[STORY] Mr. Fnord Goes to Washington

[M Fnord]

Office of the Generalissimo
Korolev Air Force Base
12:00 GMT 13 March 2014

"Federal marshal for you, General."

Mal looked up from his stack of paperwork. "Buzhwha?" he said urbanely.

"There's a federal marshal asking for you in the lobby," said GLaDOS. Mal raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Did we do something illegal?" he asked.

"Not to my encyclopedic knowledge of current operations."

Mal frowned. "This wouldn't happen to be a landshark, would it?"

"General, *please,*" GLaDOS huffed. "*I* am a highly sophisticated computer system with a spotless administrative record and an infinite capacity for learning. Would such a model of digital perfection *truly* stoop to something as *juvenile* as making up visitors *just* to surprise you with a landshark?"

"In a millisecond." Mal replied with the firm conviction of someone who had already Been There and Done That.

"... Okay, you got me. But there's still a marshal in the lobby. Should I let him up, or are you going down."

Mal looked at the mound of paper and USB sticks on his desk. Faint thoughts of sweet, sweet freedom ran through his mind. He shook his head to break the vision. "Send him up," he said. "This ought to be interesting."


SUBPOENA

By Authority of the Congress of the United States of America

To S. Malaclypse Fnord

You are hereby commanded to be and appear before the Joint Committee on Extraterrestrial Security at the place, date and time specified below.

* to testify touching matters of inquiry committed to said committee or subcommittee; and you are not to depart without leave of said committee or subcommittee.

* to produce the things identified on the attached schedule touching matters of inquiry committed to said committee or subcommittee; and you are not to depart without leave of said committee or subcommittee.

Place of production: 253 Russell Senate Office Building

Date: March 18, 2014

Time: 8:00 A.M.


Mal blinked bemusedly at the thick packet of paper in front of him. "Okay," he said, "this wasn't what I was expecting at all."

The marshal, a large, slab-sided man in the customary dark suit, shrugged. "Not my department, man."

Mal peered over the paper. "And why are *you* delivering this?" he asked. "I thought your people were out of the process server job."

The marshal shrugged again. "We're available," he said. "From what I heard, Senator Kellerman didn't want to send one of his aides up and they didn't trust anybody at the consulate to deliver the paper. So they asked for a guy from the Port Luna office to come over. Here I am. Now sir," he added, pulling out a form, "if you could sign this here..."

"Yeah, sure," Mal scribbled something resembling a signature on the form. Something in the marshal's little spiel clicked in his head. "Wait," he said, "did you say *Kellerman?* As in *Alan* Kellerman?"

"That was the name I got from my boss. Of course, he might've gotten it wrong - apparently the aide was giggling a lot on the phone."

Cold tendrils of doom wrapped themselves around Mal's forebrain. "Oh, wonderful."

"Something wrong?"

"Ngh.. no. Not really. Nothing I can't handle, anyway." Mal waved it off. "Listen, since Kellerman and his merry band of idiots made you run all the way out here, lemmie give you a little something as a booby prize."

"Sir, are you trying to bribe a US Marshal?"

Mal gave the marshal an odd look. "No, if I was trying to bribe you I'd have done it before you gave me the subpoena." He pulled out a card and handed it to the marshal. "If you missed lunch, take this down to the 250K Saloon in Old Town and order the special on me. I insist."

The marshal pocketed the card, nodded a goodbye and exited the office. "That was uncharacteristicaly nice of you," GLaDOS noted. "Usually you have me throw process servers out the door."

"Yeah, well most process servers don't come armed. Or bearing Congressional subpoenas for that matter." Mal sighed. "I need, in this order, Kat, Calc, KJ, Zib and Sora. Where are they?"

"One second while I consult Big Brother. Kat is in the editing room, Calc is supposed to be at the Watchtower for a conference, KJ is at his office in Gagarin Crater, Zib is with Kat and Sora is down in the Hole. I've paged them and they'll all be here in an hour plus."

"Okay, good. Next step, this crap." Mal waved the packet attached to the subpeona. "I'll scan this in. You need to track down the documents on the list. If we don't have 'em I'll need a convincing excuse.

"After that, I need tickets from here or Port Luna to D.C. leaving Saturday night or Sunday morning, a hotel room near the Capitol - nothing fancy, but an open reservation - and a dress kit enough to last me a few days just in case."

"Working on it as I anticipate your movements," GLaDOS said. "Are you sure you don't want to take Ptichka?"

Mal nodded. "Ptichka's too valuable to use as an executive transport. Besides," he added darkly, "if something goes wrong I don't want to give the bastards an opportunity to impound her. Commercial transport only, GLaDOS."

"Of course. Any more doomsday scenarios you want to plan for? Should I pack a hardsuit? Perhaps the mininukes?"

Mal rolled his eyes. "No, don't be silly." He paused. "But when you get a second, call the Karasukage. I think I want to hire a team for a covert bodyguard mission with the potential for extraction."

