[tech] get it out of my head it's GROWING.

[Kokuten]

OK, someone _else_ can take this idea, it won't get out of my brain and I can't wrap anything else around it. SO.
plot bunny, free to good home.
"It's.. a giant metal twinkie."
"Yes! but instead of frosting, it's a delicious Depleted Uranium filling!"Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[Norgarth]

So, how long had the Professor been awake when he came up with _this_ one?__________________
666-HELL The phone number of the Beast
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Kokuten]

_you_ tell _me_.Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[Cobalt Greywalker]

Now I'm regretting mentioning The Professor and Klatchian Coffee in the same breath.
ARGH!! Now it's infected me! Wave Convoy's Energon Pizza and this is leading to Transformer Snack Foods!
HELP!

[CattyNebulart]

---

So, how long had the Professor been awake when he came up with _this_ one?

---

I doubt the Prof came up with this one, I see no scientific value in it.
Now Ryoko might do it (with a delicious Energon filling) if Wave Convoy stopped by the Sol Bianca sometime. Need to be a good host and all that.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Ebony]

Actually, this fits in with something I'm vaguely planning for when the Blazers go to war. The "twinkie" in question would be an Airstream trailer.
And yes, I think that filling it with DPU would be ideal.
Big Badda Boom.Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Kokuten]

now that's a big twinkie!Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[robkelk]

(comes in late) What about the Twinkie?
More seriously, where is Hephaestus going to get its hands on depleted uranium? I don't recall you having any connections with any 'Daneside governments...
Edit: Or the BBIs? Okay, you're more likely to have government connections than Hephaestus is, but are any of them in the various defence departments or ministries?

-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Kokuten]

hence the out of my head portion of my lament - I don't have (and don't want, I don't think.. ) contacts to get me DU.
If I wanted DU, I'd light up the Morden Sign, the 400 meter tall neon green dollar sign strapped to the ass of the station..

-WG, tounge firmly in cheek about the morden-sign-Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[Cobalt Greywalker]

---

(comes in late) What about the Twinkie?
More seriously, where is Hephaestus going to get its hands on depleted uranium? I don't recall you having any connections with any 'Daneside governments...
Edit: Or the BBIs? Okay, you're more likely to have government connections than Hephaestus is, but are any of them in the various defence departments or ministries?

---

This is the sort of thing I created Fred "Full-Byte" Ferdinand for, as sort of the BBI fixer. He CAN get it, but it'll cost a DAMN lot. Giving him a VERY good reason why you need it will help him 'grease the wheels', so to speak anyway. Still, I hope you have DEEP pockets, 'cause it will not be anything other than "Ouch! Anybody got a bank we can knock off?"
Consider this making the character open.
Of course, there may be some in various asteroids or possibly Mars.

[M Fnord]

If one were to wave up a gadget capable of detecting, acquiring & sorting DU out of the usual debris, one could probably pick up a couple tons of the stuff around various party locations across Central Asia.
Which, if you think about it, seems like a very BBI thing to do.---
Mr. Fnord
http://fnord.sandwich.net/
http://www.jihad.net/
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Kokuten]

To: buckaroo@bbi.fen
From: dontcallmefox@bbi.fen
Subject: Jonas transcript
Mr. Banzai,
Please find attached transcript of a tape recorder I left with one of my agents in Central Asia, on the DU retrieval team. His methodology, while simple, is surprisingly effective, although I have not been able to duplicate the quantity of quality of his work with any other agent using this method.
The gentleman in question has a fairly unique contract - he denied any normal wage, just a retirement package and a resupply package, and was a surprisingly shrewd bargainer. The capsule form of the package is that when he's done, he decides, or he turns 100, he gets a ride Up, and a permanent dwelling and stipend 'suitable to his needs'. Given his nature and affiliation, I'm reccomending that he be sent to Hephaestus, I'm sure that crusty dwarven bastard could find a use for him.
I've ran some rough projections, and if Jonas keeps working at this pace until he turns 100, he'll have gotten _by himself_, 25% of our goal for Central Asia. This is beyond impressive. The man in question is pushing 80, and our younger agents simply can't keep up with him. I wish we had ten Jonas, five here, five in the sandbox cleaning up after Desert Storm and it's followups (though I have to admit, the 'pan droids' are working out wonderfully there).
So, find attached the transcript of his initial 'biographic interview', which I feel would make a wonderful color piece.. with suitable editing.
Respectfully submitted,
BBI #1302, James Mulder
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT BBI-001302-A17-AUD05

