ROTFL, Part II

[Norgarth]

For NXE? it's an EPU fic.
www.eyrie.net/
"aw, that's sweet... you brought me a redhead. good night... "
- (a 3/4 asleep) Kaitlyn Hutchins upon first seeing Juri Arisugawa (Duelists of the Rose, 1st Symphony of the Sword)
(also a EPU fic, in the Future Imperfect section of Undocumented Features)__________________
That which does not kill us... has made its last mistake.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Happerry]

Thanks

[ordnance11]

"

---

Look, Kuno, it's not that I don't hate your guts or nothin', because I do," Ranma said apologetically as he backed off, slipping his hands into his pockets, "but I'm afraid this little archrivalry thing we have going here, you know, where you attack me for some reason made up on the spot and I blast you with a comical level of indifference? It's just not working out anymore."
Kuno stopped ranting, and gave Ranma a curious look as he panted, out of breath. "It's... it's not?"
"No, it's not. I mean, it was fun at first, knowing that I could whoop the biggest bully in school with both hands in my pockets, and it feels great to fight somebody because chicks like me and think you're an ass. But, well..." Ranma scratched the back of his head as he searched for the right words. "It's just, you're not really what I'm looking for in a serious archrivalry, and it's time to move on. I think we should start fighting other people," he finally blurted, shrugging apologetically.
Kuno stepped back, his mouth agape. "Is... Is there someone else?"
The pigtailed boy nodded. "Yeah, actually there is. You see, I met this guy the other day, and, well... he turns into a monster, okay? We duked it out a bit, he beat me to within an inch of my life, and I managed to eke out a victory at the last moment with a brilliant diversion tactic. I mean, he's immune to my flame powers, he plays a key role in my dark and vaguely angst-ridden past, we have perfect chemistry together! Or, you know, against each other. Whatever."
"So, that's it then?" Kuno asked angrily, hot tears beginning to fall from his eyes. "You savagely beat me a few times, and that's it? It's over? Were you just using me all this time to sate your blasted ego!"
"Hey, hey, don't be like that, man," Ranma said softly, patting the taller boy on the shoulder. "You'll find yourself a real archrival someday! I know it! You're going to make some poor loser a great enemy, mark my words! And besides, we can still loathe each other! We just won't fight anymore!"
"IT'S NOT THE SAME!" Kuno sobbed, turning dramatically and sprinting away, dropping his shattered bokken in the process as he fled to a nearby walkway bench and collapsed onto it.
Ranma sighed and turned away, knowing that there was nothing he could do that could remedy the situation. "Man... that was way harder than just socking him in the jaw. I hope love isn't this complicated."

---

Hilarious and at the same time..disturbing
__________________
Into terror!,  Into valour!
Charge ahead! No! Never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn!
- Scarlett Pimpernell

[Bob Schroeck]

Chris hasn't mentioned it, but the final compiled version of the great Xander list is here.

-- Bob
---------
For Jor-El so loved the Earth, he sent his only begotten son...

[drakensis]

Seconded. I emote smugness at the second half of Rule 215.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Aleh]

You know, I don't think that Time Warp has been mentioned here... the only reason for which I can think of being that the whole fic could fit here... anyway, this is from the preview of Chapter 7 that Rorsch posted to his Yahoo group a while back...

---

"Man," Harry shook his head. "What am I going to do with this vial of unwillingly taken blood? I guess I'll just put it here."
A few feet away and hidden in the shadows, Draco smirked. The dark lord would grant him a handsome reward for this.
As he walked away, Harry just wondered what effect a bunch of willingly given tabasco sauce would have on the ritual.
...
"What's happened to me?" The Dark Lord looked at his new form in horror, "who is responsible for this?"
The surrounding death eaters covered their noses and fought hard to keep from gagging, the most feared dark lord of the time was a giant log of . . . human waste.

