Utility songs

[CattyNebulart]

I was re-reading DW2 and something struck me, Doug worries about getting tools to fix his motorcyle, and I am surprised that no-one has suggested (to my knowlegde at least) any song that creates tools, since you are often enough caught without the right tools for the job on hand even if they do exist in that particular universe. So does anyone have any suggestions? I was looking at a few songs but none of them where quite right.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Morganite]

I guess the question would be, just how much can you get done in [length of song] time?
(Though thanks to a certain commercial, I'm imagining the song "Just What I Needed" doing this... What can I say, I've never heard the whole thing. '.' )
-Morgan."I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time travelers, or espers here, come sleep with me."
---From "The Ecchi of Haruhi Suzumiya"
-----(Not really)

[CattyNebulart]

After googleing some lyrics I came up with this for just what I needed, which would seem to me to summon a Lisa simalcrum, based upon the time that she helped him with his motor cyle and later when he worked at IDEC and such. (and his need for a friend) Probably the song would do something different but that is the first thing that pops into my mind.
I don't mind you coming here, waisting all my time
cause when you're standing oh so near
I kinda loose my mind
It's not the perfume that you wear
It's not the way you wear your hair
I don't mind you coming here, waisting all my time
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to feed
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to bleed
I don't mind you hanging out, talking in your sleep
It doesn't matter where you've been
As long as it was deep
You always knew to wear it well
You look so fancy I can tell
I don't mind you hanging out, talking in your sleep
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to feed
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to bleed
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so bleed me
I don't mind you coming here, waisting all my time
cause when you're standing oh so near
I kinda loose my mind
It's not the perfume that you wear
It's not the way you wear your hair
I don't mind you coming here, waisting all my time
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to feed
I guess you're just what I needed
I needed someone to bleed
I needed someone to bleed
Yeah you're just what I needed
oh you're just what I needed, yeah, yeah
you're just what I needed
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Bob Schroeck]

Yeah, that's the Cars. I have a better one, though: "Hardware Store", by Weird Al Yankovic:

---

Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news
He said, "Hey! You know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"
Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair
'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June
For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Well, I hope they open soon
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know, I had to be first in line
Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them will be all mine
Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles
All arranged alphabetically
And they're doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Will get a ball peen hammer free
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
Would you look at all that stuff.
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, waterproofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up that door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

---

I figured it would just let Doug pull needed objects -- not just tools -- from behind his back. I've been planning on using it in DW5.

-- Bob
---------
...The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...