ROTFL, Part II

[WengFook]

.. a ranma and sailor moon crossover where ranma's fiance problems are solved by his mother by marrying him to makoto
anyways... the omake are pretty funny so I though i'd put them up
-----
Minako looked over at Ami puzzled for a second. She had been given a pamphlet by Nodoka and was reading over it, with interest.
Ami then started to comment on it. Full health insurance, scholarship program, live in babysitter.a very nice deal.
Minako looked at Ami, Whats that pamphlet for?
Ami handed it to her. The title was: So you want to be Ranmas mistress!
Minako stared at Ami in shock. Why wasnt I given one of these?
Ami blushed at that. I think its because Auntie Nodoka didnt want any ditzes in the family.
-----
Makoto stared at Nodoka in surprise. You are a demon hunter?
Why yes dear. Your mother, Kimiko Itedo, and myself were quite the team. Here is a picture of us from back in those days.
Makoto blushed brightly Th those outfits look painted on.
Well Marikos was. Thats how she met your fathershe was arrested for indecent exposure "If you share that habit of your mother's, I wouldn't mind as long as it was only inside where only my manly son can enjoy the view. Isn't that right, son? Son?
Meanwhile, Ranma is on the floor, twitching trying to keep blood from shooting out his nose at both the picture and the thoughts of Makoto dressing like that.
Three weeks later...
Luna had a huge sweat drop on her forehead. Mamoru was currently passed out on the floor, covered in blood, while Haruka was drooling. "Makoto, I really don't see how the new outfit will help us fight the enemies of Love and Justice. I mean it looks painted on."
Makoto blushed. "Well..."
-----
Before Makoto could speak about seeing her husband's new form, a shrill cry rang out.
"WAH! MAKO-CHAN'S HUSBAND HAS A BIGGER BUST THAN ME!"
"DAMN IT, MEATBALL-HEAD! HOW CAN WE SPY ON THEM IF YOU YELL!"
-----
and a few others the here is de leenk if you want it
www.fanfiction.net/s/2431167/1/_____________________________
Shepard Book: The special hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in cinemas.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[HoagieOfDoom]

Before Makoto could speak about seeing her husband's new form, a shrill cry rang out.
"WAH! MAKO-CHAN'S HUSBAND HAS A BIGGER BUST THAN ME!"
"DAMN IT, MEATBALL-HEAD! HOW CAN WE SPY ON THEM IF YOU YELL!"
Oh, man, that's priceless.
*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[Bob Schroeck]

Oh, by the way, chapter 5 of Wedded Bliss was posted a couple nights ago.

-- Bob
---------
It's spelt "Frodo Baggins" but it's pronounced "Throat-wobbler Mangrove."

[WengFook]

nice. going to read it now..._____________________________
Shepard Book: The special hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in cinemas.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[HoagieOfDoom]

Azusa, Emperor of Jurai, ruler of the greatest power in the galaxy, sat on his throne and laughed. And it wasn't a pleasant sound. The courtiers and sycophants that normally filled the throne room were in scarce supply, all were afraid of what Azusa might do if they happened to catch his attention. When he wasn't laughing, the Emperor kept mumbling the same name over and over, "Tenchi, Tenchi, Tenchi".
Off to one side at a distance, Funaho turned to her sister-wife, Misaki. "Oh dear, he forgot his medication again this morning, didn't he?" she asked, shaking her head sadly.
Misaki nodded her agreement then gestured for some of the royal bodyguards to move closer. A hidden door behind them quietly opened and the king's personal physician entered. "Don't tell me, forgot his pill again, right?" Seeing the state his patient was in, he rapidly pulled out a small pistol.
"Self-defense?" asked Funaho.
The doctor glanced at Misaki. "Tranquilizer gun," the physician answered. "I'm not going near him when he's in this state. I'll take care of it from here."
Misaki sighed and held out her hand. "Give me the gun, I'll do it this time. I'm a much better shot than you, last time you kept missing." She smiled. "Lucky for you he gave you time to reload."
Funaho raised an eyebrow at the two as the doctor reluctantly gave her the gun. Misaki raised the weapon and took careful aim...
"Aim for the neck your highness."
The queen lowered the weapon and turned to the doctor. "I know what I'm doing. So unless you want one of these darts in your backside, be quiet."
The doctor lowered his head and stepped back. Misaki again raised the pistol and took aim.
Pffssst...
The dart hit the Emperor in his exposed neck and his hand immediately flew up to the minor sting. Feeling the small object, he turned towards its source to see his second wife lowering a small pistol. She smiled and waved at him. The last thing he remembered before unconsciousness took him was Misaki flashing him a V sign.

