Things Nicki Tesla is no longer allowed to do (updated: Superball's list)

[Acyl]

Some of you might remember my little ol' blueside mad scientist girl from Justice. Once Going Rogue hits, I'll be bringing a version of her to the Legendary Academy.

So...a little taste of what's coming, in the style of Skippy's List...

---

Things Nicki Tesla is no longer allowed to do:

1. I am not allowed to create new life.
 1a. Especially in Mom's kitchen.

2. Those fools in elementary school did not mock my genius, and I will not show them all.

3. My curfew does not count as oppression by the man.

4. My allowance is not "seed money".
 4a. I do not qualify for grants.
 4b. Not allowed to secure independent funding.

5. Igor is my cat. He is not my lab assistant.
 5a. Or my second-in-command.
 5b. He cannot deputize for me in emergency situations.

6. "I have modified my body to photosynthesize" is not an excuse for missing meals.

7. Having a towel round my neck is not proof I'm "Level 20".

8. I cannot have a pony.
 8a. Not in the name of science.
 8b. There is no such thing as a cyborg unicorn.

9. I can have a piggy bank. Not an anonymous Swiss bank account.

10. "Making new friends" does not involve cloning.

11. Synthesising artificial testosterone does not count as "discovering boys".
 11a. I do not know what that really means.

12. I should not tell people that Igor can talk, but the only word he knows is "meow".

13. Igor does not have a PhD in Quantum Physics.
 13a. His great-grandmother did not work with Dr. Schrödinger.

14. My classmates are people, not 'lab animals'.
 14a. PETA did not complain.

15. Dissections are only allowed with adult supervision.

16. My homeroom teacher is not a Rikti in disguise, and I must stop reporting him to Vanguard.

17. The school principal is not the "Big Boss".
 17a. Or "Mein Fuhrer".

18. Being protective of my friends is a good thing, but I am not "the only one allowed to hurt them".

19. Yes, it is my fault.
 19a. I do not have the right to remain silent.

20. I am not a professional, and should not tell people to trust me.

21. I am not allowed to take over the world.
 21a. Even if I promise to be a benevolent dictator.

22. I cannot wear my nuclear thinking cap to school.

23. My bedroom is not an independent nation.
 23a. I do not have diplomatic immunity.

24. I should not encourage small children to become Superball's sidekick
 24a. Even if Superball likes the idea.
 24b. Especially if Superball likes the idea.

25. I am not God.
 25a. I do not play him on television.

26. I do not go to Church. I am not a Calvinist. I am not a Calvin-and-Hobbesianist.

27. I am not a Servitor of Vapula, Demon Prince of Technology.
 27a. Not allowed to convert people to my "religion".

28. I am not Washu.

29. I am not a Dark Lord of the Sith.
 29a. Even if everyone agrees.

30. Nikolai Tesla was not a misunderstood genius.
 30a. I am not allowed to prove the world wrong by building a sixty-foot death ray.

31. The Freakshow does not have a junior division, and I should stop trying to start one.

32. Dr. Vahzilok is not my faculty advisor.
 32a. Neither is Dr. Hamidon Pasalima.

33. Not allowed to accept scholarships from Aeon University.
 33a. Nor can I intern at Crey Industries.
 33b. Not allowed to launch a hostile takeover of Crey Industries.

34. Clockwork are not allowed in the house.
 34a. They do not make good pets.
 34b. "Toilet-trained" does not mean "trained to dismantle the toilet".

35. The Trolls would not make superb minions once brainwashed.
 35a. They don't have brains to wash.

36. I am not allowed to have minions.

37. I am not the Clockwork Princess.
 37a. Not allowed to kill Penelope Yin and take her title.

38. I am not the Nemesister.
 38a. Definitely not Lady Recluse.

39. Villains are not appropriate role models.
 39a. Even if I'm their favourite kid and they give me the best presents ever.

40. My hero license is for fighting crime, not personal profit.
 40a. I do not rob from the rich and give to the poor.
 40b. I am not poor.

41. Statesman is not the "Great Satan". I should stop insisting he is.

42. Citadel is a respected member of the Freedom Phalanx. I should not try to pirate his brain.

43. Positron is not a source of limitless power.

44. Ms. Liberty will not increase my security level in exchange for chocolate.

45. The MAGI vault does not have an "open door policy".
 45a. No, really.

46. Drugs are to be bagged as evidence, not "free samples".

47. Catgirls are not suitable specimens for experimentation.
47a. Even if "Atlas Park is lousy with them", and "nobody will miss one or two".

48. Portal Corp is not Stargate Command.
 48a. I am not Jack O'Neill.

49. I am allowed to go to the mall. I am not allowed to go to the mall in another universe.

50. The restraining order says nowhere near Portal Corp.

51. I have contacts, not a "secret intelligence network".

52. The cafeteria jello is not a "Hami-O".
 52a. I should not try to raid it.
 52b. I am not allowed to slot it in people.

