Dead Bang chapter 3 up

[Dragonflight]

The two are often influenced by each other, as are movies. Which is why Doug having his own soundtrack is nice, because it sets the pacing for the scenes where he uses it.
That said, I'm writing a lot of the combat in this chapter while listening to the soundtrack from Final Fantasy Advent Children. Specifically, the combat music starting right around the time the demon creature shows up and blows away the city monument.
Anyway, back to the notepad...
Ian McLeod
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Dragonflight]

Chapter four is up. This one practically wrote itself. All my chapters should be this easy!
www.cyberus.ca/~dragonflight/dead_bang/
Enjoy!
Ian McLeod
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Sweno]

woot!
-Terry
------
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint Exupery
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." - Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
Mary Sue's theme music
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy

[Necratoid]

Well I'm amused, excellent job on the combat. It didn't drag anywhere, it wasn't hard to follow, the reactions of the participants where beleivable, and I didn't feel the need to reread any part(s) to make sure I read that right.
The only problem I saw was that during the scene labeled (Tuesday, October 20, 2037, 1:30 AM, GENOM Tower, Megatokyo) I noticed that you left out the word 'not' in this sentence:

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They used eight 12J's, so finding whoever authorized *that* little stunt should be too hard.

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Mostly this was glaring by virtue of being the first bump in the flow of the text I could remember.

[Bob Schroeck]

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woot!

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What he said!

-- Bob
---------
The Internet Is For Norns.

[Dragonflight]

True. I noticed that on the third reread. Sometimes the text seems to drag, and sometimes it just flows along. This chapter was the second.
And like I said, I wrote the combat to the combat music to FFAC, so if you're looking for the pacing music, that was it.
(Edit: Spelling rechecked and minor grammar changes made. Enjoy!)
Ian
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Norgarth]

Two of the boomers it struck were thrown back like rag dolls, slamming into a back wall as several limbs flew wide.
Was that supposed to be 'severed' rather than 'several'?
It set itself again, the tactical program that drove it unable to process what it was witnessing. It twitched a few times as it reset its tactics package, trying to understand what to do next.
heh, nothing quite like seeing a Boomer go 'Bwah?' __________________
666-HELL The phone number of the Beast
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

Speculation time!
What otherworldly powered armor will Mackie create? I'm betting the War Machine, it combines reasonable speed and agility with some truly alarming weapon systems.
--Sam
"Guns and superheroes don't mix. Seek professional help."

[robkelk]

I'm betting he'll build one with a auto-medpack...

-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Norgarth]

---

Speculation time!
What otherworldly powered armor will Mackie create? I'm betting the War Machine, it combines reasonable speed and agility with some truly alarming weapon systems.

---

Skyknight perhaps? __________________
666-HELL The phone number of the Beast
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Necratoid]

I think he'd actually keep it looking more or less like it does now... he is trying to prove he can actually make his ancient model armor into something usable in modern combat of the level the Knightsabers are fighting. Thus coping a design that is like glueing armorer directly to his skin is proof of failure on Mackie's part.

[Dragonflight]

Now, honestly... Am I that straightforward?
The only hint I'm going to mention is a wonderful line in the last chapter of DW2 which sets the next chapter up beautifully. And you'd have to read between the lines in a specific place in Chapter 4 to put the pieces together.
(cackles evilly as people rush off to read...)
Ian
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[Bob Schroeck]

---

The only hint I'm going to mention is a wonderful line in the last chapter of DW2 which sets the next chapter up beautifully.

---

Bwah? Okay, now I'm very, very curious...
Ian, excellent work. I noticed a few dropped words here and there, but other than that, very well done. You've definitely got me hanging onto every word. And I love how you're following the tradition of people drawing the absolute wrong conclusions on the basis of incomplete evidence...

-- Bob
---------
The Internet Is For Norns.

[Bob Schroeck]

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Skyknight perhaps?

---

I thought the idea was to keep Mackie safe?
Seriously, it's possible that Legion's datapack might have the Skyknight armor in it -- we all know that intersection is just a hop away on the big map of worldlines that Fnord did up last week -- but I'm not sure it's likely. And judging from Ian's comments, he's got something even wilder in mind.

-- Bob
---------
The Internet Is For Norns.

[Norgarth]

*Shrugs* I was thinking more the Skyknight suit's heavy armor and heavier weapon loadout.
The repeated injuries is more due to the pilot's recklessness rather than the armor (after all, Priss gets beat up nearly as much in BGZone. )__________________
666-HELL The phone number of the Beast
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Dragonflight]

Okay, I need to find what it is I'm eating or drinking that's making me so productive lately. I'm up to 55K on Chapter 5 and counting... This one may be a long chapter though. I'm barely finished setting the situation up, as there was a fair amount of setup time needed.
Ian
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[robkelk]

Now I'm jealous.
(I'm only 16K into chapter 2 of Legend of Galactic Girls, and I started that before you started Chapter 4 of Dead Bang. Maybe you've borrowed my muse - if so, I want her back. )

-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[ECSNorway]

Definitely enjoying the heck out of this. Good work and keep rolling!--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[DHBirr]

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The only hint I'm going to mention is a wonderful line in the last chapter of DW2 which sets the next chapter up beautifully.

---

Dralm help us, it's not the Porcupine armor, is it?!-----
Those who believed the laws of physics made things "possible" or "impossible" were mistaken. Time travel violated one of those laws. Physics took its *revenge*.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

On a re-reading, the first "wonderful line" I came across was the bit about a universe with magic being akin to jazz improvization. But I don't think Shadowman or the Night Man ever wore anything like powered armor... ^.^
--Sam
Down Styphon!

[Dragonflight]

Well, Chapter 5 is up. This has been an incredibly productive summer so far.
www.cyberus.ca/~dragonflight/dead_bang/
This chapter is mostly dealing with the fallout of the last couple of chapters, as people handle the changes the events of the last few months have made in their lives. Expect things to pick up in chapter 6 again.
The song that Priss sings is from the end track in BGC 8, and I don't know if that's actually supposed to be a song she composed or not. On the other hand I don't know it *isn't* either, and the lyrics were important for the scene, so I ran with it and said she did. If she did, it would probably be something she composed in a fit of whimsy, the occasional bubblegum track any serious composer can be forgiven for writing.
By the end of the chapter, the event I was referring to in the last chapter of DW2 should be obvious. The perils of leaving such open threads dangling where people like me can reach them...
Enjoy! I'm off to consider how Chapter 6 fits together.
Ian
---
Those who fear the darkness have never seen what the light can do.

[ECSNorway]

May I just say, "Woot"?--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[CattyNebulart]

Thank you. Whatever you are doing to write this much keep doing it.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Sweno]

joy!
-Terry
------
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint Exupery
"Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." - Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)
Mary Sue's theme music
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy

[DKnight54]

Nifty! but would just like to comment on your usage of japanese honorifics. At one point, you had Madigan saying "Ms. Yamazaki-san". This is like saying Ms. Ms. Yamazaki. I'd suggest dropping the Ms. in front...

Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!