Team Metric Are Go!
by 
Shayne Dark (Ottawa, Canada)
Copyright (C) 2004, by Shayne Dark


0500 Training Centre IST Headquarter, Great Britain.


Thibor briefly considered requesting permission to die.  It was only the
eighth lap around the indoor track, but already his body was openly
rebelling against the punishment he was inflicting on it.  Ahead of him,
Cammy was jogging effortlessly, her sleek muscles pushing her ahead with
easy rhythm.  The sight of her supple, muscular, body, barely concealed in
her impossibly tight bodystocking was enough to give Thibor a second wind,
and he pushed back the discomfort and matched her pace, falling into
position slightly behind her.


The last mission had been hard on him, and his body still hadn't caught up.
Being pummelled by the demon had been bad enough, but Kyoumen, under the
control of some sorcererous dickhead, had flattened him with Maxwell's
mystical silver hammer.  He was bruised from front to back and all parts
in-between; parts he was quite fond of.  To make matters worse, the
poisonous effect of the silver lingered, inhibiting his ability to heal the
wounds.  Rather than regenerating in a matter of minutes, he could look
forward to several weeks of aches of pains while his body shook off the
effect of the silver poisoning.


"Come on slowpoke."  Cammy glanced over her shoulder.  "Get a wiggle on."
She doubled her efforts and began pulling away from Thibor with disturbing
ease.


"What do I get if I catch you?"  Thibor managed a wolfish smile and
increased his pace.  "Basket of goodies?  Or maybe I'll..."


"Thibor!"  Cammy blushed.  "Really!"


"Just like in the story."  Thibor finished.  "Here I come."


"Eek!"  Cammy's face was bright with excitement as Thibor leapt at her.
Halfway through the leap, his body swelled as he summoned his inner wolf.
His thick, Slavic features gave way to the long muzzle of a wolf and his
sweatshirt tore asunder as his chest and arms swelled with prenatural
strength.  The pain receded from stabbing agony to a dull ache.  The
transformation always flooded his body with a burst of endorphins and
adrenaline, not to mention a jolt of supernatural what have you.


"Too slow.  Wolves get goodies, not turtles." Cammy easily ducked under the
leap, and rolled towards the centre of the training room, Thibor was easily
as fast as she was on open ground, but her size and agility would give her
an edge when it came to dodging around the Nautilus equipment and weight
stations that were scattered about the training room.  She hurriedly glanced
around.  Good.  The hour was early enough that even the most die-hard of
exercise fanatics had not arrived.  With everything that had gone on lately,
it would be nice to have a rough and tumble romp.  


"I'll huff and I'll puff."  Thibor circled to the left, trying to cut her
off.


"That's because you are an old wolf and getting soft round the middle."
Cammy teased, she feinted right and then flipped backwards, neatly threading
her lithe body through the bars of a weight bench and landing in a crouch on
the other side.  She briefly wondered what would happen if Thibor caught
her?  Old world courtesy and caring were lovely and very much appreciated,
but there was something about the enormous muscles and long, white teeth
that sent tingles up and down her spine.  The tingling redoubled as Thibor
moved through the obstacle, tossing a half tonne of weights out of the way
with a casual flick of his arm.


"Why grandmother, what big muscles you have.  Whoops!"  The momentary
distraction was enough to let Thibor close with her.  Rather than try and
dodge, Cammy grabbed a double handful of Thibor's fur and rolled backwards,
planting her foot in his stomache.  The werewolf's own momentum was enough
to carry him over her and into a row of treadmills.


"Had enough?"  Cammy grinned and raised her fists as Thibor staggered to his
feet.  Still reeling from the impact, he took two unsteady steps away from
her, half falling against a bin of medicine balls.


"Is not yet having started to fight."  There was no shakiness in Thibor's
voice, and Cammy ducked as a medicine ball flew through the space her head
had occupied seconds ago.  She dodged the next two easily, moving to the
right of each as they hurtled towards her.  Clever wolf, the appearance of
having been stunned was a ruse and he was manoeuvring her into an area where
her mobility would be cut down.  As the next medicine ball came towards her,
rather than let Thibor dictate the fight, Cammy leapt straight up and pushed
off the ball as it passed beneath her.


"Cannon Spike."  Cammy's boot drove into Thibor's plexus, causing him to
double up, grasping at the point of impact.  It was too good an opportunity
to pass up.  "Frankensteiner!"  Cammy moved right into her signature throw.
As her legs wrapped around Thibor's neck, she realized that his grasping at
his plexus had been another ruse, to bring his hands into position to grab
her around the waist and keep her from completing the manoeuvre.  She was
caught in a rather undignified, and revealing position.


"Oh dear."  Cammy bit her lip slightly in anticipation, remembering what had
happened the last time she had been caught like this.  She wondered if she
had deliberately left herself open to his strategy.  The inadvertent double
entendre, caused her to blush even more brightly.


"Getting enough exercise then, are we?"  Colonel Byrd's unmistakable,
Liverpool accent, rang through the room.  "Best way to start the morning
that is.  Pump some iron, break a good sweat and show up for work with a
nice 'ealthy glow."  Byrd rolled into the room with a confident gait,
trailed by his adjutant, and sycophant Captain O'Neil.


Cammy felt her stomach drop and the world spun briefly. Most of the
sensation was due to being caught in a rather embarrassing situation,
although a small portion could be attributed to Thibor flipping her over and
placing her back on her feet.


"Colonel."  Her face glowing with embarrassment, Cammy saluted sharply,
keenly aware that every inch of her was indeed standing at attention.  Byrd
returned the gesture with a highly self-satisfied smile.  Thibor snagged a
pair of towels off of a bench and draped one around his neck, offering the
second to Cammy, who accepted it gratefully and did the same.


