Not a story post per se, but maybe sometime later... This will be set sometime between the events of Full Metal Boogie and the Halloween Party.
Thing is, I've had this plot bunny in my head for some time - one where Teletha massively oversteps her bounds. And my character, being the sort of patient man I am, sits and suffers her hurtful familiarity until he can't stand it anymore.
This would be the incident that she hints at with her inner monologue where she meets Haruka and Micheru.
Of course, I already have a few songs picked out, and I'd like to go over them a bit.
First off, from Teletha's perspective, there is Anna Nalick's "Breathe (2am)" for Teletha's perspective in the matter...
Well, maybe more from Kaname's perspective, actually, but it's all about Teletha as she comes to her most trusted confidant to pour her heart out. This would be just after Benjamin has finally blown up, so it's probably more that Kaname has come to Tessa, wondering what the hell has been going on because this is the first she's known about the matter.
And so Tessa spills: she wants to love Benjamin so very much. And she did try to now and then. But something isn't right and she doesn't know why. Meanwhile, the others have been giving her looks... Kaname is naturally angry about that bit and she has to call them all out on it.
The only ones to keep their heads are Noike (and Washu), and so Noike has to explain how life is...
...pretty much that.
After Teletha's initial spill, Kaname has to ask what's so great about that guy anyhow. So once more, Teletha pours her heart out because she trusts Kaname...
Granted, he doesn't really have a drinking problem, but with the issues he has, he might as well. And then there is that bit about his smile. Kaname can tell, that was Teletha's true feeling - that when she sees him really smile, as rare as it is, that it's almost enough to make her heart skip a bit.
And then the last verse - Teletha wrapping up her confessional with Kaname. Teletha feels better for having gotten it all off her chest. And now she stands ready for Kaname's judgement, because here is Teletha, still inexplicably in love with Sousuke, and trying to find a balance between them where she can exist within their home. Kaname would be well within her rights to reject Teletha at this point...
On a meta-note, this last verse resonates with me, as a writer, so very much... It's just so true that it hurts. Here I am, can't sleep for shit, because I have this inside of me. And as melodramatic as it sounds, it really is killing me slowly. The only thing I can do is to get it out there for others to see, even though these are my weaknesses and flaws, and others are going to use them however they like.
...
Meanwhile, there is Benjamin. And for him, I have The Manchester Orchestra's "The Silence".
This is an interesting, but heart breaking song that needs a bit of explanation. From what I've come to glean, the setting of the story in the song is a small mining community (hence the album's title, "A Black Mile To The Surface"). Near as I can figure, the song is about a man who himself has come from a background of abuse, and was married to a woman not unlike him... Except that she is so damaged from her upbringing that she had an affair with someone else that she didn't love at all (and likely became pregnant in the process, too).
Self explanatory until you get to the chorus. It speaks of someone who is offering no answers for her actions. And what's more, no one who knows what's going on offers anything, either, as they stubbornly mind their own business. In this, they give a sort of tacit approval for this woman's actions, enabling not only her behavior, but the behaviors that made her the way she is. "Anatomically proved that you don't need me" speaks of the affair she had. She will seek comfort from anyone through any means, never mind that the person she gets that comfort from is merely using her. Thus, she doesn't really need the person she loved. Anyone would do in his place.
Ooof.
He doesn't really blame her, honestly. He understands all too well, probably because he'd seen this sort of story play out before when he was a child. He's oh-so-familiar with the tropes at play here. But he's still angry enough to leave a remark that is so deeply cutting. But what makes it so cutting isn't the vitriol behind it, but the fact that is truth. She keeps no one's love. All there is is the distorted reflection of her true self.
And even more cutting remarks. A scathing indictment of the community around her, everyone playing innocent despite the skeletons they're all keeping hidden in their closets. At the very least, her father tried to warn him. The last line, though, is possibly aimed not only at her, but himself as well.
An admittance that they are perhaps their own worst enemies - perpetuating these cycles of abuse and hurt. Though her crime was especially grievous because even though he could see what was going on, it was all inflicted in a manner that kept him from turning away to spare his heart.
He will never let her near him again. Because he does not want to be reminded of all the pain. He would rather try to remember the better times. As painful as this was, he's wiser from the experience. He will never make the same mistake again.
...
The way this relates to Benjamin in the setting is that Teletha will grow complacent in Benjamin's presence. She feels an attraction to him, but not enough for it to be love. For Benjamin, his attraction to Teletha is almost overpowering. He really wishes for her, but she obviously has no real feelings for him to speak of. And so Benjamin must instead be professionally courteous to her instead.
The end result is that same sort of awkwardness you feel when you're trying to social distance during this pandemic in the IRL, but the people in line simply keep moving closer to you every time you move away, like as if you're just moving down the line.
And this whole time, Teletha unwittingly rubs his face in it, talking about her feelings for Kaname and Sousuke, and trying to seek more of Ben's advice when really she should be talking to someone like Noike. Benjamin... he is a victim of his own circumstances here because he was raised to never, ever make a scene in polite company. Otherwise, he'd be punished harshly because his step father was narcissistic that way. And Benjamin being on the Autism Spectrum has an especially difficult time in finding a way to word his rejection politely.
Until he finally cannot take it anymore, and has a very public outburst, even going as far as accusing everyone else for not coming to his aid when it was so plainly obvious that he needed help. Even the Megami find themselves shamed because they were hoping against all hope that Teletha would settle with Benjamin, and thus let things carry on like this.
It's only once Benjamin attempts to resign from his job that Lord Phantomhive finally intercedes. Benjamin is one of his best managers, acutely in-tune to the needs of his residents and always pushing himself to extremes to see to their well-being and comfort. Ciel feels that he cannot afford to lose Benjamin. So in addition to encouraging him, he gives Benjamin a week off... with an escort. These being the four demons that attempted a coup against Hild: Hagall, Halval, Thrymr, and Hrungnir. Yes, it is an order: get laid for fucks sake. As for the four of them, it's a part of their disciplinary measures for their attempted coup. They are fine with it, though, as they've all done worse things than prostitution. Sex is just another means of business for the Demons. They feel no ill towards Benjamin. They're simply rendering services on behalf of the company, and will do so with courtesy, respect, and professionalism (at least as far as that goes for prostitution).
It's not a cure, of course. But it does help enough that he can function once he comes back. And the experience is a good one for the four Demons as well because Benjamin was equally respectful towards them. And of course Hild heard about it, so Benjamin was actually already on her radar before he ever made that wish for Alicia. Which was why she showed up so readily when he called.
Thing is, I've had this plot bunny in my head for some time - one where Teletha massively oversteps her bounds. And my character, being the sort of patient man I am, sits and suffers her hurtful familiarity until he can't stand it anymore.
This would be the incident that she hints at with her inner monologue where she meets Haruka and Micheru.
Of course, I already have a few songs picked out, and I'd like to go over them a bit.
First off, from Teletha's perspective, there is Anna Nalick's "Breathe (2am)" for Teletha's perspective in the matter...
Quote:2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season."
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize.
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason
Well, maybe more from Kaname's perspective, actually, but it's all about Teletha as she comes to her most trusted confidant to pour her heart out. This would be just after Benjamin has finally blown up, so it's probably more that Kaname has come to Tessa, wondering what the hell has been going on because this is the first she's known about the matter.
And so Tessa spills: she wants to love Benjamin so very much. And she did try to now and then. But something isn't right and she doesn't know why. Meanwhile, the others have been giving her looks... Kaname is naturally angry about that bit and she has to call them all out on it.
The only ones to keep their heads are Noike (and Washu), and so Noike has to explain how life is...
Quote:'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
...pretty much that.
After Teletha's initial spill, Kaname has to ask what's so great about that guy anyhow. So once more, Teletha pours her heart out because she trusts Kaname...
Quote:May, he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,
He ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Granted, he doesn't really have a drinking problem, but with the issues he has, he might as well. And then there is that bit about his smile. Kaname can tell, that was Teletha's true feeling - that when she sees him really smile, as rare as it is, that it's almost enough to make her heart skip a bit.
And then the last verse - Teletha wrapping up her confessional with Kaname. Teletha feels better for having gotten it all off her chest. And now she stands ready for Kaname's judgement, because here is Teletha, still inexplicably in love with Sousuke, and trying to find a balance between them where she can exist within their home. Kaname would be well within her rights to reject Teletha at this point...
Quote:2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
On a meta-note, this last verse resonates with me, as a writer, so very much... It's just so true that it hurts. Here I am, can't sleep for shit, because I have this inside of me. And as melodramatic as it sounds, it really is killing me slowly. The only thing I can do is to get it out there for others to see, even though these are my weaknesses and flaws, and others are going to use them however they like.
...
Meanwhile, there is Benjamin. And for him, I have The Manchester Orchestra's "The Silence".
This is an interesting, but heart breaking song that needs a bit of explanation. From what I've come to glean, the setting of the story in the song is a small mining community (hence the album's title, "A Black Mile To The Surface"). Near as I can figure, the song is about a man who himself has come from a background of abuse, and was married to a woman not unlike him... Except that she is so damaged from her upbringing that she had an affair with someone else that she didn't love at all (and likely became pregnant in the process, too).
Quote:Why do I deserve the silence
to feel better about you?
