ROTFL: MAO!

[itsune9tl]

If you've ever asked your neighbor to return your plastic silverware,
You might be a Redneck...

[drakensis]

“Ah, well, there are two reasons to that,” Lucien stated a touch nervously.
“They are?” Ruth inquired coolly.
“Well the first is that I have the appearance of a walking cliché to maintain and I had to leave my trench coat back on Earth…” Lucien had to stop because Ruth chose that moment to break out in a fit of giggles.
“You… you had a trench coat?” Ruth asked, unable to hold back her mirth.
“I had an image going, okay? I worked as an enforcer for the OIS and I would stand back and glare behind dark AR glasses with my arms folded across my chest with my swords sticking out from my back, the collar of my coat turned up,” Lucien explained. He then added on, “I couldn’t bring myself to use katanas though…”

“Darwinian selection against stupid risks has been pretty brutal in my family. We take calculated risks and are really good at weighing and weighting the odds in our favour. For example, right now I am calculating that since I’m pretty sure Victor is both heterosexual and uninterested if I wish to sleep my way to the top my best bet is the sexy, charming, intelligent, strong willed woman at his left hand.”
“Who’s at his right hand then?” Ruth asked, amused.
“Let’s be honest here; Victor is so terrifyingly powerful that he doesn’t need anyone at his right hand. He is in effect his own right hand man,” Lucien explained.
“Fair enough. And to be completely fair Lucien, you are not getting into my pants today,” Ruth said.
“For my own curiosity, may I inquire why?” Lucien asked.
Somewhere in the darkness to his right, a smile formed on Ruth’s face and she said, “Because I’m wearing a hospital gown.”
Lucien was quiet for a long time before he replied, “Of all the days to be covered in burns and blind.”
“Sweet dreams Lucien.”

Brave New World Cthulhutech / Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[drakensis]

I've been reading the Whateley Academy fics so....

“Stand back, girl!  You face the supreme pinnacle of the Yama Dojo, sent here to ensure your humiliation and defeat!  We will –“ He stopped abruptly as the girl ninja cuffed him on the side of the head.
“Baka!” she hissed.  “We’re ninjas!  We don’t stop to explain ourselves!”

The larger man hissed back at her, then turned to face Toni.  “I regret that you shall have to suffer, for witnessing my shame.”  He assumed a stance.  “Prepare for your immanent defeat!”  He lashed forward with a spear hand aimed for her throat.

Toni spun to the side, almost crying out in joy.  A martial arts duel!  How could she possibly get so lucky?  Focusing her ki, she sped up, matching him move-for-move.  With a huge grin on her face, she began to move a little faster.

“Your continued annoyance has forced me to use the ultimate strike against you.  Cringe in terror as you witness a technique whose legend is passed on in hushed whispers.”

As he spoke, his hands began to move in the intricate pattern required to build and focus his chi.  A pattern that gathered his own energies, while simultaneously entrancing his enemy and preparing them to accept the blow.  And indeed, the Amerikajin’s eyes were riveted on his hands, helplessly focused on his intricate movements.

“This technique is over one thousand years old, passed in secret from master to pupil and used only in deepest need to eliminate all who stand in our way,” the pattern fulfilled, he yelled the final words to stun his foe for the brief moment necessary to strike, “COILING VIPER FANG STRIKE!”

Index and middle finger bound together into a deadly-hard “fang”, Daikon struck directly for the nerve nexus on the girl’s collarbone, the joining of chi flows and acupuncture meridians that controlled her muscles.  She would be frozen, as stiff as stone itself –

It took a moment for Daikon to register that he had not actually touched the girl’s shoulder.  The impact he had felt had been *her* hand slicing across in a block.  He was so stunned that it took a moment to realize that his fingers were dislocated, perhaps broken.

“Whoa!  Too cool!  Okay, okay, let’s see if I’ve got it!”

What was she doing?  Daikon watched in puzzlement as the girl’s hands wove in an intricate dance.  Wait!  Wasn’t that the --?

