Dartz Wrote:Don't worry, your grammer is still better than mine in the rough.That's also one of the reasons I'd do a rewrite. I've come to think of ND as a sort of rough draft for Rebuild of ND, where I'm having dozens of people beta for me unknowingly. As for the nixing ideas part, I actually do have people helping me with that. Some of my ideas were just horrible before Kreuz helped me with them, like my original idea for Mana.
Still, an extra couple days with a beta reader isn't that much really... and you can always be working on the next chapter during that time. It's something that really pays off, and improved my own stuff no-end. It's obvious when things I've done haven't been beta'd.... painfully obvious in fact that it makes me cringe. Some extra time with a beta improves the finished product no-end, for very little extra waiting on the writing end. Another thing a beta helps with, is nixing some dumb ideas before you go ahead with them or giving you advice on just how far you can take things.
|
NGE: Nobody Dies 2: The Reevival
|
 GreggHL Wrote:I do find filler to be important and have been trying to structure things lately. After every big battle I try to do a chapter or so of light hearted stuff. Like, after Zeruel I had Asuka Sohryu vs. the World, and after Tamiel I have the current one, with Shinji baby-sitting the Reego and the Ree, JA-Tan, Go-kun, Yui and Naok00 each trying, separately, to ship Rei.Just a point, while a lot of what you just mentioned is technically filler, it often isn't a lull or a pause in the action. Your filler has a tendency to be just as frenetic and high-energy as the 'main' bits of the story, which leave precious little space for the characters (or the readers for that matter) to have a breather.
Hey, welcome.
Speaking of breathers, is there any chance you might be planning a recap 'episode' anytime soon? I hate to admit it, but I feel like I'm loosing track of everything that's happened so far. ----- Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea. "Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia. Jorlem Wrote:Hey, welcome.Yeah, I need to fit one in. And not have Ivy do the recap, because then it's not going to make any sense, even if it's true.  GreggHL Wrote:My apologies if it takes me a while to respond. I'm actually working as a teacher in Korea, so I've got a 14 hour time difference with the east coast of the US. Hence, I'm asleep when many people are up and visa versa.Dude, the fact you manage to respond on....three forums I know of now? (Spacebattles, which should count as two entire ones of its own, RPG.net, and here) makes any delays worth it. Most authors don't bother to communicate to the level you do. Quote:Oddly enough, though, the Multiverse arc was essential for Kyoko's character growth. She had to see how bad things could have been. She had to see that she was still in the best case scenario, even as bad as things were with Asuka. I felt the best way to do it would be to see the canon scenario, where things hinted to her doing all this on purpose, so Asuka would be so broken she could Synchronize.Which is why it worked for me. I think the main point was that certain universe jumps made less sense than others. The canon one had all of the plot, while Rei's separate jumps were sort of just....Rei, basically, though her and Go-kun rampaging through the EoE Earth along with ADAM was appropriately awesome. I still like the off-hand way you described Japan simply shattering when ADAM got pissed enough. Anyway, on a random aside, is there any chance of seeing the pre-chapter teasers and such here like on Spacebattles? I'd....try to keep up with that thread, but I don't think it's quite possible... --- "Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay waste." OpMegs Wrote:Sure. I'm trying to cut down the number of snippets, but if you want'em, I'll post'em.GreggHL Wrote:My apologies if it takes me a while to respond. I'm actually working as a teacher in Korea, so I've got a 14 hour time difference with the east coast of the US. Hence, I'm asleep when many people are up and visa versa.Dude, the fact you manage to respond on....three forums I know of now? (Spacebattles, which should count as two entire ones of its own, RPG.net, and here) makes any delays worth it. Most authors don't bother to communicate to the level you do. --------------------- The slight whirring in her gears is the main thing that gives away her nature. Sitting on the couch, legs curled up under her, the black haired, blue eyed girl flips through the book. She can simply download the information contained within, but she revels in the feeling of paper against the neural sensors in her fingertips. It's the sensation, not the act, which gets her attention. The door to the bedroom opens, and Ichi Ikari looks up from her book to see Shinji stumble out, still in his sweat pants and t shirt. “Hey,” he says, “When'd you get here?” “Mom cleared me this morning,” Ichi explains, “They're at NERV, by the way. So we've got the day off, and I can practice for Dad.” He squints, looking at the book. “Nerve clusters?” “Dad's idea,” she says, “You know. Soft targets. Eyes, nose, knees, elbows. Work on my ass kicking, and when I get old enough to drink we can go start a bar brawl.” “Uh huh.” “Rei and the Ree are there, to,” Ichi responds, “And Rei said she was real sorry about the whole you know, getting attacked by a chunk of an Angel thing. Said she restrained