ROTFL: Can has Cheeseburger?

[robkelk]

Shadowjack's http://dl.dropbox.com/u/2133352/shadowjack.html]Sailor Moon episode pastiches count, right? From episode 77:

Makoto: "See, there's this new specialty store just opened up in this mall, dedicated to making promise bracelets. They sell all the supplies you'll need, good quality at surprisingly—dare I say suspiciously?—low prices, plus instruction booklets, of course, and they're even offering free classes."
Usagi: "…Oh, shit."
Ami: "Yes."
Usagi: "Oh, shit!"
Makoto: "I know, isn't it just perfect timing?"
Usagi: "Aw, you guys always know the way to my heart. A whole demon trap, just for me?"
Ami: "So, I'll buy you a starter kit basket here, thread and book—"
Usagi: "Awww…"
Makoto: "—and I've already set up the reservation for the class for you—"
Usagi: "…you guys…"
Makoto: "And we'll both be waiting right over here if you need reinforcements."
Makoto: "Good luck!"
Usagi: "Aw, I have the best friends."

Ami /gizmophone! "AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!"
Rei /tending the fires at the shrine. (via gizmophone) "…¿Say what?"
Makoto (via gizmophone) /already running. "It's the promise bracelet store at Misanga Mansion, isn't it?"
Ami: "Exactly! See you there!"
Minako (via gizmophone) /dripping. "Why do these things always happen when I'm in the bath? Artemis, where's my bloody towel?!"

Esmeraude: "Impudent warriors!"
Usagi: "Impudent! We're always impudent! Mercury, lend her a thesaurus."

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Jorlem]

Harry Dresden said:

---

Nanoha looked me in the face (still not in the eyes), and
asked with utter seriousness: "Can you fly?""What?"
"Can.
You. Fly?"
"Wha—no!"
"Then hold on tight!" There
was another flash of rose-colored light from around her feet. Then she
grabbed my hand and, yanking me with her, jumped out of the building-

On The Run, chapter 2
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6064996/2/
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[robkelk]

"Yaaaaaaaay! You don't hate me anymore! You'll need a nickname then. Vita, Vita... hmmm, it's kind of simplistic, but how about just 'Vi'? Yeah, I like that. Vi."

"Hey! I'm still gonna beat the tar out of you, doofus! I'm just saying that... y'know, you're not as much of a bastard as I thought. So maybe you were telling the truth when you said it was nothing personal, and I really did overreact because it was my master being threatened. Doesn't mean I like you, just that it also won't be 'personal' when I beat you down."

He pouted. "Hmph. Even when you're being nice you're still pretty mean, Vi."

"Do not call me that! We're not friends, you don't get to give me a nickname!"

"But it's cute. It suits you."

"Why is it whenever you talk, to me it just sounds like, 'Please hit me, Vita. Please beat me within an inch of my life.'?"

"Aw, now you're just plain mean again! Really, Vi, you need to learn to lighten up!" Susanoo whined.

"Arrgh! Look, what did I tell you about being all buddy-buddy? We! Are! Not! Friends! A lack of hatred is not the same thing as affection! Stop talking!" Damn, and I thought Takamachi was annoying! At least she only asked instead of just randomly assuming we were suddenly pals!

"No talking at all?"

"Not a word!" Vita snarled.

"Are you sure? I've got one more thing to say and it is very important."

"Grrrrr... fine! What do you have to say that's so important?"

"Well... just thought you'd like to know. I know I said I'd let you lead the way, but in the future you probably shouldn't let people fly behind you like this..."

Vita tensed her grip on Graf Eisen. Crap, I didn't even think about it, but I'm giving him a clear shot at my back! How could I have been so stupid? She'd let his open manner throw her off her guard. She'd thought she'd learned her lesson after the same damn thing had made her underestimate Takamachi far, far too many times, but apparently not. And now if she didn't hurry, she'd be paying for...