53. I must return all the police drones I "acquired".
 53a. They were not "just lying around".

54. I am not allowed on field trips to the Terra Volta Reactor.

55. The supergroup base is not my personal lair.

56. My supergroup rank is not "Tyrant".

57. Firepower is not the answer to everything.

58. I am not allowed to conduct experiments in the bathroom.
 58a. Especially when someone's taking a shower.

59. I am not an Incarnate.
 59a. I am not chaos incarnate.

60. "Dexter's Laboratory" is not government propaganda to slander child geniuses.
 60a. I should not promote "Vahzilok's Lab" as an alternative TV series.

61. Not allowed to clone myself.
 61a. Not allowed to reproduce by ANY means.
 61b. At least until I'm 18.
 61c. I cannot use Ouroboros to solve this problem.

62. Not allowed to build a giant robot.
 62a. I am not old enough to drive.

63. I am not allowed to cast my schoolmates in re-enactments of "Battle Royale" and "Lord of the Flies".

64. There are rules about breaking the Fourth Wall.
 64a. I must fix it when I'm done.

65. "Dance Dance Electrocution" is not a good idea for a video game.
 65a. I should not use Clockwork parts in my console.

66. I am not allowed to go to Japan.
 66a. Japan won't let me go to Japan.
 66b. I should apologise to the ambassador.
 66c. They spend enough repairing Tokyo Tower as it is.

67. I am not a giant monster.

---

An explanation:
This list is a condensed version of a thread I had running on these forums some time ago, when the original Little Legends SG on Justice was active. I periodically updated it, and folks would suggest new entries.

Every single one of these comes from actual RP, either something she tried to do, or was told not to.
The old list runs up to 80+ entries, but I've omitted everything that referenced specific players from Justice and other stuff that doesn't make sense out-of-context.
-- Acyl

[Bob Schroeck]

Oh yeah, that's a keeper.

I tried to read the list (or subset) of it in her bio the one time I was on an AE team with her, but we got a bit too busy immediately after I opened the
window. I'm glad to see it here.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Logan Darklighter]

24. I should not encourage small children to become Superball's sidekick


24a. Even if Superball likes the idea.


24b. Especially if Superball likes the idea.

Okay -

See, I was laughing but more or less in control up until this point. And then I lost it entirely. After a minute or so of whooping, oxygen-depriving laughter,
I have to say - well played, sir! ^_^

[Acyl]

Bob: Nicki's in-game bio consists of numbers 1 to 10 in the list, and is presented as '10 things Nicki Tesla is no longer allowed to do:'

Logan: number 24, the Superball gag...credit must be given to the Other Logan, aka Foxboy, who originally spawned the notion and went through with it.
-- Acyl

[Norgarth]

57. Firepower is not the answer to everything.

Might I suggest: 57a. Neither are explosives.

That was great (I rather like the last part of 26)
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Sofaspud]

I've gotta say... the twins are either going to love Nicki, or all three of them are going to be spending a lot of time in detention. I dunno which.

(Uni and I brought our new alts into the Academy yesterday. Twin mad scientist sisters, think "Johnny Test" meets "Addams Family".)

--sofaspud
--"Listening to your kid is the audio equivalent of a Salvador Dali painting, Spud." --OpMegs

[CrimsonKMR]

Acyl wrote:

---

57. Firepower is not the answer to everything.

I find this to be a false fact. Firepower is ALWAYS the answer!
There is no coincidence, only necessity....
- Clow Reed

[Morganite]

2. Those fools in elementary school did not mock my genius, and I will not show them all.

May I suggest:

2a. Not allowed to show them all even if they do mock my genius.

-Morgan.

[dark seraph]

48. Portal Corp is not Stargate Command.


48a. I am not Jack O'Neill.

BWAHHAAHHHAAAHAA

[Vyperpunk]

Acyl wrote:

---

63. I am not allowed to cast my schoolmates in re-enactments of "Battle Royale" and "Lord of the
Flies".

Girl A: Why not?!

[Acyl]

The following is a straight repost of my old Superball list from...jeez, must be at least two years ago? Three?

---

1. I am no longer allowed to name SG Task Forces.

2. My secret identity is not "Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser the Third".
2a. I should not tell reporters that it is.

3. I am not allowed to hack the hospital teleport network for my personal convenience.
3a. Even if Manticore does it.

4. Not allowed to hack the base portal so my teammates arrive naked.

5. Arachnos soldiers are not "neighbourhood friendly Spider-Men".

6. I cannot increase someone's security level in exchange for US dollars.
6a. I should stop telling new heroes that I can.
6b. Especially in earshot of Ms. Liberty.

