I Can Has ROFL Nyao? Or, The ROTFLMAO of the Catgirl

[LilFluff]

Another Whateley Academy story quote. This one from Insanity Prerequisite Part 1:

“What I wanna know is,” Jade put her hand up as
if asking a question in class, “Are there really monsters
down in the basement? I mean, I know there are monsters
in the sewers, but do they really come up that far?”

“I wanna know how the basement toilets got that way
and why they’re there in the first place! Who puts four
levels worth of toilets in a basement?” Tennyo
grumped.

“I wanna know wether all that stuff about your Mom was
true,” Chaka added.

“I wouldn’t mind knowing that either,”
Ayla agreed.

“Do you have any idea where these things come
from?” Hank inquired.

Sara raised her hands, calling for silence,
“Yes.”

Team Kimba looked at each other, “Yes,
what?”

“I’m afraid that’s something you’ll
have to work out for yourselves.”

Sara ducked under the table to avoid the various foodstuffs
flung at her.

“HEY, HOLD UP!” Chaka stopped, half a tomato
poised over her head, prepared for launch. She turned to Jade,
“Did you just say that there are monsters in the
sewers?”

Jade looked up at her sempai and smiled,
“I’m sorry, but as a Junior Waste Management
Technician, I am not authorized to discuss this
issue.”

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Jorlem]

Yes, I was referring to the Mayan handball bit. Also, what is X-Crawl, and do I want to know?
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[classicdrogn]

X-Crawl is D&D in a pseudomodern world, where Emperor Ronald Regan I rules over whatever the political body occupying north america is called, and it's been a few thousand years since Stock D&D World. Dungeon crawling is a televised sport, presided over by Dungeon Judges aka DJs, and the X-Crawl League takes the place of the NFL, National and American League Baseball, and NBA combined. It was designed using 3.0 rules, and was a pretty nice hardback about twice as thick as the core books if not on glossy paper and in black and white, and the biggest turning point in world history was that the Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Islam, Christianity, and their many sects) never really caught on and displaced the polytheists, because it's hard to argue that they're false or evil when the novice priests are around healing people with granted magic and the religion doing the arguing hasn't had a significant spellcaster since the founder. I can't rmemeber much more, my copy burned up in the fire. It was kind of cool but I'm not surprised it didn't really fly in the market, there's already Mage and offical D20 Modern and BESM and GURPS and several versions of Marvel and DC superheroes plus M&M and V&V for people who want to do magic in the modern day, without explicitly pissing off the devout of the big three western religions.

- dNN

Edit: Apparently, it did better than I thought, and did have a color edition too.

http://paizo.com/store/ga...oleplayingGames/x/xcrawl
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[ECSNorway]

Yup. The core concept, however -- the dungeon crawl as spectator sport -- is one I have a certain fondness for trying my hand at someday.

Larry Niven approached it with the 'Dream Park' novels, it's been a while since I read those...
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[K sai]

There's also 'Heroes Die' by Matthew Woodring Stover. Same idea.

Earth's future - science has discovered a way to travel between dimensions and uses it for Reality TV - 'Actors' - some who become superstars - are sent to a 'D&D/fantasy' dimension to participate in and create 'events'. The 'adventures' are beamed back to Earth as entertainment. Grim/Dark scifi/fantasy.

[ECSNorway]

Sasuke reluctantly nodded, and Kakashi shook his head. "How ever do you get into those sort of situations, "Uzumaki-sama"?"
"I've actually thought about that a lot, sensei. My guess is that there's this gigantic party going on somewhere. Maybe it's heaven, or maybe it's ...not heaven. Anyway, where ever it is, and who ever is there? They're very, very drunk."
Kakashi nodded. "That makes perfect sense, actually."

Naruto, A Twist of Chance
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[robkelk]

http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?596 ... st14903312]Shadowjack's watched episode 110... which was not a laugh-filled episode to begin with, so there aren't too many suitable quotes for this thread.

Opening credits roll.
...
Usagi: "I thought I was the Messiah?"
Ami: "You're a Messiah. Apparently they come in packs."
Minako: "Twelve-pack Messiah?"
Makoto: "Oo, good band name."
Minako: "Talk about buffet-style religion."

