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Hell week
Hell week
#1
So I've had a week from Hell.

So on Monday, my parents found out that they had been dropped from their Obamacare individual health plan by the government.  Because my father will be moving to Medicare next year, my mother put only her social security income on the application for MediCal (which is the local Medicaid).  From that, they decided that the household income was too low, and so they stopped paying for the insurance and put them on MediCal.  But because they don't actually qualify for MediCal, actually using those benefits would be fraud -- so no health insurance at all for a month.

And then the fire came.  The Thomas (Aquinas) fire started on Monday night (dammit Sailor Mars), and has been burning ever since.  It's eerie watching the homes of your friends on TV when there's fire all around.  While this house was never in danger, it was a block away from the mandatory evacuation zone.  There are upsides to living next to a hospital, as you figure that firefighters will work extra hard to preserve the area.

This is what it looked like on Monday night from my house, a little past midnight:
   

That's freaky to see.  These areas haven't burned in 30+ years, so it's definitely time for a burn.  The natural cycle here is 30 years in SoCal for fires (60 years near Santa Barbara).  But with the week of sustained Santa Ana winds, it's been impossible to control the fire.  So we now have a fire ranging from Fillmore to Montecito that still seems to be growing.  Currently at 170000 acres, or 688 square kilometers.

https://maps.nwcg.gov/sa/#/%3F/34.4026/-119.2699/11

But I didn't stick around, because I had to go into the office this week.  So I got to drive to Temecula on Tuesday, which was fun because every time there was smoke across the freeway, everything slowed down.

And the first thing that happened at our general meeting was that the two founders of the company were both resigning.  This was a complete shock to pretty much everyone -- even family members didn't know that both were leaving at the same time.  The company is going to be in the hands of two of the other early hires, so it's not like it's a huge change, but it still is.  We're at that phase where we're not really a startup any more, we're hiring too fast.  But work is otherwise looking good.

And I got home on Friday, and of course everything was still on fire.  The smoke was thick through Santa Paula, and here in Ventura, the only things in the sky were a cloud of smoke, a sickly orange moon, and Sirius doing its bravest to shine through the haze.  The order to boil water has been lifted.

And then late on Friday night, I found out that Medicaid wanted us to repay $20,000.  This is because Oklahoma Medicaid doesn't want to have to pay for my grandmother to be in nursing home, so they look back through the last five years of finances and see if they can wring more money out of people.  I mean, because obviously, undue influence from 1000 miles away when we visit like once a year.  So now we've got to hire an attorney in another state.

The temperatures are in the mid 80s now (~30°C), and the smoke is still pretty bad here.  This is what it looks like now.  Pyrocumulus one direction:
   
And a complete halo in the other:
   
It's just this fucking year, man.  Congress is about to pass a tax increase on me to pay off corporations, at the same time I'm being asked to pay health care costs out of pocket for two generations of elders.  My mother had heart surgery a couple months ago, and my father had to have a kidney stone surgically removed.  Both of them were insured at the time, and both are doing much better.

My grandmother, though, finally took enough falls that she had to be moved to a nursing home.  She's 101 years old now.  She made it to 100 at my aunt's house, but since my aunt now has her own medical problems (like being in a coma for a week, having a stroke that a hospital didn't notice because of other problems), she has to move out.  She says she's ready to die, which is too bad, but at this point, it's probably for the best.  My mother keeps talking about killing herself, but that's probably the stress.  But I'm just getting tired of it.

Let's see, we had to euthanize one of the terriers this year too, because her skin infections had gotten too severe -- it was like her immune system had shut down, and even the constant course of antibiotics couldn't maintain her.

And we're living in a hellscape of cinder and ash, where the governor says that this is the new normal.  But the national government denies that climate change is real.  We have to fight just to keep what we have, because they want to take it away and give it to the powerful.  All of the time I've had to spend this year on planning protests and rallies just to have the government ignore the people every time.

I mean, nothing bad has happened to me, but it has to everyone around me.  I'm just so tired, you know?
"Kitto daijoubu da yo." - Sakura Kinomoto
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RE: Hell week
#2
I hear you, Brent.

While my life has never been this bad all at once, I can tell you that this, too, will pass. It might get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. And I'm certain that you have the strength to get to the point where things start getting better.
--
Rob Kelk

Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown
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RE: Hell week
#3
What Rob said, because I am at a complete loss to come up with my own words. There are times when life sucks more than an industrial shop vac, but eventually things will change for the better.
-- Bob

I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber.  I have been 
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....
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RE: Hell week
#4
Um ... wow.  I can't think of anything useful to say except that we're here, at least for you to vent at.  Keep on venting when things get bad; holding it in just makes it hurt you worse.  I'm speaking from experience, although none of my experience was as bad as what's hit you all at once.
-----
"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that this was some killer weed."
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RE: Hell week
#5
Yeah.  Venting is kind of the only thing I can do.  Thanks for being here for that, guys.  Really, it's just the stress of everything; so many things I can't do anything about.  And stress is the mind-killer.

I mean, I realize that things aren't objectively bad.  I have a home, and I have a pretty well paying job that's not going to disappear any time soon. The job is getting a little more stressful because of the rapid expansion -- I'm still working this hard in December?  But the latest guy I recruited is going to help us recruit a lot more, since his whole division at the last job is getting laid off.  So hopefully we'll be much better off next year, even though I probably get to be the training guy too.  I basically started in the deep end, and am trying to avoid that for others.

Everyone is still alive, if in some degree of pain.  There's still time to say things, still a chance to get better for some of us.  But everyone is a little on edge.

The fire is at 230000 acres (930 km²) now.   We could open the windows last night and let the cool air in, but today, I can't even see clearly across my back yard.

I've been thinking about my blog, where I write up some observations for Hatsuhi no De.  The secret there being that it's not written as instantaneous observations as it claims to be, but comes through meditations over a couple of weeks, not just New Year's Day.  It usually has a sense of mono no aware, as such a thing would by its nature, but usually life isn't so in your face about loss as a giant freaking fire.

Like, this was going to be the year when I actually looked for a girlfriend seriously, get a social life and all.  But socializing is tiring even when it's going well, and I just haven't gotten out nearly as much as I hoped.  Just kind of a waste of a year in general, and not a good waste.

P.S. If you're a Perl programmer send me a resume if you're looking for remote work.  I'm not this annoying to work with all of the time, really.
"Kitto daijoubu da yo." - Sakura Kinomoto
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RE: Hell week
#6
Had the smoke alarm go off in my house today because I opened the door to let the dog out. Air quality is really bad. While Ventura proper hasn't been on fire for quite some time, the Thomas Fire is still going, and still threatening homes. And the smoke is going nowhere fast. Tried to escape it by heading eastward, and made it as far as Thousand Oaks, but some of the smoke made it over the hills anyway.

The good news is that the wind will pick up and blow the smoke away from us into Friday. The bad news is the the wind will pick up and cause critical fire weather conditions into Friday.

I would appreciate some rain this month, but that's looking more and more unlikely. But who knows, the models are having a hard time pinning down next week, still.
"Kitto daijoubu da yo." - Sakura Kinomoto
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