[Draft] Grand Theft Aircraft Carrier

[kentmagus]

Our Hero cuts under the surface of the ocean. This body armor was allegedly spaceworthy as it had been handwaved from top to bottom and so it would be
oceanworthy as well. She swims under the aircraft carrier museum and continues applying the handwavium. She evades the alarm wires, videocameras, and
extraneous security. Now she knows why the museum's personnel still have one of those metal time-stamps.

She finishes applying the handwavium. This should be the last bit. On the other side Artificer is applying the last part of the handwavium on the other side.
The two finally finish up and glide up out of the water in their flight suits.

Our Hero gestures to Artificer in sign language. Artificer shrugs and follows Our Hero. They get up to the control tower only to find that there is no control
for moving up. Artificer expresses dismay, with her hands.

There's a brilliant flash over Hero's head until Artificer realizes it's a metaphorical flash since Hero has dived under the water. Artificer
covers her eyes.

The aircraft carrier tilts under the water and then rises into the air, where Hero lifts the aircraft carrier. Artificer flies down to join Hero and pushes the
aircraft carrier into the air where amazingly, the aircraft carrier holds being bottom-only-handwaved.

This sets off lots of alarms. The dock falls apart. Artificer pulls out a camera and takes a picture.

"We have got to get a more secure method of communication. " Artificer tells Hero dryly.

Hero has noticed the SR-71 Blackbird on the top deck and is calculating rumors about how one was desired somewhere.

"Hey!"Artificer yells.

"Hero" jerks her head around.

"What do you plan to to do about those?" She points to the flock of jets on the radar screen.

"What about them?We've drifted over international airspace. " She tells Artificer.

"They're chasing us. " Artificer tells her dryly.

"They'll stop once they run out of air. I tossed the security guard overboard " Hero tells her. coconspirator.

"Did he survive?"

"Eh. " Hero shrugs "He was only a few feet above the docks. "

Artificer held up a hand to stop Hero.

"I can see this one already. If it's handwaved it flies. Pushing up a handwaved aircraft carrier will make a stalled one fly. Don't expect me to
get out and push. Here's your picture. "



The picture shows a person in white body armor and helmet holding up an aircraft carrier with one hand.

[M Fnord]

Let me make this perfectly clear: You. Are. Not. Stealing. The. Intrepid.
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[robkelk]

Yeah... As for why:

"Some idiots tried to grab something that belonged to the US Navy. That was the first, last, and only time the Boskonians actually worked with Operation Great Justice - nobody wanted to piss off Captain Dodge and the Stingray.

"Why? The Stingray's a nuclear-missile boat. You do the math.

"The idiots? I think they're locked up somewhere in Guantánamo.

"Yeah, maybe it was an excessive response. But, hey... it's the principle of the thing. The Navy even got their old PT boat back with not-too-many holes in it."
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[kentmagus]

Change the nation of the aircraft carrier.

[M Fnord]

Okay, let me expand it: You are not stealing aircraft carriers. Period, end of statement.

Don't make me say this again, because if I have to I shall get cross. You don't want that.
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[kentmagus]

Back to the drawing board.

[robkelk]

Change the nation of the aircraft carrier.

You obviously didn't read what I wrote.

Your characters will be hunted down and turned over to the 'Danelaw if they attempt to steal any military property, even a ceremonial pike from one of the Swiss Guards at the Vatican. And that's if they're lucky. Even the Boskonians stay on the good side of the 'Danelaw's militaries.

("Why?" Two words: Overwhelming Force.)

Oh, yes... "Hero" must be an ironic name, since he's anything but.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Foxboy]

The big objection is that a reasonable, "in-character" response from and 'Danelaw nation to such a theft moves Fenspace away from the genre
directive: that is, it would edge the setting towards the dystopian.

I know it's hard to avoid the angst and pathos in modern fiction, that's why we're trying for something brighter.

