Dating Advice

[Labster]

So last night, I had a something of a date with an actual IRL woman.  Things were going pretty well, nice engaging conversation, right up until the point where she explained to me how the government faked the moon landing with Stanley Kubrick.  Anyone know what to do in that situation?

[MarshalGraves]

That depends. It sounds like she's a believer in conspiracy theories, which can be a red flag. It's not necessarily mental illness, but certainly a sign of a highly religious belief structure.

The question is, do you, personally, feel that you could not date someone who wasn't grounded in science or proven fact?

If things go forward, you will need to recognize and accept that about her. That she does not believe the same things you do, nor does it seem like she's the type to accept that 1) the global climate is, indeed, changing, 2) fluoride is not, in fact, a mind-control drug slipped into the water supply, or 3) the Democrats are not out to turn America into the second-coming of Communist China.

I would, at this point, sit down with her, tell her that you like her, and you really enjoy her company, but there are some things you both need to understand and accept about one another moving forward. Don't itemize, that will give her wiggle-room to tell you that the diatoms in your toothpaste are put there to give you cancer. Instead, tell her that you are a firm believer in science, and accept what is written in the logs and annuls of scientific discovery as fact unless proven otherwise. If she accepts this, and rebuts with her own list of Things That Must Not Be Argued, it's up to you as to whether or not it's worth it.

If she out-and-out tells you you're a mind-controlled drone and storms out, then you didn't lose anything you weren't going to lose anyway. If she sits down and has a meaningful discussion with you, then you might actually have a chance.

Communication. It is the key to so, so much.

[classicdrogn]

Show her this, if she responds reasonably to contradicting arguments (even if she's not convinced) that's actually a good sign, if not you want to know before getting in too deep. I suggest also probing gently into her opinions on vaccination, climate change, and evolution along with the usual tastes in music, pizza toppings, smoking/nonsmoking, and religious practices.

Nvidia Debunks Conspiracy Theories About Moon Landing

Teal Deer version is that it would have cost more and involved more people to fake it than to actually go to the moon.

[Labster]

First of all, thanks for your well thought out replies.  I was actually hoping for more snark here, for suggestions like "Call up Buzz Aldrin, ask him to come punch her" or "join Flat Earth Society together".

@classicdrogn: So uh, showing how someone else faked a moon landing photo is supposed to convince someone that the moon landing wasn't faked?  I'm getting the feeling you don't hang out with conspiracy nuts much.  Don't get me wrong, it's super cool what they did, and I'm glad I watched (except boring first 3 minutes).  There are a few easy ways to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that we went to the moon:

• Russia didn't say that it was all faked by decadent western capitalists
  
• Astronauts installed a reflector, which you can still hit with a laser and test that yes, there's a mirror on the moon
  
• Tens of thousands of scientists worked on data collected, any one of whom could have falsified the whole bunch
  
• Because Sailor Says!
  

Actually, she's kind of a fascinating person, so I continue to date her, having already decided that I don't want a romantic relationship.  Like, I'm an author now, so I'm supposed to hang with interesting people, right?  Some key facts:

• Currently holds the record for the highest bail ever granted to a woman in Santa Barbara County.  Given the recent changes to the bail law, she may hold that record for a long time.  All charges were dismissed, and in the end the judge was sanctioned.  As for the cause of all that, let's just say that it turned out that marrying Akio Ohtori was not a good decision.
  
• After this, she worked on an entertainment news show, and she dated a few celebrities.  As she wasn't an actress, she got to turn down Harvey Weinstein.
  
• Worked as a party planner for a while.  Currently a caretaker for her grandmother, who raised her.  Parents are both drug addicts.
  
• Has the "GIPPER" vanity license plate.
  
• We also hang out with our transwoman friend quite a lot.  Watching a party girl like her take a transwoman shopping for formalwear for the first time was as hilarious as expected.
  

It was just kind of funny to come straight from the Democratic Party Central Committee meeting to hang out with a girl who started talking about how the moon landing was faked, and something about how many people the Clintons killed.  Like, I think it's just a symptom of too much Facebook, and Facebook is getting way worse these days.  Forums like this can build a personal connection in ways The Facebook never can.

She's opinionated, and sort of in a way that doesn't respect the people around her.  I mean, I'm pretty selfish, but there's a certain carelessness to her self-centeredness that's the real red flag.  But you can tolerate certain things in friends that you can't in partners.

From talking with her, I finally understand a little of the mindset of what it's like to be in an abusive relationship.  It's hard for me to understand, because my nature is assertive, but I get it now, the banality of it, just a little.  Some things you can only learn through stories.  And yet, after all she's done to take her life back, she'll still defend the patriarchy most of the time.  You can't ever escape your past, not entirely.

But ffs wtf is with the moon landing stuff?  Like, I'm legit worried that we are all losing our grip on reality.  And while I don't mind talking to the crazies -- I usually end up doing it at protests and rallies, I've never actually been able to crack the shell of their reality.  Almost every time my response takes the form of "but the world is more complicated than that!"  And the scale of reality just never sinks in for people.

[LynnInDenver]

Labster, just chalk it up as Facts VS Truth; for some people, Facts are not everything, and in fact for them are pretty much mutually exclusive to Truth. They'll never believe that a vast "we landed on the moon" deception requires too many people to have remained quiet, regardless of how much of a money maker it might be. In fact, you could probably give them a ride up to the ISS tomorrow, leave 'em there a week, and they'd STILL swear up and down it was faked.

[Norgarth]

bout a week behind the conversation, but I've been AFK for the past 3 weeks. 8P

[Labster]

I'm going to post this story and request that Bob move this thread to politics:

A Warning From Europe: The Worst Is Yet to Come

Basically the story convinced me that my original problem about conspiracy theories is actually one of politics, and a desire for liberal democracy to survive.  And the question becomes: how do you stay friends with someone for whom believing conspiracy theories is a social signal for group membership?

[Bob Schroeck]

Thread moved, per request.