At a loss, I lost my cool
I denied that I found you
I tried to be a basket case
I did not surprise you
I'm trying to find a signal fire
Let me know when I should move
But you
Amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatom-i-cal-ly proved
That you don't need me
Self explanatory until you get to the chorus. It speaks of someone who is offering no answers for her actions. And what's more, no one who knows what's going on offers anything, either, as they stubbornly mind their own business. In this, they give a sort of tacit approval for this woman's actions, enabling not only her behavior, but the behaviors that made her the way she is. "Anatomically proved that you don't need me" speaks of the affair she had. She will seek comfort from anyone through any means, never mind that the person she gets that comfort from is merely using her. Thus, she doesn't really need the person she loved. Anyone would do in his place.
Quote:Why do I desire the space?
I was mourning after you
I was lost and lost my shape
There was nothing I could do
I don't want to waste away
It was all I gave to you
Take me back and take my place
I will rise right up for you
But you
Amplified in the silence
Justified in the way you make me bruise
Magnified in the science
Anatom-i-cal-ly proved
That you don't need me
All the while you waste away, you're asking
"Did I really need another one to take me down?"
Everybody knows it's something that you had to live with darling
Nobody's gonna tear you down now
There is nothing you keep, there is only your reflection
Ooof.
He doesn't really blame her, honestly. He understands all too well, probably because he'd seen this sort of story play out before when he was a child. He's oh-so-familiar with the tropes at play here. But he's still angry enough to leave a remark that is so deeply cutting. But what makes it so cutting isn't the vitriol behind it, but the fact that is truth. She keeps no one's love. All there is is the distorted reflection of her true self.
Quote:There was nothing but quiet retractions
And families pleading, "Don't look in that cabinet!
There's far more bad than there's good, I don't know how it got there!"
That was something your father had burned in me
Twenty hours out of Homestake Eternity
You can go anywhere but you are where you came from
And even more cutting remarks. A scathing indictment of the community around her, everyone playing innocent despite the skeletons they're all keeping hidden in their closets. At the very least, her father tried to warn him. The last line, though, is possibly aimed not only at her, but himself as well.
Quote:Little girl you are cursed by my ancestry
There is nothing but darkness and agony
I can not only see, but you stopped me from blinking
An admittance that they are perhaps their own worst enemies - perpetuating these cycles of abuse and hurt. Though her crime was especially grievous because even though he could see what was going on, it was all inflicted in a manner that kept him from turning away to spare his heart.
Quote:Let me watch you as close as a memory
Let me hold you above all the misery
Let me open my eyes and be glad that I got here
He will never let her near him again. Because he does not want to be reminded of all the pain. He would rather try to remember the better times. As painful as this was, he's wiser from the experience. He will never make the same mistake again.
...
The way this relates to Benjamin in the setting is that Teletha will grow complacent in Benjamin's presence. She feels an attraction to him, but not enough for it to be love. For Benjamin, his attraction to Teletha is almost overpowering. He really wishes for her, but she obviously has no real feelings for him to speak of. And so Benjamin must instead be professionally courteous to her instead.
The end result is that same sort of awkwardness you feel when you're trying to social distance during this pandemic in the IRL, but the people in line simply keep moving closer to you every time you move away, like as if you're just moving down the line.
And this whole time, Teletha unwittingly rubs his face in it, talking about her feelings for Kaname and Sousuke, and trying to seek more of Ben's advice when really she should be talking to someone like Noike. Benjamin... he is a victim of his own circumstances here because he was raised to never, ever make a scene in polite company. Otherwise, he'd be punished harshly because his step father was narcissistic that way. And Benjamin being on the Autism Spectrum has an especially difficult time in finding a way to word his rejection politely.
Until he finally cannot take it anymore, and has a very public outburst, even going as far as accusing everyone else for not coming to his aid when it was so plainly obvious that he needed help. Even the Megami find themselves shamed because they were hoping against all hope that Teletha would settle with Benjamin, and thus let things carry on like this.
It's only once Benjamin attempts to resign from his job that Lord Phantomhive finally intercedes. Benjamin is one of his best managers, acutely in-tune to the needs of his residents and always pushing himself to extremes to see to their well-being and comfort. Ciel feels that he cannot afford to lose Benjamin. So in addition to encouraging him, he gives Benjamin a week off... with an escort. These being the four demons that attempted a coup against Hild: Hagall, Halval, Thrymr, and Hrungnir. Yes, it is an order: get laid for fucks sake. As for the four of them, it's a part of their disciplinary measures for their attempted coup. They are fine with it, though, as they've all done worse things than prostitution. Sex is just another means of business for the Demons. They feel no ill towards Benjamin. They're simply rendering services on behalf of the company, and will do so with courtesy, respect, and professionalism (at least as far as that goes for prostitution).
It's not a cure, of course. But it does help enough that he can function once he comes back. And the experience is a good one for the four Demons as well because Benjamin was equally respectful towards them. And of course Hild heard about it, so Benjamin was actually already on her radar before he ever made that wish for Alicia. Which was why she showed up so readily when he called.