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Fic Update Thread 57: Var...
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Video Madness XI
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2025 Election Thread
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Polarizing stories spotte...
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| The Faking Hoaxer is back! |
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Posted by: Bob Schroeck - 08-29-2024, 07:12 PM - Forum: General Chatter
- Replies (4)
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Well, he re-established his YouTube channel a few years ago, but has done little but repost some of his best pieces and a few teasers. But tonight he posted the first video in a two-part... something linking the 1965 Barwell UK meteorite with the Barwell Noise.
For those not familiar with the Faking Hoaxer, he's well known in certain circles for the disaster, "paranormal" and UFO videos he makes, along with "making of" videos showing how he made them. In particular, his UFO videos have frequently been lifted by "investigators" who blur or crop out his logo and present them as real. His channel can be found here.
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| party combat buff: Yin Yang by USS |
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Posted by: classicdrogn - 08-21-2024, 12:45 PM - Forum: The Game Everyone Loves To Play
- No Replies
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I thought I posted this already recently, but apparently not. Insert shrug emoji here.
Yin Yang by USS
(google search link, becvause I still can't get YT pages to not freeze Firefox. That might be why I didn't psot it before, just thought about doing so...)
Effects:
Extract of Champions: moderate general all-around physical performance boost to allies in AoE
Infinite Stealth Positions: large buff to Disguise, Hide, and Sneak for all allies in AoE. When you and three friends all need to hid behind the same lamp post, or as a hedge by each holding a couple of leafy twigs, and when moving from one to the other, this is your song.
Infinite Ammunition: Just what it says on the tin, for thge duration of the song Doug and all allies in his AoE will have depleted bullets/arrows.shuriken/blaster charges/spell power/any other ranged attack with a consumable component refilled by his metagift. Physical ones are permanent even after it runs out, leaving everyone topped up. (once used afterward they deplete a snormal, of course.) Does not affect vehicle fuel, even if there are energy weapons powered from the powerpant, only the charge of any capacitors used for smoothing the power draw, etc.
(please excuse amy typos, I'm having trouble adjusting to suddenly defraded vision )
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| Anyone know a good FOSS text to speech package? |
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Posted by: classicdrogn - 08-20-2024, 06:29 PM - Forum: General Chatter
- Replies (4)
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The free as in beer part is the important bit, aside from working offline and not sounding fit to make you want to ram a pair of clarinets through your eardrums. I've suddenly got a a lot less visual acuity and even with a 43" screen set to 1080p and font size turned up so each letter is the size of a thumbnail (as in on my hand) it's a struggle to read much of anything.
Safe to say, my days of visual art (and driving) are probably done >_<
I'm more upset about the visual art, TBH, but either way and in many others it's.... Well, I'm pretty good at the zen biocontrol "stay calm and focus"/"be here now" thing, so not panicking, curled up in a corner, or gibbering in fear, but, yeah, I am Not Okay.
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| 2016-10-22: Fuku'ing With His Head |
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Posted by: robkelk - 08-20-2024, 03:52 PM - Forum: Stories
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Fuku'ing With His Head
by Rob Kelk, with suggestions from Robert M. Schroeck
October 17, 2016
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
"There's no way in Hell I'll take part in a fuku fic!"
Inside his office, Epsilon could hear Ranma's shout from the building's front room.
October 19, 2016
Advisory Board meeting
"... and that's what he said, two days ago. Don't ask me how he found out about fuku fics; I didn't tell him," finished Epsilon.
As most of the older advisors who were anime fans laughed, Pam Holder asked, "Just what is a 'fuku fic'?"
Epsilon, Bob Schroeck, and Rob Donaldson all started talking, then stopped. "Go ahead, Bob," Epsilon said.
Bob took a moment to think before answering, looking upward and chewing on his upper lip before nodding to himself. "A fuku fic is a crossover between Ranma ½ and Sailor Moon where Ranma becomes a Sailor Senshi and thus spends a lot of time in both girl form and a miniskirt. 'Fuku' is an abbreviation of the Japanese word serafuku, which means the sailor-suit styled school uniforms common at the time, to which the Senshi uniforms bear a strong resemblance." He shared a smile with Rob and Epsilon. "It was an incredibly popular idea for about twenty years — hundreds of fuku fics were written. Enough to qualify as a subgenre of its own and get a dedicated archive on the web to house them all."
