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[RFC][draft] DSKSWDYHMS? - Chapter 4
[RFC][draft] DSKSWDYHMS? - Chapter 4
#1
Well, here it is. I came to the decision to cut this chapter shorter than the others, if for the simple reason that it seemed like a good point to cut it. Otherwise it was going to get ridiculously long instead. Yeah, I know, some people like bigger updates... But the upshot is that there's a good chunk of Chapter Five ready to go.
SO! You know the drill, and for those that don't: I already know this thing's got spelling and grammar errors, so just C&C on the story itself for now.



What I had originally thought would be just a date between Rei and I snowballed out of control into a group outing including Makoto, Minako, Ami, and even Kubiac.

I didn’t mind terribly much, except there were two problems.

1)                I was already a bit worn down that day due to my Father’s tough love.

2)                The line was HUGE.

Problem Number One wasn’t insurmountable for me.  In fact, I’d be pretty poor competition for little Miss Invader if it was.  The issue was that Problem Number Two left Rei with a group of friends with plenty of time to gossip – gossip which quickly turned to a favorite subject of many teenage girls: boys.

Namely me.

“Oh, come on Rei!” wheedled Minako.  “You seriously mean that you don’t like him at all!?”

“It’s not that,” said Rei, trying to placate her friends desperately.  “Zeke and I just got off on the wrong foot, but we’re okay now.  It’s not like we’re dating each other now!”

“We invited all of you to come along, after all,” I added in Rei’s defense.

“But you still planned it out together,” said Makoto thoughtfully.

“Why that strange?” asked Kubiac in his ponderous Nihongo.

“Because it was after he stayed there,” said Minako, pointing an accusing finger at me.  “Over night.  At her home.”

“Oh,” said Kubiac, seeming to think about it.  “Did something else happen?”

I snorted as everyone else narrowly avoided planting their faces in the parking lot.  I’d almost forgotten about how he could make himself seem so clueless like that.  I was glad to have my old friend back, but the first night was a hell of a complete and total shit-storm…

 
Two nights ago…


 
We all sat around the kotatsu in Rei’s home, simply staring at each other.  Kubiac, whether we liked it or not, was in on the secret.  The trouble was that unless he willingly wanted to forget what he’d seen then we would be hard pressed to restrain him so Luna could do her mind meld.

Knowing the Koob, that wasn’t gonna happen.

“Makoto?” said Kubiac, the quiet meekness of his voice belying his incredible size and power.

Nani?”

“What you be?” he asked.

“Eeh?” said Makoto in puzzlement.

I stepped in before the situation could get worse.  “They’re all human, if that’s what you’re wondering about, buddy.”

“NANDAIYO!?” howled Minako as she slammed her hands on the table and leaned over to glare at me.

“It’s a valid concern,” I said, reigning in my own temper while staring down Minako.  “You all display abilities that are considered to be super-human – far beyond the scope of what is normal for humans.  However, you are all still, without a doubt, human.  You’ve simply been empowered.”

Kubiac looked over to me thoughtfully, then leaned over and whispered in English,

“Zeke, what do you mean that they’ve been empowered?”

“It’s not my secret to tell, buddy.  Maybe we should exchange one secret for another.”

He then gave me a somewhat hurt look.  “Are you sure about that?  You know that, you aside, I really don’t like revealing myself like this.”

I shrugged.  “Who says that you can’t play the part still?  You did it with Lewis and his friends and they were fine with that.”

Kubiac sighed.  “I guess.”

I patted him on the shoulder.  “Don’t worry, big guy.  At least you’re not the only one here.  Besides, we won’t tell them the whole truth.  Just enough to get the idea.”  Kubiac sat up straight again and I looked to the rest of the Senshi.  This was the tricky part.  It was like a game my Father and I played all the time, even to this day.  As a command officer in the US Navy, it was not possible for him to divulge a lot of details about his job to me.  And so, he and I learned how to tell incomplete truths.

They were not lies by any stretch.  He would simply tell me enough that I could be placated and omitted the important, sensitive details that can get him, myself, and others into serious trouble.

And that was what I would have to do here.

“Kubiac has a secret himself,” I started.  “Something he is very reluctant to reveal.  If he can trust you enough to keep his secret, then perhaps you can trust him with yours?”

The others looked thoughtful about that, but it was Luna that spoke first.

“Well, perhaps if we heard his secret then we can decide whether or not it is worth our trust in him.”

I looked to Kubiac and he nodded his head resolutely.

Right then.

“Ami, may I see a problem from your homework assignment?”

“Oh?  Sure, but what for?”

“You’ll see in a moment.  Make sure that it is the most difficult one you have.”  Ami gave me a dubious look, but did as I asked, taking out a sheet of notebook paper and a textbook, then copying down a problem and sliding it to me.  I then slid it over to Kubiac, who looked at it thoughtfully for a moment, then pulled a pen out of his pants’ pocket and started scribbling on the paper furiously.  Seconds later, he then slid the paper back to Ami.