---

OOC: This started out as a way to try & dodge the whole Wedding of the Century thing Noah's throwing. Partly because I liked the whole "Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Story" element Mal has going with LoGG, and partly because I honestly don't have any bloody idea what to *do* with the poor guy at the wedding.

In the process, this particular idea's grown a bit, and I've decided to spin it off into another story entirely. The plot is fairly simple: the whole business with Artemis has finally gone public, Congress is a bit put out that a federal agency pulled a runaround on them, and now they're out for blood. Our Hero is the first high-level Fen that the Extraterrestrial Security Committee has called out, and he intends to make the most of it.

The full title of this little excursion is "Mr. Fnord Goes to Washington (Not a Heartwarming Frank Capra Movie)" Make of that what you will.

In the process, I'm introducing a new antagonist to our stable, one Senator Alan Kellerman. Let's meet him!

Alan Kellerman (R-KS): Alan's the senior member of Kansas's congressional delegation, older than most dirt and enough of a Force in the party that he gets a lot of leeway from his caucus. He also distrusts handwavium in all forms, and he hates Fen with a burning passion. As far as Alan Kellerman is concerned the denizens of Fenspace are debauched freaks, probably socialists and almost certainly terrorists or terrorist supporters, and he's not shy about it at all. To be fair, he's very non-partisan about it, as he dislikes stalwart patriot Chris Marsden as much as he dislikes bohemian expat Mal Fnord.

To be clear, Sen. Kellerman is *not* Boskonian, corrupt, one of Hanoi Xan's meat-puppets or any other kind of fakeout. He's exactly what it says on the tin; a 'Danelaw patriot trying to protect his country from the threat of Fen hegemony. He'll be an asshole in the classic Patriarchial Senator mold, but he's not actively *evil.*

Fenspace (and Our Hero) do have allies within the halls of American power, but we'll hold off on meeting them for a bit yet. Wait for them to be introduced, as it were.

C&C, brickbats, etc.

--Mal
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Black Aeronaut]

Oh great, one of these assholes... I shall relish seeing him pop a coronary. Asshole may be a Patriot, but he's honestly no better in my book. I (and
Fenspace!Ben for that matter) say, "Let's gut the sunnuvabitch."

For that reason, if you'd accept, Jess is willing to spare a triplet - a set of three independent runners on their own collective. They'll be able to
take care of all the mundane needs while Dane-side, and as a bonus they've had experience with this sort of thing before. As the daughter of a wealthy
family, she's done her share of walking the walk and talking the talk on Capitol Hill. It's not one of her favorite things to do, but since Asshole is
openly trying to threaten a fellow Fen in the most lawful-evil way possible, it's war.

So, willing to take the assist?

[ECSNorway]

Hm. Innnteresting. And this is exactly the sort of thing Rockhounds would get dragged into, too; their ties to 'daneside USA are pretty tight... tag me if
you want any input on it, Mal.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[robkelk]

Office of the Commander
Old Ring, Stellvia
12:45 GMT 13 March 2014

"What do you mean, you can't make it?" Noah was not happy about the call he'd just received from Mal.

"Fine, fine. I know you can't argue with a Congressional supoena.

"Now wait just a minute. Sora isn't a US citizen. She never was. You'd better check with Consul Walker about the legality of Congress summoning an Australian citizen.

"She already has the extradition request? Damn. Maybe I can get her to stall...

"Oh. Yeah, Sora's a good girl that way. I'll find somebody to take your places in the wedding party. You need a lawyer?

"I know Cal's a lawyer. I'll bet Cal's been summoned too, and he's good enough to know he shouldn't represent himself.

"No, not from Artemis. A friend of mine from our days back at Yale; he's on retainer for Stellvia Corp. I'll send you his number; make up your own mind whether you want him.

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Take care of yourselves Down there."

---

There's half a conversation; feel free to fill in your half or not, Mal...
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[M Fnord]

In order:

BA: The offer's appreciated but probably not this time. At this point anybody who comes downwell with Mal would be a target, and there's no sense in
putting too many people in the crosshairs. The ninja team is for plausibly deniable backup, nothing more. This *is* war, but there are rules of engagement that
must be followed.

ECS: Any input you wanna add is welcome. I had the thought that the committee would have grilled Marsden over the whole mess already, so he has an idea of what
to expect. Whether or not he *tells* Mal is another thing altogether, though.

Rob: Two things stand out here. First, neither Mal nor Sora will miss the wedding. Mal will probably skive off most of the reception in order to make his
flight, but they'll both be there for the ceremony. Second, you've got your timeline confused; at this point Artemis doesn't belong to Noah. The
shuttles have been waved and flown, but as of the subpoena NASA hasn't made the offer to sell the Artemis program on the open market. April Fool's Day
purchase, remember?
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[robkelk]

Right. Let's re-write...

