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Another Crowd Control Song
Another Crowd Control Song
#1
Specifically, one that could be good for breaking up fights by leading one side of the quarrel away from the other ... and perhaps tiring them out as well.
The Piper, performed by ABBA, written, arranged, and produced (1980) by Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus.

They came from the hills  
And they came from the valleys and the plains  
They struggled in the cold  
In the heat and the snow and in the rain  
Came to hear him play  
Play their minds away  
 
We're all following a strange melody  
We're all summoned by a tune  
We're following the piper  
And we dance beneath the moon  
We're following the piper  
And we dance beneath the moon for him  
And we dance beneath the moon  
Sub Luna Saltamus 
 
They came from the south  
From the west and the north and from the east  
They waited for the man  
Like a parish is waiting for the priest  
Longed to hear him play  
Play their minds away  
 
We're all following a strange melody  
We're all summoned by a tune  
We're following the piper  
And we dance beneath the moon  
We're following the piper  
And we dance beneath the moon for him  
And we dance beneath the moon  
Sub Luna Saltamus 
 
He gave them a dream  
He seduced everybody in the land  
The fire in his eyes  
And the fear was a weapon in his hand  
So they let him play  
Play their minds away  
 
We're all following a strange melody  
We're all summoned by a tune  
We're following the piper  
And we dance beneath the moon  
We're following the piper  
And we dance beneath the moon for him  
And we dance beneath the moon 

All intelligent life in the area of effect will follow Doug, dancing as they go.  If the Loon moves at more than a walking pace, this may be quite fatiguing for his targets by the time the music stops (3 minutes 28 seconds).  They can do nothing but follow him and dance (peacefully; no adding in martial arts moves like capoeira or the Lancre Morris Men).

Two odd side effects:  first, all those affected see Looney as playing some sort of musical instrument that falls under the heading of pipe, whether it be panpipes, something more resembling a clarinet or recorder, or bagpipes.  Yes, the FAQ says Doug doesn't play an instrument, but this song makes people think they see him playing.  

Second, no matter what time of day it is, or if it's indoors/underground, those in the area of effect also see a clear night sky and a very visible moon overhead.  The illusionary moon's phase matches whatever the phase would be if it were the real moon.  If the real moon is visible in the normal way, the song doesn't produce a duplicate. 
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Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
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