2016-10-22: Fuku'ing With His Head
08-20-2024, 03:52 PM (This post was last modified: 09-03-2024, 07:37 PM by Bob Schroeck.)
08-20-2024, 03:52 PM (This post was last modified: 09-03-2024, 07:37 PM by Bob Schroeck.)
Fuku'ing With His Head
by Rob Kelk, with suggestions from Robert M. Schroeck
October 17, 2016
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
"There's no way in Hell I'll take part in a fuku fic!"
Inside his office, Epsilon could hear Ranma's shout from the building's front room.
October 19, 2016
Advisory Board meeting
"... and that's what he said, two days ago. Don't ask me how he found out about fuku fics; I didn't tell him," finished Epsilon.
As most of the older advisors who were anime fans laughed, Pam Holder asked, "Just what is a 'fuku fic'?"
Epsilon, Bob Schroeck, and Rob Donaldson all started talking, then stopped. "Go ahead, Bob," Epsilon said.
Bob took a moment to think before answering, looking upward and chewing on his upper lip before nodding to himself. "A fuku fic is a crossover between Ranma ½ and Sailor Moon where Ranma becomes a Sailor Senshi and thus spends a lot of time in both girl form and a miniskirt. 'Fuku' is an abbreviation of the Japanese word serafuku, which means the sailor-suit styled school uniforms common at the time, to which the Senshi uniforms bear a strong resemblance." He shared a smile with Rob and Epsilon. "It was an incredibly popular idea for about twenty years — hundreds of fuku fics were written. Enough to qualify as a subgenre of its own and get a dedicated archive on the web to house them all."
"What? Really? There's an entire genre of stories about me and Saotome-san?"
Rob nodded as he turned to Usagi Tsukino, who was sitting beside him. "In this reality, your anime series and his were two of the most popular back in the 1990s. A lot of people wanted to have the two of you meet, if only in a non-canon story."
"Oh. I'm not used to being famous."
As the meeting continued, Usagi grabbed Rob's keyboard and sent a private text to Washuu-chan, asking her to stay behind after the meeting was over, grinning all the while.
They didn't actually stay in the meeting once it ended; too many other people wanted to chat privately about other things. Usagi and Washuu started a separate chat instead. Rob was there, too. After all, it was his office.
"So, what's up, Your Highness?"
"Well, I think I'm going to need your help..." She described what she had in mind.
Washuu and Rob were both grinning when she finished.
"Sure, I can help you! All you need from me is transportation, right?"
Usagi nodded happily. "That's right, Washuu-chan, and thanks!"
"Happy to help! But I want in when it happens. Now I gotta go. Too many people want too much of my time today." She hung up.
Rob chuckled as he turned to look at Usagi. "They really did a number on your characterization in the later anime episodes; I keep forgetting that you have a prankster side to you."
"They changed me that much?"
"Yeah. They even had you date one of the Starlights while Mamoru was away."
"Eww, yuck! I love Mamo-chan! Maybe I should pull even more pranks so people forget about the Starlights."
Rob thought that it would take a lot of pranks on Usagi's part for the fans to forget about oh-so-serious Usagi from Stars. "Well, let's see how well this one goes first. And it's up to you to do the groundwork for it. Now how about you go do your homework and I'll tell Epsilon about your idea?"
"He won't mind?"
"I'm pretty sure he won't. I've seen some of Aaron's Transplanted Persons Services reports; he thinks Ranma's ego needs to be taken down a notch."
October 20, 2016
Video call: Anything Goes Cafe, Antigonish / Blossom Apartments, Ottawa
"We would be happy to host an afternoon party for you, Ms. Tsukino," Cologne said over the phone. "Assuming you can make your way here, of course."
"That won't be an issue," Usagi replied.
"Will you need anything special in the way of food?"
"Do you make cakes?"
"No, we don't. And we don't mind you bringing your own cake in. Is this to be a birthday party, then?"
"Yes, Saturday is Minako's birthday. Can you do dim sum and okonomiyaki for a dozen people plus your own group?"
"We can do that easily, although I thought there were only eleven people at Blossom Apartments."
"Washuu-chan will be joining us."
"That explains your lack of worry about transportation," Cologne commented. "Will there be anything else?"
Usagi grinned. "Oh, yes, there's one thing: You have to keep everybody except Ranma busy for a while between when we arrive and when the party actually starts. You see..."