"... because well, frankly, considering your armor's design... it's just... well, flying right there... Look, I swear I'm not trying to, but you are sort of directly in front of me and I can totally see up your skirt." Susanoo finished.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144486/23/Infinity]Infinity, Chapter 22
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[drakensis]

"But what about Chouji? You know they've bound to have some sort of deal worked out where Chouji is the only person who gets to eat Shikamaru. And I am so totally not going toe to toe with Chouji in an eating match."
Sasuke had to allow Naruto the point.

"I mean, hell, if we'd had him out on the farm, we could probably just have given him a shovel, pointed him at the shoggoth, and told him it was natto. I'd put money on that."

"I'd pay money to see that," Sasuke admitted.

There was a pause.

"No, no, no I wouldn't," he said, changing his mind after a moment's thought. "In fact, I think I'd pay rather a lot of money right now just to have the mental images that created removed from my head."

"Ah," Naruto said with an understanding wince.

There was another pause.

"Is Chouji winning?" he asked.

"Actually, no. It's a fucking shoggoth."

"Point."

People Lie, chapter 33
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[drakensis]

That did not mean she'd have second thoughts about bashing the girl's head in with her camcorder if she tried to take away her Sakura-chan. MINE!

Sakura's eyes went wide. "YouTube?"

"Yes," Green Lantern-chan said, shaking her head. "There are a lot of videos of you there, fighting these Clow Cards. Most seem to think it's some kind of amateur fan loli panty-shot series."

Horrified, Sakura turned to Tomoyo. She smiled the saintly, mysterious smile©, clapping her hands together. "The world needed to know of the beautiful, sheer awesemoness of wonder that was Sakura-chan!"

"HOEEEEEEEEEE!-!-!-!-!-!"

Yuuno turned to a suddenly more animate Keroberos. He said hesitantly, "I'm sort of new at this. Is this what all 'magical girls' are like on your world?"

Keroberos gave him a flat, inscrutable, but somehow pitying look and raised a stubby arm, patting the ferret on the back. Yuuno's head drooped. "I was afraid of that."

"I find pudding helps," Keroberos advised. "Pudding and video games."

Takamichi Nanoha of 2814
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[yesilmavi]

"Dear Diary," Richard mumbled to himself as he clenched a pen between his toes, holding down a rather archaic-looking tome with his other foot as he leaned back in his office chair, "Tried to kill Saotome again today. That kid's proving quite resilient, and it's even more fun when I can press him hard enough to make him fight back. He took off my arms today after I got a little too cast-happy with the mid-level spells, but he still doesn't seem to see me as an actual opponent to be defeated as much as a dangerous obstacle to survive. Frankly, I blame the Japanese social structure; I enjoy abusing power as much as the next socio-path, but respect for one's superiors typically ends after the first cartload of one's peers are reduced to ashes and dumped out in the lawn."

Richard stared up at the ceiling as his toes kept scrawling words in a language forgotten by even the gods. "He deals with fire and ice easily enough; I think I'll try acid magic next. Ooh, this semester is just SO exciting!"

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5382984/6/B ... _on_Campus
ranma/rosario+vampire/.. cross.

Richard, the warlock from
http://www.lfgcomic.com/

[Foxboy]

Also from Nanoha Takamichi of Sector 2814:

When they located the Garden of Time, it took Green Lantern's ring precisely 2.2846761859 seconds to completely dismantle the thing from around Precia's ears. Chrono nearly had an aneurysm, a heart attack, and a seizure, all at the same time.

"Precia Testarossa, you are under arrest for multiple counts of child abuse, negligence, and being a BAD MOTHER!" Green Lantern cried. "Oh, and the TSAB, the JSDF and Oa want to talk to you about reckless use of Lost Logia, destruction of public property and illegal research or something. And we'll probably give you medical attention somewhere along the way, because we're nice. But we'll be surly about it!"