7. I should stop vanishing in the middle of Task Forces.
7a. I am not allowed to blame my disappearance on Portal Corp.

8. The SG base computer is not for porn.
8a. Neither are the hologram projectors.

9. I should not cover the base with nude pictures of my teammates.
9a. Even if the people in them gave me permission.

10. I am not a Praetorian.
10b. I am not Tyrant's court jester.

11. Hamidon is not my Patron. I do not have access to his powers.

12. I should not try to talk to catgirls "in their own language".
12a. Nobody wants to hear me meow.
12b. Or sing Broadway tunes from "Cats".

13. Rikti are not that kind of alien, and I shouldn't try to sell them green cards.

14. I do not have a theme song.
14a. Even if I do, I am not allowed to burp it.

15. I am not the love child of Statesman and Recluse.

16. Paragon City is not a computer simulation. I should not attempt to convince people otherwise.

17. My power is not "breaking the 4th wall".

18. I am not allowed to vomit on Dr. Vahzilok.
18a. It ain’t "poetic revenge". 's just gross.

19. I shouldn't send my SGmates on blind dates with Vahzilok zombies.
19a. Even if they're really into that sort of thing.
19b. Even if they asked me to.

20. They're the Circle of Thorns, not the Circus of Thorns.
20a. I shouldn't suggest that they merge with the Carnival.

21. Circle mages wear robes for mystic ceremonial reasons. They are not bathrobes.
21a. They aren't in robes because they "keep getting lost in Oranbega" and "haven't seen their closets in years".
21b. The Oranbegan civilisation did not collapse because "they could never find the bathroom".

22. The last hostage is not in the bathroom.
22a. The hostage is not a Stalker. He is not hiding from us.

23. My supergroup is named "The Legendary", not the "Freakdom Phalanx".

24. It's the blood of Mu, not the blood of Moo.
24a. Humans cannot breed with cattle, and I should stop suggesting they can.
24b. That is not the reason Arachnos mages are so stupid.

25. Offices in Paragon City were not designed by the architectural firm of M.C. Escher and Sons.

26. I am not the President of the Ghost Widow fanclub.

27. The Skulls and Hellions are not pursuing a tragically doomed love affair.

28. The Warriors will not come out and play.
28a. Even if I ask their mothers.

29. Shivans aren't edible.

30. TP stands for teleport, not toilet paper.
30a. I shouldn't offer a roll to people who ask.

31. My contacts are not trying to kill me.
31a. I am not allowed to threaten them until they give me better missions.

32. Positron is not trying to kill me.
32a. If I don't want to join his Task Force, just say so.
32b. I shouldn't attack him with a can opener.
32c. I must respect Positron's restraining order.

33. I am not licensed to sell medical insurance.
33a. I should stop trying to sell plans to my teammates while they run back from the hospital.

34. Although I can fly, I am not allowed to paint "kill silhouettes" on the side of my costume.

35. My travel power is not "waiting for the bus".
35a. Or hailing a taxi.
35b. Waiting for the porter to get there is not a travel power.

36. Fire Controllers do not "set Rikti monkeys on fire".

37. My telepathic teammates are not trying to read my mind, and I should stop thinking the digits of pi.

38. I am not a magical girl. I do not have a transformation sequence.
38a. I shouldn't try to prove otherwise. I look terrible in a skirt.
38b. My attacks aren't more powerful when I shout their names.
38c. My singing voice is not a mez attack.

39. I am not allowed to team up with a Gravity Controller and sell all that stuff on eBay.

40. Sleep is not for the weak. I should not tell my teammates that it is.
40a. Nor is sleep for the week, ie. every seven days.

41. If someone asks if I'm a healer, I should not pretend to be a televangelist.

42. Croatoa is not a theme park.
42a. The Cabal witches are not interested in dates.
42b. The Red Caps are not "after me Lucky Charms".
42c. I am not allowed to make pie from the heads of Fir Bolg.
42d. I cannot turn the Tuatha de Dannon human again.
42e. Just shaving them doesn't work.

43. Sergei at Icon really does want to give me a makeover. He does not want to get in my pants.

44. Frostfire does not want a Monopoly set for Christmas.
44a. He does not collect "Get out of Jail Free" cards, no matter how much I think otherwise.

45. My role on the team is not "loose cannon".

46. Even if my tights chafe, my teammates do not need to know this.
46a. They don't need reminders every five minutes.

47. I am not allowed to yell "BIO BREAK" in the middle of battle...and unzip my fly.
47a. I do not have a toxic ranged attack.

48. If I recover a nuclear weapon from Warburg, I am not allowed to sell it on eBay.

49. The Clockwork robots are not cute, and I shouldn't try to "collect 'em all".

50. I am not a Kheldian in "idiot form".
-- Acyl

[dark seraph]

... i have to team with this guy at some point... Gir would never stop laughing

[Bob Schroeck]

38. I am not the Nemesister.

Because someone else on Virtue already is. Dammit.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.