October 22, 2016
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
A wooden door appeared on one wall of the lounge, then opened to reveal a crowd of a dozen people, all but one of whom were girls. So of course the male stepped through the portal first. "Hello! I believe you're expecting us. We're the Aino party, of 12."
Cologne put on her best fake smile. "Welcome to the Anything Goes Cafe. We're very happy to have you as our guests."
"It's an honour to finally meet you in person, Cologne," Mii Konori, the second person through the portal, said while bowing. "I've been wanting to visit since I met you online during the advisory board meetings."
"It's good to meet somebody your age who's respectful to her elders," Cologne replied, returning Mii's bow. "The children here could learn from your example."
"Keep moving!" Washuu-chan said from near the back of the crowd, sounding slightly annoyed. "Say hello to each other once we're all through the portal!"
Meanwhile, Rob and Epsilon were already talking off to one side of the procession. "If I knew you'd end up with this group, I never would have suggested you take the job. I'm sorry."
"That's okay," Epsilon replied. "I'm back in Nova Scotia and I actually have a job. I can handle the down side."
Rob knew that it was pointless to argue; Aaron would not complain about his private life, even if a longstanding friend asked him straight-out. He changed the topic instead. "My building's most famous resident wants to talk with your building's most famous resident, alone. Will that be a problem?"
Epsilon smiled slightly. "No, not at all. Cologne, could you show everyone else where their seats are in the cafe, please? And perhaps provide some snacks while they're waiting?"
"We brought enough cake for everyone." Makoto said as she pushed Blossom Apartment's waiter's cart from the portal toward the dining room of the Anything Goes Cafe, the portal closing behind her.
"Thanks. I'll be right with you," Epsilon replied. Then he turned to Ranma and Usagi. "Are you going to be okay on your own?"
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, we'll be good if nobody storms in with the wrong idea."
"That's why we brought the cake; to keep everybody busy for a few minutes," Rob lied. And everybody left Ranma and Usagi alone in the reception area as they headed for the Anything Goes Cafe... although Kazari left a transmitter attached to the underside of the table in the reception area.
As the door to the cafe closed behind Cologne, Usagi and Ranma sat down on opposite sides of the reception area's table.
"A matter of great importance has brought me here today, Saotome Ranma-san. We had to interrupt Sailor Venus' birthday party in order to make this trip today."
"That explains the cake."
"Please, Ranma-san, won't you be our Sailor Sun?" Usagi asked with big, pleading eyes.
(In the cafe, Nabiki's and Ukyo's eyes went wide. As Akane grinned and Cologne smiled, Ruiko and Minako put their hands over their own mouths to stifle their laughter.)
"No! I ain't wearing a sailor fuku!"
"But isn't it a martial artist's duty to help the weak?"
"I can help them better without changin' into a girl. If you can't fight in whatever you're wearin', you ain't a martial artist, so I don't need a fuku. And I already have fancy attacks, like the Mōko Takabisha."
Powered attacks were the next thing she was going to mention. She had no choice but to go straight to the more embarrassing arguments. "I thought we could be friends."
"Just friends?" Ranma asked suspiciously. "I got way too many fiancées already."
"And I love my fiancé," Usagi replied, thinking of Mamoru and wondering whether she'd ever see him again. "So there's no chance that we'd end up a couple."
"Good. Okay, we can be friends. But no way in hell am I wearing a fuku!" Ranma crossed his arms and glared at her.
She put on her best puppy-dog eyes. "Friends help each other. That's what I always heard."
(Now Kuroko was having trouble stifling her laughter. Akane, though, had lost her smile altogether; she remembered what she had said the day she met Ranma, years ago in a reality far away.)
"I can help without dressin' like a girl! I am not wearing a seifuku. No. No way. No how. Uh uh."
Usagi held up a sketch that Ami had drawn earlier, of girl-type Ranma in a leotard with a short skirt. "But it would look so cute on you!"
"No. Not a chance! Not even if your Queen Serendipity asked me directly!"
"That's 'Serenity'," Usagi corrected Ranma.
"I don't care! It ain't happenin'!"
"If you join us and we get to know you better, that would prevent the others from doing any Anything Goes Boyfriend Hunting."
"You said we were just friends..." Ranma almost-growled.
Usagi realized that she'd misspoken. "You and I, yes. But I can't mind-control the Sailor Senshi or anyone else. And I wouldn't want to if I could."
