RE: Isekai by Moonlight
06-10-2024, 12:14 PM (This post was last modified: 06-10-2024, 12:21 PM by Inquisitive Raven.)
06-10-2024, 12:14 PM (This post was last modified: 06-10-2024, 12:21 PM by Inquisitive Raven.)
(06-08-2024, 07:32 AM)robkelk Wrote: And together we forced Kaolinite on the defensive. She was good enough to fight us both for ten seconds, but then Jupiter got past Kaolinite's defences and thrust into her torso.So it appears that none of your pre-readers caught this. In my case, I'm pretty sure it's because I read these sections days apart and didn't remember what happened in the first section by the time I got to the second one. Unlike my fridge logic moment which could be fixed by changing one line, this one may require a lot more reworking unless there's someone you can conveniently substitute for Kaolinite. Don't forget to edit out any later appearances.
And it was all over.
If the wound didn't kill Kaolinite, the electrical discharge sending her heart into flatline did. Either way, we both knew that it was a fight to the death as soon as Jupiter electrified Donguri-no-ken.
Mercury dispelled the Hyperspatial Sphere, leaving Kaolinite's body in the dissolving pocket dimension.
So we turned around and headed for the front door, only to be met by Kaolinite. "Your father did want you to stay inside today," she told Hotaru-chan.
"I assure you," Makoto said before Hotaru-chan could say anything, "that we will keep her as safe as we keep Chibiusa."
"So kindly get out of our way," Hotaru-chan told Kaolinite.
They stared at each other for a moment. Kaolinite either lost the battle of wills or remembered who was possessing Hotaru-chan. "Do what you want."