Ami looked down at the paper and then cried out in shock.

“hheeeeEEEEHHH!?”

“Ami, what is it?” asked Usagi, gravely concerned.

Ami held out the sheet so we could all see it.  “This was an extra credit assignment for my advanced calculus class and he solved it in thirty seconds!  Without using a calculator!  It’s almost unheard of!”  She then turned an astonished and reverent gaze at Kubiac.  “He’s a genius.”

“More than a genius,” I said.  “More than a prodigy.  Kubiac’s intelligence is such that in the wrong hands it can be made into a weapon.  That problem he just solved, Ami?  He probably had the solution the moment he looked at it – he was just drawing it out because he’s used to doing it.  I know because I’ve seen him solve a far more complex problem in less time.  And that was just to amuse himself.  He’s struggled long and hard to keep it a secret so that he won’t be used by any government as some sort of weapon of intelligence.”

“What do you mean?  What would he have to be afraid of?”

“Maybe a lifetime spent inside a concrete box.”

“Heh?”

“It’s the fate of anyone smart enough to break cryptographic algorithms.  They’re locked away in facilities so secure that only a select few people know where they are located.  They never have a normal life, no matter how hard they strive for it.  The government says that it is for the person’s own protection.  In a way, they are right.  Others would not treat them anywhere nearly as humanely.  But these people are still virtual prisoners, and only because they were too smart for their own good.  If you don’t want to believe me, that’s your choice.  But trust me on this much: the truth is out there, and it is a very ugly one at that.”

There was a moment of disturbed silence as they all digested that bit of information.  I had never seen it myself, but I knew it was true.  I could feel it deep in my soul, and it turned my stomach every time I thought about it.

Artemis was the first to find his voice.  “Amy, do you think that he can be useful to our cause?”

“Heh?” said Amy.

She then studied Kubiac for a moment, looking into his eyes.  There, she saw a fleeting look of fear.  And then she understood.

“Anyone as smart as him can be useful to us, but that is their decision.”

“What are you doing!?” snapped Usagi suddenly.  “Are you seriously considering what I think you are?  Didn’t Zeke just warn us about this!?”

Artemis had the decency to look shamed.  “I… I’m sorry, Usagi.  I just felt that if-“

“You just felt that he should be useful like Zeke is?  I will not have it!  Zeke does what he does because he wants to.  If his friend does not want to help us, then he does not have to.  Otherwise we become no better than Queen Beryl!”

“Hime-sama,” whispered Luna in a voice that only I could hear.

Princess.  Not just some affectionate nickname.  This was the title with all the powers and honors attributed to it – of one that is in line to inherit a throne.

So this is the real Princess of the Moon Kingdom.  In retrospect, it was not the first time I had seen it, either.  Tsukino Usagi may be a typical teenage girl, but somewhere under that was a young woman of regality and great responsibility.  And she took her responsibility seriously.

Of course, once the situation lightened, she would revert to her old self.  But I was starting to learn that this was part of Usagi’s charm.  I was pretty certain then that if she ever ascended to the throne her Mother-In-Spirit left behind for her, that behind closed doors she would be the same Usagi we all know and love.

The spirit never dies, but what we experience in each new incarnation remains with us.

“Tsukino-san, are you implying that my friend should be accepted?”

Usagi then leveled a seemingly uncharacteristic intense gaze at me.  “Darkwood-san, you have already shown that you are a good person with a pure heart.  I believe we can trust anyone that you call ‘friend.’”

At that pronouncement, Kubiac grinned, his face making a sound like old leather being bent into an unaccustomed shape, and bowed.

Arigatou gozaimasu, Tsukino-san.”

The others around the table simply stared in amazement and I wondered what the deal was.  But no one said anything to dispute Usagi, who then claimed that she was suddenly hungry and restored normality just like that.  The only difference now was that there was a new friend to share it with.

And that only made it all the better.

 


We got in with no issue and then we promptly got separated.

I don’t know how or why, but I have the unusual ability to lose people.  No, I don’t mean that I get lost.  I mean that I turn around and suddenly I’m alone.  I know exactly where I am – my sense of direction is all but infallible.  I just don’t know where in Raven’s name everyone else went!

“Well crap,” I grumbled as I confronted an empty passage.  With a sigh, I began to jog off in the most likely direction the girls went.

I heard a bit of mayhem going on in one corridor.  Turning that way I hoped to find the girls.

Fat chance, sucker.

Instead, it’s another group of people playing the game.  Funny though, I thought to myself, they seem to be having a tougher time than…  And that was when the monster reached out with a tentacle and physically lifted someone into the air.  Oh shit!  Hard-light hologram technology does NOT exist yet!

I charged in and without thinking I shot the tentacle free.  Two, a boy and an older man fell unconscious, but a third, dark haired man was still alert and pulled the other two away while I had the monster distracted.

