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[DHBirr]

It doesn't precisely count as staying on topic, but someone -- I'm not sure who -- did a bunch of "excerpts" from The Lord of the Rings as written by different authors. Your plot bunny reminded me of one of my favorites: the Raymond Chandler version.
Frodo Baggins? said the old man in the doorway, rain dripping from his oversized hat with all the ease of a dwarf burrowing after gold.
Thats the name on the door. Guess Im gullible enough to believe what it says about me.
The old man came in and dripped water on the earth floor. Added a touch of class, so I didnt complain.
Frodo, youve got a problem.
I pay my taxes, and Im clean with the Rangers. Whats my problem?
Bilbo shafted you with that heirloom. Gold ring? Gold ringer, more like.
A dud, huh. Cant say Im surprised.
If it was a dud, you wouldnt have a problem. Your problem is that this little heirloom has a history, a history with a pearl-handled stiletto in the back. It goes back all the way through the biggest string of mugs you find as wallpaper on Minas Tiriths finest. Goes all the way back to Night-Time Sauron.
Of course, the Gene Roddenberry version is even funnier.... "The Halflings, cap'n; they will na take the strain!" "Boromir, put on that red armour...."

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I suppose I could do something with it, but that would mean delaying BSBW even more.

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No! Not that! Don't let anything delay BSBW any more!
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Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.