Dead Bang random thought

[Bob Schroeck]

Okay, my main concern was keeping continuity with GGG. But frankly, Ian, this is so freakin' good that I'm willing to rewrite that continuity to make it official if it's necessary.

Yes, let me repeat that: I'd like to make this the official sequel to DW2, in continuity with the rest of the Walk and its related stories.

That said, I have only one real quibble with the chapter: Hiroe wouldn't know Lisa calls herself "Sailor Loon". All that could be heard on the damaged audio track on the boomer logs is "Sail... oon." Very specifically, the first consonant of "Loon" is missing, deliberately so on the writing side because it was necessary to catalyze Madigan.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Dragonflight]

Hmm. Good point. I had thought IDEC had learned what she had called herself at some point, but I might be wrong. If not, it's an easy rewrite. I'll just pull out the direct name reference, and be a little more vague.

I'm really flattered that you want to make it the official sequel. By all means, go ahead.
Also, if you want to grab copies and host them on your site, by all means. I post them where I do because it's the easiest place to put them for me.
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[katreus]

Dude. Tis awesome.

Okay, I think you need to do a quick run through for some spelling errors, some repetitive words, and some parts where it felt awkward or a bit confusing. That
was mainly the area with those boomer spiders that had a mind imprinted on them were talking. There's also one part in the group meeting where Sylia is
saying something to Sylvie, but it's confusing because you don't - or at least I didn't - really have any idea who was speaking until a couple
lines down after the actual saying. I was confused as to whether it was Sylvia or Linna speaking.

As for Linna, I'm glad to see her growing and becoming a force in her own right. Actually, I'm really impressed with all the character growth from
Priss to Sylvia to Lisa and whoever. I think that's one of your biggest strengths in this story.

I really liked the scene with Motoko, Lisa, and the Magic Power song.

Hrm. I'm wagering a guess that Tony's shenanigans are unknown to his colleagues at IDEC. I'm wondering if he's related to the Ai group, but
doesn't seem like it.

[Bob Schroeck]

Also, if you want to grab copies and host them on your site, by all means.

I was going to ask if you minded; I guess not. When the new version of the site goes live, I'll include them.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Dragonflight]

Hmm. I'll have to go through the Sylia / Sylvie section to see if it's misleading. It happens sometimes. You don't like putting in "she said,
the other one said, then she said again" on every line of dialogue. But that means sometimes when you're trying to break out of the repetition that
you take it too far. So I'll take a look again.

The repetition of thoughts from the Yoshida-boomers was deliberate, to draw the reader's attention to the fact that all three of them were not only
essentially Yoshida-clones, but also all as equally obsessed with his ambition as he is.

Quick edit: Altered a few comments in the Sylia/Sylvie conversation to try and make it more obvious who's taking. Also neatened up some spelling and
grammer errors and tidied up the Spider-boomer's mental monologue.
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Bob Schroeck]

Ian... please drop me an email. I don't remember your address, and I've just belatedly realized that I need to brief you on the entire course of the Sailor Moon Step if your Makoto is the same one who's going to be in GGG. Because she's radically different from canon.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Epsilon]

DRAG0NFLIGHT wrote:

---

Hmm. I'll have to go through the Sylia / Sylvie section to see if it's misleading. It happens sometimes. You don't like putting in "she
said, the other one said, then she said again" on every line of dialogue. But that means sometimes when you're trying to break out of the repetition
that you take it too far. So I'll take a look again.

A useful trick to this is to insert activity between the dialogue. This has the dual effect both making the scene more visually interesting and or
identifying the speaker without having to use a lot of cumbersome "he said/she said" attributions.

"So what do you think?" Sylia said.

"I'm not certain." Sylvie tapped her fingers against the tabletop. "We can't act unless we're certain."

Sylia stood up and looked out the window. "We can't wait to be certain, is the problem."

"If you say so." Sylvie looked at the computer and frowned.

------------------

Epsilon

[Dragonflight]

I just had an odd thought...

If Doug's appearing in the Sailor Moon environment as of the *first* episode, and if the Makoto in Megatokyo is going to be canon with GGG, then it stands
to reason that the Sailor Moon step, which happens LATER in Doug's steps, happens EARLIER temporally speaking, than the BGC step. Because otherwise, Makoto
would be a full fledged immortal by the time Doug interacted with her.

This also means that as soon as Makoto and Lisa start exchanging information, Makoto will realize who they're talking about.

This could be tricky, since I haven't a clue what's happening in that step. Even if I did, would you want me to include even vague hints about what
happens in her dialogue?

Anyway, email address is dragonflight@cyberus.ca.
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Foxboy]

You're forgetting the chronal mismatch inherent in everything involved in the Walk.