Solder a module, type some more code, compile, solder some more, because fuck you.

Note to self: On cold mornings, raw rage makes an acceptable substitute for caffeine.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Necratoid]

Rage also makes a good decongestant and I've found it also often works better than an inhaler... the only real issue is that everyone tries to calm you down... which will cancel the effect.  Also, I've never managed to convince anyone that this is what I'm raging for.  They always think that there is something besides 'Can't breath... hate the world of not breathing!'.
Considering that fiendish dire badgers cannot stop raging... I wonder if they are allergic to the prime material plane?

[Bob Schroeck]

From http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7684085/1/T ... uckys_Mind]The Snake Pit of Little Chucky's Mind, a Harry Potter self-insert by DogbertCarroll:

Chuck, inserted into Harry Potter as the Dementors attack at the start of the fifth book, has got Sirius and Tonks sequestered for a quick discussion, which has at this point already been interrupted once.

"Tonks I need your help," Harry said suddenly.

"What can I do to help?" Tonks asked.

"I need you to come sit on my lap," Harry replied. "Sirius gesture like you're explaining something."

Tonks quickly sat on Harry's lap and he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her chest.

"Who's watching us?" Sirius asked, waving his arms around.

"I give up, who?" Harry replied from Tonks cleavage.

"We aren't being observed?" Tonks asked.

"I don't think so..."

"Then why am I waving my arms around like an idiot?" Sirius asked.

"I figured it was a good way to distract you for a while," Harry replied.

"And me sitting on your lap?" Tonks asked.

"So I can bury my face in your chest." Harry replied. "I've been attacked by dementors today and have had a horrible life; I don't know anyone who deserves to have their face buried in your chest more."

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Bob Schroeck]

And while reading some older stuff recently, I came across the following passage from Gregg "Metroanime" Sharp's Hotaru Half. The goddess Bastet has just cursed Tatewaki Kuno for, well, being himself, with undescribed but easily imagined effects on his manly bits along with a sharp rise in the pitch of his voice and the acquisition of a lisp:

"Wasn't that a bit much?" Nabiki asked of the goddess.

"Not at all," responded Bastet. "You didn't see into his mind. Yech. He should be glad I didn't switch the places of his two swords. Besides, you heard the condition of the curse. All he has to do is make amends to the people he wronged, even a token gesture in each case or something like an apology, and the curse will be lifted."

Broken sobbing could be heard from within the forest.

"It's a field trip, it's supposed to be educational," said Bastet.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[robkelk]

I now quote http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?596 ... st14907746]a Shadowjack post in its entirety.

Though now I'm imagining Osaka (of Azumanga Daioh) getting abducted by the monster of the week… and not noticing.

"Oh, was there a monster just now? I must a' spaced out."
"Everyone spaced out, Osaka!"
"Oh. Does that mean I didn't?"

Either that, or she'd try to get the monster into conversation.

"ELEVATORIA! I've come for your energy!"
"Wait, wait, don't tell me, I know this one. That one's the stairs that move, right? I always get them mixed up."
"No, elevators are the boxes that go up and down!"
"Escala—"
"Elevator! You push the button and it comes to your floor. …No, don't go push the button now, I'm already here."
"This button?"
"No! I said I'm already here!"
"But you go up and down sometimes."
"Yes, all the time."
"Of course. That explains everything. I see now. I get it."
"See what?"
"It's because of the 'v'."
"What?"
"There isn't a 'v' in escalator, so that explains everything about you, doesn't it? Oh, but, um, wait. What about if— What if—?"
"What now? Look, I'm an elevator demon. My doors open and close, and I go up and down, there's nothing to explain."
"I don't rightly know 'bout that. What's that thang where it goes side by side? Like an elevator? No, I did it again. The other thing? Like that."
"I don't know, but it's not an elevator. Elevators don't go side by side."
"Then if I stand over to the side here, you can't get me?"
"I… um…"
"…It's mighty confusing, I know."

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Morganite]

Today, I was reading an older Star Trek book ("How Much For Just the Planet?"), in which the author wants you to know that Dr. McCoy is not a morning person.