(In the other room, Ami, Mikoto, and Ruiko were frowning at the thought that somebody could control their minds, Ruiko remembering the Level Upper. They weren't the only ones who weren't enjoying listening in any more.)
Usagi decided that changing tactics would be the best course of action. "Think of how everyone else would react to you being a Sailor Senshi! Especially if they thought you wanted to be a girl. Wouldn't that be too funny not to try?"
"It wouldn't be funny at all. It'd just be one more reason for Ryouga to laugh at me, or for Akane to call me a pervert."
(At that point, even Kasumi had lost her near-permanent smile, remembering how much disruption to the harmony of the household those misconceptions had caused. Akane was beyond not smiling... and stormed out to where Ranma and Usagi were sitting.)
Looking Usagi right in the face, she shouted, "Stop it! He's said no! You're just making him angry now!"
"I'm not..." Ranma started.
"Fine! You're making me angry now! I won't hit you because you aren't a martial artist. But I will yell at you! You call what you're doing Love? Or Justice? Is it just to try to force somebody to change his mind when he really doesn't want to do what you want? Tsukino? In the name of the Moon... fuck off!"
As Usagi sat there, shocked that she had to be told to act in the way she believed in, Akane stormed off.
Some of the others made their way out of the cafe, out of concern, curiosity, or in Mousse's case simply to see the fireworks. Finally, Usagi quietly said, "I'm sorry. I thought that you'd eventually want to be stronger and accept."
Ranma snorted. "Ya got the wrong martial artist, then. Ryouga's the one who wants to be stronger. I wanna be more skilled. And gettin' some magic attacks ain't gonna help me there, puttin' on a fuku or not. So how'd Akane know what we said?"
Nabiki walked over and pried the bug off of the table, then tossed it to Kazari (who missed the catch). "You've been on Candid Microphone, Saotome-san."
"I'd better be getting a cut of whatever you made off this, Nabiki."
"She had nothing to do with this," Usagi said. Attempting to share the blame for her idea would be unjust. "You and I have just provided what I intended to be the entertainment for Minako's birthday party."
"Not that is was entertaining just before Akane stepped in," Epsilon added.
Minako nodded. "I didn't want anybody to get hurt. I'm sorry."
"I ain't been hurt."
"Not physically, no," Rei agreed, "but there's more to you than just your body. We hurt your soul."
"I don't know whether we can still have a party now, but we can at least have a meal together," Kasumi pointed out.
"And that includes you, if you're still willing to eat with us after we did this," said Usagi.
"Pride's one thing, but food's something else again. What d'ya got?"
"Too-too good Chinese food!" Shampoo announced.
"And my Ranma-special okonomiyaki," Ukyo added.
Makoto finished off with, "And homemade birthday cake."
"What'r'we waitin' for, then? Let's eat."
They did so, and by the end of the meal, the tension in the air had evaporated. Even Akane had been coaxed to re-join the party.
After the meal was finished and the birthday girl had blown out her sixteen candles, everybody started mixing and mingling. Eventually, Makoto and Shampoo had a quiet talk, followed by Shampoo turning to Cologne and the two of them having a short discussion in Mandarin.
「Great-grandmother, Kino-xiǎo-jiě wishes to become my student. Do I have your permission as our family's grandmaster to teach her our Art?」
「She has to attend high school. And you have to cook.」
「I would have to train her on Sunday mornings, then. And she would need to live here.」
「She would not. Washuu-xiǎo-dì has promised to establish a permanent portal system for us.」
「『Washuu-xiǎo-dì』? That Mandarin is worse than my Japanese. One would think that somebody with as much chi as she obviously has would be better at speaking our language.」
「The Tendos could say the same about your grasp of their language. And do not upset someone with that much power unless you are tired of living, Shānpú. Address her the way she wishes to be addressed.」
Shampoo thought about that for a moment, then said, 「I understand and apologize.」
「You may train the young Senshi, but do not reveal any of our secret techniques to her without asking me first.」
In the meantime, Mii was having a conversation with the Tendo family's head.
"Which school's style have you been learning, miss?"
"Academy City Close Quarters Combat," Mii told Soun. Seeing his puzzled look, she added, "It's based on Fairbairn System." When she realized that that didn't help either, she added "Defendu?"
Soun finally lost his puzzled look. "Ah! Singapore's most popular combat style. Yes, I'm familiar with it. I believe we can help you progress after all."