Doug ends up where and WHEN he needs to be...
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[Bob Schroeck]

If Doug's appearing in the Sailor Moon environment as of the *first* episode, and if the Makoto in Megatokyo is going to be canon with GGG, then it stands to reason that the Sailor Moon step, which happens LATER in Doug's steps, happens EARLIER temporally speaking, than the BGC step.

Correct, as is Foxboy. Doug's travels between universes are through an N-dimensional higher space, and his personal timeline need not be congruent with anyone else's, since he essentially goes "outside" of the 4-D time arrow when transiting.

This also means that as soon as Makoto and Lisa start exchanging information, Makoto will realize who they're talking about.

Right. And Makoto also stands a good chance of realizing who Lisa is as well, because Doug will probably have spoken of his earlier travels.

since I haven't a clue what's happening in that step

Well, the email I just sent you should address that.

would you want me to include even vague hints about what happens in her dialogue?

As long as you don't give away the specifics of the ending. When you read the email, you'll see why. Anything else... well, that'll just whet everyone's appetites.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Shepherd]

Wouldn't Makoto's internet search for Lisa wind up showing the battle where she got her powers and teamed up with Doug? The moment Makoto sees a
picture of Doug, she'll likely figure out where she is and who she is dealing with.
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Bob Schroeck]

Lisa's pictures of herself don't show Doug. And the articles that accompany them don't explicitly link Doug and "Sailor Loon".
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Necratoid]

Okay, two things bugged me when I read this. 1) random quotation marks pop up (listed below): .. and 2) the formatting of the last scene is a bit jarring as
Makato is playing peanut gallery without a scene transition... its readable and all, but just seems off. I think its because its changing perspective so much.
If it stayed with Lisa's perspective and then went through Makato's perspective it would have flowed better. That or had scene transition brakes/page
brake/etc... between the perspective changes.

-Scene "Monday, October 26, 2037, 8:00 PM " ten paragraphs up from the bottom the paragraph ends in an unneeded quotation mark as the same speaker is
still speaking. (pods instead.")

-Scene "Wednesday, October 28, 2037, 11:00 AM" paragraph 10 quotation mars don't close at scene transition ("This might actually work.)

-Scene "Wednesday, October 28, 2037, 11:00 AM" Quote fail to close on the last line of scene.

-Scene "9:00 PM, GENOM Tower, Megatokyo" missing quotation: at paragraph 5, ("Well, Kate began,)

That and I'm waiting for a certain someone to get IDed on their upcoming job... the command staff having watched the series and all.

[deadpan29]

Necratoid wrote:

---

That and I'm waiting for a certain someone to get IDed on their upcoming job... the command staff having watched the series and all.

Yes, but she's watched the series as well so I don't think she's going to use her real name. Beyond that, most anime drawings are very
simplistic representations of the human face, so IDing a real person from an anime representation of them is likely to be harder than you might think.

On top of that, the manga and anime are based on inspiration from the SM universe, but they got things wrong as well, so she may not look that much like her
animated counterpart. For example, if you have ever seen a cartoon based on a live-action movie, the cartoon characters usually don't look that much like
the actors in the movie.
----------
No, I don't believe the world has gone mad.  In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

Shepherd wrote:

---

Wouldn't Makoto's internet search for Lisa wind up showing the battle where she got her powers and teamed up with Doug? The moment Makoto sees a
picture of Doug, she'll likely figure out where she is and who she is dealing with.

Shouldn't Hiroe have told them about Doug?

--Sam

"This is graveness."

[Dragonflight]

Had another reply earlier, but the board somehow lost it. Trying again...

First, I noticed some of the messed up quotation marks. I'll sift through the document later and correct it. Thanks!

Second, most anime don't show anime girls as Japanese. Most of them look *very* caucasian. So if a dark haired brunette Japanese girl answering to the name
of Makoto shows up on your hiring list, you won't immediately think Sailor Jupiter. Especially since they will be comparing her to the anime. It seems to
me that in an "actual" Sailor Moon world, the girls would actually look *Japanese*. And Rob Kelk addresses that in his Legend of Galactic Girls
storyline, which is nice to see. It again hearkens back to the concept I touched briefly on in respect to the Fox-Broome theory. Just because they got the
concepts right doesn't mean they drew the girls particularly accurately. Most of it is probably close, but the racial appearances are drawn to fit in with
what the current market in Japan wants to see, and what sells anime and merchandising on the store shelves. That has nothing to do with what it would actually
look like.

Also, I recall somewhere reading about how a family named their infant daughter Willow after the Buffy series. So, if Makoto flips open a phone book, how many
other Makotos will she find? Probably at least a half-dozen. And if she doesn't use her surname, it's no more than coincidence. In fact, since she
suspects they're investigating her, and she's enjoying the turnabout, she may *deliberately* be making them question themselves. "Is this asian
girl named Makoto the genuine deal? Or is she just a construction laborer like she appears?" Also, it would be a good way to sound out the people who are
going to eventually build a facility on the interdimensional doorway. One way or another, a "decision" will have to be made about what they're
doing. What better way to make up your mind than to help them build it?

