I Can Has ROFL Nyao? Or, The ROTFLMAO of the Catgirl

[Jorlem]

From the latest OoTS Kickstarter update:

With only a handful of days left, expect the next few days to include
some posts regarding what will happen after the drive is over. There'll
be a lot of logistics for me to handle (and you to remember), so I ask
in advance that everyone be patient with me. That shouldn't be a
problem, though. You've proven to me that you are the best fans in the
comic-reading world, and you probably could beat up other webcomics'
fanbases if you wanted to, but you won't because whatever, man. Whatever.--Rich Burlew
P.S. Comic will be up at some point today, but not right now.
P.P.S. Just so you know, Erfworld is having their own Kickstarter.
P.P.P.S.
I meant if you wanted to pledge to it if you have any money leftover,
not to beat up their fanbase. Especially since that would involve a
great many of you punching yourselves in the face.
P.P.P.P.S. In case that was not clear, do not punch yourself in the face.

-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[classicdrogn]

In case that was not clear, do not punch yourself in the face

Always good advice. Yes, even if Happosai or a similar annoyance is clinging to it, they'll just move in the last fraction of a second. Much better in such situations to dunk your head in a sink or large bucket full of water; either the wizened old freak will drown if he refuses to let go, or you'll have a head start at washing until your skin turns red and tingly to get the squick off.

- CD
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Jorlem]

In case that was not clear, do not punch yourself in the face

Always good advice. Yes, even if Happosai or a similar annoyance is clinging to it, they'll just move in the last fraction of a second. Much better in such situations to dunk your head in a sink or large bucket full of water; either the wizened old freak will drown if he refuses to let go, or you'll have a head start at washing until your skin turns red and tingly to get the squick off.

- CD

Why will he drown first?
Well, look at how small he is.  How much air can those lungs hold, really?  Also, he's a smoker.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Necratoid]

You are talking about a guy who can turn into a rampaging Kaiju for giggles... he also he survived off a single undergarment for a decade... in a sealed cave.
The trick is to take the punching angle so that if it misses it goes by your face... always remember that they aren't 2D or paper thin... so aim for their ribs from a sideways angle.

[Cobalt Greywalker]

From one of Gryphon's posts to the Eyrie board.

"I am Scrooge McDuck of the Clan McDuck, and I am immortal!"

[Necratoid]

That is one man you never, ever, Ever want to fight on his home turf... Seriously... fighting in the money bin would be demanding death by a thousand cuts...  being sucked into the depths of the pit. 
Ignoring that he may have never even noticed his death during on of their more chaotic adventures... actually that would explain Launchpad as well.  Never mind... pay attention to that.

[deadpan29]

From Hell is a Martial Artist by Ozzallos: Urd tries to sort out Ranma's life. (With the help of Gan the Rat)

"We're trying to find out where the involvement between the Daimakaicho and Ranma stems," The gray rat answered back. He shook his his furry head in an almost sympathetic manner. "The kid's life is an absolute train wreck."

"We were hoping we could untangle some of the mess and see where it led," Urd continued the explanation as her finger began to unconsciously trace the red string. Belldandy watched with moving finger with slight concern but let her sister finish. "But Gan-chan's right. It isn't just a train wreck. It's a train wreck with wings and fire juggling clowns on rocket engines." The finger paused an the Goddess of the Past paused with the thought and an introspective look. "Say, maybe we should get Keichii in here to take a look at it."

----------
No, I don't believe the world has gone mad.  In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.

[Bob Schroeck]

More HIAMA? Oooooooh.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[itsune9tl]

NOTE;
If you cross "Worms: Battle Islands" with WH40K, you should get Earthworm Jim.

[robkelk]

The commentary below http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0692.html]today's Darths and Droids:

Gamers often have a casual attitude to death in games. Try throwing some vivid descriptions of death and mutilation at them to shock them out of their complaceny and make the dangers seems realand horrifying.

And if you're not playing Bunnies & Burrows, ramp it up even further.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Bob Schroeck]

More HIAMA? Oooooooh.

Ah, crap.  It's just the chapter from December.  And a quote I didn't remember.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[deadpan29]

In a similar vein, a quote I've posted before but one that sticks with me.  From Switching Places Evangelion by Greyelle

"Keep quiet, follow my lead, try to act normal," said Misato.

"See, that's kinda a problem," said Ranma. "On account I don't actually KNOW normal. Normal isn't something I've seen except maybe at a distance. My life is kinda ABnormal, if ya get my drift."

 
----------
No, I don't believe the world has gone mad.  In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.