Then everybody worried that the tension would return when Usagi sought out Ranma.
"Wha'd'ya want, Tsukino? You gonna play with my feelings some more?"
"No. I want to apologize to you in front of the same audience that heard me embarrass you. I didn't mean to hurt your pride."
"I ain't embarrassed. Just annoyed. But, yeah, apology accepted. I get so few of 'em."
The only person who noticed Kasumi's slight frown at his comment was Mii.
"There is one more thing," Usagi said, "and I'll understand if you say no. Can we still be friends?"
"Ya got a weird way of showin' your friendship."
"That was completely my fault. I didn't understand who you really are, and I acted like I knew you from what's written on the internet. I was wrong."
"If you could teach Na-chan to say that, I could really like you, Tsukino-san."
From halfway across the room, Nabiki said, "Don't call me Na-chan. And I'm never wrong."
"See what I have to live with?"
Usagi giggled, then sighed. "Nobody ever thinks you might be right, do they? If you want somebody to talk with — just talk — I'll be there for you. Maybe not right away because of school and monster attacks, but I won't ignore you or automatically think you're lying to me."
Ranma thought for a brief moment — for as long as he thought he could before somebody complained about him being wishy-washy. "I s'pose we can be friends. On one condition."
"What condition?"
"If you try an' put me ina frilly fuku with ribbon 'n lace 'n bows 'n ponytails an' carry 'round a kawaii talkin' rabbit or somethin', you and me are gonna have words, you hear?"
"Yes, Ranma," Usagi said with a bit of a smile and a lot of relief.
Epilogue
Blossom Apartments, Ottawa
"So," Rob said, somewhat embarrassed.
"No more pranks?"
"No more pranks. Please."
"Yeah. This one fell flat."
"It could have been worse, Usagi. What would you have done if Ranma had said yes?"
Footnotes
by Rob Kelk, with suggestions from Robert M. Schroeck
October 17, 2016
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
"There's no way in Hell I'll take part in a fuku fic!"
Inside his office, Epsilon could hear Ranma's shout from the building's front room.
October 19, 2016
Advisory Board meeting
"... and that's what he said, two days ago. Don't ask me how he found out about fuku fics; I didn't tell him," finished Epsilon.
As most of the older advisors who were anime fans laughed, Pam Holder asked, "Just what is a 'fuku fic'?"
Epsilon, Bob Schroeck, and Rob Donaldson all started talking, then stopped. "Go ahead, Bob," Epsilon said.
Bob took a moment to think before answering, looking upward and chewing on his upper lip before nodding to himself. "A fuku fic is a crossover between Ranma ½ and Sailor Moon where Ranma becomes a Sailor Senshi and thus spends a lot of time in both girl form and a miniskirt. 'Fuku' is an abbreviation of the Japanese word serafuku, which means the sailor-suit styled school uniforms common at the time, to which the Senshi uniforms bear a strong resemblance." He shared a smile with Rob and Epsilon. "It was an incredibly popular idea for about twenty years — hundreds of fuku fics were written. Enough to qualify as a subgenre of its own and get a dedicated archive on the web to house them all."
"What? Really? There's an entire genre of stories about me and Saotome-san?"
Rob nodded as he turned to Usagi Tsukino, who was sitting beside him. "In this reality, your anime series and his were two of the most popular back in the 1990s. A lot of people wanted to have the two of you meet, if only in a non-canon story."
"Oh. I'm not used to being famous."
As the meeting continued, Usagi grabbed Rob's keyboard and sent a private text to Washuu-chan, asking her to stay behind after the meeting was over, grinning all the while.
They didn't actually stay in the meeting once it ended; too many other people wanted to chat privately about other things. Usagi and Washuu started a separate chat instead. Rob was there, too. After all, it was his office.
"So, what's up, Your Highness?"
"Well, I think I'm going to need your help..." She described what she had in mind.
Washuu and Rob were both grinning when she finished.
"Sure, I can help you! All you need from me is transportation, right?"
Usagi nodded happily. "That's right, Washuu-chan, and thanks!"
"Happy to help! But I want in when it happens. Now I gotta go. Too many people want too much of my time today." She hung up.
Rob chuckled as he turned to look at Usagi. "They really did a number on your characterization in the later anime episodes; I keep forgetting that you have a prankster side to you."
