A collection of jokes from the 41st Millenium
03-26-2024, 03:15 PM (This post was last modified: 03-26-2024, 03:16 PM by Dartz.)
03-26-2024, 03:15 PM (This post was last modified: 03-26-2024, 03:16 PM by Dartz.)
A selection of genuine jokes from the 41st millenium
---
Do not think heretical thoughts.
If you think heretical thoughts, do not speak heretical words.
If you think heretical thoughts and speak heretical words, do not write heretical sermons.
If you think heretical thoughts and speak heretical worlds and write heretical sermons, do not make heretical signs.
If you think heretical thoughts, speak heretical words, write heretical sermons and make heretical signs….
Do not be surprised.
---
Three men share a cell in a magistratum catechiser station. The first asked the second why he’s been arrested.
“Because I criticised Cardinal Gideon,” says the second.
“What a coincidence,” says the first. “I spoke out in favour of Cardinal Gideon.”
They turn to the third man, sitting quietly in his penitent’s vestments.
“I’m Cardinal Gideon,” he says.
----
Four Guardsmen on leave share a hotel room. Amasec and Lho sticks are found. The night grows long and loud as, fuelled by alcoholic courage, three of the men start to tell Heretical jokes. The Fourth, aghast and fearful of his soul, hatches a plan to save himself .
Unnoticed, he quietly calls the room servitor, requesting tea in room Traxis-Minoris-Three.
He joins the trio once more, and leans in to a bowl of Sorlens Viridians sat in the centre of the table.
“Explicator, please arrange for tea in room Traxis-Minoris-Three”
The trio are amused by the joke, up until the door opens. A deathly silence falls, as a pale-skinned servitor delivers for cups of recaff tea.
Our pious Guardsman sleeps soundly and peacefully.
He awakens to silence. His three friends are gone. In a panic, he hurries to hotel reception. An Enforcer is waiting for him.
“Where’re the lads?” he asked.
“Your comrades have been arrested for Heresy.” Says the Enforcer, gravely
“But what about me?” he asks in the smallest voice.
The Enforcer smiled. “The Explicator was amused by your prank.”
----
Two Magistrati are taking a break:
"So, I hear you collect Heretical Jokes?"
"Yes, I do!"
"How many do you have?"
"Two Servitor Colony's worth"
---
Two Magistrati are taking a break from their duties:
What's so funny?
I just heard the funniest joke.
Can you tell me?
I can't. I condemned a heretic to the pyre for it.
---
A man stands condemned to the pyres for telling heretical jokes.
His hands are bound to the stave.
The staves is doused in fresh promethium.
The hour of his judgement before the Throne draws near.
Only the match remains to be struck
His eyes dart around, glancing at his fellow condemned. The lost, the damned, the despairing.
Suddenly he recognises the figure tied to stake beside him - The very Magistrator who condemned him to pyre.
"Magistrator?" He says, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
The dim light of recognition sparks in the Magistrator's eyes.
"You know," he says sadly, "someone told me the funniest heretical joke once...."
---
Two Priests are discussing ecumenical matters.
I see you've condemned Carpenter Titus to Servitude Imperpetua?
I sent him to investigate a crack in the refectory timbers and he came back babbling heresies about how the entire rotten church needed to be torn down.
---
What's the difference between an Adept and a Servitor?
At least the servitor can claim to have once had an imagination.
---
Two condemned heretics share a cell in a Magistrati Oubliette.
"So, what are you in for?" Asks the first
"I was caught using bags of 'Blessed fragments of Cadia' as gravel to make rockrete," says the second with a sigh.
"What a coincidence," says the first with a smile. "I was caught passing off ordinary bags of rockrete gravel as Blessed fragments of Cadia."
----------------
--- In the Grim Darkness of the far Future - sometimes you have to laugh.
---
Do not think heretical thoughts.
If you think heretical thoughts, do not speak heretical words.
If you think heretical thoughts and speak heretical words, do not write heretical sermons.
If you think heretical thoughts and speak heretical worlds and write heretical sermons, do not make heretical signs.
If you think heretical thoughts, speak heretical words, write heretical sermons and make heretical signs….
Do not be surprised.
---
Three men share a cell in a magistratum catechiser station. The first asked the second why he’s been arrested.
“Because I criticised Cardinal Gideon,” says the second.
“What a coincidence,” says the first. “I spoke out in favour of Cardinal Gideon.”
They turn to the third man, sitting quietly in his penitent’s vestments.
“I’m Cardinal Gideon,” he says.
----
Four Guardsmen on leave share a hotel room. Amasec and Lho sticks are found. The night grows long and loud as, fuelled by alcoholic courage, three of the men start to tell Heretical jokes. The Fourth, aghast and fearful of his soul, hatches a plan to save himself .
Unnoticed, he quietly calls the room servitor, requesting tea in room Traxis-Minoris-Three.
He joins the trio once more, and leans in to a bowl of Sorlens Viridians sat in the centre of the table.
“Explicator, please arrange for tea in room Traxis-Minoris-Three”
The trio are amused by the joke, up until the door opens. A deathly silence falls, as a pale-skinned servitor delivers for cups of recaff tea.
Our pious Guardsman sleeps soundly and peacefully.
He awakens to silence. His three friends are gone. In a panic, he hurries to hotel reception. An Enforcer is waiting for him.
“Where’re the lads?” he asked.
“Your comrades have been arrested for Heresy.” Says the Enforcer, gravely
“But what about me?” he asks in the smallest voice.
The Enforcer smiled. “The Explicator was amused by your prank.”
----
Two Magistrati are taking a break:
"So, I hear you collect Heretical Jokes?"
"Yes, I do!"
"How many do you have?"
"Two Servitor Colony's worth"
---
Two Magistrati are taking a break from their duties:
What's so funny?
I just heard the funniest joke.
Can you tell me?
I can't. I condemned a heretic to the pyre for it.
---
A man stands condemned to the pyres for telling heretical jokes.
His hands are bound to the stave.
The staves is doused in fresh promethium.
The hour of his judgement before the Throne draws near.
Only the match remains to be struck
His eyes dart around, glancing at his fellow condemned. The lost, the damned, the despairing.
Suddenly he recognises the figure tied to stake beside him - The very Magistrator who condemned him to pyre.
"Magistrator?" He says, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
The dim light of recognition sparks in the Magistrator's eyes.
"You know," he says sadly, "someone told me the funniest heretical joke once...."
---
Two Priests are discussing ecumenical matters.
I see you've condemned Carpenter Titus to Servitude Imperpetua?
I sent him to investigate a crack in the refectory timbers and he came back babbling heresies about how the entire rotten church needed to be torn down.
---
What's the difference between an Adept and a Servitor?
At least the servitor can claim to have once had an imagination.
---
Two condemned heretics share a cell in a Magistrati Oubliette.
"So, what are you in for?" Asks the first
"I was caught using bags of 'Blessed fragments of Cadia' as gravel to make rockrete," says the second with a sigh.
"What a coincidence," says the first with a smile. "I was caught passing off ordinary bags of rockrete gravel as Blessed fragments of Cadia."
----------------
--- In the Grim Darkness of the far Future - sometimes you have to laugh.
I love the smell of rotaries in the morning. You know one time, I got to work early, before the rush hour. I walked through the empty carpark, I didn't see one bloody Prius or Golf. And that smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole carpark, smelled like.... ....speed.
One day they're going to ban them.
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