"And so they tell me they want a biographical piece, any information or stories I can tell, hmph."
"Well, I suppose, no real harm can come of it, and I am doing a good work here. My name's Jonas Salk, no, I don't know a damn thing about no polio vaccine, and I'm not interested. I'm a prospector, I've panned for gold on the Yukon, mined diamonds in Australia and pulled my fortune out of Lucky Gulch, back in Alaska. Spent most of it on whores and booze, but I wasted some!" *cackles, then tape clicks off*
*this portion is interspersed with chewing sounds* "Anyway, I'm here in Central Asia, and I'm after a different catch than my normal fare. Today, instead of gold or diamonds, I'm hunting depleted uranium. Them boys of ours were pretty wasteful of them Deee Ewww rounds when they was over here hunting the damn VC, and there's a lot left over. Seems that the DU is still radioactive enough to cause some trouble, so..
Well, so I'm here to get rid of it! Damn if I'm gonna make this all poetic, see you what."
*tape interruption, next portion has campfire background noise*
"Anyway, I ran into a gent in a shiny blue jacket, looked like one of them rock'n'rollers. He was hanging at the counter of the assayer I was bringing a poke into, and he seemed to think I was tired of this tramping life. Damn if he wasn't right, though. I'm getting on in years and it's a little tougher to outrun the security boys or keep up with them youngsters anymore, damnit. So this blue boy, he says he's with an outfit, thinks he can use a man like me. I told him that if he stood me to a square meal, I'd listen to him, right enough.
So we settled down at a grease stop in town there, out in the backwoods of Californy, and he lays it out for me. His outfit is what you call 'altruistic', and I never much cottoned to big honkin words like that, but he explains it real good. Seems they're settin themselves to make good, just to counteract what folks are makin' bad. I seem enough of them poor darkies out in Africa chained to their damn diamond mines that I can really get behind the idea of doin' good for those that can't do no doin themselves.. "
*tape interruption*
"So this feller sets me up a deal. I got what he calls a 'permanent contract of support', and what he explains is, they keep me in beans and bullets and pay for my gas, and I just.. roam around here in the jungle and the plains, and I pull out this DU stuff. I ain't got no stinking quota, I ain't got no nine-to-five hours, I ain't got to wear no suit nor tie. All this man wants, I use their squawky box to find me some DU, and I pull it out of the ground.
They were talking about some highfalutin safety precautions they wanted me to take, and they provided me with a kit of fancy stuff, but I whittled that down right enough. I did my research, wikipedia and google, then I verified it with a pal of mine who works in the Army. I ain't no spring chicken, but I ain't no damn fool, neither! Way it works now, I keep my damn mask on most of the time, and I'm glad I do. I've gone through dozens of the little white bastards and they do the trick. The squawky box will say the outside is getting hot, but the inside stays nice and cool, even if they're a bit hard to breathe through. So, no I just chase the DU down with the squawky box, pan and pick an area till the box says it's clean, then bag up the DU and put a little button on it. The man says they can hear that button hollerin' from wherever, and they mosey on down and pick up the bag, dispose of it safely."
"I reckon I'm shavin some years off my life, maybe making my little wigglers all cross-eyed, but I just don't worry about that. I ain't had no real use for womenfolk in years, and I figure I've had about enough out of this life. 'Sides, the man says when I say I'm done, they'll take me out into space, see the sights. I reckon that'll be a hoot. So here I am. Every now and then I get a ride from them blue coated folks, and by and large they're real nice people. I'm in some damn fine country, even if it can't compare to the Yukon, and I'm doin a good work with my last few turns 'round this whirl."
*tape interruption, background sound of children at play.*
"I figger you folks can't see this, whoever's gonna be listening to this, but this here is the reason I keep up with this. Sure, I got my needs met, I get to stay away from most of the damn city folk, and I get to do what I do.. but it's about the kids. I might have a couple, never stayed in one place long enough to know, but.. well, damnit. It's all about them. They didn't fight that damn war, they ain't VC, or Charlie, or gooks. They's just kids."
*tape interruption, background noise ends*
"I'm feeling good these days. I'm getting better feed than I usedta, I'm keepin busy, and these blue coats got a neat setup of tent I'm using, works real well against these tropical bugs. They got me the right gear to keep me from gettin' the damn runs or the fever, and they dosed me with the vaccine for the local gunk, so I ain't gotta worry. All I do, I wander the land, chasin' the squawky box, and if a blue coat shows up says they got a hot spot, well, away I go. It's a good life, I figure in another few years I might take that trip, go see what I can pan out of the stars. Wouldn't that be a hoot..."
*tape ends*Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[Cobalt Greywalker]