From Jurai, Here We Come by BobR*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[ECSNorway]

More from BobR:
Washu had spent all night researching a way to get items out of shipping boxes without getting the little foam packing peanuts all over the place. After spending eight hours on the problem, she gave up in disgust; there were always one or two that managed to escape.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[HoagieOfDoom]

SNAPE: So there were two wands, a rubber mouse, a fuzzy bear slipper, a dragon figurine, a chimpanzee, and a howler monkey?
HERMIONE: Yes, Professor, and they were running through the motions of the play at approximately one a.m. last night.
SIRIUS: And Harry was asleep during all of this?
DRACO: Yes. Frankly, I'm fairly certain that he could have slept through a stampede of hippogriffs.
REMUS: That sounds like something Lily would have done... How tired were you this morning? (said to Harry)
HARRY: I only came to breakfast because Draco promised there would be monkeys with clogs on.
SNAPE: I think Remus was hoping for something more quantifiable, Harry.
HARRY:...................
SNAPE: Something which would provide a more accurate estimate as to your state of health.
HARRY:...................
DRACO: Allow me to translate, professor. (to Harry) If you were a grapefruit, am I wearing a raincoat?
HARRY: Oh. I'm really, really sleepy...I liked watching the monkeys...
I have just started reading The Lesser of Two Evils. Fear for me...
One night I got to thinking on the peculiar nature of Akane's love life.
Not really from a fic proper, but rather from an author's note. I find it strangely amusing.*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[classicdrogn]

Does it count if I ROFL'ed while writing it? And it's a review-omake, too, not part of the fic proper...
See, Kaara has a habit of threatening silly things if readers do not review for Between Sun and Moon, and one of the things she threatened around ch4 or so was to have Tsunbade hook up with Gai when the story got that far. This made me laugh, and so I wrote a short little scenelet to answer the question of what she cold possibly see in him (the answer, of coursem being the explosive power of youth) it was later added in one of the chapters as an omake. Well, for ch8 (the most recent) she threatened to make a chapter entirely about Gai weaing only a pink tutu, and I felt it my duty to ask how such a thing could come to pass... which led to a new installment in the legendary saga of the eternal Gai/Tsunade pairing.

-------- 8< -------- cut here -------- 8< --------

The blazing fire of youth seemed to have settled in his head, reflected Gai, with unusual asperity. Along with the exploding springtime of youth, for that matter. He vaguely remembered the very tipsy duo of Shizune and Anko hanging off of each other and chanting "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" sometime after Godaime-sama had bet her alchohol tolerance was higher than his, while his eternal rival Kakashi giggled happily to himself from the floor near their feet and Tsunade and he matched each other gulp for gulp from a pair of large sake bottles. After that, well, things got a little foggy.

Supressing a moan at the shafts of sunlight sparing into the room, he pulled free of the arms around his waist and wobbled uncertainly in search of a bathroom, closing one eye to make sure there really were two different doors in the sae wall, then trying the one on the left.

Oh, that was a closet. Were there usualy people sleeping in a tangle in his closet? He counted two sets of dark hair and one head covered in spiky white, and couldn't remember if this was unusual or not. Twinges from various parts of his innards convinced him to worry about it later, and one of the people in the closet mumbled about it being too bright, so he closed the door again and made for the one on the right.

So, that was where the hallway was concealed! He gave the potted plant in the corner a flahsing grin and thumbs-up in celebration, before continuing his quest for a bathroom. A sudden memory made him pause with one hand on the next door knob.

A few moments ago, the mirror on the closet door... why did it show him wearing a tutu? Perhaps he was still drunk, and imagined it. Gai looked down, then, and saw that the imaginary tutu was still around his waist, and was what the arms had been tangled in when he got out of bed. That was odd, he didn't usually get drunk enough to hallucinate like this. He frowned and let go of the door knob, seeing how rumpled it was, straightened out the worst of the wrinkles and pulled off a few strands of long sandy-blonde hair that had clung to it. It was important for his hallucinations to be tidy, after all.

- CD
What, you think Samuel L. Jackson isn't going to survive the zombie apocalypse?

SERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Valles]

---

The blazing fire of youth seemed to have settled in his head, reflected Gai, with unusual asperity. Along with the exploding springtime of youth, for that matter. He vaguely remembered the very tipsy duo of Shizune and Anko hanging off of each other and chanting "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" sometime after Godaime-sama had bet her alchohol tolerance was higher than his, while his eternal rival Kakashi giggled happily to himself from the floor near their feet and Tsunade and he matched each other gulp for gulp from a pair of large sake bottles. After that, well, things got a little foggy.