''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[nocarename]

Behold, the crack! It flows!
Mostly because this is a Power Ranges/MGLN cross. Moving on.

http://www.fanfiction.net...It_Could_Always_Be_Worse

I give you the briefing on Mid-Childa in Chapter 8:

"There is danger, there is craziness. I myself have been infected by what people call 'Earth Crazy-Man Sickness.' I have driven giant robots capable of channeling magic through them. Ever seen a Starlight Breaker being used in a finishing move against a giant opponent big enough to squish half of Mid flat? You will there. Ever see said enemy get up after taking a beating most mages would kill to have for their own jackets? That too. Ever see a Diabolic Emission being used by a 12-year-old?"
"She's 13 now," said Yuuno.
"Right 13. And through a zord? You will. Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be one wild ride. Anyone scared can leave, I'm not stopping you. Earth is one hotbed of pure crazy. Those ley lines will influence your powers, make you grow strong. You will pose in new technologies and make explosions erupt out from behind you, but try not to do it in the kitchen."
"We're still working on that," said Yuuno.

[azunth]

On The Run, Chapter 3:

"Look, her own apartment's not safe, and she says she was framed,
and she gave me an advance-" Before I continued my stream of
embarrassed justifications, and indeed before I had time to wonder why
I was putting up with my apprentice giving me the third degree,
we were rather rudely interrupted by the sound of a hive of angry
hornets being torn asunder with a chainsaw, all to the chorus of a
thousand vuvuzelas. I looked over Molly's shoulder to see that Nanoha
had passed out on the couch.
Wow, that girl could snore.
"Wow, that girl can snore," Molly said, a hint of a smile cracking through her glare.

[Wiregeek]

"Wow, that girl can snore," Molly said, a hint of a smile cracking through her glare.

Nanoha/Dresden.. aigggh.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[Bob Schroeck]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5154685/18/Crystal_Energy]Crystal Energy, Chapter 18

Nagi lounged back in his throne, enjoying a light breakfast when his Otome came in. As Nina strode up the long red carpet, Nagi smiled at her somber expression. "Ah, Nina. Have you got my schedule for today?"

Nina looked down at the PDA in her hands. "Hmm...it appears pillaging at nine o'clock, a meeting with the Mob at eleven, oh, and your mistresses will be arriving at three in the afternoon. It looks like there's a break around two, would you like for me to arrange for a puppy to kick?" she said caustically.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Herr Bad Moon]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5782108/30/ ... ationality]Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality Chapter 30

Submitted without further comment.

"Blood for the blood god!" screamed Neville. "Skulls for the skull throne! Ia! Shub-Niggurath! The enemy's gate is sideways!"

---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[robkelk]

Shadowjack's up to http://forum.rpg.net/showpost.php?p=124 ... stcount=28]episode 79:

Mako: "What are you studying today?"
Ami: "English vocab. May I practice on you?"
Mako: "Shoot."
Ami: "Say something, I'll try to translate."
Mako: "'Could you please direct me to the train station?'"
Ami: "Watashi no soko o sawaru shite kudasai."
Mako: "…okay, my English sucks, but I don't think that's right."
Ami: "Are you sure? Well, try again."
Mako: "'How much does that cost?'"
Ami: "Watashi no hobaakurafuto wa unagi ni michite iru."
Mako: "Are you sure this book is kosher?"
Ami: "It's on the syllabus… Hmm. This may explain a few things."

Chibi-Usa /Gonzo the Great zoom! "Ready to go to the zoo with you!" /proudly displays explorer's backpack.
Usagi: "…Um… this isn't a trip to the zoo for fun. It's a repairing-relationships-kind-of-soap-opera-y thing… although with our luck, it'll also climax in a magical battle and the entire zoo in flames."
Chibi-Usa: "I thought you said it wasn't going to be fun."

Minako: "Sure. Seriously, how much trouble could they really get into?"
Enter frenzied crowd of tourists, pursued by a bear.
Usagi: "…"
Minako: "…That one was on me. My bad."
Usagi: "As penance, you get Burt Ward today."
Minako: "HOLY CAT-ASTROPHE, SAILOR MOON!"
Usagi: "Time to save the day again, old chum!"

