Stupid dialog, free to a good home

[batzulger]

Peter Porker calling in the Anivengers

[classicdrogn]

"Alright, take a break, and I'll see if I can give you some tips. Making plants grow is considered an advanced excercise for prodigies and upper year students, but not because it takes a lot of power - you need more of that just to levitate something into your hand, and most of us found out we could use magic at all by doing that as toddlers. No, it's more because you have to think about doing three things at once, and the obvious ones are wrong."

Waving a hand at the sad results of their attempts, XXXX continued. "Visualize it puffing up like a balloon and you'll burst the plant into mush, and pulling it up out of the ground is just as unhelpful. You don't have to tell a plant how to grow, it already knows that and wants to do it as fast as it can get water and food out of the ground. So the first thing you have to do, is get your magic to listen. Just gently flow it into every part of the plant and let it tell you what it needs. If you just get this part right, you'll have a lot easier time tending them normally.

"Then spread it down and out through the roots and into a wide area, to find that stuff and bring it back. Gently, gently, don't go grabbing the dirt or you'll sand blast the poor thing, and even thinking of it as pulling up the earth is more likely to uproot the plant or petrify it. It's more like  pulling the color out of a glass of water back into a drop of paint. Just bring it back to reach the roots it already has, don't try to jam it inside. This can help with normal gardening too, but it's easy to give them it much of a good thing and leave the soil exhausted while poisoning the plant if you overdo it. You'll need to add fertilizer to the area you pulled from afterward anyway if you didn't mix some in before starting, to keep from making a dead spot later.

"The last part is the real trick though. Like I said before, a plant already knows how to grow. It wants to grow, as much as it wants anything. After you find out what it needs for that and bring that stuff over to it, your magic has to become the plant's personal sports coach and cheerleader, supporting it and helping it stay limber enough to become the best plant it can be, and giving it the energy to grow faster than would ever be possible on its own."

XXXX cracked a grin as XX waved XXX pointer fingers around like they had a miniature pair of pompoms on the ends. "Chlorophyll, chlorophyll, fill it up! Grow that plant and never stop! Stem and leaves, green all around! Grow that plant up from the ground! Come on plant, it's up to you! Show 'em all what you can do!"

WWWW, YYYY, and ZZZZ watched as the sprout in front of XXX glowed softly with XXXX's power and smoothly extended. The green shoot unfolded into a leaf, then two, then a stalk growing still taller from between them, soil shoved aside at its base as it grew thicker and taller, all a brilliant healthy green.

----==- + -==----

Yes, I did write that whole thing just for the cheerleading part. I regret nothing.

[robkelk]

"We're here to kick Boomer butt and chew bubblegum, and we've got ourselves a bubblegum crisis."

[robkelk]

A little something for almost any Fuku Fic deconstruction:

---

"She punched you and sent you from Nerima to Minato?"

"More than once, yeah."

"You went flying, unpowered, over Nakano, Shinjuku, and Shibuya before you landed in Minato – a trip that takes nearly an hour on the train. Somebody tell me why Tendo Akane-san isn't simply throwing satellites into orbit for NASDA."

---

No, not JAXA, unless the story is set after 2003... which most Fuku Fics aren't.

[hazard]

"Because it is actually really hard to get a weight of several tons into orbit, and being able to punch a 100kg soaking wet martial artist some 15 kilometers just doesn't cut it."

[classicdrogn]

"I hate summer more than winter, because putting on an extra sweater top is easier than sweating off an extra pudding pop."

[classicdrogn]

"Don't look, it's three hundred pounds of dumbass in a ninety eight pound speedo."

[robkelk]

"Suppose They Gave a War and No One Came"
-- Charlotte E. Keyes, 1966

"Suppose They Gave an Orgy and No One Came"
-- stupid dialog

[classicdrogn]

"It's like that song about the funny punctuation."

"... the what now?"

"You must have heard it, it was a big hit! 'Comma comma comma comma comma comedian, you're doin' jokes, you're doin' jookes...'"

[Bob Schroeck]

<snrk>

[classicdrogn]

As opposed to Doug, who's a combat comedian. Does that make him a prop comic? A lot of his gags only work if there's people or things you don't mind getting roughed up a bit to use as targets...

Someone: Will you take this seriously!? You fight like it's a joke!

Doug: All my best fights are jokes! But if you insist, let's get dangerous.

Also Doug: (Proceeds to fight like a different duck entirely. Quack-fu indeed.)

[robkelk]

"This story is a lemon. You are a lemony narrator. Narrate."

[robkelk]

"I think not!"
--René Descartes' last words

[classicdrogn]

(singing)
"We're not gonna make it / no, we ain't gonna make it / We're not gonna make it / anymooore .... / There is a timing to it / and now we gone and blew it / we're not gonna make it / anymooore..."

- when you had a schedule, and now it's wrecked

[robkelk]

"I'll be here all week. Try your waiter, and don't forget to tip the veal."

"Moooooooo???"

"Whoops, I mixed those up again. Sorry, no cow tipping, please."

[robkelk]

"Do not confuse Chippendales with Chip'n'Dales. They have distinctly different clientele."

[Vulpis]

"Do not confuse Chippendales with Chip'n'Dales. They have distinctly different clientele."

...You'd be surprised...the latter can overlap the former more than you think... ;-)

[robkelk]

"Do not confuse Chippendales with Chip'n'Dales. They have distinctly different clientele."

...You'd be surprised...the latter can overlap the former more than you think... ;-)

Well, yes. Furry fandom is a thing, after all.

[classicdrogn]

Cartoon chipmunks need furniture too!

[Vulpis]

Cartoon chipmunks need furniture too!

Now I'm imagining Chip n' Dale and Chippendale's dancers posing on Chippendale's furniture.. :-)

[classicdrogn]

We're at the corner of No Street and Where Avenue, and not so much as a mossy tree around to get directions from. This sucks.

[robkelk]

"To avoid confusion between X and SpaceX, there will be a renaming ... to SpaceTwitter."

[Bob Schroeck]

"To avoid confusion between X and SpaceX, there will be a renaming ... to SpaceTwitter."

Not that it's terribly relevant to the quote, per se, but I've been amusing myself of late by calling Twitter/X "Twix".

[nemonowan]

"To avoid confusion between X and SpaceX, there will be a renaming ... to SpaceTwitter."

Not that it's terribly relevant to the quote, per se, but I've been amusing myself of late by calling Twitter/X "Twix".

I prefer eXtwitter...

[classicdrogn]

I just call it Xitter, where xitters go to post xit. Seems more accurate than either of the official names.