---

Mmmm... Shizune and Anko... sloshed... *goes off to a happy place*
Y'know, come to that, they look more than enough alike to be related, and in a population as small as Konoha's hereditary ninja clans, that's actually fairly likely. Hmmm...
Ja, -n
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[HoagieOfDoom]

As Usagi watched the redhead [i.e. Ranma] quietly rant she lost interest in what the girl was saying and instead concentrated on how her body was moving. Her eyes glazed over slightly and she smashed her head into the table. She moaned and impacted it a second time.
"Meatball-head? You okay?" Rei asked.
"Make the bad thoughts go away," Usagi whimpered silently.
The Return, Josh Temple

Edit: More Return goodness.
[Ranma said] "You can come, but you will not touch me or do anything creepy. Understand?"
The girl simply nodded enthusiastically. "One question if I may?" she asked.
"What?"
"Why are you in this weak form now? This bag of meat you inhabit is pathetic compared to your true power."
Ranma rubbed his forehead. "What did I do to deserve this?"
Edit2: More strangeness, this time from Aftermath: A Story of Blended Cliches.
Moving away more quickly from the scene, they crossed paths with a girl wearing a short black skirt and with matching ribbons in her hair walking in the opposite direction who suddenly declared, "Oh how cute! Maxwell, Maxwell!" and proceeded in trying to steal one of the "meatballs" off Usagi's head, not realizing that it was an attached fixture. Much hair pulling ensued.
Edit3: Yet more Aftermath... with a little extra thrown in.
Training with Happosai was a surprisingly enjoyable experience. The only things that weren't to Ranma's liking were the lame names given to most of the techniques that Happosai was teaching her. That in itself wouldn't be bad if she could have changed those names. Happosai though, insisted on keeping the original names and shot down any suggestions for 'cooler' ones.
Bummer.
It seemed like everything was 'The way of this', 'The way of that' or 'The way of something or other'.
The way of the long walk off a short pier. The way of the rock, paper, knife (apparently it was developed before scissors). The way of the Demon dog. The way of putting things on top of other things. The way of silly walks. The way of not being seen.
Ranma pondered the names of some of these techiques. They seemed vaguely familiar for some reason.
*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[Bob Schroeck]

"He's now MINE!" Zoicite began the Maniacal Villain Laugh(tm) as it was apparent that Tenma was under his control. He stopped as something momentarily entered his mouth. "Oops. Shampoo really sorry about that. Will try to put next arrow lower. Oh, that one too low. Very sorry, but Shampoo just not that good at this 'violence' stuff." Even a few of the genderless youma were wincing at where that last arrow had struck. "Impossible," squeaked Zoicite, from his new position curled up on the pavement. "Normal missles can't penetrate my defensive field..." He pulled the arrow out, discovering at that time that the arrowhead was barbed. He immediately summoned energies to regenerate, which caused some of the summoned youma to vanish. "Shampoo know trick for charging weapon with chi. Make cloth like razor, make bonbori strike like wrecking ball, think maybe make arrow go through Dark Kingdom defensive field." Shampoo spared a glance at where Jupiter and Tenma were cuddled together. "Not that Shampoo is violent chick or anything like that!"

-- Bob
---------
It's spelt "Frodo Baggins" but it's pronounced "Throat-wobbler Mangrove."

[HoagieOfDoom]

Hotaru Tomoe, age six, watched as her father tinkered with the weird-looking car. Souichi Tomoe's mane of white hair was smudged with black grease as it bobbed up and down with his head behind the hood of the car. Hotaru was not exactly a normal girl; she was, of course, the daughter of a Certified Mad Scientist (Patent Pending), but there were other reasons why Hotaru wasn't exactly made of the same mold as other girls. Maybe it was because she had an above-average IQ. Maybe because she had the potential capability to blow the world to friggin' bloody uncountable, irreparable bits that's the reason why we have to kill her now kill her blow her brains out kill kill kill now yess yess.
AHEM.
From Pissing off Pluto by Elsa Bibat
Edit: yay, more madness.
Having to always hold it would have made her arm ache, since back in the Silver Millennium they didn't have any of those lightweight plastics, and consequently the Time Staff weighed something like a ton if you didn't have the proper training Pluto winced at the thought of those boulders she had to carry and even then, you'd still have to put it down once in awhile. Setsuna would have gladly traded in her Time Staff for a newer, lighter model, but no one builds a Time Staff nowadays except for Washuu, and you know how Washuu is, always putting in those really undocumented features that blow up in your face in the most inopportune moments.*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[WengFook]

ummm the return was good... but once the author started giving ranma a brood of little succubae I coudlnt quite stand it anymore... anyon else feel the same?
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[HoagieOfDoom]