“Something something STRIKE!”  Her fingers lashed out to jab just under his shoulder.  Daikon felt himself grow stiff.  He was wide awake, but it was impossible to move!  Helplessly, he toppled over.

“Oh, a paralyzing nerve strike!  Kewl! Thanks!  I’ve been trying to figure that out forever!”

Mess with Team Kimba and the first casualty will be dignity. Yours, theirs... everybody's...

“It’s not that we don’t trust your judgment, Most Unholy…” One of the punk Goth twins, Romulus, said.

“…It’s just that,” the other twin, Remis, continued, “well, we’ve sold our souls to the Dark Lord Ulu’brechzabuhl…”

“…bargained with Yogchangbaloth the Undying for our first borns…”

“…gave our blood oath to Chakranaleth, the Pustulant…”

“…and sworn our undying loyalty to the Cult of Cthul…”

“…but an allegiance with cheerleaders is just… UNHOLY!” They finished in unison.

The scary thing is that compared to the previous supernatural plot to exploit one of the girls, this group are coming across as the more competent group.
Then again the other group decided to use enslaving magic on Fey while she was PMSing so it's a really low bar.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Foxboy]

You got a long row to hoe to catch up.
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[drakensis]

Yeah, I noticed that myself
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[drakensis]

"- and if any of your plots get in the way of that," finished Draco, "after we are out of the water, I will set you on fire."

There was a nervous chorus of yessirs.

"And everyone with secret orders, make sure you carry them out to the letter," said Draco.

Around half his soldiers openly nodded, and Draco marked them for death after he rose to power.

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[zojojojo]

"I thought so." Ritsuko went skipping down the hall. "If you need me, I'll be under Shinji's new desk~."

"God damn it, Ritsuko!"

ARSENAL, chapter 2
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

[Wiregeek]

"Follow the yellow lights," Kozou Fuyutsuki says, clicking on his PDA and causing the doors to open, the lights illuminating to the exit, "Help with be outside. Tell Mr. Spencer that he needs to execute Plan B. He'll know what I mean."

"I..." the woman says, "I can't thank you enough for what you did."

"How did you even do that?" the husband asks, "I've never seen anyone just...pop out of a duct like that!"

"Occupational skill I picked up," Kozou says, "If you'll excuse me, I have to finish up, up there."

The husband, wife, and daughter run out, followed by one of the waitresses. The last lunges forward and kisses Kozou, hard, before running out herself. He watches her go, grins, and reaches into his corduroy jacket.

"What JV bullshit," he says, "They don't even have squeaky mallets."

With that, he fires off the grapple gun, and lets the line carry him up, back into the thick of things."

Kozou Fuyutsuki, Badass.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/60/NGE_Nobody_Dies
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[drakensis]

“Greasy, you’ve got to think me up a new way of getting a camera into the Poe dorms,” Peeper regaled his minion as he stormed down the hallway towards their dorm room, “I know I may talk it up, but more than half our profits from Fey’s posters are going to the rightful owners of the copyright. It’s intolerable!”

Greasy was busy sketching some ideas, “I’m working on it, sir. In the meantime, I have an interim design for self-cleaning trousers that may come in handy the next time you want to pester the Negligee Nightingales.”

“ARE YOU MOCKING ME, MINION?”

“No, sir, it’s not necessary.”

“Good! I’ll remind you to keep a civil tongue in your head.”

“I’d rather have it in yours,” Greasy mumbled under his breath.

The Amazon smiled, adding the line to the page. Then she lent back and read it, her smiled turned into a scowl. A moment later the page joined the others nesting around the bin. She sighed and looked at her original letter, the only one that seemed to express her true feelings.

Dear Sara, it read, I want to throw you down and make love to you until daybreak in the middle of Crystal Hall. Please RSVP immediately, Hippolyta.

She sighed again. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this love letter stuff.