---

-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[classicdrogn]

Link? Further - see also "Count Duckula" cartoon. The world's only vegetarian vampire, created when the treaditional "raise the vampire corpse and bind him with my blood" ritual got performed with slight substitution ... ketchup.
- CD "We've replaced their regular gourmet bloodbags with Folgers Crystals, let's see if they notice..." sounds like something Xander would do, actually.SERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
Dr. Akagi will recover. Observe, Rei smiled. Shinji-kun, are these your clothes?
Ritsuko shot up like a spring loaded meerkat. What? Shinji-kun is naked?
See, Anata? Dr. Hentai is alive and well. - Innortal's _I Do_
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Aleh]

The quote I gave was from a preview posted to Rorch's Yahoo group. As for the story itself, what's been posted on FF.net can be found here.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[WengFook]

AGGHGHGH Time Warp
Aleh I think there was a thread where time warp was reccomended but darn if I can find it now
but yes Time Warps = FTW_______________________________
"We few, we happy few. We band of buggered"
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[Aleh]

That would be the fic reccommendations thread. It's also mentioned in the update thread.-- This message brought to you by Ely Lilly, makers of SeraFem: Happy Pills for PMS.

[Bob Schroeck]

Before I forget, Chris, this suggested an interesting fic challenge to me which you're welcome to swipe and put on your LJ: Pick any one rule, including its subclauses, and write the story behind it.

-- Bob
---------
For Jor-El so loved the Earth, he sent his only begotten son...

[jpub]

Challenge posted on my LJ.
Back to trying to get Willow and Xander to work properly in this semi-smutty one-shot I'm writing.
--
Christopher Angel, aka JPublic
The Works of Christopher Angel

[Bob Schroeck]

Cool. Can't wait to see what comes of it.

-- Bob
---------
For Jor-El so loved the Earth, he sent his only begotten son...

[HoagieOfDoom]

---

Because I'm Sailor F***ing Moon and in the name of the Moon I'm gonna open up a can of whup-a** on you!

---

From a highly weird yet crudely funny Deadpool/Sailor Moon crossover short comic I found while searching for Sailor Moon screencaps. Highly NSFW. Link.*********
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org

[classicdrogn]

All you really had to say was that it's drawn by Poe, and the NSFW warning is taken care of...
But yeah, funny, in the way that violent Poe comics tend to be.
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
Dr. Akagi will recover. Observe, Rei smiled. Shinji-kun, are these your clothes?
Ritsuko shot up like a spring loaded meerkat. What? Shinji-kun is naked?
See, Anata? Dr. Hentai is alive and well. - Innortal's _I Do_
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Soutern Cross]

Does Poe do anything in the graphic line BESIDE violent comics?"There's only one kind of monster that uses bullets"-Colonel VanHeusen , from "It! The Terror From Beyond Space"

[classicdrogn]

He does boring interudes in his violent comics sometimes. You know, like all those parts of Exploitation Now that were basically filler material to tell a single joke per page.
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
Dr. Akagi will recover. Observe, Rei smiled. Shinji-kun, are these your clothes?
Ritsuko shot up like a spring loaded meerkat. What? Shinji-kun is naked?
See, Anata? Dr. Hentai is alive and well. - Innortal's _I Do_
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[HoagieOfDoom]

From Aondehafka's A Cold Wind Blows
"Aiyah, Ranma, if Greenpeace find out you in big trouble."
It's actually funnier taken out of context.
*********
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org

[Norgarth]