"They changed me that much?"
"Yeah. They even had you date one of the Starlights while Mamoru was away."
"Eww, yuck! I love Mamo-chan! Maybe I should pull even more pranks so people forget about the Starlights."
Rob thought that it would take a lot of pranks on Usagi's part for the fans to forget about oh-so-serious Usagi from Stars. "Well, let's see how well this one goes first. And it's up to you to do the groundwork for it. Now how about you go do your homework and I'll tell Epsilon about your idea?"
"He won't mind?"
"I'm pretty sure he won't. I've seen some of Aaron's Transplanted Persons Services reports; he thinks Ranma's ego needs to be taken down a notch."
October 20, 2016
Video call: Anything Goes Cafe, Antigonish / Blossom Apartments, Ottawa
"We would be happy to host an afternoon party for you, Ms. Tsukino," Cologne said over the phone. "Assuming you can make your way here, of course."
"That won't be an issue," Usagi replied.
"Will you need anything special in the way of food?"
"Do you make cakes?"
"No, we don't. And we don't mind you bringing your own cake in. Is this to be a birthday party, then?"
"Yes, Saturday is Minako's birthday. Can you do dim sum and okonomiyaki for a dozen people plus your own group?"
"We can do that easily, although I thought there were only eleven people at Blossom Apartments."
"Washuu-chan will be joining us."
"That explains your lack of worry about transportation," Cologne commented. "Will there be anything else?"
Usagi grinned. "Oh, yes, there's one thing: You have to keep everybody except Ranma busy for a while between when we arrive and when the party actually starts. You see..."
October 22, 2016
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
A wooden door appeared on one wall of the lounge, then opened to reveal a crowd of a dozen people, all but one of whom were girls. So of course the male stepped through the portal first. "Hello! I believe you're expecting us. We're the Aino party, of 12."
Cologne put on her best fake smile. "Welcome to the Anything Goes Cafe. We're very happy to have you as our guests."
"It's an honour to finally meet you in person, Cologne," Mii Konori, the second person through the portal, said while bowing. "I've been wanting to visit since I met you online during the advisory board meetings."
"It's good to meet somebody your age who's respectful to her elders," Cologne replied, returning Mii's bow. "The children here could learn from your example."
"Keep moving!" Washuu-chan said from near the back of the crowd, sounding slightly annoyed. "Say hello to each other once we're all through the portal!"
Meanwhile, Rob and Epsilon were already talking off to one side of the procession. "If I knew you'd end up with this group, I never would have suggested you take the job. I'm sorry."
"That's okay," Epsilon replied. "I'm back in Nova Scotia and I actually have a job. I can handle the down side."
Rob knew that it was pointless to argue; Aaron would not complain about his private life, even if a longstanding friend asked him straight-out. He changed the topic instead. "My building's most famous resident wants to talk with your building's most famous resident, alone. Will that be a problem?"
Epsilon smiled slightly. "No, not at all. Cologne, could you show everyone else where their seats are in the cafe, please? And perhaps provide some snacks while they're waiting?"
"We brought enough cake for everyone." Makoto said as she pushed Blossom Apartment's waiter's cart from the portal toward the dining room of the Anything Goes Cafe, the portal closing behind her.
"Thanks. I'll be right with you," Epsilon replied. Then he turned to Ranma and Usagi. "Are you going to be okay on your own?"
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, we'll be good if nobody storms in with the wrong idea."
"That's why we brought the cake; to keep everybody busy for a few minutes," Rob lied. And everybody left Ranma and Usagi alone in the reception area as they headed for the Anything Goes Cafe... although Kazari left a transmitter attached to the underside of the table in the reception area.
As the door to the cafe closed behind Cologne, Usagi and Ranma sat down on opposite sides of the reception area's table.
"A matter of great importance has brought me here today, Saotome Ranma-san. We had to interrupt Sailor Venus' birthday party in order to make this trip today."
"That explains the cake."
"Please, Ranma-san, won't you be our Sailor Sun?" Usagi asked with big, pleading eyes.
(In the cafe, Nabiki's and Ukyo's eyes went wide. As Akane grinned and Cologne smiled, Ruiko and Minako put their hands over their own mouths to stifle their laughter.)
"No! I ain't wearing a sailor fuku!"
"But isn't it a martial artist's duty to help the weak?"