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Shepherd]

www.tthfanfic.org/Story-22293-26/Mediancat+The"Dark.htm

B had told her that rule number one was “Don’t die.” She was wrong. Rule number one is “Don’t let anyone else die.” “Don’t die” was maybe rule number two, with “Try not to let anyone see you who doesn’t have to” coming in at number three.
Seemed like something for Isaac Asimov: The Three Laws of Slayerics.
1. A Slayer must not injure an innocent being, or through inaction, allow an innocent being to come to harm.
They could screw around with the definition of innocent later.
2. A Slayer must safeguard her own existence, except where this would conflict with the First Law.
Self-explanatory.
3. A Slayer must conceal her existence as a Slayer, except where such concealment would conflict with the First or Second Law.

----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[yesilmavi]

“A hearty ‘hello’, dearest ones!” shouted Nisrioch, joining the rest of the family. “I’m eager to attend this celebration, so let’s get cracking.”

Everyone gathered there stared at him, and suddenly, the matter of Morgaine’s arm was entirely upstaged. “Nisrioch--what is… that?” said Viviane bemusedly.

“I assume you mean this!” Nisrioch took off his hat, a massive contraption with what appeared to be a propeller on the top. “Behold, the gyroaeromatrix! Destined to become the sorcerer’s favorite mode of aerial travel!”

Viviane blinked and then stepped into her mortar, helping Malina into it. “I think I’ll stick with more--traditional modes of transportation…”

Morgaine stared at the hat in muted horror. “Nissy--this is, beyond a doubt, your dumbest contraption yet…”

“What about the--bubble thing?” noted Mansemat.

“This is worse,” said Morgaine confidently.

“I’ll have you know the spectrosphereo-transporter remains a crowing achievement of my mystical genius!” declared Nisrioch. “It works perfectly. I simply failed to realize that without a transporter on the other end, you are more or less stranded at your destination. Which is why you had to come and pick me up from the center of the Weeping Waste that time, and I am still so, so sorry about that.” He coughed awkwardly, then placed the hat on his head. “But the gyroaeromatrix lacks that flaw! You carry it with you! A simple command--” He snapped his fingers, causing the propeller blades to turn. “--And there you have it! You’re on--” The hat lifted up and began to float away. Nisrioch watched it go in dull surprise. “Hmmm. It appears some sort of chin strap is in order.”

Mansemat looked at his brother, smiling slightly. “Bloodwing, or Molasses?”

http://castleterribel.blogspot.com/2010 ... art-5.html
original fiction.

[drakensis]

"Thank you, minna-san. Um, incidentally Negi-chan, what shampoo do you use for your hair? Because I can't help but notice how smooth and silky it is."
Asuna, intimately familiar with Negi's bathing habits, rolled her eyes as Negi blinked with confusion. "Um, my hair? I just use some generic brand. I'm not very sure which, Asuna-san is the one who buys it."

"Sunsilk with conditioner," Konoka provided cheerfully.

"Oh, thank you for telling me your beauty secrets, Negi-chan!" Green Lantern said. "Though it's too bad a pretty girl like you wears her hair so short. You'd look so nice with a couple of ribbons."

Kotaro suddenly burst out in hysterical laughter, clutching at his stomach on the floor and trying desperately to breath as a worried Superman checked him for Joker Venom. The wide, definitely Joker-esque grin spreading on Haruna's face was quite terrifying, causing Yellow Rings from the future to try and break the time barrier to get at her.

"Eh?" said Negi, suddenly chibified in confusion as Ala Alba all developed interesting looks. "But I'm n–"

"Oh, she's right Negi-CHAN!" Asuna said with a wide, malicious smile. "You should really start growing your hair out long. Remember how cute you looked during the school festival when you wore that kitsune girl outfit? The boys were all flocking in!"

"I have some ribbons that would look absolutely darling on you, Negi-chan!" Konoka said. "Maybe we can try them out at home!"

"And hey, no need to be so self-conscious about your chest, Negi-chan!" Asakura said, her own set going 'gainax-gainax' and making all sorts of watchers happy. Neptune elbowed Uranus for staring. "Maybe you're just a late bloomer like Yuetchi, Honya and Makie-chan. And if not, I'm sure some boy out there will be able to appreciate you for you. Remember Tertium-kun?"