Almost finished re-reading the Symphonies (or at least what's been released so far, since the 3rd and 5th symphonies aren't complete yet).
first up, a pair of scenes where Bubbles Utonium proves she truly is a blonde...
"What... what happened?" she asked. "Where's Len?"
Unfortunately, in the uncomfortable silence that ensued, the first person who replied was Bubbles Utonium, who produced the following in a single unbroken torrent of chirpy blondeness:
"Weeeeeeeeeell, first you and Len had an accident in the dojo and they took you to the hospital but I guess you knew that 'cause you were there for the accident and you're in the hospital now so obviously they took you to the hospital after the accident right? And you were really really sick but the doctors fixed you up and now you're gonna be A-OK! But Len felt really bad about what happened and that's understandable I mean I feel bad when I have an accident like the time I broke the Professor's favorite mug and I tried to glue it together and the Professor made coffee and the glue hadn't dried and his lip got stuck to the cup and I felt really really bad about that.
"So Len got all sad and gloomy and he ran away from home which is stupid because he didn't do anything wrong, it was an accident, I mean if I ran away from home every time I had an accident I wouldn't be here would I? But it's okay because Len met this weird old guy at the spaceport but he must be nice 'cause he's helping this guy Stanley find his cup that's been lost for four hundred years.
"And now they're gonna go off until Len gets happy again which shouldn't take long I mean I never stay gloomy for very long and neither does Blossom but Buttercup stays gloomy all the time but that's okay because the Professor says the world would be a boring place if everyone was the same. I never understood that I mean Vulcan is a really boring place and everyone isn't the same there I mean they
try and all but no matter how much they frown and squint they all look just a little bit different so it shouldn't be as boring there as it is at least I don't think so."
At last Bubbles paused, a thoughtful look on her face. "Where was I?" she asked.
Buttercup opened her mouth to interject, but Bubbles brightened as she picked up the thread (at least in her own mind) and concluded triumphantly, "Oh yeah! So you're gonna be OK and Len will be too once he stops being stupid and finds Stanley's cup and he'll be home soon so we can all tell him how silly he is for running away. The end!"
There was a long, awkward silence, in which everyone in the room stared at Bubbles in blank, unspeaking horror - except Buttercup, who stood with her face in her hand (the little black storm cloud almost visible over her head) and Dr. Stone, who checked Achika's pulse with brisk, sublime unconcern for outside distractions.
"Um... " said Achika slowly with an I-don't-think-I-like-this look on her face, "... would someone like to translate that, please?"
-Gunboat Diplomacy, 3rd Symphony
*******
"All right, Mojo," Blossom spat testily, "we don't know what your scheme is THIS time, but - "
"I HAVE no scheme!" Mojo shouted back, his voice accompanied by a winceworthy screech of feedback from the Robo Jojo's PA system.
"Oh YEAH?" Buttercup asked, picking up the Robo Jojo's severed arm and waving it meaningfully. "Then how did you just HAPPEN to have one of your evil robots handy on our prom night, huh? Answer me THAT, Smart Guy!"
"I ... Well ... I ..." Mojo cast a spiteful glare off to one side, harrumphed mightily, and grumbled, "I was going to use it to attack you at your graduation."
"You remembered our graduation?" Bubbles smiled. "Aww, that's so -sweet- of you!"
"BUBBLES!!" Buttercup barked.
"Sorry," the blonde replied, looking downcast.
- A Night to Remember, 4th Symphony
*******
and one more bit featuring Mojo Jojo:
"I don't beLIEVE this!" Buttercup blurted. "Who the HELL thought it would be a good idea to hire MOJO freakin' JOJO to MC the freakin' PROM?"
"I will also be acting as disc jockey!" Mojo Jojo declared
grandly. "When the band is taking breaks there will be records
played, and as disc jockey, I shall be the one who plays the records which are played when the band is taking a break!
"Some of you already know me... those would be the ones readying weapons. But have no fear! Do not worry! Experience no trepidation!" Holding up a conciliatory palm, Mojo Jojo went on, "For I have pledged to higher authorities than this school's administration that I shall commit no evil acts! Tonight. (Except perhaps to make you all dance the Time Warp.)"
This led to a chorus of horrified protests:
"Noooo!"
"You FIEND!"
"You WOULDN'T!"
"SILENCE!!!" Mojo Jojo roared. "Or it shall be the Macarena!"
-A Night to Remember, 4th Symphony
*******
"I don't want it anymore," Mac went on.
Scotty did indeed help himself to a second drink, this one less enthusiastic than the first. "A fine sipping whiskey indeed," he said. "Now, I ask myself, why would a young man like yourself be disposin' of such respectable whiskey in such a disrespectful fashion?"
Before Mac could answer, Scotty continued, "It must be woman troubles. Never did I see a man give up drinkin' but for woman troubles. Well, that and th' DTs, but mostly woman troubles. So let me guess," he said, sipping the whiskey and looking upwards as he said, "Your ladylove and you had a tiff. There were words spoken. Y'went away, thinking all wa' lost, and blew your pay on as fine a bottle of hard liquor as you could afford. Then, just before you could get yourself blind stinking drunk, your lady calls ye and says all is forgiven. Blessing your lucky stars, y'decide to put temptation behind ye once and for all by disposin' of a good day's wages in th' sink. An' there we are."
Mac stared at Scotty in awe. "That is truly amazing," Mac said at last.
"Och, noo," Scotty shrugged.
"I am just astounded," Mac continued. "That is absolutely, precisely, one hundred percent wrong. How do you do it?"
Scotty chuckled and said, "Well, I'm a miracle worker, not a mind-reader. For that ye want Captain Spock. How about ye tell me why, then?"
- Coming to Terms, 3rd symphony
*******
If I ever get my hands on a reality travelling device, I'm gonna have to visit UF's planet Funkotron, I suspect it has to be seen to truly be believed.
When poor Haley was finally tagged out and trudged dejectedly back toward the visitors' dugout, that outrage came forth in a high, clear voice that sliced through the cheers of the reprieved Knights fans like a laser beam:
"Hay-LEE DIT-SHIZZY yo! Granny-anny nevva go unda wit'a SUCKA-FOO SHOOBY-DOO dilly-o! Homeys oughta haul yo SACKY-DUMP slackit-back'a NAR SHADDAA! Prezzy SLUG-TELLY BIZZY-*BAM*!"
There was a moment of complete silence in Field Seating Section 11. Slowly but surely, the look of anger suffusing Fuu Hououji's face disintegrated, replaced by an expression of pure horror. A scarlet flush crawled up from under her collar all the way to her hairline, and hesitantly she sank back into her seat, head bowed.
A moment later all the people staring at her broke into applause and cheers, which made her feel a little better, but not much.
Chip buried his face in his hand, not out of embarrassment, but to save himself from his girlfriend's wrath should he burst out laughing at her in public. It always gave him a kick when Fuu got agitated enough to slip back into her mother tongue in public. The double takes she got were worth the price of admission - but normally she didn't do it in front of -quite- so many people, nor turn -quite- that shade of red.
-The Kindness of Strangers, 4th Symphony
********
One of my all time favorite bits from UF.
He was tall, thin and dusky, with long silver hair pulled back from his aquiline face in a ponytail, and he walked with a lazy, arrogant sort of grace. He was absolutely the last person Juri Arisugawa would ever have expected to find mocking her, even under these surreal circumstances. For a few harrowing seconds, her still-awakening, understrength mind was paralyzed with the horrified, disbelieving notion that the dead walked.
The speaker seemed to recognize this; his teeth gleamed white in the shadows on his face as he smiled, chuckling darkly. Then he took a step forward so that one of the irregular beams of light from the ceiling fell across his face and the gleaming badge on his chest.
Relief flooded through Juri - most incongruous relief, from her confronter's point of view. Her body, which had stiffened visibly against its restraints at the sight of him, relaxed, sagging against the bonds that held her more or less upright.
Ahmed Garcia didn't really know what to make of that. He had carried out a great number of interrogations and other such operations since his assignment to Black Omega, and never once had anyone, in waking and recognizing his uniform, had the thought,
"Oh - it's only a Psi Cop."
- Hunter Rose, 4th Symphony
*******
Zany sense of humor and fascination with Klingon culture, contrasting with Data's deliberate, pedantic manner, lead people to believe that Lore has emotions and Data does not. The truth is that Data's just boring.
- Exerpt from the crew write ups Utena reads while preparing to take command of the Challenger. (Second Chances, 4th Symphony of the Sword)__________________
"I know when I'm not wanted. I usually don't listen, but I know." - Harper (Andromeda)
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[HoagieOfDoom]