"Major."  Byrd turned his attention to Thibor.  "Given 'ow the Lieutenant
Colonel 'as gifted you with a small taste of command, I was 'oping you would
volunteer for a little job I 'ave."


Thibor suppressed a full body wince.  Byrd's tone, like Cammy's
bodystocking, left very little to the imagination.  Hoping you would
volunteer was as close to a concession as Byrd was willing to offer.  There
was a shit job barrelling towards him with dread intent and no room to
sidestep.  Every one of his military instincts screamed at him about not
volunteering, but refusal would turn a "Hope you would volunteer" into an
"Order to volunteer."  There was no escape, save for perhaps making Byrd and
O'Neil disappear, and there wasn't enough hot sauce and relish in the world
to make that task possible or palatable.  There was nothing to be done, but
put on a good face, pretend it was his own idea, and plot a horrible revenge
for some other time.


"Absolutely."  Thibor said with as much good cheer as he could muster.  His
yellow, wolfen eyes met Byrd's in a moment of shared understanding.  He
could take it.  He could take anything Byrd dished out and keep coming.


"It wouldn't hurt you to salute the Colonel."  O'Neil prodded from his
position behind Byrd.


"Now Bluey."  Byrd cautioned lightly.  "You know the Major has 'is own
feelings on military discipline and procedure.  Especially concerning 'is
association with superior officers.  No need to 'ammer the point 'ome."


Cammy bit at her lip.  The fur on Thibor's neck was standing straight  and
his tail was curled up.  These were all very bad signs, but she knew that
despite his obvious anger, he wouldn't act capriciously or do anything
overly rash.


"Is sending mission file to operations."  Thibor said.  "Will pick it up
there."  He glanced at Cammy.  She had subtly shifted her weight, and was
now in position to launch a powerful forward attack.  Not that she would,
she had far too much respect for IST authority to flatten Byrd's nose.


"O'Neil will take care of it."  Byrd smiled and turned on his heel.  "Best
of luck Major.  We're all counting on you."  He left with a deliberate,
victorious stagger. 


"Best we get to the office."  Cammy waited for Byrd and O'Neil to leave,
before letting her head slump forward.  "Briefing at 0600 hours."  She fled
in the direction of the change rooms.  Thibor considered following, but as
liberal as IST was, co-ed change rooms were still not embraced, and no one
had bought the seeing-eye wolf excuse the last time he had tried it.


0600: IST Operations Centre, Great Britain.


"Oh Thibor I'm so sorry."  Naoko looked up when you saw Thibor enter the
room.  It was impossible to tell exactly what the expression on her pixyish
face was hinting at.  Was the momentary flash of good humour lighting her
features indicative of the 'job' he had volunteered for, or merely a
reflection on the tray of coffee, tea and pastries he had brought with him
from the commissary.  It was impossible to tell.


"Major."  Simon glanced away from his terminal briefly.  "Lieutenant Colonel
Hoyle wants to see you immediately."  He gravely accepted a Styrofoam cup of
coffee from Thibor and raised it in a brief salute.


"We who are about to find out salute you."  Thibor growled, glancing back
and forth at the pair.  They knew something.  Simon was a little too stoic
about the situation, and Naoko looked like she was about to explode with the
effort of containing a particularly juicy bit of information.  Feeling the
threads holding the sword of Damocles above his head begin to give way,
Thibor knocked on Cammy's door and entered without waiting to be invited in.


"This is going to be great."  Naoko grinned widely and rushed to the closed
door, leaning against it and pressing her ear to the keyhole.


0605: Lieutenant Colonel Hoyle's Office, IST Operations Centre, Great
Britain


"Hi."  Thibor smiled broadly as he walked in.  Entering Cammy's office was,
he admitted internally, something of a guilty pleasure for him.  Settled
behind her desk, her body concealed in the conservatively cut IST uniform,
Cammy looked prim, proper,  vulnerable and undeniably cute.  He pale skin
still held a tinge of the morning's blush, and grew pinker as he approached.


"Major."  Cammy indicated one of the guest chairs.  "Sorry to have run out
on you this morning."


"Is no need to apologize."  Thibor placed the tray on Cammy's desk and began
serving tea.  He noted that there was an ominous looking file on the desk.
He considered it for a moment before deciding to treat it like a Claymore;
not dangerous provided that no one triggered it.  Just move carefully around
it for the time being.  "But may be the first time in history of plumbing
that shower ran out of cold water."


"Rather."  Cammy's blush deepened, but she managed to keep her composure.
"Now, about Colonel Byrd's mission.  I was initially concerned, but it turns
out that all he wants is an evaluation on several applicants to IST."


"I see."  Thibor dunked a sweet biscuit in his tea and raised a bushy
eyebrow.


"I don't bally well trust him either."  Cammy noted.  "But he says that it
is important that you do it as you have had experience dealing with this
particular alien race."  She stopped, seeing the pained expression that
crossed Thibor's features.


It was a struggle.  Thibor looked at Cammy and then spared a glance at the
picture of Queen Elizabeth that was the office's sole decoration.  Neither
would appreciate what he was about to say.  With a great deal of effort he
put the long string of highly appropriate words he had chosen aside.


"Bother."  Thibor grated.  He knew what was in the file.  He could feel it
bounce around inside his bruised and battered frame and settle into his head
as a deliberate, pounding headache.  "Five applicants.  All appear Japanese,
but are actually aliens.  Is dressing in t-shirts with big numbers one to
five on front, is wearing robotic-super uniforms in bright primary colours
and is piloting great big robot animals."