"What? Really? There's an entire genre of stories about me and Saotome-san?"
Rob nodded as he turned to Usagi Tsukino, who was sitting beside him. "In this reality, your anime series and his were two of the most popular back in the 1990s. A lot of people wanted to have the two of you meet, if only in a non-canon story."
"Oh. I'm not used to being famous."
As the meeting continued, Usagi grabbed Rob's keyboard and sent a private text to Washuu-chan, asking her to stay behind after the meeting was over, grinning all the while.
They didn't actually stay in the meeting once it ended; too many other people wanted to chat privately about other things. Usagi and Washuu started a separate chat instead. Rob was there, too. After all, it was his office.
"So, what's up, Your Highness?"
"Well, I think I'm going to need your help..." She described what she had in mind.
Washuu and Rob were both grinning when she finished.
"Sure, I can help you! All you need from me is transportation, right?"
Usagi nodded happily. "That's right, Washuu-chan, and thanks!"
"Happy to help! But I want in when it happens. Now I gotta go. Too many people want too much of my time today." She hung up.
Rob chuckled as he turned to look at Usagi. "They really did a number on your characterization in the later anime episodes; I keep forgetting that you have a prankster side to you."
"They changed me that much?"
"Yeah. They even had you date one of the Starlights while Mamoru was away."
"Eww, yuck! I love Mamo-chan! Maybe I should pull even more pranks so people forget about the Starlights."
Rob thought that it would take a lot of pranks on Usagi's part for the fans to forget about oh-so-serious Usagi from Stars. "Well, let's see how well this one goes first. And it's up to you to do the groundwork for it. Now how about you go do your homework and I'll tell Epsilon about your idea?"
"He won't mind?"
"I'm pretty sure he won't. I've seen some of Aaron's Transplanted Persons Services reports; he thinks Ranma's ego needs to be taken down a notch."
October 20, 2016
Video call: Anything Goes Cafe, Antigonish / Blossom Apartments, Ottawa
"We would be happy to host an afternoon party for you, Ms. Tsukino," Cologne said over the phone. "Assuming you can make your way here, of course."
"That won't be an issue," Usagi replied.
"Will you need anything special in the way of food?"
"Do you make cakes?"
"No, we don't. And we don't mind you bringing your own cake in. Is this to be a birthday party, then?"
"Yes, Saturday is Minako's birthday. Can you do dim sum and okonomiyaki for a dozen people plus your own group?"
"We can do that easily, although I thought there were only eleven people at Blossom Apartments."
"Washuu-chan will be joining us."
"That explains your lack of worry about transportation," Cologne commented. "Will there be anything else?"
Usagi grinned. "Oh, yes, there's one thing: You have to keep everybody except Ranma busy for a while between when we arrive and when the party actually starts. You see..."
October 22, 2016
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
A wooden door appeared on one wall of the lounge, then opened to reveal a crowd of a dozen people, all but one of whom were girls. So of course the male stepped through the portal first. "Hello! I believe you're expecting us. We're the Aino party, of 12."
Cologne put on her best fake smile. "Welcome to the Anything Goes Cafe. We're very happy to have you as our guests."
"It's an honour to finally meet you in person, Cologne," Mii Konori, the second person through the portal, said while bowing. "I've been wanting to visit since I met you online during the advisory board meetings."
"It's good to meet somebody your age who's respectful to her elders," Cologne replied, returning Mii's bow. "The children here could learn from your example."
"Keep moving!" Washuu-chan said from near the back of the crowd, sounding slightly annoyed. "Say hello to each other once we're all through the portal!"
Meanwhile, Rob and Epsilon were already talking off to one side of the procession. "If I knew you'd end up with this group, I never would have suggested you take the job. I'm sorry."
"That's okay," Epsilon replied. "I'm back in Nova Scotia and I actually have a job. I can handle the down side."
Rob knew that it was pointless to argue; Aaron would not complain about his private life, even if a longstanding friend asked him straight-out. He changed the topic instead. "My building's most famous resident wants to talk with your building's most famous resident, alone. Will that be a problem?"
Epsilon smiled slightly. "No, not at all. Cologne, could you show everyone else where their seats are in the cafe, please? And perhaps provide some snacks while they're waiting?"