True, in retrospect that is strange... well, really strange. But, it's still one of the more enjoyable reads I've had lately.*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[WengFook]

I'll agree to that I certainly enjoyed reading it its just that the 8th chapter just got a little too much to take for some reason.. but it IS well written and a pleasure to read _____________________________
Shepard Book: The special hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in cinemas.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[HoagieOfDoom]

Chapter eight? Hmm... Ah, that's right before the Revenge and Rebirth chapters, which are a good bit of fun. Especially Ranma's... "assault" on Setsuna.
Anyways...
From Splitting Heirs, a Ranma/Tenchi crossover:
Misaki's eyes sparkled in wide-eyed wonder at the dream come true before her. There are perhaps three things that Misaki, Second Queen of Jurai, enjoyed more than life itself: her baby girls, adorable, cuddly little things, and sweets. The order, of course, depended entirely on which caught her eye first.
Currently her attention was focused entirely on the mountainous triple-fudge marshmallow and whipped cream brownie parfait that rested on the table in front of her.
Sasami, bless her little heart, loved her Mommy more than anyone else in the world. And this treat proved it! Little did Misaki know that this was simply a diversionary tactic, employed by the little blue-haired princess to escape the torrential ball of matronly emotions known as Mommy.
The tactic was well appreciated by Ayeka, who had desperately wanted to avoid embarrassment while entertaining the shrine's guests. It had been a draining endeavor that required all of her attention. An impromptu affectionate bear hug the moment Misaki's eyes wandered in Ayeka's direction, holding her hand beneath the table while eating, and watching the eyes began to sparkle with tears of love each caused a desperate search for Ryo-Ohki, or some other equally cute and plush distraction.
Mihoshi sat opposite of Misaki with more than a little drool clinging to her tanned chin. The event set off alarms in everyone's mind that knew Misaki. Tension grew to a palpable level as Misaki took her first spoonful. The taste was so heavenly it was sinful. A small whimper escaped from Mihoshi's throat, causing Misaki to savor the treat all the more. Being a Queen had its perks.
The second and third bites continued to torture the blonde-haired detective. Each spoonful elicited a groan. Every "clink" of metal chiming against the china bowl caused Mihoshi's body to twitch involuntarily. And for the second time that day, Washu, along with the rest of the inhabitants of the room, moved as far away from the table as possible.
Kasumi and Sasami made a mad dash to the kitchen while Akane and Nodoka huddled together in a corner as far from Mihoshi as possible. Both had witnessed the wrath of Mihoshi vented on poor Ranma earlier that evening, and neither had the desire to become her next victim. Ryoko and Ayeka feared something much worse: Misaki unleashed.
Funaho sipped her tea as if nothing out of the ordinary was transpiring.
And the ultimate horror:
"What shall we make them?" Ayeka asked as she surveyed the kitchen in dismay. She had never truly felt at home in the place. There were too many foreign concepts here that eluded her.
"Well." Akane paused for a moment, following Ayeka's line of thought almost precisely. "I'm not really that good of a cook." She hated to admit it, but she might as well get it out in the open before Ranma did. "So I think we should keep it simple."
Ayeka looked at Akane with a smile of understanding. "I am not well-practiced in cooking either." She was glad that she had found a kindred soul of sorts in the Tendo girl. "What would you suggest?"
Akane returned Ayeka's smile happily. "How about some chocolate chip cookies?" An easy recipe. Surely they could pull it off together. This was going to be fun!
The universe, for one single instant, shuddered with fear.
From Why Sailor Pluto Hates the Bet:
"Nothing personal, Lhu, but I just can't let you make your own
entry. Sorry."
The great Cthulhu pondered the situation for a moment.
Toltiir waited patiently.

At length, Cthulhu spoke (so to speak, heh heh heh): *I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.* it said.

"Hmm?"
*If you let me make my own bet entry, I will agree to eat you
last.*
Toltiir thought about it for a moment. "... well, since you put
it THAT way, how can I say no?"