“What?” said somebody behind me.  “His gun works?”  I glanced, then did a double take.  It was the Dark Elves I’d seen before.

“You again!?” I cried out in surprise.

“I could say the same about you, you interloper!” replied the male in the blue scheme.  “You never even gave us the courtesy of knowing your name.”

“My name?  Only if you give me yours first, monster.”

“Is that so?  You may call me Ail.”

His female partner in the pink scheme was circling me, eyeing me like I was a particularly nice looking cut of beef.

“And I am Ain,” she added in a sultry voice.

“My name is Ezekiel of the family Darkwood.  I am the latest in a long line of warriors and I have been taught to fight for those that cannot fight for themselves – a reckoner that dispenses swift justice.”

“Aren’t you a little small to be a warrior?” sneered Ail.

“I handled the bull just fine.  Wonder if I can just chop you up as well.”

“You don’t have your ax this time,” said Ain.  “Hellant!  Take him down!”

“Stop right there,” said a familiar voice.  We all turned and there was Usagi as Sailor Moon, looking ready to choke the life out of somebody.

“Sailor Moon,” said Ail with a grin.  I didn’t like that – it felt like he had something up his sleeve.

“You’ve hurt everybody that I care about,” she said, keeping her regal glower in place.  “Even if you apologize, I won’t forgive you!”

Oh wow, she is pissed, I thought.

“I’m a sailor-warrior of love and justice: Sailor Moon!  And in the name of the Moon, I will punish you!”  I wondered idly what the heck was up with all the intricate poses.

“Shut up!” snarled Ain.  “You’re getting in my way!”

“Oh yeah?” I called out.  “Don’t forget about this little obstacle!”  And then I let the two have it with my laser pistol.

It had as much affect on the two dark elves as it did on Hellant… but they didn’t seem to have as much tolerance for pain as their pet monster.  Yelping at the sharp burn of the laser beam, they took cover in the overhead spaces.

“Sailor Moon, take out Hellant!  I’ll keep the other two occupied!”  Sailor Moon nodded and proceeded to make deed to word.  Meanwhile I was joined by someone else.

“How are you doing that?” asked the fellow I had rescued earlier.  He was tall for Japanese, and I also recognized him as Mamorou Chiba.

Of course, I didn’t mention that then.

“Dunno, don’t care,” I said tersely as I got of a series of double-taps.  “Busy now.”

The two were appearing in and out of sight.  They were slippery bastards alright.

It was then that something made a distinctive ‘tink’ sound.  We both looked and saw Sailor Moon’s tiara lying forlornly on the deck.

“No way!” said sailor Moon.  “My tiara!”

“I don’t know who she is,” grumbled Mamorou, “but if she’s gonna fight, then she needs to fight!”

“No, that was her best attack – it should have Moon-dusted that thing!”

If only I had my Fire Gauntlet, I thought bitterly.  Stupid no backpacks rule.

The gun was effective, but not enough for my liking.  I noticed that someone had dropped their laser rig.

“Hello, what do we have here,” I said as I pulled it closer and freed the pistol, grasping it in my other hand.

Call me Master Chief, because now I’m dual-wielding.

“HEY BITCH!” I called out.  The Hellant then turned my way snarling and I let her have it in the eyes with both laser pistols.  Hellant reared back, yowling.

“Hey!” said Mamorou, “that thing didn’t work for me before!”

“I’m special, okay?”

With Hellant’s undivided attention, she now began to move my way.  I shot away her tentacles as quickly as I could.  The pistols provided a decent rate of fire, but not enough real firepower to drive the monster back.  Slowly, she began to bear down on us both.

“You may want to clear out of here soon,” I said offhandedly.

“And leave you alone to that thing?”

Before I could retort, something blurred in front of the Hellant, paining the monster more than my laser pistols had.  The blur resolved itself into a white rose, now planted firmly into the deck like a thrown kunai.

“In this uncertain world, the magnificent bonds of camaraderie are forged.”

“Who are you!?” demanded Ail, who had dared to come closer now that my pistols were occupied by Hellant.

“I am the gusty white wind that paints the darkness,” said the man dressed in the white robes of middle-eastern royalty.  “I am Moonlight Night.”

“Sir Moonlight Knight!” cried Usagi, practically going squee.  Suddenly, something seemed to occur to Usagi.  Quickly, she looked at Mamorou, then the Knight, over and over again, until a stricken look settled upon her features.

I’d have to ask her about it later, though.

“I respect your courage,” said the Moonlight Knight as he took up a position ahead of us, “but this is not an opponent that normal humans can defeat.  Stay back.”  I kept both pistols at the ready anyways – I am far from normal, thank you very much.

Finally recovering her wits, the Hellant came charging at us screaming in outrage.

“A truly brave man does not start a fight,” said the Knight as he drew his dagger with a flourish, “but if provoked he will finish the fight.”

The knight then counter-charged and the two jumped at each other, one with tentacles flailing, the other with a glimmer of steel.

For a moment, the two remained crouched in the pose of follow-through afterwards.  Only when the Knight sheathed his blade did the tentacles drop to the deck, leaving Hellant howling in agony.

But that was a mistake.

Rule number one of any fight: you don’t put your weapon away until your opponent is down for good.  As the Knight turned to admire his handiwork, the tentacles were back in force and had him tied up six ways to Sunday.  With all her tentacles in use, I decided a more up close approach was in order.

I charged at her and whipped her across the face with my laser pistol, cracking the plastic housing that was strong enough to put up with abuse from thousands of rambunctious children.

The monster reeled backwards, tentacles releasing the Moonlight Knight, cradling her face, and peering at me from behind her hands in outrage.

C’mon!  Bring it!” I yelled at her defiantly in my mother tongue.  “I ain’t got all day to die, bitch!

If there was any doubt in my mind about these monsters being able to understand you no matter what you said to them, then it was blown away as the monster reared and snarled, preparing a finishing attack.

Here it comes, I thought, bracing myself for the onslaught.

Her wrathful expression then turned to an utterly priceless look of surprise as one of her tentacles went taught and dragged her away from me.  I would never forget it.  First her eyes shot wide, then one actually went larger than the other as her jaw dropped open, emitting a yelp that could be translated as ‘WTF?’

Best.  Expression.  Ever.

Her face then had a close encounter of the third kind… with Francis Laurence Kubiac III’s ham-fist, that is.

Her body made a rather nice imprint on the opposite wall.

Next, there was Ami with her Bubble Spray.  Say what you will about how ridiculous that attack may seem.  That spray of bubbles is colder than an arctic spray in the middle of January and I could feel the chill from where I stood.  Cold is a bad thing.  Cold combined with water is disastrous for anything that isn’t a polar bear or a penguin.

Cold shuts down biological processes and nervous systems.  Hypothermia claims more victims than shark attacks, lightning strikes, and airline crashes combined.

Remember: Bubble Spray = serious threat.

Next up was Rei, who promptly nails the monster with Fire Soul.  While the monster fries, I wonder if I will ever get over how Rei looks in her Fuku.

With Hellant reeling from the triple-threat, the rest of the Senshi took up defensive positions around us.

“It seems like we got here just in time,” said Makoto.

“Everyone, Mercury,” said Usagi, her voice cracking.  Before bursting into tears, she managed to get out, “My tiara doesn’t work anymore!”

Ami came to Usagi’s side and comforted her.  “Calm down, Sailor Moon.”

“The tiara?” said Luna in confusion as she brought up the rear.  “No way!”  Minako retrieved the piece of jewelry and handed it back to Usagi.

“Sailor Moon, pull yourself together,” said Minako kindly.  She then turned to Hellant, glaring.  “We will be your opponent in place of Sailor Moon!”

Without further ado, Sailor Venus and Sailor Jupiter got ready to let Hellant have it.

While Motoko warmed up her attack, Minako lets the monster have it with her Crescent Beam.  Unlike the others, Mina does not claim a natural element.  Her’s is metal – forged, tempered, and striking with irresistible force.  Getting hit with one of her attacks is not fun at all.  Despite being such a despicable creature, I wince as the monster got slammed by Sailor Venus’s attack.

And then Motoko finished her wind-up and added her own two cents with Supreme Thunder.  Electricity is a close relative to my wind-element.  After all, wind can generate enormous static-electrical charges within a thunder-head.  Class, can you say one-point-twenty-one gigawatts?

The monster had had it and with a cry of ‘cleansing,’ she ceased to be.

“We will get back at you for this!” growled Ail, as he and Ain vanished from sight.

“Excellent work!” said the Moonlight Knight, getting our attention.  He stood poised by an emergency exit.  “Sailor Senshi, even in battle, the brilliance of your friendship shines beautifully.  And you, Dark Knight of the Raven, I am thankful for your help on this day.  I look forward to fighting at your side once more.  Adieu.”  Before anyone could even say anything, he dove through the exit and was gone.

It was then that Mamorou turned to us and asked, “Who in the world are you people?”

The Senshi fell into awkward silence, so I filled it in for them.

“We are those who help the helpless, wherever and whenever we can.”

Right then, a clamor arose at the far end of the corridor.  A rescue party was making its way through the amusement place, tending to the people that had fallen victim to Hellant.

Meanwhile, the girls were giving me surprised looks at my boldness.  Kubiak only smiled.  I simply motioned to the exit with my head and they all nodded in reply.  Quick as a wink and quieter than a church mouse, we got the hell out of there.

Once outside, the Senshi reverted to their normal selves and Rei exploded on me.

“Zeke, are you okay?”

Daijobu,” I answered.  “Just very tired.”

“Don’t you ever take one of those things on unarmed again!” she snapped at me, all fire and passion.  “Don’t be a macho-idiot!  Come and get me if you have to, but don’t face them unarmed!”

Rei then went silent as I enfolded her in an embrace.  The others gasped in surprise.

“Thank you for being there for me, Rei.”

“Daaaawwwwww,” said Kubiak with a mischievous grin.  “Cho kawai.

Nandaiyo, baka!” She said as she then squirmed and pushed me away.  I smiled though.  I knew her heart wasn’t in it because if she wanted to she could have fricasseed me on the spot.

I simply smiled back at her, then turned to the others.

“There’s been some new developments.  We should head back to the shrine and compare notes.”

“Whaaaaaaat?” cried out Usagi.  “Study work right now!?”

“No, you odango-atama!” said Rei.  “He means we should talk about everything that happened to figure things out.”

“Oh!  Well, I guess that makes sense.  Neh, neh, Nii-san!  Can I ride with you on your bike?”

Rei blinked at that and turned to me.  “Nii-san?”

I smiled back.  “As of right now, all of you girls are my little sisters.  Except for you, Rei.”  I leaned in close and whispered, “You’re very special to me.”

The bridge of Rei’s nose turned red.  “Baka!  Don’t say such things in front of them!”

 


Ail was positively seething.  Another Cardian, failed.  But even worse than that, one of those… insects… had laid hands on them, so to speak.  The wounds were minor at worse, but they still burned with an intensity rivaled only by his rage.  Worse, they reeked of that human’s aura!

And the icing on the cake was that this human had made a point of redirecting Usagi’s attention away from him.

“You know, just pacing around is not going to solve our problems,” said Ain pointedly from her perch in the Doom Tree.

Ail glared up at Ain, and she returned the glare with interest.

“I’ve been thinking, as well,” Ail finally said, keeping his eyes locked onto Ain’s.

“Oh, what about?” asked Ain, truly curious.

“I think it is time we eliminated a certain human entirely,” he said, conjuring an image of Zeke, poised to strike with his two laser pistols.

“Oh?  You mean the one that was so kind to burn us?” sneered Ain.

“Yes.  That Darkwood person,” said Ail, barely keeping the snarl out of his voice.  He then added in a low and threatening tone, “I wish to see him suffer.”

Ain smiled cruelly.  “Then an opportunity has presented itself.”

Ail cut a look to Ain.  “How so?”

Ain gestured, conjuring a newspaper article.  “He is to take part in a competition for the fate of his world.  I doubt the results will have any effect on us, but he will be facing his opponent alone.”

Ail smiled viciously.  “And so we will send a Cardian to him.”

“And when she drains him she will leave nothing but dust, and our tree will flourish once more.  All we need is patience.  The competition is not for a few more days.”

Ail then relaxed and became more jovial, saying, “That is fine.  We can wait.  I want to take time to heal before I let him see my face once more.”

 


We arrived at the shrine without incident.  Usagi phoned ahead to her mother than she was unharmed and would be relaxing with her friends for the rest of the afternoon.

We all sat down and talked about what happened.  First and foremost was the Tiara.  For the longest time, it had been Usagi’s primary weapon.  However, I theorized that there had to be other weapons in her arsenal if she really was the Princess of the Moon Kingdom.  After all, the Tiara struck me as a hold-out weapon more than anything else.

“There were artifacts Usagi could use that Queen Serenity had stored somewhere,” said Luna thoughtfully.

“Do we know how to gain access to these artifacts?” asked Ami.

Luna sighed.  “Sadly, no.  The secrets of their location died with the Queen.”

“Maybe that won’t have to stop us,” I said as something occurred to me.

“How can that be?” wondered Luna.

I looked to Rei, who decided to sit close to me, subtly reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.  She looked to me with concerned eyes, but once she did she could tell what I was thinking.

This secret can’t keep forever.  They need to know, too.

Rei then turned to the rest and said, “Ezekiel is the chosen Avatar of a powerful God, Raven-sama.”

The room nearly exploded at that and nothing further could really be said until Luna got them all to settle down.

“Rei,” said Luna.  “Are you absolutely certain of this?  Ezekiel is really Raven-sama’s Avatar?  But he doesn’t have the marks!”

I sighed and took out a moist towelet that I picked up from a café then used it to scrub at my cheeks, revealing my true face to everyone present.

“Does this validate my claim, Lady Luna?” I asked her politely.

“Yes,” said Luna in shock as the others stared at my marks in stunned silence.  “I can see now that Raven-sama has indeed chosen you.  How long have you known about this?”

“For most of my life, my Lady.  My Grandfather has made sure that I receive training in all sorts of magery and witchcraft.  Coming here to Japan was meant to be a step in my training as well.”

“So, you are nearly ready then.  Do you commune with Raven-sama?”

“More often than I’d like sometimes,” I grumbled.  Really, as much as he doted, the old bird could be a pain in the ass when he wanted to be.  Which was often.

“Better than I’d hoped!” said Luna happily.

“Wait,” said Rei.  “You seem to know a lot about what’s going on here, Luna.  What’s up with that?”

“Do you honestly think that he’s the only avatar that God has had?”

I blinked at that.  “You mean you knew of an Avatar during Queen Serenity’s rule?”

“Oh-ho!  I did indeed.  A fine young boy he was.  He gave me such good scratches behind my ears.  It was through him that Queen Serenity arranged to have you Senshi reborn in this age should all else fail.”

“Of course!” I said, snapping my fingers.  “Deal with the master over Life and Death - He who holds the keys to reincarnation itself!”

“And that is exactly what Queen Serenity did.”

Something then occurred to me.  “Wait.  In exchange for what?”

“Her own soul,” said Luna heavily.

“Hah!  Sneaky old bastard.”  I had a pretty good idea what was going on, but I wasn’t going to let the others in on it just yet – it was too scandalous for their ears.  “So, you two want to go see the Queen?  I’m pretty sure Raven would oblige.”

“But how would you do that?” asked Minako.  “I don’t think some magic ritual is going to really call him down.”

“Of course not,” I answered.  “If you want to speak to Raven, you have to go to him.”

“But… how?” asked Makoto.

“Through me.  Luna can use her mindmeld and we will mind-walk to see him.  You could say that, being his Avatar, I have a full-access pass.”

“Zeke, are you sure that’s safe?” said Rei, stopping herself short of placing a possessive hand on my shoulder.  Warmed once more by her concern, I turned to her, took her hand in mine, and smiled.

“We’ll be okay, Rei.  I swear it.  Though having you on this end keeping an eye on things would be nice, too.”

“Just don’t get yourself into trouble you can’t get out of.”

I nodded, then turned to Luna and Usagi.  “Do you want to do this now?”

“Yes,” said Luna reluctantly, “but there’s other things on the table to be discussed.”

“What about my Mamorou-chan!” cried out Usagi, tears nearly brimming from her eyes.

I felt my face scrunch up in consternation.  I honestly felt bad for my little sister, so I wanted to do what I could to help.

“It’s so strange,” I said.  “Usagi, how certain were you at first that the Moonlight Knight was Mamorou?”

Usagi blushed.  “I… I don’t know.  I just felt that somehow it had to be him.”

“I thought as much,” I muttered.  “Mamorou and the Moonlight Knight feel the same to me.  Even the appearance is a striking resemblance – same height, same build, same hair and eyes.  I bet if you recorded a voiceprint from the both of them that they’d turn up the same.”

“But there were two separate people!” said Luna.  “Are you saying that Mamorou has a twin brother somewhere?”

Usagi went glassy eyed for a moment, so I went on before she could start drooling.

“It would be nice if it was that simple, wouldn’t it?  But Usagi says that he felt the same as Mamorou does, which means that he has the same astral pattern, and souls are strictly one per customer.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that it was some kind of astral projection, but they aren’t usually visible to waking eyes, let alone be able to act upon the physical plain.”

…NANI!?” said Makoto, Ami, Minako and Usagi.

“Think of it as like separating yourself from your body and making yourself into a ghost for a short time,” said Rei.  “You can’t be seen, but you can see others, and you can’t really touch anything – you would just pass through everything like it didn’t exist.  I can see why Zeke would think it is astral projection, but that still doesn’t quite make sense.”

I sighed.  “Rei, someday you and I are going to have to give these girls a crash-course in metaphysics.  It could honestly mean the difference between life and death.”

“Hai.”

“Okay, so we don’t know enough to understand what is going on,” said Ami.  “I guess we will have to wait until we learn more.”

“Indeed,” said Luna.  “And now, what about you, Zeke?  You were really using a laser pistol to fend off that Cardian?”

I shrugged.  “I can’t really explain it.  I even used someone else’s.  I think it was Mamorou’s – he said that it hadn’t worked for him.”

“Hrm,” said Luna thoughtfully.  “Makoto?  Do you still have those shinai from your kendo club here?”

“Ah?  Hai!”

“Would you please get a pair of them?  I have an idea I would like to try out.”

 


Moments later we were assembled outside in an area of the shrine closed off to the public.  The idea was simple.  I would give Makoto an attacking blow with as much intent to do harm as possible, and Ami as Mercury would scan me with her computer.

“This is stupid,” I griped.  “I can’t bring myself to hurt you, Makoto!”

“Don’t worry, Zee-kun!” chirped Makoto cheerfully.  “I don’t think you’ll be able to hurt me at all.  If anything, I’ll have to hold back against you.”

… Ho boy.

We were positioned at opposite ends of the yard.  A signal was given by Rei and Makoto and I charged at each other.

Which way is she coming, I thought as I watched her running at me, blade raised to strike at me.  I know that she is the most physically powerful of the girls, outmuscling even some men (and looking damn good while doing it, too).

We closed the distance and Makoto struck.  It was all I could do just to parry the blow, and even so I felt the shock travel up my arms and jarring me through my core.  I faltered as I came to a stop, catching my breath, but not for long as I heard Makoto behind me.

“We’re not done yet, Zee-kun!” she said sweetly.  I looked up in time to react – she was coming at me, poised for another blow.

Holy shit!” I yelped in English as I barely managed to interpose my shinai against hers.  In quick succession I had to parry three more blows that came hard enough to make my hands start to ache.

Whatever the hell happened to taking it easy on me, I thought angrily.  I ducked and rolled away from another swing, growling as I came to my feet once more and charged while she was off-balance.

No more Nice Guy-san!  My shinai came in for her ribs when I heard Ami call out:

“There it is!”

It didn’t come in time for me to stop the swing entirely, but I was at least able to pull back a bit.

ITAI!” yelped Makoto.  While usually harmless, shinai are meant to sting when they hit, even if it was just a little love-tap.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes, yes,” she groused as she rubbed at the tender spot on her ribs.  “I’ve had worse before.  I didn’t think you knew how to evade like that.”

“I’ve had a bit of training,” I admitted.  “Lately, though, my dad’s been stepping it up.  He wants me to be able to protect myself from the Invader incase she tries something dirty.”

“Isn’t that a little paranoid?”

“Not when someone is actually out to get you.”  Right then, everyone else caught up to Makoto and me.

“That was remarkable!” said Ami excitedly.  “You actually channeled your battle-aura into your shinai!”

“It explains why you were able to hurt the Cardian with the laser pistols,” added Luna.  “You were shooting it with weak bolts of spirit-energy, much like Minako’s Crescent Beam attack.”

I nodded at that, and then a wave of dizziness overcame me.

“Weeeelll,” I said, “I guess that explains why I’m suddenly so tired.  Check please!”

I couldn’t feel myself falling – my sense of balance had gone to hell all the sudden along with any idea of which way was up.  But I knew I was falling just the same.

Slender, delicate hands grabbed a hold of me with more strength than they appeared to have.  I knew those hands.  They belong to someone that I somehow cared about more deeply than I allowed myself to show.  I looked up into Rei’s dark eyes.  They were filled with grave concern and I felt my heart flutter.

Dear sweet Raven, am I really in love with her?

Something wasn’t right.  There was something missing from my mind – it had gone fishing and left the rest of me sitting there feeling very silly.  All on its own, my left hand reached up to gently cup the side of her face.  Startled, she looked down at me.

“So beautiful,” I heard myself say.

And then everything went dark.
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#2
I'm feeling a lost regarding the Enemies of the Season for Sailor Moon--probably 'cause I never actually watched it...
So some context would help me (and other such fans) out.
Kubiac is awesome here.  I kinda think he needs to get the spotlight sometime.
Did he mean kowai, or kawaii?  I know you said that typos are present, but the difference here is, um, profound.  (and whether or not his mask slips sometime...)
I also liked the subtle foreshadowing of the Whispered.  People with powers that make countries nervous.  Since Kubiac is really playing dumb, is a(nother) Whispered?  Keep that answer a secret for a long, long while.
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#3
I'll see if I can write some exposition to help things out with the context on villains.
And yes, I am definitely trying to give Kubiak his due in Moments of Awesome.  (It's kinda tough to bring a wall-flower personality like his into the story.)  Eventually I would like to write a few short chapters about Kubiak and Makoto going out together and having misadventures of their own.
And that's not really a typoe.  Adding Cho to something, as in Cho Kawaii, is like adding the word Very.  Cho Kawaii = Very Cute!
And Kubiak's status will be confirmed once MITHRIL shows up.  (^_^)
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#4
On the subject of the random Japanese, what does 'Nandaiyo' mean?

This is
just a bit of personal preference, but I find it a bit jarring when there are words in a different language placed in a fic, when there are adequate English translations for them.  Words like 'nakama', or 'hitsuzen', or the honorifics lose some of their meanings or connotations when translated, so those make sense to keep, but words like 'nani', which directly translates to 'what', are better translated, in my opinion.  It just doesn't make sense to me to randomly and inconsistently drop the translation convention in the middle of a scene.  At one point, you have Usagi saying "Whaaaaat!", while in another, you have the senshi shout "Nani!"  When I'm reading, and come across a word I don't recognize, I stop and look it up, which breaks the flow of the story, and makes it difficult to regain my immersion in the story.

Sorry about that.  This kind of random language swap has always kinda bugged me.  Thanks for writing though.  Better than how I'm doing.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.
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#5
Nandaiyo literally means "What do you expect of me?"  However, depending on how it is inflected, it can be translated as anything from, "Dude, what?" to, "WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU THINKING!?!"  Of course, it's usually pretty easy to tell.  Wink
Sorry about the inconsistencies - those are the things that I would like to have more commentary on - not so much grammar and spelling, but plot and style.  Thanks a bundle.
*Ponders* Maybe I should do an original version and an All-English version...
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#6
blackaeronaut Wrote:*Ponders* Maybe I should do an original version and an All-English version...
Meh.  As long as you're careful to give either translations or context clues, using bits and pieces of Japanese should be fine.  Ideally there should be a pattern to when the characters lines are translated or not--so you can use it as a shorthand.  Remember, your readers use the words to create images of scenes--the Japanese bits can help with that.
If nothing else, use footnotes--awkward, yes, but if you really can't make anything else work...
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#7
At the very least add in a chapter end glossary.  The real problem is that you have a group of people who all speak Japanese, most of which have it as a native language.  Writing ethics wise it is best to only use foreign languages when your trying to portray an outsider looking in.  For instance, one that can't keep up with the conversation and is loosing every other word... at that point it makes perfect sense to have an amalgam of English and Japanese.  Though the sentence structure should reflect the confused's view point.  From what little I know of Japanese the sentence structure is predicate ending in subject.  In English its subject, then predicate. Typically anyway.
So if your killed mid-sentence, while speaking Japanese, your going to explain the relevance of the sentence, then get cut off before your have the reveal on who it is about.  So you now know the horrible secret (or at least part of it), but not who's secret it is.  This means anyone is a suspect... though sex specific language will cut off half the population.  If your offed in the same way while speaking English, your going to know who the secret is about and get a clue on the secret, but have half a picture of what the secret actually is.
That isn't true here. People are speaking Common (Japanese due to location), then suddenly the words switch language... but only for the reader.  So, its utterly nonsensical that the language switches... this is made worse by the same chapter containing common lines whenever Zeke or someone else is actually speaking random English.  In other words, your slipping into fanboy Japanese and not realizing/acknowledging it.  This will get you hate reviews.
Not that I really blaim them much.  You are randomly using 'nani' and 'what'.  This is inconsistant in chapter.  Pick one and stick with it.  The there is the use of "Nandaiyo" which you describe as an exclamatory that is basically translated into English as 'Smurf'.  Yes, 'Smurf'.  Your randomly writing in 'Smurf'.  Maybe Pokemon... this is okay when your able to hear the voice acting... the meaning tends to bypass laguage barriers. Yes, you are writing that into the text...
The thing is the way your using it, needs a lead in explinattion.  You need to define it in the disclaimer notes at the beginning or its just 'Woooo!!! I know random Japanesy type word! Woooo!!!! I am your god! Worship me!!!" fanboy elitist moment for many readers and consequently a major turn off.  Most will write off curse words in a foreign language as getting crap past the sensors.  If you were using that word as something a character didn't know and say, had them start yelling at people to stop using it or at have the common courtesy to stop being a frelling shizno and explain what in the name of Smegstar the Mighty it means.  Here every single one of the character's fully understands the word and its meaning and there is no reason it shouldn't be auto-translated in the character's heads.
Not that I'm this annoyed with it really... but I've seen people leave reviews, in force, on this specific topic that give writers Skysaber level creative breakdowns and withdraw from writing.
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#8
Send a Cardian after Zeke in the middle of  a game of Oni Tag? The hallmark of arrogant stupidity.These guys are not very good planners. Then again, these guys are on the lower tier of bosses. The most likely event is couple of organizations fixing their attentions on the pair if they do try and do it.
__________________
Into terror!,  Into valour!
Charge ahead! No! Never turn
Yes, it's into the fire we fly
And the devil will burn!
- Scarlett Pimpernell
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#9
Okay then, so I'll go ahead and start removing all the Japanese language bits, but there'll be some bits left in just for flavor, such as titles and honorifics. And I definitely draw the line at changing people's names.

Ord: Yes, they are arrogant, but that's the flavor they tend to come in over yonder at Casa Luna. No worries, it'll turn out well in the end. Smile
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#10
Quote:So if your killed mid-sentence, while speaking Japanese, your going to explain the relevance of the sentence, then get cut off before your have the reveal on who it is about. So you now know the horrible secret (or at least part of it), but not who's secret it is. This means anyone is a suspect... though sex specific language will cut off half the population.
Actually, Japanese has common gender-neutral constructions, so this might not pop up.
Quote:And I definitely draw the line at changing people's names.
Definitely. She's Usagi Tsukino, not Bunny O'Moon.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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#11
Quote:She's Usagi Tsukino, not Bunny O'Moon.
But just think of the fun you could have with relocating Sailor Moon to Ireland...
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.
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#12
*SNRK!*
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#13
Bob Schroeck Wrote:
Quote:She's Usagi Tsukino, not Bunny O'Moon.
But just think of the fun you could have with relocating Sailor Moon to Ireland...
"Sure as I'm Sailor Moon, I'll be punishing you."
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
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