"We brought enough cake for everyone." Makoto said as she pushed Blossom Apartment's waiter's cart from the portal toward the dining room of the Anything Goes Cafe, the portal closing behind her.
"Thanks. I'll be right with you," Epsilon replied. Then he turned to Ranma and Usagi. "Are you going to be okay on your own?"
Ranma nodded. "Yeah, we'll be good if nobody storms in with the wrong idea."
"That's why we brought the cake; to keep everybody busy for a few minutes," Rob lied. And everybody left Ranma and Usagi alone in the reception area as they headed for the Anything Goes Cafe... although Kazari left a transmitter attached to the underside of the table in the reception area.
As the door to the cafe closed behind Cologne, Usagi and Ranma sat down on opposite sides of the reception area's table.
"A matter of great importance has brought me here today, Saotome Ranma-san. We had to interrupt Sailor Venus' birthday party in order to make this trip today."
"That explains the cake."
"Please, Ranma-san, won't you be our Sailor Sun?" Usagi asked with big, pleading eyes.
(In the cafe, Nabiki's and Ukyo's eyes went wide. As Akane grinned and Cologne smiled, Ruiko and Minako put their hands over their own mouths to stifle their laughter.)
"No! I ain't wearing a sailor fuku!"
"But isn't it a martial artist's duty to help the weak?"
"I can help them better without changin' into a girl. If you can't fight in whatever you're wearin', you ain't a martial artist, so I don't need a fuku. And I already have fancy attacks, like the Mōko Takabisha."
Powered attacks were the next thing she was going to mention. She had no choice but to go straight to the more embarrassing arguments. "I thought we could be friends."
"Just friends?" Ranma asked suspiciously. "I got way too many fiancées already."
"And I love my fiancé," Usagi replied, thinking of Mamoru and wondering whether she'd ever see him again. "So there's no chance that we'd end up a couple."
"Good. Okay, we can be friends. But no way in hell am I wearing a fuku!" Ranma crossed his arms and glared at her.
She put on her best puppy-dog eyes. "Friends help each other. That's what I always heard."
(Now Kuroko was having trouble stifling her laughter. Akane, though, had lost her smile altogether; she remembered what she had said the day she met Ranma, years ago in a reality far away.)
"I can help without dressin' like a girl! I am not wearing a seifuku. No. No way. No how. Uh uh."
Usagi held up a sketch that Ami had drawn earlier, of girl-type Ranma in a leotard with a short skirt. "But it would look so cute on you!"
"No. Not a chance! Not even if your Queen Serendipity asked me directly!"
"That's 'Serenity'," Usagi corrected Ranma.
"I don't care! It ain't happenin'!"
"If you join us and we get to know you better, that would prevent the others from doing any Anything Goes Boyfriend Hunting."
"You said we were just friends..." Ranma almost-growled.
Usagi realized that she'd misspoken. "You and I, yes. But I can't mind-control the Sailor Senshi or anyone else. And I wouldn't want to if I could."
(In the other room, Ami, Mikoto, and Ruiko were frowning at the thought that somebody could control their minds, Ruiko remembering the Level Upper. They weren't the only ones who weren't enjoying listening in any more.)
Usagi decided that changing tactics would be the best course of action. "Think of how everyone else would react to you being a Sailor Senshi! Especially if they thought you wanted to be a girl. Wouldn't that be too funny not to try?"
"It wouldn't be funny at all. It'd just be one more reason for Ryouga to laugh at me, or for Akane to call me a pervert."
(At that point, even Kasumi had lost her near-permanent smile, remembering how much disruption to the harmony of the household those misconceptions had caused. Akane was beyond not smiling... and stormed out to where Ranma and Usagi were sitting.)
Looking Usagi right in the face, she shouted, "Stop it! He's said no! You're just making him angry now!"
"I'm not..." Ranma started.
"Fine! You're making me angry now! I won't hit you because you aren't a martial artist. But I will yell at you! You call what you're doing Love? Or Justice? Is it just to try to force somebody to change his mind when he really doesn't want to do what you want? Tsukino? In the name of the Moon... fuck off!"
As Usagi sat there, shocked that she had to be told to act in the way she believed in, Akane stormed off.
Some of the others made their way out of the cafe, out of concern, curiosity, or in Mousse's case simply to see the fireworks. Finally, Usagi quietly said, "I'm sorry. I thought that you'd eventually want to be stronger and accept."