it and put it back in her closet.” “Uh huh.” “Since you passed out and wet yourself. Then Zyuu helped change you. Looked like you had a fun morning.” He grumbles, walking past her and into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he takes out a tupperware container filled with food, opening it to put it in the microwave. Which is when he feels the gazes on him, and looks down to see four sets of red eyes staring at him. The Reego, in their labeled Lil'Rei avatar bodies, smile as he looks down. “Uncle Shinji Uncle Shinji!” they squeal. He blinks. “Play with us!” He blinks again. He turns to Ichi, still engrossed in her book, and back to his synthetic nieces. “Oh...kay. What game do you want to play?” “Wolf Pack! We count to twenty and you hide! And then we chase you!” He scratches his head, and shrugs. “Okay. So...I hide, you seek?” They nod. “Okay,” he says, and grins, “Sounds fun. I'll hide. Start counting!” “One...” He runs out, hiding in the bathroom as the Reego count. “Eight...” Ichi raises an eyebrow as one of the closets open. Eight more Lil'Rei avatar bodies walk out, eyes lighting up as the Reego take control of them. “Fifteen...” Ichi shakes her head, turning back to her back as the girls hit twenty, listening to Shinji as he jokingly states that the girls will never find him in the bathroom. Which is when they girls find him in the bathroom. And then all twelve Lil'Rei Avatars jump him and begin biting, dragging him down like a deer. “Yeah, six is a bad age for developing empathy,” Ichi says, “You poor bastard.” Silence, as the girls release their hold on Shinji's limbs. There is a scraping sound in the bathroom, as Shinji regenerates and tries to persuade his nieces that this is not a good game. His reply comes in twelve digital voices. “One...” Ichi looks up as Shinji runs out, acrossing the living room, throwing on his sneakers and running out the door. Twenty seconds later, twelve chibi reis run out in pursuit. 
... Oh LORD. The birthday party hunting pack. I've heard that story before O_O
Shinji ought to know better by now. If they didn't call it "Hide and Seek", it isn't "Hide and Seek"!
-- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak. Matrix Dragon Wrote:... Oh LORD. The birthday party hunting pack. I've heard that story before O_OFor those not in the know, look here. *evil grin*
Keep in mind, the Reego are bored. They're bored bore bored bored bored. So, given the chance to meet and have fun with their Unca, they're going to. Especially considering that they were birthed inside the Joy Can Iruel made, which was based on Rei's fantasies, and that means they have a...colorful view of their Unca.
Hopefully Shinji has better luck dealing with this then the origin story...
The tree outside the school is her usual haunt, as she sits cross
legged underneath it, enjoying the shade against the unseasonal heat and types away at her laptop. Mother sent her over more synch test results, now that Uri is getting his ratio higher and higher up. Nothing like what he had against Tamiel, but still, the results are promising. She purses her lips. Scrunches her forehead. She stayed in Mari's bedroom, last night. Lots of books on the bookshelf. Lots of things, like little trinkets and souvenirs from Germany. The clothes she had filled up an entire dresser and then the closet, and even though her father offered to put the stuff in storage, Asuka was fine living out of her suitcase. The knapsack drops next to her, and she looks up just in time to see Mana plop down next to her under the shade. “Hey,” she says, “Been a while. I mean, since we talked.” Asuka blinks, staring at Mana. It has, she thinks. Well, since Mana tried to steal her boyfriend, and that whole fight thing between them. True, they haven't talked much. And Asuka still can't think of anything to say, so she- “I found out my parents are dead,” Mana says. She sits down next to Asuka, legs out, hands folded on her lap. Her face like a mask, her jaw set. “Kaji's been looking into legal channels,” she continues, “He didn't tell me, but he's looking to adopt me. So, he was trying to find out about any living family. Found out my folks died in a bomb blast a yeah after I got sold. He sat me down and gave me the news. I mean, I figured Iruel'd use that to f___ with my mind, so I figured they'd still be breathing if anything.” She can see the wetness in Mana's eyes. She says nothing, her hands still hovering over her keyboard. “I mean, they sold me,” Mana says, “They needed to f___ing eat and I was the only thing they could barter with. I mean, it's not like I hated them, it's just...I don't remember enough about them to hate them. Y'know?” A snort, and Mana wipes her nose, running her sleeve over her eyes. “Anyway, that's what I got,” she says, “Kaji's gone over to Germany to help out Kei. Uri's busy with Shinji's cousin and we were never good and close. So that's kinda leaving just you 'til Legs gets out of the hospital.” She pats Asuka on the shoulder, climbing to her feet. And without another word, she walks away.
...you are an evil and sadistic man.
=========== =============================================== "V, did you do something foolish?" "Yes, and it was glorious."
Daaaaaaaannnnnnnng...
If anything, it might give her reason to bond more closely with JA-tan.
I may have a plotline saturation. I do want to start Shipping War, where everyone tries to pair up Rei with someone, but I have too much plot.