Whateley Academy
  
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Norgarth]

Just started reading a book today, "Monster Hunter International" by Larry Correia. The title and cover art caught my eye and the back cover blurb was enough to get me to buy it. I read the first paragraph and realized I was going to enjoy the story.

On one otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a boss from a fourteenth-story window.

___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Black Aeronaut]

Motoko didn't get to finish, as at that exact moment, Tama came flying through the kitchen. This wouldn't be too odd save for the fact that Tama is a small green and yellow hot-springs turtle. Did I mention that? Maybe I didn't. Well, I think Haruka commented on it. But still... A flying turtle, man... A FLYING TURTLE!
"Turtle!" Motoko yelped and backed away. However, Tama made no course to antagonize her normal prey. (I'm certain Tama knew quite well that Motoko was terrified of her, and utilized it for turtle-laughs.)

Instead, Tama quickly vanished out the exit. The reason why became clear a moment later. With a small roar like a lawnmower engine, one of Su's scaled down main battle tanks rolled into the kitchen. Su, and Sara, the latter of whom I had not noticed around the place until now followed it.

"After her!" Kaola announced with a flourish. "No turtle can escape the wrath of the Hinata Self Defense Force First Armored Cavalry Division!"

The hatch on the tank popped open. Out of the opening, Senbei rose up; wearing an overly decorated set of green combat fatigues with a helmet the fit him perfectly. The little demon-god was actually DRIVING the thing.

"General!" Senbei snapped. "The enemy is retreating towards the hot-springs. Requesting permission to engage!"

"Permission granted Major Catastrophe!" Su responded. Major Catastrophe? That's about as bad a pun as General Chaos... But somehow, it fit. "Head northwest to flank her while Colonel Sara and I prepare the main attack!"

"ROGER!" Senbei dove back into his tank with an overly flamboyant burst of Engrish. "For the Emperor!"

The tiny diesel (?) engine on the tank revved, and the vehicle powered out of the kitchen, forcing Motoko to dance out of the way as it moved towards the hot spring.

"I've officially seen everything..." I declared.

From Sleeping With The Girls, Vol II: Chaos Theory - Chapter 7.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6052381/7/S ... aos_Theory

[drakensis]

My Name is Ranma Saotome. My full time job, is tracking down teenage girls, killing their pets and if I'm lucky, I get to punch them in the face and tell them to stop being so stupid.

A World Gone Mad
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[drakensis]

The two knights, each an ancient and mighty warrior of immense power and dignity, stuck their tongues out at each other. It looked exactly as stupid as it sounds.

"Wait..." Susanoo said, holding up a hand. As the tall one (Ha! I'm taller than her! Tiny! Tiny!) he felt it was incumbent upon him to be the voice of reason. "We're being irrational."

Vita took a deep, calming breath, and nodded reluctantly. "Yeah. You're right. We have to be logical about this. How does this sound... we both fly up to high sky, away from innocent people. We beat the tar out of each other. And whoever loses has to admit that the building exploding was their fault."

Susanoo considered this for a moment. Finally, after much deliberation, he said, "Oh, I like you."

Infinity
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Jorlem]

Confessions were made. Two children held each other, finally
able to truly tell each other how they felt, finally united like a pair
of wings. Cue the sun. 'Erased' people were returned to existence having
no memory of what happened. At least, apparently. The town was
repaired. All was well…
Tomoyo Daidouji stood up from where she'd
found herself, primly dusted herself off, looked around, drew the
appropriate conclusions, and took out her cell phone to make some calls…
...
"Daidouji-san," Eriol said into
his phone calmly. "First, I would like to say that I am sorry that I
screwed up by forgetting about the 53rd Card. That said, the situation
has been resolved, with no lasting damage to anyone. Now, could you please
ask these people to go away without trying to kill me? I'm dangerously
close to missing Doctor Who."
He listened a moment, then handed
the phone to the man pointing a gun to his head and a sword to his neck.
"She wants to talk to you."
Deathstroke took the phone.
"Hello? You sure? All right then." He put down the phone and began to
pack away his weapons, nodding to all the other mercenaries in the room.
They began to stand down as well. "She's letting you live, but she has a
message."
"Which is?" Eriol asked calmly.
Deathstroke
thwacked him upside the head. "Dumbass," he deadpanned.