---

"What do you mean, you're in deep kimchee?" Noah was not happy about the call he'd just received from Mal.

"Fine, fine. I know you can't argue with a Congressional supoena.

"Now wait just a minute. Sora isn't a US citizen. She never was. You'd better check with Consul Walker about the legality of Congress summoning an Australian citizen.

"She already has the extradition request? Damn. Maybe I can get her to stall...

"Oh. Yeah, Sora's a good girl that way. Do I need to find somebody to take your places in the wedding party?

"Thank Belldandy for small favours. You need a lawyer?

"I know Cal's a lawyer. I'll bet Cal's been summoned too, and he's good enough to know he shouldn't represent himself.

"No, he's a friend of mine from our days back at Yale; he's based in Washington and on retainer for Stellvia Corp. I'll send you his number; make up your own mind whether you want him.

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. I'll see you tomorrow for the rehersal."
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[LynnInDenver]

M Fnord wrote:

---

BA: The offer's appreciated but probably not this time. At this point anybody who comes downwell with Mal would be a target, and there's no sense in
putting too many people in the crosshairs. The ninja team is for plausibly deniable backup, nothing more. This *is* war, but there are rules of engagement
that must be followed.

People going down to be with you is one thing. However, the delivery is another. While Jeph and Nene will be at the wedding, Myk and Geo are free after
dropping off the gifts of people who can't make the wedding, so they can take you to Earth in Starbug 1 and drop
you and whoever else is needed off.
--

"You know how parents tell you everything's going to fine, but you know they're lying to make you feel better? Everything's going to be fine." - The Doctor

[Ebony]

Given the Frequency, the Banzai Institute was probably aware of this about the same time it happened. The Institute's legal staff, led by David "Bob
the Philosopher" Roberts, J.D., NCC, will be calling short after this, offering their services pro bono.

-----------------------------------

"Malaclypse Fnord, please." Bob Roberts had his headset on. His left hand was typing a search string onto the Harvard Law Library search engine.
(Cornell was the second tab and was already running the search.) His right hand was jotting notes down on a printout of the information that he'd gotten on
the subpoena sent Upstairs, plans of action to investigate the sources of this inquiry. Senator Kellerman was supposed to be a well-meaning, if pig-headed
politician, and not under the influence of any Black Hats. However, the World Crime League had already shown it could influence through lobbyists, so Bob was
going to have the Institute's hounds take a sniff around. His eyes were directing Linden to take what was left of the baklava' Bob was going to be too
busy to finish his lunch. An email to his wife hovered behind the search websites, requiring only a second or three to send it off and let her know that
he'd be a few minutes late. He shifted to it with deft Alt-Tab, typed a few final words, and sent it off.

No one could multitask like Bob the Philosopher, especially when he smelled an impending witch hunt.

"General? Philosopher Bob here. From the Institute. Word on the Grapevine says that a senior Senator from the Midwest sent you a letter today. We've
got some advance information on that, and Buckaroo said we should share. Something about Ben Franklin and hanging together. Yeah, that's the quote. We can
have a team of duly designated advocates at your door in about two hours, if you want the help."

Bob listened for a moment, then nodded, and said, "That sounds like Mr. Hunt. Still, we will be glad to work with his counsel on this one. Consider it an
act of solidarity. We Blazers are big on that sort of thing." He scribbled something else on the printout and handed it to Lober, pointing at the circled
note that read, "Fax this to Stellvia's Legal Rep. ASAP!!"

"General, if we can't convince Kellerman that he's misinformed, I'm pretty sure we can convince the Congress that this is a waste of time. No
sir, I wouldn't want to do it that way, but sometimes the facts have trouble getting past someone's idea of the Truth, if you take my meaning. Consider
it a Plan B." He listened again, taking notes on the closest legal pad, before replying, "Right. We'll get with Noah's counsel and Cal. We
need to coordinate our defense as well. I'm sure that the Boss and the Cavaliers will be called in as well."
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[M Fnord]

A note before we begin, to clear up some Confusion that I missed 'cause I'm something of a dumbass: The subpoena is strictly for the person named, nobody else has been called to testify or is in immediate danger thereof.

Now, on with the program. Strategy meeting!

---

Conference Room 1
Korolev Air Force Base
13 March 2014 15:00 GMT

"Allright, kids," Mal said. "GLaDOS filled you in on what happened this afternoon. Here's some more details. I just got off the phone with Noah, he's offered to lend us a frat buddy as legal counsel. Philosopher Bob from the Institute has *also* offered us assistance. I told them we'd take it under advisement."

"How'd he take the news?" Sora asked.

Mal shrugged. "About the way he takes any bad news."

"Panic?" KJ said, not *quite* making it a statement of fact.

"In that understated way of his, yeah. I'm sure he's running through doomsday scenarios as we speak instead of trying to remember his vows." Mal rolled his eyes. "He'll come out of it soon enough, but keep it in mind.

"Now. You lot are my trusted advisors, so advise me. What's our standing on this subpoena?"

"Diplomatically it's a tight spot," Kat noted gloomily. "If we blow this off, that's an international incident. If we show up and tell the truth, that's an international incident. And if we show up and *lie*, it's an international incident once they figure out they've been had.

Mal nodded thoughtfully. "So we're screwed in all directions. How are we standing legally?"

"As a faction leader with no other citizenship ties," Calc said, "you're technically granted immunity ratione materiae under the terms of the Kandor treaty as an incumbent Head of State. In fact, that goes for everybody in the room right now except Sora."

"Are there any loopholes?"

"A few, but nothing Kellerman can exploit from where he's standing. In theory he could request the World Court to intervene - and we might end up there before this thing is through - but Kellerman's got enough Bircher in him that *that's* not on the table. He could try and withdraw from Kandor, but he doesn't have enough pull to make that happen."

"That could change depending on what happens Monday," Zib noted. "If we ruffle the wrong feathers Kellerman's support could go up."

"Right, but even *if* that happens it won't happen fast," said Kat. "That might mean our best option is just to tell the truth and roll with the punches."

Sora raised her hand. "Question."

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

"What's all this about?"

The Central Committee looked at each other. "Well," said Zib, "it's old business coming home to roost."

"Do you remember how NASA unveiled their refit shuttle fleet over the winter?" Kat asked.

Sora nodded. "I remember reading about it at Delta Pavonis. It was a little odd, since I thought only TSAB was allowed access to handwavium in the US."

"Oh, they are," Zib assured her. "It's just that we helped NASA get their hands on a supply."

"Oh."

KJ shrugged. "It was the right thing to do."

"Speaking of the right thing to do," said Mal, "has this hit the public yet?"

Calc shook his head. "Not as far as I know."

"Hm." Mal leaned back in his chair. "How about we make it public? Do a press release in the next hour or so, just in time for the evening news. Something like, ah, 'Soviet Air Force-In-Exile Meets With Congress: Today General Malaclypse Fnord, leader of the Soviet Air Force, agreed to meet with the United States Congress Joint Committee on Extraterrestrial Security in the interest of international cooperation-' he said with just a bit of a chortle '-to discuss the future of America's civil space program and its role in Fenspace.' And on and on, you know what I mean."

The central committee members all snickered. Sora looked a little confused. "I don't get it," she said. "Why put out a press release like that, isn't that drawing attention to the fact that Mal's been subpoenaed?"

"It does," Zib replied, "but that's our opening move. Kellerman's trying to open from a position of strength, so our job is to *undermine* it."

Calc nodded. "If we start making noise about how we're graciously deigning to let Kellerman waste our head of state's time in an inquiry and that we expect nothing but good things from these 'discussions,' it changes the dynamic."

"Now instead of looking like a naughty schoolboy facing the principal," Zib added, "it's a meeting of equals."

"It's kind of a nasty trick to force a fight in the arena of public opinion," Mal noted, "but I'm not feeling charitable."

---

Next episode: Mal catches a plane and meets some ninjas.
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Black Aeronaut]

OH, is that what this is about? Jeeze, talk about grasping at straws. I mean, sure, it'll stick from a legal standpoint, but still.

ETA: I just realized that the US Government would have good reason to come after Ben as well: he is in possession of what is technically US Government property
still. Namely, the Magnificent Midnight. That's what he gets for having the SOS-Dan get it for him. So, I guess
that Gina or Jess will be getting an urgent message from Buckaroo sometime soon here?

[ECSNorway]

I figure he'll at least get a notice that Kellerman's on the warpath, even if not necessarily targeting him specifically yet.

This is also about the time that Marsden will be butting in on discussions and plans... hm.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Black Aeronaut]

Benjamin loved working in his office. He intentionally designed it with a balance of comfort and visual appeal that did not distract him from his tasks.
That, and the couch was big enough to take a quick nap on.



Ben was not on the couch. He was at his beaten-up, sturdy desk and dutifully conquering the paperwork that had gotten past Jessica and Gina. Fortunately,
it wasn't much: just a few things to sign off on after a quick review. Jess did an excellent job making sure that the day-to-day items were taken care of,
and Gina excelled at implementing his policies.



So, Benjamin was just wrapping things up when Gina came in. Ben immediately flashed her a smile, but Gina wasn't returning it. In fact, Ben noticed
that she looked pretty grim. He felt his smile slip as he saw her followed by the Jessica Ayanami; Commander of his senshi, Anika Springfield; the Commander
of his Fezigs, Brownwynne Foulkes; and his Mother, Kaitlyn Jones.



Gina took her regular seat in the large plush chair at the head of the coffee table. Everyone else took seats on the couch across said table from Ben's
desk.