[Jorlem]

Saw this on a thread on RPG.net:

"There are no atheists in foxholes full of chlorine trifluoride. Only maltheists, because ClF3 is proof that God exists and he thinks you look better poisoned and ON FIRE."

-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

"Twilight," said Rarity, "I don't mean to point out the
obvious, but that door was enchanted by Princess Celestia, was it not?
You're quite formidable yourself, but how are you proposing to break
through a barrier conjured by the Goddess of the sun?"
"Oh, I'm not trying to break through the door with magic!" Twilight called back, "I'm just trying to contain the explosion!"
"... uh, what explosion?" Asked Soarin' very quietly.
"The one I'm about to set off by fusing these hydrogen atoms together!" Twilight answered cheerfully.
The Doctor's jaw hit the floor.
"What," said Applejack.

From a fic by AJT.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Matrix Dragon]

"Twilight," said Rarity, "I don't mean to point out the
obvious, but that door was enchanted by Princess Celestia, was it not?
You're quite formidable yourself, but how are you proposing to break
through a barrier conjured by the Goddess of the sun?"
"Oh, I'm not trying to break through the door with magic!" Twilight called back, "I'm just trying to contain the explosion!"
"... uh, what explosion?" Asked Soarin' very quietly.
"The one I'm about to set off by fusing these hydrogen atoms together!" Twilight answered cheerfully.
The Doctor's jaw hit the floor.
"What," said Applejack.

From a fic by AJT.

... Please link. I must read this.

[Jorlem]

"Twilight," said Rarity, "I don't mean to point out the
obvious, but that door was enchanted by Princess Celestia, was it not?
You're quite formidable yourself, but how are you proposing to break
through a barrier conjured by the Goddess of the sun?"
"Oh, I'm not trying to break through the door with magic!" Twilight called back, "I'm just trying to contain the explosion!"
"... uh, what explosion?" Asked Soarin' very quietly.
"The one I'm about to set off by fusing these hydrogen atoms together!" Twilight answered cheerfully.
The Doctor's jaw hit the floor.
"What," said Applejack.

From a fic by AJT.

... Please link. I must read this.

It's from chapter ten of Beating the Heat. Be warned, it is borderline NSFW. Here's a link to chapter 1.
http://fanfiction.net/s/7545374/1/Beating_the_Heat
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

From
here.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[robkelk]

Spotted here:

As a GM my adventures revolve around five things:
1. The party is in a situation where they are trying to actively avoid a particular danger.
2. Their actions hopefully result in a removal of a misfortune to themselves or a third party.
3. They are in a situation where they can work towards a substantial reward.
4. They are seeking to keep a reward they just earned and prevent it from being taken from them.
5. Plenty of snacks and pop.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[ECSNorway]

Attached is your bloody cloak, just as you sent it to me. Thank you for the loan of it-- Pansy and I managed to avoid filicide had an adventure that I'm sure you would have enjoyed being as thick as you are; it's just a shame that you're not allowed to visit the home of the ultimate in puppy-kicking, christmas-thieving evil me. In all fairness, it turns out that the Headmaster's concerns may not be too far off and if my father kills you or allows you to be killed, I may be forced to do something that endangers my trust fund, but I suppose that's a topic for discussion in person. Maybe I should be the one doing the visiting.How bad could your Muggles be, anyway? Nevermind-- I've clearly suffered a great shock.

From the Switch-verse, in which Harry and Draco are both sorted in the same house...
Link to part one: http://corvidae9.livejournal.com/344634.html

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[itsune9tl]

[robkelk]

Shadowjack's watched episode 113...

Mamoru: /transforms into Tuxedo Mask without saying anything or even taking his hands out of his pockets.
Haruka: "…Show off."

Mamoru: "Greetings, O past and future Warriors of the Silver Millennium. Welcome, again, to Earth. What business have you with me this fair night?"
Sailor Pluto: "To tell this: The Inner Senshi protected the Princess and the Capital, but we, the Outer Senshi, had greater powers, for our duty was, is, and will be to protect the Silver Millennium as a whole against intruders from beyond the Solar System… and you have no need to say it."
Mamoru: "I wasn't going to say it."
Haruka: /grumbles. "No, no, go ahead and say it. Let's get it out there."
Michiru: "It's clear we've failed in our duty."
Mamoru: "I really wasn't going to criticize. I'm sure you fought valiantly, but Metallia was just too powerful."
Michiru: "Wait, has She come back, too?!"
Sailor Pluto: "No. Don't worry. I'll explain later."
Mamoru: "And you can hardly be blamed for the Doom Tree or Fiore's flower, because you weren't fated to awaken yet."
Haruka: "The what and who's what?"
Sailor Pluto: "Don't worry. I'll explain later."
Mamoru: "And Sailor Pluto was quite helpful against the Planet X crowd. Thank you again." /tips hat.
Haruka: "There's someone living there now? Since when?!"
Michiru: "Has everyone in the galaxy attacked the Earth while we were out?! Gods, it's worse than we thought…"

Makoto: "You gave her an honest answer?!"
Minako: "Sure. She asked me an honest question."