<Applause>

[Ebony]

Kokuten, this is the sort of guy that the Blazers would actively pursue as members or at least associates. And this would be the sort of work that the BBI would sponsor, along with the removal of the steel rods that disrupt the ley lines of Manchuria (true story; the Japanese army drove steel rods into the ground at important geomantic locations when they retreated from China at the end of WWII, with the intent of disrupting the feng shui and good fortune of the land) and continued research on the long term effects of Agent Orange and other materials on the environment and people of the Pacific Rim (More Trivia: Micronesia has a holiday called Nuclear Survivors Day, memorializing those damaged by the tests at Bikini Atoll and other sites).
----------------
To: dontcallmefox@bbi.fen
From: buckaroo@bbi.org
CC: dontcallmefox@bbi.org
Hound,
Congratulations on your find. Mr. Salk is right up our alley. Please let him know that Blackstone and the World Watch One would like to talk to him about travel arrangements. We understand that he won't want to leave for a few years, but "well begun is half done," as the Old Greek once said. We would also like him to speak with Dr. Ng in Da Nang when he has the time. It sounds like Mr. Salk understands the risks of working with depleted uranium, but in the interest of keeping our side of the deal, we'd like to have him take a physical for safety's sake. Let him know that it will be our assurance to him that we won't try to get out of the deal by putting his health at risk.
Blackstone should have a pair of go phones for you and Mr. Salk when he and the WW1 arrive. The phones should improve communication between the two of you and the Institute. Blackstone will explain further when he arrives, but let me be the first to welcome you officially to the Global Frequency.
You'll have noticed that I am sending copies of this email to Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Steiner at the United Nations Environment Programme. Mr. Steiner is responsible for coordinating environmental cleanup in all United Nations countries, and he will no doubt want to know the details of where Mr. Salk has managed to remove the uranium from the topsoil and water tables. Please coordinate with Mr. Steiner and Nezumi regarding this information.
One final word: While the blue jacket is traditional among the Blazers, it is by no means necessary. The "Blue Blaze" refers to the emblem of the Institute, with a "Blue Blazer" being one who wears it. If you want to continue wearing the jacket, don't let me stop you, but like the UN Peacekeepers's berets, it does identify you overtly. There are forces that are less than favorably inclined toward our work, Hound. Tread carefully.
Your friend,
Buckaroo
-----------------------
Yes, Mr. Mulder just got named by Buckaroo. He did ask not to be called "Fox."Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[robkelk]

"Hey, boss?"
"What is it, Kohran?"
"I'm not finding anywhere near as much depleted uranium as I should be down here. What I am finding is traces of handwavium."
"Oh, hell. Are we going to have to make another group of Fen 'disappear'?"
"I hope not. I've picked up some radio traffic, and it's on the frequency the Blazers use."
"Damn. Well, I'll just have to figure out how to ask Blackstone what he's doing with the stuff. If somebody else is close to duplicating kaboomite, well... we both know what that means."
(cue omnious music as Noah Scott contemplates Taking Matters Into His Own Hands...)

-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Ebony]

Meditation can be difficult, given the life I've chosen. But it is necessary, and the others let me have it when I need it. The problem is, of course, getting to that final state, past all the chatter of the conscious mind, past the voices of doubt and worry, past the concerns of the day, and finally arriving at that place where there is no thought, where there is only peace, where there is....
Where there is a phone ringing. Dammit.
"Blackstone here. Noah, how are you? Good. And the ladies? Fabulous. So, what can I do for you, or is this an Institute matter?"
Noah Scott and the folks at Stellvia. Lovely people all the way around. He sounds concerned about something.
"Depleted uranium? Well, we happened across a grassroots effort to recover it from the Viet Nam peninsula and felt it was worth helping. There is quite a lot of the stuff lodged in the topsoil in that area; you may remember something about a police action from a few decades back?
"Oh, Mr. Salk just needed a little bankrolling. We got him some safety equipment and put him in contact with medical personnel, in case he needs them. I looked over his plans; they seem pretty sound. I spoke with the UNEP, and they have been making appreciative noises. Director Steiner should be providing some additional logistical support. Mostly transportation and contacts with the government. You know how much of an impediment the bureaucracy can be.
"What? Oh, the DPU? It's being stored in an approved facility. It is, essentially, toxic waste. The UNEP and the Institute are working out appropriate disposal. For the moment, it's at a secure facility. Yes, it's passed all inspections."
"The facility's location? Well, I'd rather not say, Noah. It's only temporary, until the UNEP finishes deciding what to do with it, and the fewer people know about it the less likely we have someone trying something stupid. Personally, I hope to put it on a one-way trip to the Sun. The stuff's no good for anything except weapons.
"Which makes me wonder, Noah: why are you looking for it?"
----------------------
Blackstone's not lying; he really just wants to get rid of the stuff. However, when OBJ starts up, senior members of the Institute will mention that the DPU is there and available for use. Because the Blazers are less willing to go to full-on war, it won't be used until late in the OBJ arc.
Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[KJ]

Just a minor note... DU frankly has all sorts of useful applications, being about the densest (affordable) thing around. Radioactivity's not (much) the issue either. It is, however, pretty darned toxic.

[Kokuten]

---

DU frankly has all sorts of useful applications

---

In my researches on it, I concur totally - it's a lot like asbestos, in that the material itself isn't terribly hazardous, but breathing/consuming the dust resulting from it can be Bad Mojo.
As for the nonmilitary uses of DU - check this out.
Aircraft ballast.
makes sense, when you think about it. DU is damn near the densest thing available, and throw a thin lead sheath and a thin rubber coating over a brick of it, and you have a very compact (saves space) very heavy brick to balance your plane with. Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[robkelk]

---

"Which makes me wonder, Noah: why are you looking for it?"

---

"In all honesty, I want to make sure it isn't used against us. A pile of DU is a pretty tempting target to some people, and there's enough crazies on the far ends of the inter-factional rivalries that I can imagine somebody breaking into the place and grabbing the stuff just to use it against their enemies. I don't want Stellvia or Kandor caught in the crossfire, so it's best just to make sure the stuff disappears.
"When did you plan to toss it into the Sun, and how big an escort do you want?"

---

Edit: Likewise, Noah isn't lying. While he'd like to have the remaining radioactives in the DU for kaboomite, making sure nobody has them is the next-best thing.

-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Ebony]

Thanks for the note on the non-weapon uses of DPU. Blackstone shares Noah's opinions on the danger of the material and the lunatic fringe is likely not to think about anything but the weapon capabilities of the stuff. In all honesty, at the early stage of the game, Blackstone and Buckaroo will likely bring Noah into the loop on disposal, coordinating with the UNEP. Only after OBJ gets underway will the Blazers start considering hanging onto any of it, probably to keep any Boskones from going after the transport that takes it to the Sun. Given the scattered nature of the the DPU in warzones (the Blazers are likely to start pulling it from the Middle East as well, along with landmine disposal), it's likely that there will be one batch dumped successfully before SOS-con, and then a slowly building pile as Salk and others pull it out of the ground.Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[classicdrogn]

On making DU non-splodey... how about feeding it to some handwavium? The wave doesn't like splodey, or harmful in general...
Perhaps not the best idea I ever had, but you know someone will think of it, and possibly try it.
Maybe it makes Fogler's Dilithium Crystals? (no typo, it's a name)

- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
For the next 72 hours, Itachi intoned, I will slap you with this trout. - Spying no Jutsu, chapter 3
"In the futuristic taco bell of the year 20XX, justice wears an aluminum sombrero!"hemlock-martini
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Kokuten]

We've mentioned an aside of Irradiated Handwavium as a Really Bad Thing - DU generates 'Fast Alpha', probably the least harmful-to-the-human-organism ionizing radiation available..
hrm.
HRM.Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979Wire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[Ebony]

---

We've mentioned an aside of Irradiated Handwavium as a Really Bad Thing - DU generates 'Fast Alpha', probably the least harmful-to-the-human-organism ionizing radiation available..

---

"Blackstone?"
"Yeah, J.?"
"There's this guy, on the news..."
"Yes?"
"He's wearing a Hulk shirt..."
"Yes?"
"...and he's bright green and throwing cars at the Army."
"Oy."
"What's it mean?"
"It's a Yiddish expression of frustration, but that's not important right now. Someone's irradiated guacamole."
"How do you know?"
"Just a hunch."Ebony the Black Dragon
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."