"B-but… I'm not… I'm a…" Negi turned to Superman and Tuxedo Mask beseechingly as the other girls began to regal Green Lantern with all sorts of Negi-chan anecdotes.

As Superman dazedly wondered whether he should stop this, Tuxedo Mask, with all solemnity, pulled a rose out of nowhere and handed it to Negi. "A beautiful flower for a beautiful flower," he said, face completely straight.

Takamachi Nanoha of 2814
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[LilFluff]

That was good, but I think a little earlier was even better:

"Anyway," Haruna continued. "Besides Eternal Sailor Moon-sama, Negi
himself is equally formidable in the Befriending department! After all,
his High Concept of 'English Teacher Combat Supermage', allows
him a lot of situational combat advantages, and his Legendary (+8) skill
scores in Fists, Discipline, Conviction, not to
mention his taking the Refinement ability at least 20 times to
outrageously increase his spell power, his Sponsored Magic ability Magia
Erebea, and his Memetic Sex God and Defeat Means
Friendship Stunts mean he is nearly unbeatable in either Physical,
Mental or Social conflicts, not to mention his Shota Sex Appeal and Woobie
Aspects should have rendered those girls immediately helpless! That
fact that it didn't clearly means they are villains, because they're so
much stronger than him, thereby keeping him from being a Boring
Invincible Hero and giving us some conflict!""The Dresden Files
RPG system based on the FATE system and Jim Butcher's Critically
Acclaimed Dresden Files Novels– the one with the zombie T-rex in it–
produced by Evil Hat games too, Haruna?" Chisame said disapprovingly.
"Such blatant plugging! Have you no shame?"
"I'm merely a servant
of a higher power," Haruna said innocently.
"Power high on crack,
you mean," Chisame said. "Can someone fix that wall again?"
"Hey,
where do you want this lampshade?" someone asked someone else at another
table.
"Just hang it anywhere," his friend told him.
"Eh…"
Sakura said, eyes whirling at all the unfamiliar terms. "Hoeeee!"
"Here,
let me show you the relevant pages on Tv Tropes," Sailor Mercury said
kindly.
"NO!" Sakura cried. "Internet, bad place! Tomoyo's been
there, and she's been doing things…"
Clearly, she's not as
dense as she seems.

And later on even better still with the troping, but too long to do quote justice, and besides, everyone should read the whole chapter.
Also from Takamachi Nanoha of 2814
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Black Aeronaut]

*Slowly recovers from hysterical laughter*

oh my god... the fourth wall... there's nothing left! They nuked it from orbit!
BTW: That needs to be immortalized in TV Tropes.

[Bob Schroeck]

BTW: That needs to be immortalized in TV Tropes.

Done.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Black Aeronaut]

Linky? Can't find it.

[Bob Schroeck]

"Fan Works" section on No Fourth Wall
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Necratoid]

Personally, I wish the intro hadn't had him thanking us immediately preceded by a TVtropes paragraph... I mean my browser listed off everyone else's names then the next line down was started with "and Necratoid.'  which my brain took as 'and Zoidberg'.  Not that I really think it was intentional on SCM's side... but now I'm vaguely paranoid that my browser is mocking me.

[robkelk]

Personally, I wish the intro hadn't had him thanking us immediately preceded by a TVtropes paragraph... I mean my browser listed off everyone else's names then the next line down was started with "and Necratoid.'  which my brain took as 'and Zoidberg'.  Not that I really think it was intentional on SCM's side... but now I'm vaguely paranoid that my browser is mocking me.

You just have to ask yourself - is your browser laughing with you, or at you?
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Black Aeronaut]

Bob at the TV Tropes Wiki...

---

"...maliciously and with forethought takes an axe to the fourth wall, using this very wiki as the tool to do its evil work..."

Nicely done, Bob.  (^_^)

[Bob Schroeck]

Thank you!
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.