Makoto: "I'm horrified and amazed. When did you two become buddies in trolling?"
Minako: /humbly. "The power to troll lies within us all. I merely show the path."
Ami: /bows. "Sensei."
Makoto: "God help us all."

The Professor: /fills sterile glassware with distilled water. "Heh heh heh."
The Professor: /arranges a heating stand. "Ho ho ho."
The Professor: /sets up a Bunsen burner. "Muahahaha."
The Professor: /gas—on! Ig—nite! "Kyeheeheeheeheehee!"
The Professor: /gets out a bag of Mechanicsburg Roast and filters. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The Professor: "They LAUGHED when when I said I had a superior method of making coffee. BUT WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? COFFEE FOR THE COFFEE GOD! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! COFFEE! COFFEE! BLOOD! COFFEE! Coffee. Heeheehee…"

"Mechanicsburg Roast", eh? Well, at least it's perfect...

Usagi: "OMG look at all the White Wolf books. Are you in a group right now?"
Hotaru: "I've never actually played, but…"
Usagi: "Oh, wow, then you have got to join my friend Mako's Vampire chronicle! You'll love it!"
Chibi-Usa: "Don't suck my friends into your weird hobbies! We're going to trade Magic cards, like normal people."

Haruka: "…Amateurs."
Usagi: "No kidding. Why don't they just attack?"
Mamoru: "Ahem!"
Usagi: "Oh! Right. Sorry."

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[zojojojo]

"Excuse me, humans. If you would cease your fornication for just a moment, your party is ready to see you,"

from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5708111/10/ ... Is_Trouble
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

[robkelk]

Shadowjack's watched episode 114...

The Professor: /examines the documentation that Mimette left behind. "Hmm, she appears to have annotated every page of this idol magazine with declarations of her undying love for the target."
The Professor: "Apparently, I have been played for a sucker. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The Professor: "She will go far."

Usagi: "—which must mean, then, that you simply subtract Y from X and get the square root, and the problem is solved!"
Ami: "Exactly!"
Mako: /awe. "Wow, Usagi, how are you actually keeping up with this?"
Usagi: "I HAVE NO IDEA! Explain to me what I just said, someone!"

Casting Director: "There's a kissing scene in this movie. Are you prepared for that?"
Minako: "Not yet, but now that I know, I'll make sure to keep this project a secret from my parents."
Scattered laughter.
2nd Unit Director: "Let us say that the director invited you… to dinner, in private. Would you have any problems?"
Minako: /deliberately misses the point. "Golly, no, I can eat anything! Well, er, except shiitake mushrooms. Well, and then there's always… but you don't want to hear about that!"
Broader laughter.
2nd Unit Director: /slightly miffed.
Casting Director: /is delighted to see him get his comeuppance.

Usagi: "Everybody now! Sing, sing a song—
Rei: Sing out loud, sing—
Mimette: "OWWWWWWWIEEEEEE IT HURTS "
Ami: "Not a Carpenters fan, I guess."
Makoto: "I thought it was from Sesame Street?"

Mimette: "OWIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Minako: "And we'll keep doing that until you've learned your lesson, young lady!"
Mimette: "i'll get you!!!" /runs away.
Makoto: "Y'know, we really should try to stop her from leaving, one of these days."

Ami: "There's no Mimi Hanyu in any public database."
Minako: "She LIED to me!"
Ami: "I told you she would never knowingly betray the Witches."
Minako: "Terminate her—immediately!"
Ami: "She may still be of use to us."
Makoto: "You guys are creeping me out."

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[robkelk]

http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?617 ... st15235832]And Shadowjack's gotten to episode 115...

Haruka: "Anyway, shall we get down to business?"
Michiru: "What, here? With everyone watching?"
Haruka: ?
Sailor Pluto: "Don't mind me."

Ami: "Mother says the seizure is already settling down, but she wants to make an examination in person. She'll be here soon."
Usagi: "Oh, good! I'm looking forward to finally meeting your mom on screen."
Ami: "Me too."