From Kinomoto Sakura of 2814.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Shepherd]

Logan grinned. “All mutations have combat uses, the trick is finding them.”
“Even Cypher's?” Hank asked.
“Violence is a form of body language,” Logan smirked, “martial arts are just regional accents.”
“I don't know whether to be surprised or scared that you thought that up,” Scott said after a moment of absolute silence.
“How did you get his mind to make the connection?” Profession Xavier asked eagerly, seeing how Cypher's powers could greatly enhance his fighting skills.
“Interpretive dance,” Logan deadpanned.
“Yes, I can see where the next logical step from full body movement as language to martial arts would fit,” Hank replied thoughtfully.
“I made him watch an interpretive dance session at the local college and talk to the dancers afterward,” Logan continued, “then I told him that if he didn't learn what I was teaching him… I'd make him take the course.”
“So did his mind make the logical connection or was it the threat of taking the course that motivated him?” Ororo asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“You can't threaten someone with culture!” Jean burst out.
“Can and did,” Logan said smugly, smirking around his cigar.

Copy Cat: www.tthfanfic.org/Story-22783-4/dogbert ... py+Cat.htm
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Morganite]

My Name is Ranma Saotome. My full time job, is tracking down teenage girls, killing their pets and if I'm lucky, I get to punch them in the face and tell them to stop being so stupid.

A World Gone Mad

One hopes he's got the presence of mind to make sure their missions aren't real first...

-Morgan. Also, flashbacks. >

[The Wanderer]

Oh, probably not - which means the one time in a thousand that they are, he's likely to (eventually) wind up saddled with finishing the job...

[Morganite]

That could lead to some real conflicts then. Since in most worlds, the ratio seems to be more around one in one, and all.

-Morgan.

[The Wanderer]

Yeah, but in most worlds, you don't get hundreds (or even dozens) of different magical animals "awakening" just as many different teams of magical girls, in regards to just as many different magical kingdoms or what-have-you. Just by the fact that they're that prevalent, the vast majority of them almost have to be fake in one respect or another.

(Yes, it'd be possible to write a world in which there are that many and they're all genuine. If this one were like that, though, the negative consequences of the early magical-girl teams having not stopped their corresponding enemies would almost certainly have become manifest by now, with such visibly drastic consequences that Ranma wouldn't be doing that anymore. Since this hasn't happened...)

[Morganite]

Maybe that's to those other world's detriment. After all, the military doesn't only come into existence when there's an immediate problem to deal with. They recruit, train, and arm in advance. (Though there is one magical girl series I know where a big chunk of the storyline *does* amount to an accelerated training program.)

Or, there's the idea of this Ranma traveling to another world. Or a magical girl from another world coming to his, in the "So you just arrived from a parallel dimension... And your enemies have followed you here" style. Or one who's just on vacation or something.

As for consequences, why shouldn't they be things that aren't immediately obvious?

-Morgan.

[Black Aeronaut]

(Yes, it'd be possible to write a world in which there are that many and they're all genuine. If this one were like that, though, the negative consequences of the early magical-girl teams having not stopped their corresponding enemies would almost certainly have become manifest by now, with such visibly drastic consequences that Ranma wouldn't be doing that anymore. Since this hasn't happened...)

I think that's kinda like what I'm doing in DSKS - throwing everything and the kitchen sink at Zeke and Company - all their own individual problems are now shared problems.  And when Villain A and Villain B wise up and decide to work together, Villain C decides to take advantage of the chaos to forward his own agenda.  Villain D simply waits for the dust to settle just because he's a Magnificent Bastard while Villain E is just plain Chaotic Evil, striking wherever his fancy takes him.