"Almost."  Cammy said. "They don't have the t-shirts and numbers, but their
school-girl uniforms are black and their super uniforms are bright primary
colours."


"And the giant robotic animals?"


"Are scheduled to arrive by interstellar transport three weeks from
Thursday."  Cammy admitted.  They sat drinking their tea in silence for
several long minutes.


"Are you angry about this morning?"  Cammy finally spoke, her voice low and
uncertain.  Thibor smiled and reached across the desk to take her hand.


"No."  Thibor kissed each finger.  There was a lovely duality to Cammy, so
sure of herself and confident on the battlefield, yet deliciously uncertain
in romance.  "Never forget this.  Will love you always."


"Thank you."  Cammy ducked her head to hide a happy smile.


"Is welcome.  Just tell me which way you would like first, if cannot decide,
can make suggestions."  As Cammy blushed a scandalized and delighted red,
Thibor stood and stepped to the door, yanking it open suddenly.  "And now
presenting the amazing and over inquisitive Miss Yoshida."


It was a tribute to Naoko's gymnastic training that she was able to turn her
headlong fall into a tuck and roll before sprawling in an embarrassed heap
in front of Cammy's desk.


0800 IST Classroom Facilities, Great Britain


Walking down the corridor, Thibor went over his plan, step by step.
Introduction, tests to determine physical prowess and durability,
situational assessment, psychological profiling and if time permitted,
lunch.  The six P's were covered.  Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor
Performance.  He was armed with regular coffee deliveries, two bottles of
aspirin, in extra-strength, and knock-out-a-horse werewolf strength
respectively and a panic switch linked to Simon's PC - and instructions to
summon him immediately should it be triggered.  Pausing at the door to the
classroom, Thibor called on just enough of his wolf to heighten his senses.
The classroom was noisy, but not overwhelming; the sort of sound you would
expect from a quintet of schoolgirls about to embark on a grand adventure.
With a final check on his aspirin, Thibor squared his shoulders and entered.


"Good Morning."  Thibor said gruffly.  The noise in the room died down
instantly and five sets of eyes fixed on him.  Five sets of very big eyes.
Thibor forced himself to look again.  Yes.  Huge.  Most of the aliens that
earth had encountered were comfortingly humanoid, but there were always
subtle differences.  In this case eyes were easily twice as large as those
of a human, and unnaturally bright.  There was also an unusual aural
component, probably due to the additional area the eyelid had to cover in
closing, producing a slight 'whicka' noise when any of the girls blinked.
The hair was also unusual.  Well unusual for human, for a parrot it would
probably be fine.  Bright red, blue, purple, pink and green; truly appalling
shades.  It was also disturbing how many of the hairstyles, featuring
outrageously overextended bangs and curls, seemed to hang in air, their very
presence an affront to the forces of taste and gravity.  Testing the air,
Thibor couldn't pick up the scent of any hair care products of gels.  It was
likely that the internal structure of the hair had a much stiffer organic
core than humans.  Hair care would probably require tools of near industrial
strength.


"I am Major Thibor Sawchyk, code named Nightbreed."  Thibor continuted.
"Will be conducting today's evaluations."  The five girls nodded vigorously.
Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad.  They all seemed attentive, quiet, and did
not exhibit the over the top fascination with gestures and overloud
aphorisms that he had noted in his work with Danzaiver.


The manifest leader of the girls, a tall redhead rose to her feet, revealing
disproportionately long, albeit shapely legs.  Following her lead, the other
four stood as well.


"Greetings Wolf Hero Thibor!"  They chorused loudly.  "We are especially
honoured to meet you!"


"I am Beautiful Warrior Senti!"  The redhead announced with wide gestures.
"Fiery champion of love!"


"Swift Fighter Nano!"  The blue-haired girl followed suit. "Lovely
instrument of fate!"


"Clever Planner Milly!" Her purple hair fluffing out, the third one struck a
thoughtful pose.  "Clear thinking harbinger of intelligence."


"Stalwart sweetheart Pico."  The pink haired girl blew an exaggerated kiss.
"I'm cute!"


"Strong Punch Key-lo."  The green haired girl struck a classic,
bodybuilder's pose.  "Imposing pillar of strength and grace."


"We are!"  They all chorused, punching their fists in the air.  "Team
Metric!"


"Wolf hero Thibor."  Thibor said under his breath. "Utterly and thoroughly
appalled." He cracked open the aspirin in his pocket and dry swallowed two
tablets, not bothering to check which ones they were.  The girls were
looking at him expectantly, as if he was expected to cheer or break into
applause.


"Is taking seats please. Attendance is taken care of."  Thibor felt the
bottom drop out of his stomache.  Wrong aspirin.   He paused, aware that all
five sets of overlarge eyes were following him.  "Now, can any of you tell
me the purpose of IST."  Five hands flew up simultaneously.


"Okay.  Nano."  Thibor nodded to the blue haired girl.


"IST or the International Super Teams are a world sanctioned organization."
Nano stood and gestured dramatically as she answered.  "Dedicated to
protecting peace and freedom for the planet earth!"


"Dedicated to striking down evil doers wherever they surface!"  Senti
continued.


"And fostering beautiful peace with pretty aliens!"  Pico added.


"Teams of heroes always ready to stand united against any foe!"  Key-lo
shouted.


"Supporting the Earth as they support each other!"  Milly finished.


"Bringing Peace and Harmony to the Galaxy!"  All five chorused, striking a
series of heroic poses.