Is the Catgirl Process dark? Yes. However, the people responsible Will Be Punished and a great many of the catgirls will adjust to have, if not a happy life,
at least a normal one.

Part of the big motif for OGJ is that "happy go lucky" fen are capable of defeating the "We is EEEEEBIL!" Boskonians.
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[Bob Schroeck]

And they don't have to become as dark as the enemy to do so.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Duane Peters]

Point of information: The Stingray isn't a Ohio-class nuclear missile
boat; she's a Seawolf-class nuclear attack boat.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seawolf_class_submarine

She's armed with SCLMs, submarine-launched cruise missiles, which can be launched from a standard Mk21 torpedo tube, not SLBMs, submarine-launched
ballistic missiles.

Why? Because SLCMs don't have to be modded much to work in outer space, and are already self-guided. SLBMs, on the other hand, would have frightened the
entire 'Danelaw into hunting her down, no matter the cost.

[robkelk]

She's armed with SCLMs, submarine-launched cruise missiles, which can be launched from a standard Mk21 torpedo tube, not SLBMs, submarine-launched ballistic missiles.

I was under the impression that SCLMs could carry nuclear warheads, though... was I mistaken?
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Duane Peters]

They can, but most are conventional explosives.

[Norgarth]

there are so many questionable bits of this idea.

- First of all, how long have these two been sneaking in and out of this place to completly coat the (subsurface) hull of a freaking aircraft
carrier?

- Not to mention the way enviromentalists are going to bitch about all the wavium these two have ended up dumping into the water in the process.

- They fly up into the air and then communicate by charades? Why don't they just speak out loud? It's not like it'd be any more obvious than a
bright white suit of armor hovering in midair in front of at least one security camera.

- They are surprised that there's no controls for vertical movement? It's an aircraft carrier, not a submarine.

- How exactly does Artificer spot a 'metaphorical' flash of brillance?

- Hero's suit must have ungodly amounts of thrust, because, partially waved hull or not, an aircraft carrier is gonna have a massive amount of
inertia to overcome.

- the carrier just so happens to have a SR-71 on the deck (a plane which was never carrier based to my knowledge), and Hero somehow didn't notice
this earlier when they were hovering around playing charades?

"What do you plan to to do about those?" She points to the flock of jets on the radar screen.




"What about them?We've drifted over international airspace. " She tells Artificer.




"They're chasing us. " Artificer tells her dryly.




"They'll stop once they run out of air. I tossed the security guard overboard " Hero tells her. coconspirator.




"Did he survive?"




"Eh. " Hero shrugs "He was only a few feet above the docks. "

- 'drifted over international airspace'? That quickly? And might I point out that waving part of the hull by no means makes the whole
thing spaceworthy. It's engines are not waved and it's not airtight. Hero and Artificer are going to push the ship up to orbit and then do what?
Push it to their base of operations? With no more food, water or air available than what is in their suits?

- 'Hero' casually drops the guard (and she'd better hope there was only the one aboard, otherwise murder charges may come up) a few feet onto to
the dock that 'fell apart'. There's no chance of serious injury there, really.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[M Fnord]

- the carrier just so happens to have a SR-71 on the deck (a plane which was never carrier based to my knowledge), and Hero somehow didn't notice this earlier when they were hovering around playing charades?

Just to clear this one up, the boat being nicked in this particular story is the USS Intrepid, an aircraft carrier that was converted into a museum in New York Harbor. The museum has multiple aircraft exhibits, including, yes indeed, a SR-71 Blackbird up on the main deck.

So that's not like totally illogical. The rest of your objections are good & kosher, though.
Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Ebony]

Duane Peters wrote:

---

Point of information: The Stingray isn't a Ohio-class nuclear missile
boat; she's a Seawolf-class nuclear attack boat.




http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seawolf_class_submarine




She's armed with SCLMs, submarine-launched cruise missiles, which can be launched from a standard Mk21 torpedo tube, not SLBMs, submarine-launched
ballistic missiles.