Chapter 88 is up
Notes as I come across them: - Tunniel! Mari and Go-Kun's sparring partner from the Rebuild films makes a...significantly less impressive showing here. But then, he did get aced by... - The Mark-09. Last I checked, Spencer's backed up in this thing's head, which certainly is ominous given he was...well, dead. And so is Kihl. Supposedly. Also, I noted it before and still do, but I don't recognize the design for this one. One of the Anima variation Eva designs, possibly? - The real reason behind Naoko going batshit is revealed....maybe. This fits in a bit more smoothly, but something still seems off about it. Maybe because Yui's been the type to lie by omission before, anything regarding Naoko's death seems rather suspect. - Zeruel. Who, while not as powerful as he used to be, is still pretty dangerous to be in the same room with. But given what he and Katsuhito are talking about, I have to wonder if Katsuhito saw the same thing that Shinji did, with the last gasps of ADAM and Lilith facing off. His last words in the scene are ominous. Especially given Junior's words in the Season 4 trailer. "Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope." If "because it doesn't matter" doesn't sound like despair... - Asuka and Pietr continue to be a source of WAFFy contrast to the Ikaris. Though that may just be in comparison to... - The Ree, and their attendant madness. Poor Sachiel still gets no respect, even if he's been dead for 87 chapters. --- "Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay waste."
The Mark-09 isn't based on any canon or ANIMA Evangelion. Basically, the Mark-09 is the Evangelion Megatron to Go-kun's Optimus Prime. Complete with transforming into a high speed scramjet.
Chapter 89 is up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/89/ I've seen mention of that cat in some of the snippets you posted on SB. It's still pure evil. Please keep it OFF MY CONTINENT 
Merrill the Murder Kitteh is the cat that Yui had when she was a little girl. This means that the cat is about 40 years old. He is a Maine Coon cat, which means he is roughly the size of a small child.
He is pure Evil. When Yui and her twin sister modified his collar to let him speak, he sounded like a Dalek.
Oh yes. I remember that snippet. His first words were 'I will kill you all', and her father bribed him into playing nice.
Maine Coons, David Weber's inspiration for the Treecats. And I see you've brought in an element from Eva 1.11 with the mighty morphing mini D8 of LAZER Dooom!
Twitching, twiddling his fingers, Shinji looks across the space
between the two couches. He sits in one. She sits in the other. She smiles, sweetly, unaware of the cold terror that grips the pit of his stomach. The door to the apartment is closed. The words and warning ring in Shinji's ears. “So,” Ichi says, “What'd you want to talk about?” “Sex.” Shinji winces. Did he just say that out loud? In front of his sister? “Oh, you mean it's time for the Talk,” Ichi says, face splitting with a grin with an audible whir, “Awesome. How'd Mom get you to do this?” “It's my punishment for almost ending the world,” Shinji sighs, “Okay. So, when a Man and a Woman really like each other-” “He puts the wood in her.” Shinji blinks, staring at the girl. Did she just say that? Did his little sister just say that? “What?” “Well, I am kinda curious,” Ichi says, cocking an eyebrow, tapping her fingers together, “What does that mean, exactly? I'm not sure what it means when they say that. Do you actually put wood inside her? Wouldn't that give her splinters?” He chokes, mildly, sipping water as his mind whirrs on how to give the sex talk to the anthropomorphic robotic representation of his little sister. Who is in fact a genderless 60 meter tall cyborg. “Well, okay,” Shinji says, “Remember when Mom took us to the beach? And Uri and I got into a fight? About bedtimes?” Ichi nods. “It wasn't about bedtimes.” Ichi nods...and then her eyes go wide. Her mouth opens. “Ooooooo. You put your dingaling in Asuka's hooha.” “What.” “Internet access,” Ichi says, “So that's sex. I want details.”
<snerk>
-- Bob --------- Then the horns kicked in... ...and my shoes began to squeak.
Which leads later to Ichi following Shinji around chanting various euphemisms for sex...
"Take the skin boat to tuna town!" "Activate the fuck-o-tron!" "Butter her bagels!" etc, etc, etc "No can brain today. Want cheezeburger." From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies
“So, Ichi, when a man and a woman really like each
other...uh...they sort of well kind of have to well not really because its really not responsible and you should wait until your married but Asuka and I were kind of influenced by Lilith and we ended up in bed together. But it wasn't the first time. Because we actually slept together a few times, but never had sex before that.” Ichi nods. “Okay,” she says, “So when'd you two make the bucking bronco?” “What.” “When'd you put in the Lance?” “What.” “When'd you hit 400%? Well, you hit 400% with me, but that was scary for me since you were all angry and then I retreated into my Core for a couple of weeks. That doesn't mean we had sex, did we? Because if we did, then a) that's disgusting, and b) I'm going to rub that into Zyuu's face.” “NO!” Shinji says, and bites his lip, finding a spot on the ceiling to stare at, “I mean, no. What we did was not sex. I'm not even sure what the Hell we did, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't sex. Sex usually doesn't end up with me a Nephilim and you aging up six years. I think.” |
|
« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
|
Users browsing this thread: 10 Guest(s)