"Very good."  Thibor could feel his headache cutting right through the
aspirin.  "Now, member of IST follow...."


1040 IST Operations Centre, Great Britain.


"No!"  Naoko leaned forward.  "They weren't!"


"Miereille overheard Captain O'Neal telling someone about it."  Halo
confirmed.  She dug a hand into her carefully packed bento and extracted an
onigiri.  "Right there in the middle of the gym!"


"Wow!"  Naoko helped herself to a tobiko roll.  Pillaging Halo's  Bento
prior to lunch was a long-time practice that neither minded.  There would
always be space for more food at lunch.  "And they were really.... You
know."  She giggled and blushed as Halo nodded.


1100 IST Training Centre, Great Britain.


"Hey Thibor."  Simon looked up from a painful stretch.  "How are you holding
up."


"Am not."  Thibor dropped down into a tailor's squat in front of Simon.
"Mission is kicking my tail.  Would rather be in artillery barrage.
Artillery barrage does not giggle, gesture or make aphoristic statements of
heroism."


"Hi Thibor."  Naoko plopped herself down next to the pair and neatly tucked
her right leg behind her left ear.  "Where did your students disappear to?"


"In changing room."  Thibor noted.  "Am relishing momentary respite from
authentic sentai gibberish."


"I'm sure you've had more fun."  Naoko smiled mischievously.  "Recently
too."


"Is that the time?"  Simon quickly stood.  "We really should get back to
operations."


"On no you don't"  Naoko latched onto Simon's arm and yanked him back down
to the mat.  "If I didn't drag him down here from time to time he would
become a complete mouse-potatoe."


"What is little Miss Yoshida talking about?"  Thibor turned his attention to
Simon.  "Is having something to do with Sil passing me in the hall with
hearty slap on back and congratulations?  You are operations and
intelligence, is perhaps time to lay some out for me."


"It's nothing."  Simon looked uncomfortable.


"Simon."  Thibor's voice took on a smooth, reasonable and very diplomatic
tone.  "Sil offer congratulations and Little Miss Yoshida is about to
explode in wanting to say what is going on.  Is not nothing."


"Gossip mill."  Simon said, wincing when he saw the pained expression cross
Thibor's face.  "The usual stuff."


"Were you and Cammy really..." Naoko let the question taper off.  "When Byrd
walked in on you."


"We were exercising."  Thibor said bluntly, he turned his attention to
Simon.  "Give me  trace."


"O'Neil to Mireille to Halo to Naoko and now to you."  Simon said.


"Kill, tell father, tell mother, no free food for month."  Thibor noted.
Naoko was about to object when Team Metric jogged up.  Thibor added a mental
reminder to tell Cammy that while the school-girl uniforms were not
numbered, the gym clothes were, although he probably would have had the good
taste to place the numbers in a less exploitive location..


"Wolf hero Thibor!"  They all chorused loudly.  "We are ready for
evaluation."


"Costumes."  Thibor said.  "Should have been more specific, change into
costumes, not gym clothes."


"Oh!"  Senti blushed and looked embarrassed.  "We shall rectify this with
swiftness!"  The five clustered together and punched their fists in the air.
"Team Metric transform!"


Thibor's first thought was to turn away, but he just couldn't.  The five
were surrounded by a swirling cloud of glowing lights which quickly ate away
their gym clothes.  Several long seconds passed until the lights brightened
and impossibly tight power armour appeared, covering the girls.  Whoever
created the armour had been careful to match the colour to each of the
girl's hair.  It was hard to decide whether it was a choice based on
aesthetic reasons, or because no one could find colours ugly enough to
clash.  Restraint did not seem like a prime species motivation with this
particular crew.


"Team Metric are go! Evil forces will feel a Measure of our Strength."  The
five voices were greatly magnified by the armour, and provided gratuitous
capitalization.  This time there were enthusiastic cheers and applause to
greet their announcement, but the reason behind it was highly suspect.


"Ten laps of track. Run."  Thibor gestured and the quintet jogged off
happily.  He turned to Simon.  "Am betting that science behind power armour
transformation was created by men."  He noted.


"Or lesbians."  Simon added.


"Or pigs."  Naoko glared at the pair with open distaste.


"I just cannot understand these aliens.  Am not xenosocialist, but is like
they are whole race fashioned after those silly shows, ones that Halo
watches.  Son of bitch."  Thibor felt his universe shift three feet to the
left.  "Was on earth.  Whole bunch of them.  Was studying humanity before we
discovered them, and..."


"That's a little far fetched.  It's not like they were..." Simon was brought
up short by the same realization.


"Getting inhabitants of earth used to them."  Thibor finished.  "Very clever
in horrible way.  Generations of kids brought up with those shows, only they
are based on what aliens are like.  Am betting dinner out that search of
records of early produces and writers for sentai and Japanese animation
shows will reveal gaps, pointing to aliens.  Oh, and any questions and paper
trails lost can be blamed on devastation of second world war.  Is whole
gesturing sentai thing a reflection of alien culture, or has alien culture
been changed by influence of shows?  Could probably write thesis on that
one.  Only reason they came out to IST is figuring that cover would be
broken by other alien races."


"One more thing is nagging at back of head."  Thibor said as Team Metric
jogged past, talking among themselves, giggling and making abbreviated
gestures.  "Is remembering from file that this race initiated contact after
other races.  We did not find them.  Then they send Danzaiver to monitor
planet and now whole team."


"Like they foresee a threat to earth and want to protect it."  Naoko said.
"Wow! That's smart thinking."


"Don't bother sucking up."  Thibor cut her off.   "Is still off meal ticket.
Stop sulking.  Is possible that enemies will show up, but unlikely.  Am more
likely to buy you dinner than have to fight giant city stomping bipedal
rubber crayfish.  Now excuse me, must get back to sentai wrangling."  Thibor
set out at a fast sprint, easily catching up with Team metric.


 "Okay ladies."  He said, adopting his most effective drill commander voice.
"When is saying laps is not meaning easy gossipy jog.  Is meaning run.
Run!" On the last command he shifted into his wolven form, punctuating the
command with a long growl.  Team Metric instantly increased the pace,
interrupted by a single frightened squeak from Pico, and perhaps some tears.
Thibor made a mental note to apologize to her - the moment he received an
apology for his aching head.  He doubted either apology would be forthcoming
any time soon.  As he contemplated the apology, he noted Nano rush past him,
having already circled the track.  Of Team Metric she seemed the only one
capable of superhuman running speed, possibly approaching that of Kyoumen.


Seven laps later, Team Metric seemed to be holding out fairly well, although
Thibor noted that he had to bark at them several times to get them to
maintain the accelerated pace.  He briefly wondered if he was really getting
old.  Here he was chasing after five Japanese schoolgirls in form fitting
outfits, and he could honestly say he would rather be almost anywhere else.
That was sad.  To add insult to injury, Nano passed them again, having
lapped them at least twenty-one times by his count.


"Okay, take five and then we check strength and reflex testing."  Thibor
briefly considered arranging an accident at the hydraulic strength press.
No it wouldn't do.  It was a shit job, but it was his shit job and he would
see it though.  Besides it was almost time for lunch, and at least he could
look forward to that.


1330: IST Outdoor Course Range.


"Okay.  So it is bipedal rubber lobster and is only twelve feet high."
Thibor growled.  The best laid plains of wolves, men, not to mention wolf
men had quickly been laid to waste.  The rare occurrence of the sun poking
through the clouds had given him the idea of holding lunch outdoors, and
dragging Cammy out of her office so they could enjoy a brief respite from
paperwork and even more pressing duties.  It hadn't worked out.  Cammy was
running damage control with a representative from the New York Heritage
Society, and he was faced with an alien attack.  She would be regretting not
joining him, at least he could punch out the lobster, an option no open to
her, as drop kicking a blue-haired octogenarian who happened to be incensed
over a landmark being toppled to save the world from darkness was not
considered cricket.


The lobster wasn't alone either.  A half-dozen grey, faceless homunculi
accompanied it, skittering about in crouched stances and performing clumsy
acrobatics.  A single taste of the air around them revealed that they were
not alive, but strange artificial constructs.  That was somehow worse; bad
enough that the things existed in the first place, but that someone
deliberately created them, and programmed them to move and act in that
fashion.  Appalling.  It pretty much summed up what he had been thinking of
late.  The universe itself was dippy and earth, for all its foibles, a
bastion of restraint.


"Infernal Spawn of Wicked Space Queen Masstra!" Senti pointed an accusing
finger at the lobster and its grey posse.  "Prepare to be sent back to the
Multi-Dimensional Tachyon Zone that spawned you."


"Fall before our righteous teamwork."  Nano dropped into a fighting crouch.
"You shall never triumph."


"Your evil has been categorically measured."  Milly tapped her visor.  "But
your skills have been found wanting."


"Ugly aliens!"  Pico attempted to stick out her tongue and pull down an
eyelid, but was hampered by her visor.  "Yucky! Blah!"


"Face the strength of togetherness!"  Key-lo announced.  "With love we
cannot fail!"


It was utterly fascinating.  Thibor wondered if he should be taking notes.
It was like watching a Kabuki play, every single moment arranged as if it
was part of an elaborate ritual.  A cold chill ran through him as he
realized that he was part of it.


"Not only do you face us!"  Senti twirled her arm and then pointed at
Thibor.  "You also face the awesome power of Earth's IST and its greatest
manimal! Wolf Hero Thibor."


All eyes, and one set of elongated antenna turned towards Thibor.  There was
a long, expectant pause.  It was obviously his turn to spout out some inane
dialog about the universal constants of love, teamwork and the importance of
regular oral hygiene.


"I don't fucking think so."  Thibor moved forward and punched one of the
grey homunculi in the middle of its face.  The creature was driven
backwards, its heels gouging out great rents in the greenery.  The impact
was like punching a truck, the creature's mass was far greater than its
appearance would indicate.  There was a moment of shocked silence, and even
the quivering of the bipedal space-lobster's antenna seemed to indicate that
Thibor had committed a grotesque social faux-pas.  It was apparent that
initiating combat before the excessive posturing, posing, aphorism spouting
and presumably the commercial break was frowned upon.  That raised the
question, did he particularly care?  Nope.  Not one bit.  If the powersuit
clad, occasionally exhibitionist maidens of planet dippy thought he was
being rude, that was just fine.  As for the giant crustacean, it went double
for him and his pack of grey henchmen.


The homunculi he had just punched sprang forward and drove a hard punch into
the centre of Thibor's chest.  It was like being struck by a Pinto, without
the inevitable explosion, more an inconvenience than a threat.  Thibor's
return punch, was a whistling uppercut that lifted the creature off its feet
and sent it spinning into the air.  That was odd.  Thibor reached out and
snagged it as it fell back to earth.  Yes, it was lighter.


"Queen Masstra?"  The realization hit him.  "As in mass.  Oh...that is so
very lame."  He swung the gibbering creature in a full circle, slammed it
hard into the ground and lifted it up again.  Yes, it was even lighter.  The
creatures didn't seem to be hurt by kinetic attacks, but rather it caused
their mass to shunt back into the Multi-Dimensional Tachyon Zone, whatever
the hell that was.  As he considered this he absently swung the creature
into the ground again.  There was a noise like a whip cracking, and the
homunculi imploded, shrinking into a tight, grey ball before exploding
outward in a flurry of white and yellow sparks.


"Operations."  Thibor activated his communicator.  With his own opponent
down, this was as good a time as any to observe Team Metric in action.  The
lobster didn't seem inclined to attack at the moment, and if Halo's shows
were any indication, would wait for its minions to fall before joining the
fight.


"Thibor?  What's going on?"  Simon's voice emerged from the small speaker.


"Alien attack."  Thibor said calmly.  "And you can tell Naoko that is
lobster, not crayfish.  Notify and assemble backup forces, but wait for
order to deploy."


"Acknowledged. We'll keep monitoring this channel."  Simon's voice took on a
slightly embarrassed tone.  "Naoko wants to know if you'll be needing a bib
and drawn butter."


There was no need to answer that question.  Thibor watched for several
moments as Team Metric exchanged blows with the homunculi.  The armour
seemed to be adequate proof against the attacks.  Of the team, Senti and
Milly's actually fighting technique was excellent, possibly approaching
Cammy's.  Pico couldn't fight her was out of a paper bag, but seemed
unnaturally lucky, whenever she flailed her limbs about, her enemy
inevitably stepped into the arc.  Nano relied on her speed to excellent
effect,  while Key-lo just barrelled through with superhuman strength.
Something was missing though, he couldn't quite put his finger on it.


"Team Metric.  Special techniques!"  Senti spun around and encouraged her
team mates.  "Senti Love Flame Punch."  She adopted a wide legged stance and
lashed out with a punch that flattened her opponent.


That was it.  Thibor noted.  Gratuitous attacks, inevitably proceeded by a
verbal announcement.  He winced slightly.  Team Metric weren't the only ones
guilty of that particular trait.


"Nano Blue Tornado Spiral."  Nano leapt into the air in a series of spinning
kicks that drove her opponent back.  The creature collapsed, imploded and
then exploded.


"Milly Nerve Nemesis Strike."  A ridge hand from Milly dropped her foe.


"Pico Tantrum Slap!"  Pico launched herself at her opponent with a series of
short slaps which quickly reduced it to a mewling, imploding, wreck.


"Key-lo Tonne Kick!"  A high stamping kick from Key-lo smashed her foe to
pieces.


"Hah!"  Senti gestured at the lobster.  "Your minions are no match for our
skills!"


If the lobster was impressed it didn't show it.  The beady eyes merely gazed
out dully while the antenna twitched in an agitated fashion.


"I don't suppose you want to..."   Thibor let the comment fall off.  The
lobster was growing.  Fast.  Very fast.  In moments it had swelled from a
mere twelve feet to some 100.  It was impressive, in a horrible, and rather
silly way.


"Thibor."  Cammy's voice emerged from the communicator.  "Report."


"Is fusion of genres."  Thibor admitted.  "Forget werewolf vs vampire and
werewolf vs mummy.  This is werewolf vs giant space lobster.  William
Castle would be proud.  Hold backup.  Is wanting to see if Team Metric can
handle it."


"Very well." Cammy noted.  "Be careful."


"No need to fear Wolf Hero Thibor!"  Key-lo slapped his shoulder.  "Watch
teamwork triumph."


"Team Metric! Metri-bots are go!"  The five announced, striking a heroic
group pose.  There was a long pause.  The five began to fidget slightly and
look around uncertainly.  "Metri-bots are go!"  They repeated.


"Three weeks from Thursday."  Thibor said.  His headache was back with a
vengeance, and it looked like he would soon get painful contusions to match.
"Is not delivering giant mechanical animals until three weeks from
Thursday."


"But I need my pink robo-doggie now!" Pico wailed, tears splashing the
inside of her visor.


"Lobster is not going to... Shit!"  Thibor bounded forward, his arms
outstretched, gathering the whole of Team Metric up and leaping to safety.
Lasers leapt from the antenna of the lobster, gouging great steaming rents
in the earth behind him.  Thibor sprang left and right until the lasers
petered out.  He dumped Team Metric in a rainbow coloured heap on the grass.
Their eyes were wide with fright.  That figured.


"I don't suppose any of you have command of Danzaiver orbital satellite
laser."  Thibor asked.


"N...no."  Senti said in a quiet voice.  "We haven't been cleared for that
yet."  Thibor nodded.  As useful as the weapon would be right now, he was
rather glad that it hadn't been entrusted to a pack of alien schoolgirls.
It being trusted to Danzaiver wasn't much better, but he could live with it,
provided he was based a continent away.


The lobster rushed forward, raising a colossal foot to flatten the group.
Thibor's logical mind calculated the mass and acceleration of the descending
appendage.  It didn't look good.  He reached up and caught it, digging his
claws into the rubbery chitin.  Muscles tore, sinews snapped, and a
blossoming of ripping agony told him exactly what sort of prat he was to
have done it in the first place.


"MOVE!"  The foot's descent was stopped for the moment, but the lobster was
now leaning its weight forward, pressing down on him.  Team Metric blinked
up at him from the ground.  Thibor could feel his knees begin to give way.
Good, they were moving - Team Metric, not his knees.  Finally.  The shock of
their giant robot animals not showing up was beginning to fade.


"What do we do?"  Nano cried out, looking back.


"The odds of defeating the lobstron without the metri-bots is fifty-six to
one."  Milly said.


"I hate math!"  Key-lo announced.  "We don't need odds!  We need
togetherness!"  She ran to the lobster's other foot, and grabbed the heel,
lifting with all her strength.  The giant crustacean tottered for a moment
and then pitched to the side, crashing into the ground.


"Teamwork!"  Senti was back on her feet.  "Love and teamwork!  With love,
teamwork and togetherness we can defeat any foe."


"United we cannot fail!"  Nano echoed.  "Cooperation is our ally!"


"Working together, the odds are in our favor!"  Milly nodded sagely.


"We're cute!"  Pico added.  "Together we're super-duper extra cute."


"Nothing can stand against our combined strength and love."  Key-lo flexed
her impressive muscles.


"A plan!  You need a plan! Lobster is standing back up!"  Thibor grimaced.
Most of the muscles in his back had torn, but were re-knitting themselves
with a justifiable urgency.


"The lobstron's armour is stronger than our weapons."  Milly noted.  "If we
can get inside its armour, we may be able to defeat it."


"Eeeeewww!" Pico screwed up her face.  "I'm not getting inside a lobster!
I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!"


"Will do it."  Thibor growled.  "Nano you are fastest, draw antenna fire.
Senti, Milly, break left and right.  Key-lo, will need you to throw me at
lobster's head, will grab antenna and use laser to cut into carapace.
Pico...just do something."


1340 Hours IST Operations centre.


"Come on!"  Naoko bounced on her chair as she watched the monitor.  "You can
do it."  


"The smart money is on Thibor."  Simon noted.


"I'll take some of that action."  Naoko grinned.  "What odds are you giving
me."


"Bitterbuck! Yoshida!"  O'Neil's voice interrupted their conversation.
"Just why haven't the backup units been activated.


"Major Sawchyk requested backup be readied but not deployed."  Simon said,
he saluted as an afterthought.  "Sir."


"He did, did he? Well I will have you know that Colonel Byrd does not share
that level of confidence.  You will deploy the backup! Now!"  O'Neil's
saliva splattered across Simon's glasses.


"Captain O'Neil."  Cammy emerged from her office.  "I don't recall
relinquishing tactical command of my staff to Colonel Byrd.  Now, if you
have written authorization for that transfer of command, I would request
that you present it.  If you do not, I would ask that you leave my operation
centre.  Now."


"This is a mistake."  O'Neil puffed himself up, and tried to loom over
Cammy.  "I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when I tell the Colonel."


"You wouldn't fit in my shoes you ginger haired walrus."  Cammy said, her
accent becoming icily sharp,  "As to the mistake, you are the one making it.
Good Day."


O'Neil's ruddy features darkened to an even deeper red, but he was unwilling
to risk escalating the situation further.  He turned briskly on one heel and
stalked out.


"Ready."  Naoko pushed her chair off from Simon's desk and scooted across to
her own terminal.  "He's entering the lift, commencing operation Free
Lunch."


"Naoko."  Cammy said.  "I hope you are not planning to do something untoward
to Captain O'Neil."  Naoko had the good grace to look embarrassed.


"Well..."  Naoko's fingers absently danced over her keyboard.  "Ginger
haired walrus?" Cammy looked slightly embarrassed and acknowledged the
point.


"Yes.  Well I don't suppose it was terribly professional, but really.. than
man is utterly unbearable."  Cammy admitted.


"Lobster's down."  Simon announced.  "Looks like they were able to handle
it."


1345 IST Outdoor Course Range


"Do you know that crustaceans do not have a single heart."  Milly lectured
the others.  "Rather they have a series of smaller, independent muscle pumps
running along their central circulatory system."


"Seven.  Is counting seven."  Thibor heaved himself out of the Lobster's
body and slid down its chest to the ground.  Bluish ichors dripped from his
fur, forming a puddle around his boots.


"Eeeeeew!"  Pico stepped away from Thibor, aghast at the general icky-ness
of his condition.  That was all the encouragement he needed.  Settling down
on all fours, he shook himself vigorously, sending sticky gobbets of lobster
gunk flying towards Team Metric.  There was a chorus of eewwws and other
exclamations of disgust as the chunks rained down on them.


"Sharing is so important.  Is best part of teamwork."  Thibor wondered if
the petty bit of revenge made him a smaller person.  No, they deserved it.
"Oh, and step back from lobster, it is about to explode."


The lobster took that as its cue to explode.  Rather than spray outward in
chunks, it seemed to shrink in on itself before exploding outward in streams
of bright, harmless sparks.  It was remarkable thorough too, as all the
assorted chunks of lobster guts still clinging to Thibor and Team Metric
ignited harmlessly and vanished.


"How dare you thwart my plans."  The voice rolled over the fields.  The sky
above the battlefield seemed to tear as the image of a woman manifested.
Thibor looked, shook his head to clear it and looked again.  No, he wasn't
hallucinating.  The closest thing that came to his mind were those cosplay
sections that Halo, Uriko, Naoko and Mireille often watched at the end of
their DVDs.  The people there wore the costumes, but it never looked quite
right.  This was the same thing, but for the S&M set.  Lots of leather and
straps, but still quite chaste.  He had no idea where the horned headdress
or the sequins fit in, but there was obviously some alien prerogative at
work that no one had seen fit to brief him on.  "Queen Masstra shall rule
this place."


"Not while Team Metric stands together against you!"  Senti announced,
gesturing defiantly.


"Why do you want to rule the earth?"  Thibor asked.  "You obviously have
technology and resources well in excess of us.  What is so special about
it?"  From the expression that crossed Masstra's features it was obvious
that no one had asked the question before.


"The earth has something I need."  She announced, regaining some of her
composure.  "and no one shall stand in the way of me getting it."


" Is okay then, am knowing exactly what you need.  Girls, cover your eyes."
Thibor stepped in front of Team Metric and reached for his zipper.


"Oh my.  That's not..what I.." Queen Masstra went bright red.  "I'll...
but... I've got to go.  Bye."  The image disappeared.


"Will make good ambassador yet."  Thibor noted, zipping everything back up.
"Okay, is safe to look now."


2000: Ichiro's Garden - Thames


"You will like this place. Is getting real Kobe beer fed  beef from Japan,
will practically melt in your mouth."   Thibor opened the menu and began
leafing through it.  Across the low table from him, Cammy studied her own
menu with an air of annoyed distraction.


"The steak will be fine."  She announced coolly.  "Major, about your report
on this afternoon's activities.  I am not entirely sure that your response
fell within what would be considered IST acceptable practices.  How am I to
explain to the Colonel that you refused backup and then scared away Wicked
Space Queen Masstra of the Multi-Dimensional Tachyon Zone by opening your
trousers.  Oh, and do try not to look quite so pleased with yourself." 


"Was playing a hunch."  Thibor said.  "And hunch was only thing was playing
with.  Promise."  Cammy fought to keep her composure, but ended up
dissolving into giggles.


"Very well them."  Cammy said.  "And just what were you playing at not
playing with."


"Religion."  Thibor explained.  "Or possibly tradition, or maybe even little
bit of both.  Was struck by nature of abilities demonstrated by Team Metric,
minions, and even Danzaiver.  Is very high tech, but being employed in
strange manner.  If you have orbital killer satellites, technology that can
create high tech armour out of thin air, what is reason for having kung-fu
homunculi and giant crustaceans?"


"Let me get this straight."  Cammy said.  "You are suggesting that Team
Metric and this Queen Masstra."


"Are part of some strange alien ritual."  Thibor finished for her.  "Is from
same racial stock, use identical technology, and as far as can tell, is
operating under same strange cultural bias.  Will need more research, but am
betting that centuries ago, they turned back serious threat to their planet
and it has been incorporated into their culture and now stage these
conflicts as part and parcel of daily life.  Perhaps is like rite of passage
for growing up, being Sentai hero for few years before moving on to real
job.  Everything about fight felt like ritual.  The long speech before it,
being attacked by minions before big threat fully manifested, and then
appearance by villain.  All of it like clockwork.  Even location of attack,
in great big open area with no chance of bystanders being hurt.  Even Evil
Space Queen was suspiciously dippy.  You do not get to become wicked space
queen and ruler of multi-dimensional tachyon zone if is blushing like a
school-girl and getting all embarrassed over sight of a..."


"Exactly how much have you had to drink?"  Cammy interrupted.


"Nothing yet."  Thibor admitted.  "Makes less sense drunk than sober.  Is
worrying though.  Is thinking that perhaps Earth is not as safe as they
think.  Is used to ritual combat, and while is dangerous, and people get
hurt, is not really chance for fatality.  May expect that Earth is same
way."


"I'll recommend that Team Metric stay assigned to less strenuous geographic
locations."  Cammy noted. "Shall we order now?"


"Is going to have to wait."  Thibor said.  "Simon and Naoko are joining us."


"Is this the same Naoko whose food stamps you cut off over lunch?"  Cammy
raised an eyebrow.  "Or is it the one you suspect of trapping Captain O'Neil
in a lift for the entirety of the afternoon."


"You are talking about lift that was stuck between floors for three hours
with sprinklers, alarms and electric intruder immobiliser going off every
three minutes?  Just technical glitch."


"Funny that."  Cammy noted.


"Lieutenant Colonel, Major."  Simon slipped into the tatami room.


"Grab a cushion."  Thibor noted the slight pallor in Simon's normally dark
skin.  "Drive here was bad?"


"No..."  Simon admitted.  "We had to take two cars.  I'm sorry Thibor...
Naoko mentioned something in passing and before we could explain..."


They all piled into the room, a whirlwind of brightly coloured hair, flared
skirts and exaggerated gestures.  In moments, the menus were open and the
air was filled with giggles, pointing and Japanese babbling as each item was
discussed on its taste, nutritional value, cuteness and ability to promote
teamwork.  Cammy had staged a tactical retreat and was now next to Thibor,
leaning into him to avoid being struck by a stray gesture.


"So much for a quiet night out."  Cammy noted, smiling slightly,  "I suppose
it could be worse, and they are all terribly nice, if a bit over exuberant."


"Wolf Hero Thibor!"  Senti raised a bottle of Sake.  "Naoko tells us that
you and Noble Commander Cammy are to be married."  The giggling and
whispered comments intensified.


"That's right."  Cammy displayed her ring.  "We haven't managed to set a
date yet."


"You'll be such a pretty bride."  Pico gushed.  "Well except for the scar,
but you'll have a veil so you'll still be cute."  Cammy started, her morsel
of beef falling from her chopsticks.


"We're doing combat evaluations tomorrow."  Thibor offered quickly.
"Perhaps you'd like to join us?"


"Champion idea."  Thibor recognized Cammy's smile.  Tomorrow was going to be
rough on all of them.


"We will practice diligently and help each other."  Senti noted.


"Yes."  Millie added.  "And learn strategy!  Perhaps Wolf Hero Thibor can
show us how he drove off Wicked Space Queen Masstra."


"I should bloody well  hope not."  Cammy said fixing Thibor with a steely
glare.  "And Thibor, do wipe that grin off of you face."

*****************