Finally, Hiroe may well have told Queen Usagi the whole story. But if Makoto's job is to evaluate a possible Senshi, telling her the whole story will only
prejudice the end result. Far better to send her in with no preconceptions at all. Of course, once the girls start exchanging notes, Makoto may well decide
Usagi couldn't possibly have *not* known, and may be planning some exquisite way to repay her Royally Majestic pain in the posterior when she returns...
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Necratoid]

You do realize that a certain Genom branch is not actually full of complete morons. They don't actually know who the visitor is this time... however if
Sailor Jupiter randomly shows up and starts tossing around lightning bolts, they are smart enough to keep an eye out for tall, strong, brunettes that with a
certain eye color. They are also smart enough not to sudden call her on it. A previous dimensional traveler did come and work with them for a while. They
aren't stupid. They understand the concept of slow playing things.

Yes, I do actually realize that the anime standard drawing style is ripped off from the Japanese watching Disney films. That would be why the population at
large looks like white folk in Japan, in anime. General characteristics will carry over into the real people.

[Dragonflight]

No, you're right that IDEC is staffed with some really bright people. And they may figure it out eventually.

But the point here is that Makoto has to consider the potential threat these people may pose to her realm if they figure out how to stabilize the doorway.
There's only a limited number of solutions:

1) Destroy their facilities, drive them out of business.

2) Study them and see if its possible to come to an understanding.

3) Ignore them altogether and hope they blunder into either a mistake that sends them recoiling in fear, or blows up their facility.

If you're not going to ignore them, and you don't want to wreck things as the "final solution", then you pretty much *have* to study them.
And don't forget, Makoto isn't applying to IDEC, she's applying to one of the construction firms IDEC is subcontracting the work with. This gives
her plenty of time to participate in the construction phase, evaluate what they're building, and how it will likely work, and even determine the best ways
to wreck it, if it should prove necessary.

While IDEC might figure her out eventually, she isn't showing up on their payroll. On top of that, I expect only those three are actually In On It, so the
rest of the IDEC staff wouldn't recognize the inherent significance of a girl named Makoto toting heavy machinery around a construction site that's
performing some kind of unspecified high energy research. And what's the odds that the top three will hobnob with construction workers?

That said, what would be the fun if they never found out... Still working on that one...
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Bob Schroeck]

Beyond that, most anime drawings are very simplistic representations of the human face, so IDing a real person from an anime representation of them is likely to be harder than you might think.

A partially facetious example: Excluding costume, could you ID Jupiter from the live action Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon based on the animated version?
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Bob Schroeck]

I expect only those three are actually In On It,

They might think so, but don't forget Chizue, the secretary whom Doug befriended and basically told his entire story to. (In Chapter 11.)
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[robkelk]

So, if Makoto flips open a phone book, how many other Makotos will she find?

In Tokyo? Well, it won't quite be as bad as opening a Hong Kong phonebook and looking for somebody named "Li"...

(That's an in-joke between me and Ian, based on a game I GMed and he played. He wasn't the one who made that mistake, though.)

They don't actually know who the visitor is this time... however if Sailor Jupiter randomly shows up and starts tossing around lightning bolts, they are smart enough to keep an eye out for tall, strong, brunettes that with a certain eye color.

On the flip side, IDEC only had one Sailor Moon expert - Hiroe. Even if they realize the new visitor is a Senshi, they're going to have to do some homework before they can ID her.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Epsilon]

Bob Schroeck wrote:

---

Beyond that, most anime drawings are very simplistic representations of the human face, so IDing a real person from an anime representation of them is
likely to be harder than you might think.

A partially facetious example: Excluding costume, could you ID Jupiter from the live action Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon based on the
animated version?

Especially considering Makoto from the anime is drawn as a caucasion and presumably actual Makoto would be Asian.

Not to mention the conceit that in Sailor Moon nobody ever recognizes the Sailor Senshi, despite their lack of masks or anything that woudl conceal their
identity at all. If Ian gets really caught up he could just have had Usagi lend Makoto the Disguise Pen which flawlessly disguises people as X (even if it
doesn't, in fact, change their appearance at all).

-----------------

Epsilon

[Bob Schroeck]

Well, Ian has already established a disguise effect even for Lisa, one she didn't realize was there. So that angle's covered.

As for Sailor Moon experts, I believe I wrote Ilya as having some minor familiarity due to a daughter or daughters. I'll have to go look that one up.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[CattyNebulart]

didn't IDEC study Sailor moon at one point because a senshi was loose?
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Bob Schroeck]

Juat enough to decide to pretend she didn't exist.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.