[The Wanderer]

The reason I think having that many be genuine is implausible is because it would mean that all of those multifarious, and probably contradictory, backstories would also have to be valid. There can't be that many genuine ancient, forgotten magical kingdoms or other legacies, after all. (Well, yes, there can, but you almost have to design the world around it.)

The reason why I think the consequences would be that noticeable is - well, be honest, how many magical-girl enemies can you think of whose efforts wouldn't have been that noticeable, before long, in the absence of effective opposition? And even if some of them wouldn't be noticeable, I do not find it remotely plausible that all of them would be that subtle for that long. (Even looking at the classic example of Sailor Moon, Jadeite did some fairly noticeable things before the end of his term, rather more so IIRC in the manga than the anime.) It only takes one serious to-hell-with-secrecy offensive from a single bad guy to get people thinking that maybe wholesale suppression of magical girls isn't the greatest idea... and it hardly seems likely, to me, that only one baddie's efforts would be noticeable that way.

[Epsilon]

The reason I think having that many be genuine is implausible is because it would mean that all of those multifarious, and probably contradictory, backstories would also have to be valid. There can't be that many genuine ancient, forgotten magical kingdoms or other legacies, after all. (Well, yes, there can, but you almost have to design the world around it.)

The reason why I think the consequences would be that noticeable is - well, be honest, how many magical-girl enemies can you think of whose efforts wouldn't have been that noticeable, before long, in the absence of effective opposition? And even if some of them wouldn't be noticeable, I do not find it remotely plausible that all of them would be that subtle for that long. (Even looking at the classic example of Sailor Moon, Jadeite did some fairly noticeable things before the end of his term, rather more so IIRC in the manga than the anime.) It only takes one serious to-hell-with-secrecy offensive from a single bad guy to get people thinking that maybe wholesale suppression of magical girls isn't the greatest idea... and it hardly seems likely, to me, that only one baddie's efforts would be noticeable that way.

Thus the plot of Hybrid Theory Book 2.
-----------------
Epsilon

[Morganite]

The reason I think having that many be genuine is implausible is because it would mean that all of those multifarious, and probably contradictory, backstories would also have to be valid. There can't be that many genuine ancient, forgotten magical kingdoms or other legacies, after all. (Well, yes, there can, but you almost have to design the world around it.)

Well, what I'm thinking is that the backstories *aren't* real, but that doesn't mean the mission isn't real. Most teenagers can't handle being told that the fate of the world may depend on their efforts without at least a bit of lead-in.

Also, since I've been playing Civilization IV, I've got wars that take decades to play out on the brain. So I can easily imagine an enemy whose goal is simply to, say, make a hole in the fabric of mystic-babble-here so that the real invasion force that's already on it's way will have an easier time of things. Though that's not actually the scenario I'm imagining for this right now. (And I worked out enough of the details and linkages while bored at work that I'm thinking of writing my own one-shot on the idea.)

(If anyone is wondering why I'm so worked up about this, it's because a story which has Ranma, also known as "someone I like" associated with something that even remotely resembles the Grimlok Institute or the hellhole of a website that inspired it is the sort of thing that gets me very agitated.)

-Morgan. Was guwo ga aulla titilia akata tes yora.

[The Wanderer]

Well, what I'm thinking is that the backstories *aren't* real, but that doesn't mean the mission isn't real. Most teenagers can't handle being told that the fate of the world may depend on their efforts without at least a bit of lead-in.

If the mission is real, that means that A: the enemy is real, and has to come from someplace, have some background, and B: the magical powers and artifacts and what-have-you being used by the magical girls are also real, and likewise have to come from somewhere. That's part of what I was getting at with the term "legacies".

Your argument (on further detail) is a bit more persuasive and plausible than I first thought, however - and in further however, if we're going to continue to discuss this we should probably do it in a different thread, as it's rather offtopic in this one.