Haruka: /just happening by. "Going my way?"
Chibi-Usa: "Oh, yes, please! Move over, I'm driving."
Haruka: "I got here first."
Hotaru: "I'll drive, if you like."
Chibi-Usa: "No, you sit in the middle."
Haruka: "I'm sitting in the middle."
Chibi-Usa: "You said you were driving!"
Haruka: "I am driving."
Chibi-Usa: "I'll get in the back, then."
Hotaru: "It's all in the mind."

Haruka: "Little girl, you can't win a man's heart by force!" /poses.
Mimette: "like u would know!!"
Haruka: "…You can't win anyone's heart by force!"
Mimette: "yes u can!! u totally can!! i have a collection!!"

Chibi-Usa: "At least I'm portable!"

Haruka: /hurries back to her car while transforming back.

Transforming back means that her Sailor outfit disappears, leaving her momentarily naked (conveniently censored by blowing rose petals), and then her original clothes reappear.

Usagi: /covers Chibi-Usa's eyes.
Minako: /whistles appreciatively.
Makoto: "Hey. Show some respect. We all do that."
Usagi: /to Chibi-Usa. "…You are never transforming in the open again."

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[DHBirr]

OK, this one is OLD. As in, I don't think anyone on this forum had been born yet when this was written. October 1930, no less. It's an insane crossover: The Song of Hiawatha with American merchandise (many of these products are so long out of business I'd never heard of them). The source listed the author as the Pied Typer, "with apologies to Longfellow." Enjoy.

Hear the legend of the Admen

Ere they conquered all creation.

In the Prophylactic forest

On the shores of Coca-Cola

Dwelt the Moxies in their wigwams

Old Sapolio, the chieftain,

Pebeco, the grizzled prophet,

And the warriors, young and eager.

In the lodge of the old chieftain

With Uneeda, more than mother,

And Victrola, old and feeble,

Lived the warmest of the maidens,

Musterole, Sapolio’s daughter—

Musterole, the Sunkist Chiclet.

All the young men sought her favor,

Left their trophies at her wigwam,

Brought her Thermos skins for raiment,

Brought her Tarvia for ointment:

And sweet Musterole smiled on them—

Smiled on Vaseline and Pointex,

Smiled on Danderine and Jell-o,

Smiled on Listerine and Valspar—

Smiled but left them unrequited,

For her love she gave to no one—

Frigidaire alone she gave them.

Then from Multibestos mountains

From the tribe of the Texacos,

Came the young chief, Instant Postum,

Mightiest hunter in the forest

All superb in strength and beauty,

He, it was who trapped the Kodak,

He, who shot the great Sears-Roebuck,

Eversharp his trusty hatchet,

Every arrow had a Hotpoint.

On him gazed the Moxie maidens—

Nujol poured her glowing glances,

Bold Carbona sought to win him,

Zonite brought him luscious Pyrene:

But for Musterole yearned Postum.

Through the fields of ripe Wheatena

Hand in hand the lovers wandered,

Seated then upon the White-Rock,

By the rippling Cuticura—

Safe beneath the Palmolive shadows,

From the boughs they picked the Grape-Nuts.

There they saw the sun descending,

Naught cared Postum for the night winds

Blowing through the Holeproof forest;

Musterole was there beside him.

To his bosom quick he drew her,

Held her to his manly bosom,

Whispered words with love aburning,

Told her how he’d caught the Sealpax,

Told her how he’d slain Bull Durham,

Told her how he’d trapped Ampico,

Boasted of his father’s tepee,

With its sides of Mentholatum

And its rugs of soft Sunoco.

To him, Musterole aquiver,

Listened and her heart gave answer.

All the warmth of love she gave him,

Gave her Rubberset affection,

Gave her heart to Instant Postum,

Thus he won her—thus he took her.

Passed the years in quick succession

Little fairies came to bless them,

Gold Dust twins and bright BVD,

Little Beechnut, Wrigley Spearmint,

Vici Kid and Pluto Water

Filled the wigwam with their laughter,

So they lived in happy union

Safe in peace and strong in warfare,

And their progeny continues,

Finds a place in town and hamlet

Known and loved by every mortal,

All the tribes are held in honor.

This the legend I have told you.
-----------
By, the way, in the "not fanfic, but so funny I want to mention them anyway" category, consider these quotes from John G. Hemry's "Stark's War" trilogy:
"You tell Stacey Yurivan that if I hear one word about fresh flowers being sold on the black market, I'll post her on sentry duty at the lunar pole for so long she'll think she's a space penguin."
"Speaking of which, as I just reported, we're now at war with every country on Earth. That must be some kind of record."
Bev Manley nodded agreement. "I for one am proud. And with Ethan Stark leading us, this might be just the beginning. We may yet encounter an alien species and end up at war with them, too."
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.