"Lieutenant," the doctor said in a slow, thick voice, "I'm goin' to ask you if you know what time it is. If you do, I'm goin' to kill you. If by some chance you don't, I'll assume this is all just youthful eshoober... estuber... high spirits, and then I'm goin' to kill you."

-Morgan.

[classicdrogn]

From http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7624204/1/Dichotomy]Dichotomym a Naruto/Bleach cross:

There were dozens of them, standing before Haku's body. Gatou's foot nudged the girl's lifeless body, making a sickening squelch with her tender flesh.

A sneer twisted the madman's face and turned him into a veritable demon before their eyes. "And lookie here boys! Too bad I didn't get a chance to do it myself!" he laughed heartily, blind to the rage rising in Naruto's chest. Something primal chanted echoless in his chest, beating like a drum, chorus in another language that he could not-did not wish to discern. His eyes widened madly.

"DON'T YOU TOUCH HER!"

"Kill them. They do not deserve mercy."

His heartbeat pulsed again, in tune with undulations of his chakra.

Burning, like rage, a chasm of fury and terror.

Red chakra flowed off his body, revealing the seal on his stomach. He roared. The sound blasted apart the winds, an inhuman bellow wrenching the very cold from the air and replacing it with unmitigated, unerring terror. Uzumaki Naruto was a tempest, a storm of black wind sweeping into the skies and creating a hurricane of biblical, sovereign proportions.

Sounds clamored together into a cacophony of discordant shrieks and wails. Deafening, Naruto raised his right arm, curling his fingers into a claw. One of the men exploded in a shower of bone and blood, his ribcage blasted outward and his body cleaved from stem to stern.

Red and black covered the bridge and exploded skyward, heating the very air and scorching the heavens. When Kakashi looked back at his errant student, both his eyes went wide at the boy's gaze. Guilt ridden and struck with fear, he could only gape.

Naruto's eyes had changed. Black covered his sclera, his irises going white and his pupils red. A mad smile revealed the darkness within his mouth. One could nearly hear it, bear witness to the birth of something terrible and older than time. Black mist swirled, red chakra crackled and snapped like lightning, a ring of red and black formed into a disk around Naruto's body.

The very air detonated into ash, embers of flame borne of the fathomles pits of hell. An odorous stench of sulfur rose into the atmosphere, choking the oxygen out of the air.

Discarded weaponry littering the ground rattled loudly, twitching as though alive.

The steel girders of the bridge groaned and bent, where chunks of stone and sand teetered on the edge and dropped to the sea below. Rhubarb broke the surface of the ground beneath, snapping upward and causing the bridge to lurch forward, throwing debris into the air.

I know, I know, it's a spellchecker barf for rebar. Even so we're chugging along at full melodramatic steam and suddenly... RHUBARB! Does that make it purple prose? Maybe sort of magenta...

- CD, RHUBARB!
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[K sai]

("How Much For Just the Planet?")

Hands down one of the funniest Startrek Novels ever. Written by John M Ford who did for the Klingons what Diane Duane did for the Romulans... before the studio decided that the Pocket Books were AU source material only....

The 'Chekov fails SAN test at the 17th hole(hazard: Artillery barrage)' golf scene is my fav one in the book...

"Mr. Chekov! Would you get me the object from that side pocket, please?" 

Chekov unzipped the pocket, drew out a thin silver flask. He took a step toward Scott, then stumbled on the sand and fell forward. Scott caught the flask from the air as Chekov landed at his feet. "You know, Mr. Chekov--" 

Chekov stood up, slapping sand from himself. "Yes, Mr. Scott, I do know! 'Mr. Chekov, you are the worst caddy in the explored uniwerse!' Isn't that what you were going to say? Isn't that what you always say? 'Recheck those sensor readings, Mr. Chekov.' 'I said, steady as she goes, Mr. Chekov.' Ever since I am a little chelloveck, this goes on! 'Pavel Andreivich, eat your groats.' 'Payel Andreivich, you are a disgrace to the Pioneer Railroad Porters' Corps.' Well, Payel Andreivich is having no more of this!" 