"I can help them better without changin' into a girl. If you can't fight in whatever you're wearin', you ain't a martial artist, so I don't need a fuku. And I already have fancy attacks, like the Mōko Takabisha."
Powered attacks were the next thing she was going to mention. She had no choice but to go straight to the more embarrassing arguments. "I thought we could be friends."
"Just friends?" Ranma asked suspiciously. "I got way too many fiancées already."
"And I love my fiancé," Usagi replied, thinking of Mamoru and wondering whether she'd ever see him again. "So there's no chance that we'd end up a couple."
"Good. Okay, we can be friends. But no way in hell am I wearing a fuku!" Ranma crossed his arms and glared at her.
She put on her best puppy-dog eyes. "Friends help each other. That's what I always heard."
(Now Kuroko was having trouble stifling her laughter. Akane, though, had lost her smile altogether; she remembered what she had said the day she met Ranma, years ago in a reality far away.)
"I can help without dressin' like a girl! I am not wearing a seifuku. No. No way. No how. Uh uh."
Usagi held up a sketch that Ami had drawn earlier, of girl-type Ranma in a leotard with a short skirt. "But it would look so cute on you!"
"No. Not a chance! Not even if your Queen Serendipity asked me directly!"
"That's 'Serenity'," Usagi corrected Ranma.
"I don't care! It ain't happenin'!"
"If you join us and we get to know you better, that would prevent the others from doing any Anything Goes Boyfriend Hunting."
"You said we were just friends..." Ranma almost-growled.
Usagi realized that she'd misspoken. "You and I, yes. But I can't mind-control the Sailor Senshi or anyone else. And I wouldn't want to if I could."
(In the other room, Ami, Mikoto, and Ruiko were frowning at the thought that somebody could control their minds, Ruiko remembering the Level Upper. They weren't the only ones who weren't enjoying listening in any more.)
Usagi decided that changing tactics would be the best course of action. "Think of how everyone else would react to you being a Sailor Senshi! Especially if they thought you wanted to be a girl. Wouldn't that be too funny not to try?"
"It wouldn't be funny at all. It'd just be one more reason for Ryouga to laugh at me, or for Akane to call me a pervert."
(At that point, even Kasumi had lost her near-permanent smile, remembering how much disruption to the harmony of the household those misconceptions had caused. Akane was beyond not smiling... and stormed out to where Ranma and Usagi were sitting.)
Looking Usagi right in the face, she shouted, "Stop it! He's said no! You're just making him angry now!"
"I'm not..." Ranma started.
"Fine! You're making me angry now! I won't hit you because you aren't a martial artist. But I will yell at you! You call what you're doing Love? Or Justice? Is it just to try to force somebody to change his mind when he really doesn't want to do what you want? Tsukino? In the name of the Moon... fuck off!"
As Usagi sat there, shocked that she had to be told to act in the way she believed in, Akane stormed off.
Some of the others made their way out of the cafe, out of concern, curiosity, or in Mousse's case simply to see the fireworks. Finally, Usagi quietly said, "I'm sorry. I thought that you'd eventually want to be stronger and accept."
Ranma snorted. "Ya got the wrong martial artist, then. Ryouga's the one who wants to be stronger. I wanna be more skilled. And gettin' some magic attacks ain't gonna help me there, puttin' on a fuku or not. So how'd Akane know what we said?"
Nabiki walked over and pried the bug off of the table, then tossed it to Kazari (who missed the catch). "You've been on Candid Microphone, Saotome-san."
"I'd better be getting a cut of whatever you made off this, Nabiki."
"She had nothing to do with this," Usagi said. Attempting to share the blame for her idea would be unjust. "You and I have just provided what I intended to be the entertainment for Minako's birthday party."
"Not that is was entertaining just before Akane stepped in," Epsilon added.
Minako nodded. "I didn't want anybody to get hurt. I'm sorry."
"I ain't been hurt."
"Not physically, no," Rei agreed, "but there's more to you than just your body. We hurt your soul."
"I don't know whether we can still have a party now, but we can at least have a meal together," Kasumi pointed out.
"And that includes you, if you're still willing to eat with us after we did this," said Usagi.
"Pride's one thing, but food's something else again. What d'ya got?"
"Too-too good Chinese food!" Shampoo announced.
"And my Ranma-special okonomiyaki," Ukyo added.
Makoto finished off with, "And homemade birthday cake."