This time from Benjamin Oliver's Nuke 'em 'till They Glow!!! reader interactive sidestory:
The results of the voting for chapter 4 are as follows:
Question 1: What kind of evil things would you like to see invade the headquarters of the British Motor Boat Police?
The winner at 69% is: All of the above! And throw in some of Brian Randall's Reavers! Coming in a distant second is answer #3: Ninjas, ninjas, ninjas!, at 21%.
Question 2: And you STILL want to have S and V win?!
The answer is: Yes! Of course!!!, at 67%.
Question 3: Want some WAFF beforehand?
The answer is: Eh, sure. It's good for the soul, at
Most amazing attack ever:
"NUCLEAR BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!"
Something that you never want to see in the Author's Notes from a lemon:
"I started writing this during breaks while playing Doom 3."*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[ECSNorway]

Good ol' Girl Days, always good for a laugh (or ten thousand).
"OK... if you promised your mother. But why two whole months?"
"Mom said it was something about biology. I dunno what she
means, but-- Akane, why are you LAUGHING like that?"
Or how about...
Nabiki held up the paperback. "The Pocket guide to Chinese
Amazon Law. I bought it off the internet."
"Where do they sell something like THAT?!?"
"Amazon.com. Hmm... you think there's a connection?"
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[robkelk]

As long as you're quoting from Girl Days...
"I understand your aggravation, Ranma. I share it to some extent. But even under Amazon law this isn't a transgression worthy of the Kiss of Death," Cologne chided.
"Is there a Kiss of Maiming?"
"No--"
"How about a Kiss of Severe Pummeling About The Head And Shoulders?"
-Rob Kelk
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[ECSNorway]

I don't think there's very many sentences in all of Girl Days that don't belong on this thread, really.
Looking deeply into the crystal, the Amazon matriarch began the arcane chant that would open it's scrying powers. The crystal began to glow, faintly, revealing characters, words that would tell the elder what she needed to know.
YOU'RE SCREWED.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[drakensis]

Sitting at the breakfast table after Kakashi had patiently coaxed him down from his terrorized clinging to the top of the nearest bookshelf, Iruka stared down in horror at the little angel toasts and tried not to whimper.
They even had little raisin eyes. It was terrifying.
(www.fanfiction.net/s/1737083/23/)
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[ECSNorway]

I think this is my all-time favorite Girl Days line, though.
"Attention. To the owner of the Gundam in the parking lot. You are blocking traffic..."
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[HoagieOfDoom]

Nononono, you're all wrong! It's
"Mom's helping me
to understand my femininity with masculine determination."*********
There's no need to hear, I can shout you.

[darwithe]

"My name...." stated Kuno, doing a passable Captain Kirk pause-after-every- third-word-for-dramatic-purposes, "Is Upperclassman.... KUNO TATEWAKI!! But you.... you may call me.... Upperclassman! Captain..... of the Kendo Club..... Undefeated rising star.... of the high school fencing world.... I am known as...."
Really big dramatic pause.
" AOIRO IKAZUCHI!" (Blue Thunder)
Ranma nearly fell over. "Did you just call yourself..."
Another dramatic pause.
" YAOI RO ITTKATSU CHI???" (Roaring Gay Earth Oar)
Everyone in the school, Akane, Kuno, and a few of the less-unconscious boys lying on the field performed a massive flying group facefault.
Ranma looked puzzled, trying to figure out why Kuno would call himself that.
***
After a short detour to the clinic, Ranma arrived at school. The clock read 7:62.
Ranma blinked, then shrugged. School didn't start until 8:30, so... they were early anyway. Exactly how early really didn't matter.
Especially since he'd still failed to beat Tatewaki to the school.
Ranma warily shifted his weight as the pompous kendoist strode towards him, bokken in one hand, bento in the other.
"Saotome Ranma, I, the Koushokou Nichirin (Yellow Sun) of Furinkan High, Tatewaki Kuno, would speak with you!"
Ranma blinked. Kuno was calling himself WHAT?
"And why have you nicknamed yerself the Kousho Kuni Kirin (Trifling Country Giraffe)? Are ya sayin' yer an unimportant bumpkin from th' boonies?"
Furinkan's favourite fool was flabbergasted.
"Saotome, do you perhaps have cotton in your ears?"
Ranma eyed Kuno warily. "No.... why?"
The schizo samurai eyed Ranma similarly. "This is the second time you've misheard me."
***
From Passenger Along for the Ride: www.fanfiction.net/s/625279/1/

[drakensis]

"Catastrophe?" Cordelia burst out. "It's Armageddon!"
Dazed, everyone stared at her.
"My entire wardrobe! Useless! Nothing goes with lavender hair!"
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Rod.H]

Y'know the Major & Madigan might want to have words with this Cordelia for they have, from memory, lavender hair.
Ah, Vathara, why must you torture me with this great text, tis bad enough that one of your O'Neill's one Dannywhomping away from a mental issue that'll result in a bodycount - hopfully of just Jaffa, System Lords & NID agents...
There's stuff in there I find worthy of being quoted, but to do 'em justice would require a fair lot of supporting text. So to prevent that go here www.fanfiction.net/u/77482/ and do yourself a favour.
--Rod.H