From tonight's episode of Mythbusters:
"It may look like salami. It may smell like salami. It may even taste and feel like salami. But it's not.
"It's rocket fuel!"*********
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org

[HoagieOfDoom]

---

"Ifurita... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it..."

---

From a rather odd El Hazard fanfic.*********
Touched By His Noodly Appendage
www.venganza.org

[classicdrogn]

Even shorter, even stranger... but not El Hazard. I just suddenly thought to myself, "I should put 'lemon rage' into a search engine."
- CDSERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
A kung-fu nun in a leather thong was no less extreme than anything else he had seen that day. - Rev. Dark's IST: Holy Sea World
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows

[Bob Schroeck]

Anytime I see the word "lemon" near fanfic, I need to ask: Safe for work?-- Bob
---------
I loot faster. -- Peggy Schroeck, D&D game, in response to a crisis situation that arises while she's searching the bodies of four recent opponents.

[Valles]

Actually, yes.
Completely strange and out-of-the-blue, but not in the least suggestive.
Ja, -n

===============================================
"Puripuri puripuri... Bang!"

[classicdrogn]

What he said - and I didn't realise this was the ROFL thread at the time, either. It's more strange than funny in any kind of way.SERVO: Loook *deeeeply* into my eyes... Tell me, what do you see?
CROW: (hypnotized) A twisted man who wants to inflict his pain upon others.
A kung-fu nun in a leather thong was no less extreme than anything else he had seen that day. - Rev. Dark's IST: Holy Sea World
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows