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Sheer Goofiness
Sheer Goofiness
#1
...this DW spamfic has been floating around in my head for quite a while now, and it's getting tired of the decor.
Anyone who watched children's TV in the '70s and '80s should be able to figure this one out.
Title: none. *shrug* Suggestions welcome...

Doug had been trekking through a combined rain forest, jungle, and swamp for nearly a month now. Was this one of those cliched, unlikely Hollywood worlds with only one terrain type? He'd run across stranger places, but few this boring.
No large dangerous wildlife, no swarms of biting insects--there were creatures here, yes, but none of them seemed the least bit interested in him. The mangrove-like trees were spread out just far enough that gravbike travel was practical, not far enough to see any great distance ahead.
Nothing to do but travel and try for a gatesong.
It was just as he began to consider abandoning travel for a permanent campsite that he ran into the City.
It lay on a low island in the middle of the largest lake he'd found yet: a natural moat surrounding a fortified complex the size of ancient Babylon or Troy, like them fallen into ruin. The city was lifeless, and had been so probably for centuries; judging by the state of the buildings and city walls, it had fallen to a siege.
Those walls were very strange indeed. Even in their current state of advanced decay, it was clear what they had been. Why the city's builders had relied on such an oddity... well, who could say now? Certainly not Doug.
Not in the absence of any information--the city had evidently possessed a high level of technology, but everything was gone or smashed to bits now. Bookshelves lay empty, computer casings were stripped of their contents; the inhabitants must have taken nearly everything with them when they abandoned this place. The inhabitants, or the besiegers?
Whatever had happened here so long ago, it would remain a mystery; Doug found his exit less than two weeks after discovering the ruins, and elected to use it a few days later. In all that time he'd found only one cryptic message, a graffito presumably left by the conquering army, carved so deeply into one of the larger buildings that it had survived long years of weathering. It was simple, straightforward, and said nothing but what was already obvious about the city's fall.
Given his new understanding of World-As-Myth, Doug mused, perhaps he'd find out someday just what had happened here. Or perhaps not. Whatever happened, that last sinister message would remain in his thoughts for a long time to come. Five words that somehow chilled him to the bone:
WE MADE HOLES IN TEETH.
--Sam Ashley
"Down here I'm considered the apotheosis of cool."
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#2
Quote:
WE MADE HOLES IN TEETH.
Well, I'm a child of the nineties or so I'm told/Well I must admit something: I don't feel that old
IOW, I don't get it.
Blessed be.
-n
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#3
Quote:
I don't get it.
There was a Crest commercial, back in the day, with little cavity dudes attacking teeth while chanting theire battle-chant: "WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!"
... at least, I think it was Crest....
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#4
Yep. The Cavity Creeps--big, ugly trollish types--would attack the city of Toothopolis, trying to destroy its wall of giant...teeth. Resident superheroes, the Crest Team (five of them, a sort of orthodontic sentai), would retaliate with blasts of energized toothpaste and drive them back into the jungle.
--Sam
"Sixty-five cents for a Snickers bar?!"
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#5
If you want a title, how about:
"Tooth and Consequences"
"Tooth, Justice and the Un-American Way"
"The Whole Tooth, And Nothing But The Tooth"
"A Jaw-ndiced Step"
???
[grin]
Maybe the ad was only on US TV, I don't recall it in the UK, but I could have missed/forgotten it...
--
"It is the business of the future to be dangerous" - Hawkwind
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#6
Quote:
The Cavity Creeps
OK, I vaguely remember them, though not the Crest Team (other than the name). OTOH, I think this one ought to go up on the site, just to confuse the crap out of people Smile
Offsides
Drunkard's Walk Forum Moderator and Prereader At Large
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#7
Pick a title, Lurker, and I'll put this up on my website with the other DW fanfic^2.
Very funny, btw, although I have to admit that even though I remember the commercials I didn't get the joke until it was explained. Still, very nicely done.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#8
Thanks. I know it's aimed at a limited audience, but I hope those who do get it enjoy it...
Titles... Sorry, Ace, but those tooth puns give the game away too early. Sad
Call it:
A Brush with the Past.
^.^
(Oh yes, the Toothopolitans survived and founded a new city far away in a less sugar-cane-heavy region.) Smile
--Sam Ashley
"Arthur, is this a warm moment or should we be disturbed?"
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#9
Okay, cool. I'll probably have it up on the site by tonight, depending on how my day goes. (I might even update other things, like, say, the top page, while I'm at it...)

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#10
It's up, now. If you want to look at it, it's here.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#11
I don't know.. if you know the joke, it's a funny story.
If you don't... it's a friggin' _creepy_ story.
Ed.
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#12
In retrospect, I thought I'd add this thought.. something I wrote without knowing why.
"...and violent rage turned to darkling cruelty."
Somehow, I don't really know how, in that brief spamfic, in those final words, there's an entire lifetime of hatred.
Eerie.
Ed.
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Re: Sheer Goofiness
#13
Well, since Doug cleary didn't recognize the reference, the world certainly was creepy for him... it's like I wrote on the DW main page for this story's description: "a mystery that would gnaw at him for the rest of his life."


-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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