"What'r'we waitin' for, then? Let's eat."
They did so, and by the end of the meal, the tension in the air had evaporated. Even Akane had been coaxed to re-join the party.
After the meal was finished and the birthday girl had blown out her sixteen candles, everybody started mixing and mingling. Eventually, Makoto and Shampoo had a quiet talk, followed by Shampoo turning to Cologne and the two of them having a short discussion in Mandarin.
「Great-grandmother, Kino-xiǎo-jiě wishes to become my student. Do I have your permission as our family's grandmaster to teach her our Art?」
「She has to attend high school. And you have to cook.」
「I would have to train her on Sunday mornings, then. And she would need to live here.」
「She would not. Washuu-xiǎo-dì has promised to establish a permanent portal system for us.」
「『Washuu-xiǎo-dì』? That Mandarin is worse than my Japanese. One would think that somebody with as much chi as she obviously has would be better at speaking our language.」
「The Tendos could say the same about your grasp of their language. And do not upset someone with that much power unless you are tired of living, Shānpú. Address her the way she wishes to be addressed.」
Shampoo thought about that for a moment, then said, 「I understand and apologize.」
「You may train the young Senshi, but do not reveal any of our secret techniques to her without asking me first.」
In the meantime, Mii was having a conversation with the Tendo family's head.
"Which school's style have you been learning, miss?"
"Academy City Close Quarters Combat," Mii told Soun. Seeing his puzzled look, she added, "It's based on Fairbairn System." When she realized that that didn't help either, she added "Defendu?"
Soun finally lost his puzzled look. "Ah! Singapore's most popular combat style. Yes, I'm familiar with it. I believe we can help you progress after all."
Then everybody worried that the tension would return when Usagi sought out Ranma.
"Wha'd'ya want, Tsukino? You gonna play with my feelings some more?"
"No. I want to apologize to you in front of the same audience that heard me embarrass you. I didn't mean to hurt your pride."
"I ain't embarrassed. Just annoyed. But, yeah, apology accepted. I get so few of 'em."
The only person who noticed Kasumi's slight frown at his comment was Mii.
"There is one more thing," Usagi said, "and I'll understand if you say no. Can we still be friends?"
"Ya got a weird way of showin' your friendship."
"That was completely my fault. I didn't understand who you really are, and I acted like I knew you from what's written on the internet. I was wrong."
"If you could teach Na-chan to say that, I could really like you, Tsukino-san."
From halfway across the room, Nabiki said, "Don't call me Na-chan. And I'm never wrong."
"See what I have to live with?"
Usagi giggled, then sighed. "Nobody ever thinks you might be right, do they? If you want somebody to talk with — just talk — I'll be there for you. Maybe not right away because of school and monster attacks, but I won't ignore you or automatically think you're lying to me."
Ranma thought for a brief moment — for as long as he thought he could before somebody complained about him being wishy-washy. "I s'pose we can be friends. On one condition."
"What condition?"
"If you try an' put me ina frilly fuku with ribbon 'n lace 'n bows 'n ponytails an' carry 'round a kawaii talkin' rabbit or somethin', you and me are gonna have words, you hear?"
"Yes, Ranma," Usagi said with a bit of a smile and a lot of relief.
Epilogue
Blossom Apartments, Ottawa
"So," Rob said, somewhat embarrassed.
"No more pranks?"
"No more pranks. Please."
"Yeah. This one fell flat."
"It could have been worse, Usagi. What would you have done if Ranma had said yes?"
Footnotes
- Despite what Common Knowledge says, the phrase "In the name of the Moon... fuck off!" does not appear in "Sailor Hellblazer". Part 1 includes "In the name of love.... fuck off."
- "Nabs" is a fanon nickname which cannot be written in hiragana, katakana, or kanji. "Na-chan" is our best guess as to what Ranma is actually calling Nabiki in all of those other fanfics.
- Quotes from "When Ranma Met Aiko (and Tamiko and Fumiko and Misaki), a ranma fanfic", "Featherbrite's Tale", "Sailors of Nerima A Nabiki's Heartache Omake", "Minako's Story", "Permutation", "Sailor Hellblazer", and "Relatively Absent", copyright by their respective authors, are used (sometimes in modified forms) as allowed under section 29.21 (1) of the Copyright Act of Canada, R.S.C., 1985, c. C-42.
--
Rob Kelk
Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown
Rob Kelk
Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown