Legend of the Killer Bee by Shayne Dark (Ottawa, Canada) Copyright (C) 2004, by Shayne Dark (Warning from Bob: This story contains some off-color, although not really explicit, material. You Have Been Warned.) From the Archives, another shorter, light story, I was trying for a Carry-On movie (Starring Sid James as Thibor Sawchyk) feel here, focusing on the intrepid investigating duo of Simon Bitterbuck and Naoko Yoshida. Although it hasn't been mentioned yet, Naoko is also a minor meta-human, who has very minor intuitive postcognition and very limited precognition – which only manifests itself while she is driving. She intuitively draws upon this, and as such, cramming into her little white fiat is an exercise in mortal terror. A special round of Kudos goes to Ken Roberts, the GM of our IST game for calling on his immense store of placid, Zen wisdom to proclaim that the world presented in the anime series Variable Geo was in fact the Utopia that came to pass after Master Bison and Shadowlaw conquered the world. Waitresses and beauty queens engaged in no holds barred combat, with the loser having to strip and..ahem… bring joy to the watching masses. Is it any wonder that he smiles more than Russ Meyer? There is an epilogue which answers the question posed by this story. I will post it later… IST Headquarters: Lieutenant Colonel Hoyle's Operations Centre. "Kso! Gah!" Naoko slammed her tiny fists against the surface of her cluttered desk in frustration. A pile of papers, already teetering precariously, took the opportunity to make a mad dash towards the floor. The paper avalanche swept Naoko's coffee mug and waving Hello Kitty doll to the floor. "Problem?" Simon said mildly, regretting the words as they emerged from his mouth. All of his instincts were telling him to flee the area and not look back towards the nuclear detonation of frustration that Naoko was about to release in their shared office. "It's not in any of the files! Nowhere! Nada!" She pounded her desk again sending another torrent of papers hurtling to the floor. "What are you looking for?" Simon took off his glasses and polished them. It had been a relatively dull day in the operations center and the thought of an epic information gathering challenge was welcome. "Or should I say what are we looking for?" "It's not really IST business." Naoko admitted, biting at her lip. "I'm writing the news release for the wedding, and I'm having trouble with Cammy's Bio. It's finished and ready to go, but…" "What?" Simon was becoming intrigued. Whatever it was, it wasn't in any of the personnel files, and knowing his partner in crime as well as he did, it wasn't in any of the private files either, as Naoko would have already been into them by whatever means necessary. Furthermore, his mind neatly arranged the facts in a matrix, it wasn't something she was willing to ask Cammy or Thibor about, or she would have done so already. And she would be reasonably sure he didn't know either. "Killer Bee!" Naoko spat out. "Her Shadaloo code-name was Killer Bee. I get the whole doll-months of the year theme. It's horrible, but it sort of makes sense. I know it's not important, but I really want to know." "Maybe Bison's a John Belushi fan." Simon suggested. "You know, 'we're killer bees, buzz buzz buzz buzz.' Wait scratch that. If he was that big a fan, Balrog would have been called Land Shark. I suppose you could always ask him." "Sure." Naoko fumed. "He's at large and hasn't been spotted by IST agents in weeks, but I bet that he'd be willing to pick up the phone and tell me why he called Cammy the Killer Bee. Or better yet, I'll surf over to his website at www.bisonopolis.com. I am sure he posts regularly to his 'dominate the world' blog, answers all his e-mail and…no way!" "Yeah. I found it too." Simon said. For long moments the only sound in the operations center was the clicking of mice. "This is sick." Naoko announced. "What is this garbage about having waitresses and pop idols fight in the middle of the streets. Televised worldwide and the loser has to… I don't believe this. Do you believe this?" "No." Simon admitted. "Look at the odds 4:1 for Britney Spears over Christine Aguilera. Not a chance, 2:1 tops." "Simon…" Naoko's voice held a dangerous timbre. "Here's the dominate the world blog." Simon neatly sidestepped, hoping the sudden change in topic would somehow turn aside the wrecking ball of Naoko's displeasure at the base nature of the male psyche. "Check out the picture of the webmaster." "Eeeww." Naoko cringed, hunching her shoulders up. "What a creep!" "Zoltar." Simon read the bio. "I feel greasy just looking at this." "The recruiting page is interesting. We could be raking in huge Bison dollars if we joined now." Naoko's eyes lost focus for a moment. "No! Not just no. Hell no." "Too bad. Ace computer skills, sharp as a tack, sly as a fox and you great in a leotard." Simon said, noting the outrage growing on Naoko's features. "Watch it Chief." Naoko grated. "You're digging yourself into a hole." "Safest place to be when the bombs go off." Simon countered. The odds were good. He had been mentally gauging and calculating Naoko's responses over the last months and was 78% sure that he could get away with taking her out for a gourmet dinner. "Getting deeper Bitterbuck." Naoko pivoted her chair to face him and folded her arms across her modest chest, her freckled, pixie features set in an expression of epic displeasure. "Don't worry. I'll be out in time for dinner. Scolari's. Italian. My treat." Simon mentally flagged one more victory for the home team as Naoko's body language subtly shifted. The way to Naoko's heart wasn't exactly through her stomache, but it did provide a useful detour. Naoko wasn't as mercenary or materialistic as she sometimes appeared. With her skills she could easily command treble the already generous IST stipend if she entered private enterprise; something inherently heroic was embedded deeply in her psyche. "I'll forgive you this time." Naoko spun her chair back to face her keyboard so Simon wouldn't see her wide smile. She had been pretty sure he would offer to take her out for dinner. Simon could be so considerate when subjected to the proper stimulus. "Back to business." Naoko announced her fingers flying over her keyboard with consummate skill. "I am re-routing my connection to another ISP and leapfrogging from there. Ten degrees of separation should do the trick. Okay, here we go. Dear Master Bison. No, wait that doesn't sound right. Hail Master Bison! Better. Hail Master Bison! I am a young, pretty Japanese school girl and you are so handsome and make me warm – I just can't believe I'm writing to you, this is so exciting. I was hoping you could answer a question for me and maybe send a signed photo. Why Killer Bee? XXX OOO signed, Chie Sakamura. Send." "Naoko…" Simon began, pausing to gather his thoughts. "There are some days that you scare me." "Boo." Naoko winked, the tip of her tongue protruding from between her lips. "I did a co-op with the vice squad busting net perverts. Bison may be the world's most powerful pervert, but he's still just a perv and none of them can resist a Japanese school girl who is in an advanced state of warm." "Forget scared. Terrified." Simon admitted. "How long do you think it will take?" "I've set a non-standard alert, we'll know if he answers. So, it's back to business until we get a response, or dinner, whichever comes first. I'm going to run the arms numbers for Libya, can you hit shipping manifests and tonnage? I think I'll have the cannelloni tonight." Naoko waited until Simon's screen was packed with data before whispering. "Italian food makes me warm." "Did you say something?" Simon looked up from the data pouring in. "Yes." Naoko smiled impishly. "And you'll be wishing you had paid more attention. Tonnage checks out, but…" "Incoming." Simon interrupted as he heard the sound of a chair noisily scraping on the polished wooden floor. He turned back to his terminal and tried to look as busy as possible. Lieutenant Colonel Hoyle's meeting with Rose must be coming to an end. Thibor had pre-arranged the signal as both a security measure and a courtesy to the operations staff. It allowed them time to clear their terminals of anything related to IST business, or as was sometimes the case, things that were not. The door opened and Rose emerged, followed by Thibor and Cammy. The meeting had been to discuss progress with Bison's freed dolls. Like it or not, Rose was an expert on Bison, and her advice, treated with due suspicion, was useful. It must have unfolded in the manner he had expected. Rose was smiling slightly, Thibor had his 'game-face' on and was not letting any hint of his thoughts show, and Cammy was being dutifully polite and gracious, despite her obvious, unspoken desire to scrape the smile off of Rose's face with the bottom of a combat boot. "I am so pleased that Silhouette has taken them in." Rose said languidly. "It is a credit to your leadership that she has learned such kindness. Taking care of strays that cross her path so enthusiastically." "Thank you." Cammy said warily. "Still they did ask about you." Rose continued. "Poor lost waifs. They feel that you have abandoned them; what was it that dear little Juliet said. Oh, yes, that you never play with them anymore. I can't imagine why. Are you well Camille? You look flushed." "I'm fine. Spot on." Cammy met Rose's eyes evenly, unwilling to acknowledge the crimson blush that had spread across her features. She had absolutely no reason to be embarrassed and yet her skin was burning, and it wasn't embarrassment. No. She corrected herself, now it was embarrassment. "My mistake then." Rose admitted gracefully. She walked towards the office, with a floating, ethereal grace that somehow allowed her hips to sway seductively. As she passed Naoko's desk, her long fingers darted out and snagged an envelope from the middle of an impressive pile. "Hey! Wait." Naoko tried to snatch it back, but ended up missing by several inches. "I thought I would save you the trouble dear girl." Rose held the envelope lightly between two fingers. "It would be a tragedy if it was lost in the mail." "It's no trouble Miss Cagliostro." Naoko made another fruitless grab at the envelope and then dropped back into her chair. "Of course it isn't my dear, not anymore. When you visit Scolari's you must try his Crab Cioppino." Rose turned her attention to Simon. "It is just the thing to warm you." Naoko glared, while Simon's adam's apple worked up and down, a blush rising on his features. "Thank you for your time Rose, your insight is appreciated." Cammy got the sentence out around the blush that still coloured her features. "I am at your disposal." Rose smiled, abruptly changing topics. "You will be wearing white at the wedding won't you? Of course you will. It is the dream of all girls to walk the sacred aisle thusly." "Rosa." There was a dangerous growl in the back of Thibor's throat. "It is quite alright Major." Cammy's spine was ramrod straight. "Yes. I have selected a lovely gown, and yes, it is white. If there is nothing else, I regrettably have other matters that will shortly require my attention." "I do like you Lieutenant Colonel." Rose laughed. "You are a fascinating young lady, so different from the women Thibor normally associates with. Ciao." As she turned to leave, Naoko's screen began flashing brightly, a yellow creature was running across the monitor, its high pitched cries of "Pika! Pika! Pika!" issuing from the speakers. "Now what could this be?" Rose watched the digital creature prance with an amused expression. "Fascinating what magic these machines create." "It's nothing." Naoko reached for the keyboard as the creatures cries of "Pika! Pika! Pika-chuuuu!!" became louder and more strident. "No, it's not. Really Naoko; if you wanted to know the answer to that question, you could simply ask Thibor, he's already figured it out." Rose swept out of the office. The door remained open for several long moments before gently closing on its own accord. Simon let out a held breath and gathered his thoughts together. How did she do that to him? Rose could make the most prim and proper clothes seem more lascivious than the skimpiest lingerie; and the most innocent of statements like red hot pillow-talk. The alligator portion of his mind briefly entertained the thought of her in skimpy lingerie, but quickly discarded it, he needed his mind focused for the remainder of the afternoon. He would leave such researches to braver men then himself. With Rose gone, there was a calm in the operations center, but it wasn't the placid calm of a Zen garden. It was the moment of calm before the monstrous storm. A heavy, uncomfortable quiet signifying that the gods of thunder, rain and lighting were dropping their drawers in preparation for an absolute shit-storm. Naoko was glaring at Thibor, Cammy was glaring at Naoko. Thibor was glaring at the door. Good. That meant he was safe. "Pika! Pika! Pika! Pikachuuu!" The electronic homunculi continued its attention seeking dance. It was enough to break the tableau and Naoko clicked on it with her mouse, causing it to explode into a cascade of sparks. "Thank you." Cammy's posture relaxed. "Now, what exactly are you supposed to ask Thibor?" "It's not important." Naoko said. "We were just looking over the shipping in Libya and…" "Naoko." Cammy said gently. "I am not going to order you to tell me, but I am asking. Please." "Killer Bee." Naoko hung her head. "I really wanted to know why your Shadaloo code name was Killer Bee. I'm sorry." "Yes, well no harm done. I'll admit to being curious myself. Fortunately the answer is at hand. Major." Cammy turned to Thibor. "Miss Cagliostro indicated that you are capable of furnishing an answer." "Is only theory." Thibor began. "Is not from horses mouth." "All the same." Cammy said in a precise, clipped voice. "I would appreciate an answer." "Is not…" Thibor started. "Thibor." Cammy said gently. "I am going to order you to tell me, and I would rather I not have to. Please." "Okay." With a glare towards Naoko Thibor leaned close and whispered something in Cammy's ear. She nodded at the first sentence. The second brought a bright crimson blush to her face, and by the third, beads of sweat of had formed on her forehead." "Yes…" Cammy gasped. "Well that does explain things. Thank you Major, that will be all." She retreated into her office, her distraction causing her to catch her shoulder on the door frame. "Carry on." Thibor nodded to Simon and Naoko. "If is needing me, will be in training centre…. Having very cold shower." He left quickly. Naoko's gaze traveled back and forth from the door to Cammy's office to the door that Thibor had left through. "Oh damn!" Naoko slumped in her chair. "Now I really REALLY want to know." Epilogue: “Thibor.” Simon’s shoulders were slumped. “We need to talk.” The air around Simon carried the telltale odours of exhaustion and a small amount of fear. “Pull up chair.” Thibor gestured Simon to the more comfortable of his office chairs. “Is betting that little Miss Yoshida is not letting matter drop gracefully.” “Yeah.” Simon collapsed into the chair. “It’s been a week now. I’m beginning to get worried. She shouldn’t have answered that e- mail. The webmaster of that site is… I can’t really describe it. He types like Peter Lorre talks.” “That is creepy.” Thibor nodded in agreement, his features became serious. “She is still communicating with him?” “Yes.” There was a hard edge to Simon’s voice. “He wanted a gesture of good faith before he passed on her request to Bison. For the record, Naoko Yoshida, aged 23, can still fit into her high-school uniform. She modified her features so she’s not immediately recognizable, but…” “Is worried that creep on other end of wire will either up ante, or worse, show increased interest in her.” Thibor nodded. “And might even bring her to attention of Bison himself. Is bad. Sil is not needing more roommates. Is probably asking for underwear next.” “Two points.” Simon acknowledged. “And to make matters worse, she’s considering it.” “But is having two days grace period to decide because is wanting them well traveled.” Thibor grimaced. “The reason behind Killer Bee is...” “Wait.” Simon held up a hand. “Don’t tell me. Tell her.” “Clever.” Thibor smiled grimly. “Cowardly, but clever. If is telling you, and you tell Naoko is going to carry greasy taint of answer. I tell, is out of line of fire.” “Yeah.” Simon looked embarrassed. “Sorry Thibor I shouldn’t have asked, I’ll tell her.” “Don’t bother.” Thibor got up from his desk and walked to the door and opened it. “You can come in.” Naoko peeked guiltily around the door frame. “Hi Major.” A banana grin was fixed across her features. She stepped in and closed the door behind her. “Second Lieutenant Yoshida.” Thibor’s voice was like iron. “Is hereby ordered to cease and desist all active on-line contact with agents of Shadaloo, in regards to un-authorized investigation. Is understanding!” “Yes.” Naoko looked down. “What?.” Thibor barked. “Yes Major Sawchyk Sir!” Naoko’s posture snapped to full parade attention. “Understood.” “Good.” Thibor nodded and gestured for her to take the other chair. “Is treating this information like highest level classified. Tell no one. Reason for name Killer Bee is as follows. One - Cammy is deadly and carries a powerful sting. Two – Is collecting nectar from delicate blossoms and rampant stamen with equal vigor. Three – Will produce vast amounts of sweet honey when properly encouraged to do so. Any questions?” “Yes.” Naoko looked disgusted. “Are all men pigs?” “Affirmative, except maybe for Simon. Now is getting out of here.” He waited until Naoko was at the door before tossing her his gym bag. “Here is finding something appropriate to send your friend.” Thibor waited for Naoko to close the door before collapsing in his chair and rubbing at his temples. “Thank’s Thibor.” Simon got up. “I owe you one.” “Don’t thank me.” Thibor managed a wolfish grin. “Is terrible thing I just did to you.” “You think this will come back to haunt me somehow.” Simon said. “Yes. Will end up married.”