Why? Because SLCMs don't have to be modded much to work in outer space, and are already self-guided. SLBMs, on the other hand, would have frightened the
entire 'Danelaw into hunting her down, no matter the cost.

I think that point is moot. It's a nuclear boat. The Navy, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the State Department, and pretty much every Mover, Shaker, and Bigwig
in the Government of the United States would sit up and take notice the minute someone walked off with one of their boats. So, unless we want Fenspace to deal
with the United States declaring them a rogue state and making noises about going to war, I suggest that we leave any military hardware well within the hands
of the military. The 'waved submarine already mentioned (name escapes me) is still under command of Navy crew who are still following orders, and the
Blackbirds are decommissioned shells filled with new tech by their new owners (museum pieces are generally gutted of things that might even marginally be
considered classified before being put out where the public can see them). Leave current miltech alone. It's not going to happen.
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[Ebony]

M Fnord wrote:

---

- the carrier just so happens to have a SR-71 on the deck (a plane which was never carrier based to my knowledge), and Hero somehow didn't notice this
earlier when they were hovering around playing charades?

Just to clear this one up, the boat being nicked in this particular story is the USS Intrepid, an aircraft carrier that was converted into a museum in New
York Harbor. The museum has multiple aircraft exhibits, including, yes indeed, a SR-71 Blackbird up on the main deck.




So that's not like totally illogical. The rest of your objections are good & kosher, though.

So, instead of stealing current miltech, he's stealing a State and/or National Monument/Park. Good, that's smart. Here's what happens.
About two to three weeks after this event, the Blue Blazers land the Intrepid off the coast of New York. A full apology is issued by the Banzai Institute and
any other faction that finds purposefully antagonizing the United States or any other governing body of 'Danelaw both colossally STUPID and clinically
INSANE. The Institute will petition that the parties responsible for the theft be extradited to the United States to stand trial for their crimes, with pointed
arguments that basically culminate in, "If we don't police our own, they will try to do it for us."
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[robkelk]

A full apology is issued by the Banzai Institute and any other faction that finds purposefully antagonizing the United States or any other governing body of 'Danelaw both colossally STUPID and clinically INSANE.

Which includes both the Stellvians (who rely on the 'Dane tourist trade) and the Senshi (who rather quickly became an oil exporting nation).

The Blazers and the Senshi+Stellvians essentially are the Fenspace Search and Rescue service. Who deliberately pisses off S&R?
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Feinan]

If you want to get reactions from the Americans, there are far more...creative and amusing ways. Personally, I'm fond of the idea of breeding a pink strain of handwavium, treating the Statue of Liberty, and then letting her walk through downtown New York....

---

[Edit] You know...sometimes I worry about my brain. The above thought popped into my head when someone mentioned stealing a national monument. I knew handwavium alone couldn't do it. Then after I posted this, my brain started whispering to me... 'You know....the goo is pink because it's a nutrient-laden mixture of handwavium and stem cells, that the handwavium will allow to bond to the statue to form a metallo-organic musculature...' Fortunately, they still don't make Nikes in her size, so I doubt the Jason will be tempted any time soon....

[Black Aeronaut]

Okay, I think we've given the kid enough grief already. A suggestion instead, perhaps? If he wants a carrier so badly, then how about one of the hulks they're gutting at someplace like... oh, say Bremerton, WA? Though I don't recall whether or not if they've gutted out any old carriers there.
And no, hands off of the Kittyhawk. From what I've heard so far, she's to become Bremerton's consolation-prize museum piece (the big one being the USS Missouri, which got shipped off to Pearl instead).

[robkelk]

Fortunately, they still don't make Nikes in her size, so I doubt the Jason will be tempted any time soon....

It wouldn't work out. The Jason's a scientist, and Liberty's a dockside girl - they've got nothing in common.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012