He reached to the golf bag, seized a 7-iron, raised it over his head. An artillery shell exploded brilliantly in midair, and the light caught the club like a bolt of lightning. Chekov shouted "Urrah!" and charged from the sandtrap into the furious night.

Epic. WIN.

[robkelk]

http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?596 ... st14936583]And Shadowjack's watched episode 111... which was another not-fun-filled episode, so not very many out-takes again.

Usagi: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Rei: /checking pulse. "Wait, wait. …She's not quite dead."
Usagi: "Nooooooooooooo?"

Rei: "Wait, wait, no. Yeah, she's doomed. Couple of hours, maybe."
Minako: "And here I thought we'd make it through this whole thing without a single Monty Python reference. I was trying so hard."
Makoto: "We're all very proud of you for trying, Venus."
Minako: "Thank you. Lovely Sailors, beautiful plumage."

Usagi: "How about you join my side? We don't have a redhead on the team."
Eudial: "What's your signing package?"
Usagi: "…Clean hands and peace of mind?"
Eudial: "Pssh! Non-Profits! Bring it, kid!"

Eudial: /Daffy Duck with a flamethrower. "And it's MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Jorlem]

From the wrap up of That Boy is Trouble:

After much deliberation, compromise candidate Vermin Supreme
was elected the new Minister of Magic in a landslide. Despite the fact
he was later found to not be a Wizard at all despite his mad dress
sense, but in fact a Muggle hobo, he was allowed to finish out his term
after restoring prosperity and security, opening Britain to foreign
investment, and starting a project to seek out the extradimensional pony
kingdom of Equestria. So far, there has been no success.

-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Bob Schroeck]

From Daniel Gibson's Sic Semper Morituri sidestory, Sailor Jupiter:

They arrived at the fallen demon.

It's . . . cute, like a rain-soaked, purple kitten, Makoto thought, as its big, soulful eyes looked at Sailor Jupiter, Such hope and love in those eyes. I just want to cuddle it.

"You . . . you are . . . so . . . beautiful," it told her, as if it couldn't breathe in her presence.

Makoto blushed at the heartfelt compliment.

"So you just can't wait to eat her?" Jeff asked.

"Yes," the demon agreed in the same breathless tone.

As Makoto frowned, Jeff emptied the vial on the vile thing. The creature screamed and writhed as if it had been doused with acid. Makoto dropped the bag of salt on the creature, without opening it.

"I don't love you anymore," came the squashed voice from under the mass.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[robkelk]

A sigfile spotted elsewhere:

The first law of Thermodynamics is that you do NOT talk about thermodynamics.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[robkelk]

The commentary to today's Darths & Droids:

Always know where the escape pods or life boats or similar such devices are located. This includes biplanes attached to zeppelins. Whenever you board a commercial vessel, scout it out and plan your escape route in case of iceberg, fire, or sahuagin attack. Memorise all paths to the means of escape, so you can follow them in pitch blackness. Even when carrying a cat cage and flamethrower and being chased by an alien carnivore.

And if it's your own vessel, keep all the pods/boats in working order. Test them often. If your ship doesn't come with any sort of safety escape means, install some. Have manual overrides so you can release them even if an enemy takes control of the ship's computer. Equip them with rations, water, first aid kits, and wooden stakes. Just in case.

Because all of these things will happen. Maybe even in the same campaign, if you're lucky.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Herr Bad Moon]

This is Gotham. Suit up to play, or get the fuck out.

Wow, looks like Eddie isn't Fate's Bitch anymore.

From Ch 4 of Chris Dee's Cat Tales http://catwoman-cattales.com/ct/master. ... ues-04.htm]#65 The Gotham Rogues
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[robkelk]

Thanks for the cite. (I was wondering what Fate Harlowan was doing in Gotham...)
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Jorlem]

Alt Text:
You will be led to judgement like lambs to the slaughter--a simile whose existence, I might add, will not do your species any favors.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[robkelk]

Shadowjack's watched episode 112... you know, the first episode with the really fun Death Buster, so there isn't room in this post for all the really good bits. Go read http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?596 ... st15019645]his original post, too.

Wife: "I don't know, honey, what do you think?"
Husband: "Well, I like the look, but is it big enough to hold all your dresses and things?"
Mimette: /slams opens the door and walks out of the dresser.
Mimette: /dares anyone to make comment.
Mimette: /walks off, with only a brief stop to grab some coffee at the IKEA diner.
Husband: "…I suppose it is big enough."
Wife: /signals a sales rep. "Excuse me, does that happen often with this model?"

Having explained all about the immediate situation regarding the Grail, the Messiah, and the Silence, Sailor Pluto packs away her laptop, projector, and note cards.

Usagi: "Thank you, Setsuna! Finally, someone explained all this stuff to us clearly and concisely."
Ami: "But we have just a few more questions regarding the broader context…"
Sailor Pluto: "I'm glad I could be of assistance, but now I must help Uranus and Neptune. Good day." /walks out the door.
Rei: "¡Usagi, quick, grab her!"
Usagi: /runs out.
Usagi: /comes back in. "Gone."
Makoto: "Gone?"
Usagi: "Disappeared. Vanished. Gone."
Rei: "There's nowhere to go, it's a big empty hallway out there. She couldn't have run out that quickly."
Usagi: "Well, wherever it is she couldn't go, she went."
Makoto: "Creepy."
Minako: "Ninjas. I hate those guys."

Usagi: "Thank you. But, seriously, there's some poor girl out there who's getting stuck with the Messiah hat this time, and that's one heavy hat, I know. We gotta find her and help her out!"
Ami: "Where do we start?"
Minako: "By searching at diners*! Get it? Eh? Eh?" *(meshi-ya in Japanese, same pron. as "Messiah")
Makoto: "Mina! That's the first intelligible pun you've made in months."
Minako: "Crap, I'm slipping! Well, at least my other pun got missed by the subtitlers." /ghostly voice. "Urameshiyaaaaa!"

Mimette: "celebs who show dreams to their fans must have hearts purer than anyone else!! lol"
Mimette's Sanity (a thin, pale figure, grubby and marked with cigarette burns): "Mimette, listen to me, please. You have no evidence this guy is a valid target, you just said he was a target so as not to look bad in front of the Professor, and now you're inventing justifications to cover for it. You can't just claim whatever happens to you as whatever you were going to do anyway. Eudial used better strategy than—"
Mimette: "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP"

Ami: "What happened to Chibi-Usa? I thought she lost her hat."
Usagi: "Oh, don't worry. She's a smart kid, how much trouble could she get into?"

The terrified mob flees through the picnic site, followed by the Hopalong Horror, gun blazing.

Usagi: "…"
Ami: "…"
Mako: "…"
Rei: "…"
Minako: "Don't just sit around trying to think of something witty to say! TRANSFORM!"

• STARKLY CORUSCANT TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE COUNTER
• Usagi into: ... Crisis on Infinite Moons: 2

Makoto: "What. The. Fuck. Was. That."
Ami: "…Apparently, our new enemy. I guess Eudial didn't survive that last fall."
Minako: "Mercury, analysis?"
Ami: "This is only a first approximation, but… she's a loon!"

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[ECSNorway]

A tidbit from Ghost Story, in which Harry Dresden subs in for Commander Shepard. This one from the escape with a certain AI:

"This is the biggest problem with reality,” I muttered to myself.

"Problem?" The AI responded.

"Reality doesn’t have any background music."

“Problem noted. Yakety Sax deployed.”

And so with a fleet of ships trying to kill me and bad comedy music echoing in my ears, I managed to get myself banned from entering the solar system for the next one hundred years or so.

http://forums.spacebattles.com/showthre ... ost7272683
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

One of dogbertcarrol's random scribblings:

Every nin in the room knew her by reputation if by nothing else and gave her matching skeptical looks until she burst out laughing, "I've coated my cleavage with a contact poison that puts people to sleep."

"Ah!" the nin chorused, as things made sense once more.

"Well it's wearing off quickly, so we'd better think of a way to solve this before I run out of poison in my booby trap," Anko announced.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3605089/50/Fragments
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.