Benjamin blinked. "Okay, the last time all of you came in here at once like that, it was because Lilo and Stitch accidentally waved you and everyone
else, Mom."



"It's pretty drastic, son," admitted Kaitlyn. Gina nodded towards the briefing monitor mounted on the wall opposite of her. There, a series
of documents appeared, easily readable on the handwaved plasma display.



Benjamin read the documents, mumbling the words to himself. Finally, "Ah nuts!"



Gina rolled her eyes. "I don't think invoking McAuliffe is going to make it go away."



"No, but we did win the Battle of the Bulge." Benjamin then scowled, both thoughtful and rueful. "I guess I should say 'They'
now."



Benjamin saw his mother giving him a deeply concerned look. He wanted to maintain ties to the good old US of A, but the politics wasn't working in his
favor and in the end, and with the help of the Australian Government, he renounced his citizenship for his sake and Gina's. It didn't help that his
mother's father was a World War Two veteran - something she took no small amount of pride in.



My Mother and I are… Were patriots, thought Benjamin bitterly.



"This needs to be fought," Ben said quietly, but clearly. "It needs to be fought by whatever means necessary. Even if it means actually
going to war against the country we love, because this is evidence that people are forgetting what it means to be Americans. They need to be reminded of what
that truly means.



"That said, on to what this means for us. I can think of one primary object that Senator Asshat would come gunning us down for. The
Midnight."



Anika's eyes went wide at that. "You mean they're still sore at you for that even though it was the SOS-Dan that did it?"



"So-so," he replied. "Senator Asshat is just throwing gasoline on spent coals. Unfortunately, gasoline only needs a tiny spark.
They'll try their damndest to take Midnight back, and me as well."



"But what could they possibly want with the Midnight?" said Anika thoughtfully.



Kaitlyn sighed wearily at that. "They're gonna tear her apart. People like this Senator are the sort that will use this kind of thing to his
fullest advantage. Imagine what the United States could do with a fleet of hardtech Blackbirds. And to think that the Russians were right to think of people
like him as Imperialists."



"And that's not the half of it," chimed in Jess. "Coming from where I did, I've had my share of dealing with politics. They're
going to try and get everyone of us for anything they can imagine from high treason to tax evasion to mail fraud."



"How would they make mail fraud stick?" asked Kaitlyn.



"I'm not a certified postal carrier," answered Ben breezily.



"Oh you're kidding!"



"Would you honestly put it past them, Mom?" Kaitlyn didn't have anything more to say about that. "I'm not saying that the charge
actually would stick since I was a private carrier, but they'll definitely try."



"This is OUTRAGEOUS!" shouted Anika all the sudden, jumping to her feet in a near-apoplectic rage. "These people in all their fear and
warmongering think they can walk all over us! And after all the things we've done done for them during the War!? For Love and Justice and in the Name of
Atalante: I - Will - Punish THEM!"



"Sailor Atalante, dear," said Jessica primly and with a smirk, "your fuku's getting the best of you again." The flaming
red-head's cheeks began to burn, matching her hair color within just a couple of shades.



"Oh… Sorry." She then sat down, looking sufficiently mortified.



Ben smiled for the embarrassed senshi. "That's okay, Annie. Now, game plan…" At this, Ben fell silent for a moment and took on a thoughtful
appearance. "Okay, Jess, you're our best legal eagle. Your degree was from, what? Stanford?"



"Harvard, Valedictorian." Answered the blue-haired girl with a touch of pride.



"Right," said Ben with a grin. "You just got an extra set of hands. Ruri will be your assistant."



"She never went to law school," said Gina.



"You think that matters to her?" answered Ben.



"Hrm, point," conceded Gina.



"Jess, I also want you to get in touch with the Blue Blazers and ask them to keep us in the loop. If and when these bastards come after us I want to
be ready to make them choke on their own rhetoric."



"You got it, Boss," replied Jess with a sly grin.



"Annie, I want you to go to Venus and have an audience with Her Majesty. Get her view on this situation and see how much of her support we can muster
up."



"What are you expecting?" asked the named senshi.



"I'm hoping for the charges to be cleared," answered Ben. "But I will also prepare for the worst. War."



Annika gasped at that. "Are you serious!? War with the Mundanes will not go over well!"



"But you heard what he said earlier, right?" said Gina grimly. "This needs to be fought because these people have forgotten what they
are."



Jess could only nod and add, "I know this myself for a fact. Even when my family vacationed in places like the Grand Caymans, my Father's only
real concern was making more money. He couldn't care less that there were starving people in Ethiopia, ethnic cleansing in Darfur, war in Iraq and
Afghanistan, or people going to space at random. All he cared about was how he could make a legitimate profit out of it."



Kaitlyn nodded as well. "Also, there is the fact that all our factions out here exist beyond the control of organizations like the UN and the WTO and
the WHO. We don't depend on any of their economies or their trade goods, and that worries all the Mundanes."



"But is war the only solution?" wondered Anika.



"No," said Gina. "It's the last resort. And if worst comes to worse, there's plenty of room out there outside the Sol system. I
don't like it myself, but if we have to we'll leave and never come back."



Benjamin didn't like the sound of those words. They almost sounded prophetic, leaving him feel hallow inside so those words could echo and reverberate
inside him.



"Anyhow," said Benjamin, shaking off the feeling, "that said, let's start making things happen. At eighteen-thirty I want a full
department head meeting. Anything else? Alright then, carry on everyone."



After that, a little red-winged blackbird appeared on Ben's desktop monitor with an inquisitive chirp. She seemed worried. With a sigh, Ben pulled his
keyboard up and started typing.



Don't worry, my girl. I won't ever let those bastards clip your wings again.



Thank you. I wish that I could express how much that means to me.



Don't worry over it too much, Midnight. Later we can go for a romp in the Belt. That sound good to you?



Of course! Anytime you're up for it!



Ben grinned. You've become awfully emotive over the last couple years, haven't you?



I have?



Sure. I guess it's only natural though. But trust me, it's a very good thing. Human emotions are a special gift.



Are you saying I'm becoming human?



As close as someone like you can get, yes.



Oh, I see… I think I like it.



At that, Ben chuckled indulgently. That's great. I'll see you later at around twenty-hundred, okay?



Sure thing!

[Bob Schroeck]

If the "war" talk actually hits the interwave, the GC folks are going to have a council meeting about it. I know my analogue will suggest something the lines of "doing a Moon Is A Harsh Mistress on anyone attacking from the gravity well". And for those who don't get the reference, that means dropping good-sized meteors on selected targets.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[robkelk]

Subject: [smof-politics] Current affairs and overreactions
From: "Yayoi Fujisawa" (mamabear@stellvia.lib)
Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen
Date: 3/18/2014, 6:11 AM

Folks, I'm not used to speaking for my faction, so please forgive any mistakes I make here.

I just spoke with Queen Serenity in my capacity as Sailor Stellvia. She's speaking with all the Named Sailors about the proposal that Sailor Atalante put forward yesterday. For those who haven't heard about it yet, it's regarding the possibility of armed conflict over the outcome of the hearings between the United States Congress and the Voenno-Vozdushnye Sily that are scheduled to begin today.

First, as of this posting, the hearings haven't even started yet. Let's not fly off the handle; that will only encourage Congress to think the worst of us.

Second, I have standing instructions from Noah that Stellvia is not to initiate military action against any Earthbound political entity. I've relayed that to Queen Serenity, and am now informing everyone else of this standing policy.

While it would be foolish to ignore the possibility, it's extremely unlikely that the US would stage an attack against any political entity in space because of the large number of Australian citizens Up. I believe that a preemptive US attack against known Australians would put the ANZUS Pact in jeopardy, and they can't afford that right now.

Also, we're all tired from fighting a war against the Boskonians. Are we really ready to take up arms again, and watch as more of our friends and comrades die? Especially if it's only over our pride?

Noah will be back from his honeymoon on the 23rd; if he chooses to change this, he'll do so then, but unless and until that happens, this is official Stellvia policy on this matter: We are not preparing to re-arm.

Yayoi Fujisawa, Vice-President, Stellvia Corporation
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[M Fnord]

Subject: Re: [smof-politics] Current affairs and overreactions
From: Kat Stewart (retstak@sovietairforce.fen)
Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen
Date: 3/18/2014 6:15 AM

Mal's too busy to play right now, but we told him about Atalante's proposal last night in the phone briefing. He wanted me to pass this message on verbatim:

"To the paranoids: The situation is an internal Soviet matter and *will* be handled by the Soviets. If any of you even *think* of doing something stupid as a gesture of solidarity there will be consequences.

"In short, everybody chill the fuck out. I *got* this."

So, yeah.

--
Col. Kat Stewart
CinC, VVS EXFOR
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Ebony]

Subject: Re: [smof-politics] Current affairs and overreactions
From: Blackstone () 
Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen
Date: 3/18/2014 7:05 AM
> "In short, everybody chill the fuck out. I *got* this."
Quite. And to not put too fine a point on this, if anyone thinks they're going to war over this, they'll do it without Blazer support. We just got finished with a shooting war, and the Institute is still recovering. As should everyone. Take a deep breath, let the adrenaline subside, and think about something else. Let the lawyers handle this fight; if they're like Bob, they live for this.
On a related note, if anyone's interested in a boffer bag with Senator Kellerman's face on it, notify Nezumi ([url=mailto:nezumi@banzai-institute.org). She's putting together an order.
Blackstone
Hong Kong Cavaliers
Banzai Institute for Strategic and Biomedical Research
"Give me the money that has been spent in war and I will clothe every man, woman, and child in an attire of which kings and queens will be proud. I will build a schoolhouse in every valley over the whole earth. I will crown every hillside with a place of worship consecrated to peace." - Charle Sumner
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[LynnInDenver]

Subject: Re: [smof-politics] Current affairs and overreactions

From: Jeph Antilles (lordandmaster@jmc.fen)

Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen

Date: 3/18/2014 8:12 AM

>> "In short, everybody chill the fuck out. I *got* this."

>Quite. And to not put too fine a point on this, if anyone thinks

>they're going to war over this, they'll do it without Blazer
>support.
We just got
finished with a shooting war, and the
>Institute is still recovering. As
should everyone. Take a deep
>breath, let the adrenaline subside, and
think about
something
>else. Let the lawyers handle this fight; if they're like Bob,

>they *live* for this.
Seconded from over here. I am talking with my company's hired 'dog' on this one, just to make sure we have our own ducks in a row based on our own legitimate activities, but we certainly have no plans on reacting any more than that until the United States does something more than a bit of McCarthy Courting and drumheading. Then, we'll reconsider.

>On a related note, if anyone's interested in a boffer bag with
>Senator Kellerman's face on it, notify Nezumi
>([url=mailto:nezumi@banzai-institute.org[/url]). She's putting together an order.

Our order has been placed, we're going to give some out to our largest customers as party favors. *eg*
--

"You know how parents tell you everything's going to fine, but you know they're lying to make you feel better? Everything's going to be fine." - The Doctor

[ECSNorway]

Subject: Re: [smof-politics] Current affairs and overreactions

From: Chris Marsden (stonyman@rockhounds.com)

Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen

Date: 3/18/2014 8:23 AM
You all know how poorly I get along with Mal most days. But I'm with him on this one. In fact, I'm already in Washington (who do you think Kellerman grabbed for /first/, after all?).
Nobody's going to war over this unless we let them provoke *us* into starting something. And if we do that, we're playing into his hands. This is exactly what he wants us to do: give him the excuse he needs to crack down on all of us, once and for all.
Stand back, be patient, and /wait/.
To borrow a line.... you have nothing to fear but fear itself.
P.S. - Mal, I've got a hotel suite reserved for you right next door to mine, we can double up on security just in case I'm wrong about this.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Black Aeronaut]

Subject: [smof-politics] Re: Current affairs and overreactions
From: "Benjamin Rhodes" ()
Reply-To: [url=mailto:smof-politics@smofcon.fen
Date: 3/18/2014, 9:34 AM

Okay, folks, I have no idea what the hell went down over at Venus, but here's the facts:

Yes, I did have Atalante ask for HRM's support in the highly unlikely event things went severely south.

Yes, I am just a teensy bit paranoid here.

NO!  I am NOT about to deploy ANY forces.  What. So. Ever.  At the most, I'm just kicking the tires and making sure things on my end will be ready to move at a moment's notice.
All due respect to you, Mal, you're not going to be the last person they'll come after no matter what precedent is set in the hearings to come.  In fact, you're hardly alone here - they sent a subpoena to Chris as well.  I'm just waiting for mine to get here (I'm the one holding actual USG Property, after all).
I've looked at Senator Kellermans background and he is exactly the kind of person to try and start a witch hunt.
So, don't worry, I'm not going to do anything untoward.  I'm not out to start another war - I'm just making sure I got my bases covered.  If that looks like war mongering to you... sorry, just the Texan in us.  You all know my Mother and even she's been known to take the 'Nuke the bastards' mindset now and then.  We are, after all, a mostly military operation.  We will always wait until the first shot is fired, though.

Benjamin M. Rhodes 
Master and Commander of the Roughriders
Santa Anna:  "It now remains for him to be generous to the vanquished."
Sam Houston: "You should have thought of that at the Alamo."

[M Fnord]

OOC:

P.S. - Mal, I've got a hotel suite reserved for you right next door to mine, we can double up on security just in case I'm wrong about this.

On that note, if we're going to do a meetup scene we ought to establish where home base(s) is. The temporary Soviet Embassy will be based out of the Jefferson Suite at the Willard Hotel, because y'know, so much of politics is theater. One must maintain appearances!
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[ECSNorway]

M Fnord wrote:

---

OOC:

P.S. - Mal, I've got a hotel suite reserved for you right next door to mine, we can double up on security just in case I'm wrong about this.

On that note, if we're going to do a meetup scene we ought to establish where home base(s) is. The temporary Soviet Embassy will be based out of the
Jefferson Suite at the Willard Hotel, because
y'know, so much of politics is theater. One must maintain appearances!

Which leaves me with the Capital suite? Heh. Sure, sure. (The Washington tempts, but Marsden's idea of theater in this case demands a
subtly different impression than Mal's.)
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Bob Schroeck]

Subject: [smof-politics] Re: Current affairs and overreactions
From: "Bob Schroeck" (rms@ourtown.fen)
Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen
Date: 3/18/2014, 11:41 AM
You know I'm just a bit confused on one thing -- witch hunt or not, what does Kellerman think he can *do*?  I mean, as has been pointed out, we've just come out of a war footing.  We have what amounts to a full gods-be-damned *space navy*.  Our main 'Daneside port of call is in Australia.  And hell, aren't we technically a sovereign nation (or federation of same, depending on who you ask)?  To the best of my knowledge -- although I will gladly bow to the better-informed -- the US government has managed to field at best a handful of wavecraft.  So what if we end up with bad press in the US because Kellerman's grandstanding for purposes of self-aggrandizement?  
(Although I still maintain that if they do try to annex us -- excuse me, "repatriate us" -- we need to drop rocks on them.  Big ones.)
-- Bob Schroeck, Citizen-at-large and part-time captain,
Grover's Corners, Inc., A Wholly-Owned Subsidiary of the Bavarian Illuminati
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[LynnInDenver]

Subject: Re: [smof-politics] Current affairs and overreactions

From: Jeph Antilles (lordandmaster@jmc.fen)

Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen

Date: 3/18/2014 11:44 AM
>You know I'm just a bit confused on one thing -- witch hunt or not,

>what does Kellerman think he can *do*? I mean, as has been pointed
>out,
we've just
come out of a war footing. We have what amounts to
>a full
gods-be-damned *space navy*. Our main 'Daneside port of call
>is in
Australia. And hell,
aren't we technically a sovereign nation
>(or federation of same,
depending on who you ask)? To the best of
>my knowledge -- although I
will gladly bow to
the better-informed --
>the US government has managed to field at best a
handful of
>wavecraft. So what if we end up with bad press in the US
because

>Kellerman's grandstanding for purposes of self-aggrandizement?
I expect, Bob, that it's the idea of getting enough evidence together that we're Up To No Good that can be used to pressure the United Nations into issuing sanctions and things, and otherwise trying to make our existence difficult.

Obviously, we're not that dumb.
--

"You know how parents tell you everything's going to fine, but you know they're lying to make you feel better? Everything's going to be fine." - The Doctor

[Black Aeronaut]

Subject: [smof-politics] Re: Current affairs and overreactions

From: "Benjamin Rhodes" (blackaeronaut@roughriders.fen)

Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen

Date: 3/18/2014, 11:55 AM

I'm glad you see things my way, Bob. Although I wouldn't go as far as dropping rocks (thinking of net casualties - we're not Santa Anna's army here). Instead, I'd make surgical strikes on targets that enable their space ability. Namely places of R&D where we can come in, smash their stuff, and get out with a minimum of bloodshed on both parties. TSAB would be a big target. So's Northrop-Grunman as well as Boeing. And let's not forget Ratheon - the last thing I want to be seeing is interplanetary cruise missiles! And don't you dare think that they aren't working on it. Nobody in the general public knew anything about the Manhatten project until the the first test.

And before someone else jumps in my shit about it, let me remind you about what I'm talking about: it does not hurt to be ready, both mentally and logistically. I'm not talking about moving troops or having 'training exercises'. I'm talking about having plans in place and making sure your equipment is in top shape. In the unlikely event of things going to shit, I want to give these ass-hats as few advantages as possible - I'm not having any more 'Alamo Massacres' like we did before.

Benjamin M. Rhodes

Master and Commander of the Roughriders

Santa Anna: "It now remains for him to be generous to the vanquished."

Sam Houston: "You should have thought of that at the Alamo."

[M Fnord]

A couple notes here.

ECS: As amusing as it is, by the time this kerfluffle hits smof-politics Mal's already in DC, at the Willard etc. So unless Marsden's got second sight I don't see them sharing hotels. It'd be *funny,* but we can go with a straight meeting instead of forting up in the same hotel. Your call.

Now. Timeskipping a bit here if only to address this outbreak of tinfoiling. We'll get back to the main part of our program after these words from our sponsors...

---

Subj: [smof-politics] waaaugh (Was: Current affairs and overreactions)
From: Gen. Mal Fnord, VVS (fnord@sovietairforce.fen)
Reply-To: smof-politics@smofcon.fen
Date: 3/18/2014 10:39 PM

I can't leave you alone for one fucking day, can I? Jesus *Christ*.

Rhodes: What part of "chill the fuck out, I got this" were you incapable of understanding? I know you're Texan and therefore of inferior intelligence, but come on. I used words of one syllable!

If you were watching round one today, then you'd *know* that this is an internal Soviet matter, and it *will* be dealt with. By *us*. You are panicking over *nothing.* And in the vanishingly small chance that this *does* come to military action, based on your posts my first act will be to shoot *you* to keep things from escalating out of control.

tl;dr, calm the hell down or I'll tell KJ to send the Angry Marines to Atalante and they'll *make* you calm.

--Fnord
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"