Ranma snorted. "Ya got the wrong martial artist, then. Ryouga's the one who wants to be stronger. I wanna be more skilled. And gettin' some magic attacks ain't gonna help me there, puttin' on a fuku or not. So how'd Akane know what we said?"
Nabiki walked over and pried the bug off of the table, then tossed it to Kazari (who missed the catch). "You've been on Candid Microphone, Saotome-san."
"I'd better be getting a cut of whatever you made off this, Nabiki."
"She had nothing to do with this," Usagi said. Attempting to share the blame for her idea would be unjust. "You and I have just provided what I intended to be the entertainment for Minako's birthday party."
"Not that is was entertaining just before Akane stepped in," Epsilon added.
Minako nodded. "I didn't want anybody to get hurt. I'm sorry."
"I ain't been hurt."
"Not physically, no," Rei agreed, "but there's more to you than just your body. We hurt your soul."
"I don't know whether we can still have a party now, but we can at least have a meal together," Kasumi pointed out.
"And that includes you, if you're still willing to eat with us after we did this," said Usagi.
"Pride's one thing, but food's something else again. What d'ya got?"
"Too-too good Chinese food!" Shampoo announced.
"And my Ranma-special okonomiyaki," Ukyo added.
Makoto finished off with, "And homemade birthday cake."
"What'r'we waitin' for, then? Let's eat."
They did so, and by the end of the meal, the tension in the air had evaporated. Even Akane had been coaxed to re-join the party.
After the meal was finished and the birthday girl had blown out her sixteen candles, everybody started mixing and mingling. Eventually, Makoto and Shampoo had a quiet talk, followed by Shampoo turning to Cologne and the two of them having a short discussion in Mandarin.
「Great-grandmother, Kino-xiǎo-jiě wishes to become my student. Do I have your permission as our family's grandmaster to teach her our Art?」
「She has to attend high school. And you have to cook.」
「I would have to train her on Sunday mornings, then. And she would need to live here.」
「She would not. Washuu-xiǎo-dì has promised to establish a permanent portal system for us.」
「『Washuu-xiǎo-dì』? That Mandarin is worse than my Japanese. One would think that somebody with as much chi as she obviously has would be better at speaking our language.」
「The Tendos could say the same about your grasp of their language. And do not upset someone with that much power unless you are tired of living, Shānpú. Address her the way she wishes to be addressed.」
Shampoo thought about that for a moment, then said, 「I understand and apologize.」
「You may train the young Senshi, but do not reveal any of our secret techniques to her without asking me first.」
In the meantime, Mii was having a conversation with the Tendo family's head.
"Which school's style have you been learning, miss?"
"Academy City Close Quarters Combat," Mii told Soun. Seeing his puzzled look, she added, "It's based on Fairbairn System." When she realized that that didn't help either, she added "Defendu?"
Soun finally lost his puzzled look. "Ah! Singapore's most popular combat style. Yes, I'm familiar with it. I believe we can help you progress after all."
Then everybody worried that the tension would return when Usagi sought out Ranma.
"Wha'd'ya want, Tsukino? You gonna play with my feelings some more?"
"No. I want to apologize to you in front of the same audience that heard me embarrass you. I didn't mean to hurt your pride."
"I ain't embarrassed. Just annoyed. But, yeah, apology accepted. I get so few of 'em."
The only person who noticed Kasumi's slight frown at his comment was Mii.
"There is one more thing," Usagi said, "and I'll understand if you say no. Can we still be friends?"
"Ya got a weird way of showin' your friendship."
"That was completely my fault. I didn't understand who you really are, and I acted like I knew you from what's written on the internet. I was wrong."
"If you could teach Na-chan to say that, I could really like you, Tsukino-san."
From halfway across the room, Nabiki said, "Don't call me Na-chan. And I'm never wrong."
"See what I have to live with?"
Usagi giggled, then sighed. "Nobody ever thinks you might be right, do they? If you want somebody to talk with — just talk — I'll be there for you. Maybe not right away because of school and monster attacks, but I won't ignore you or automatically think you're lying to me."
Ranma thought for a brief moment — for as long as he thought he could before somebody complained about him being wishy-washy. "I s'pose we can be friends. On one condition."
"What condition?"
"If you try an' put me ina frilly fuku with ribbon 'n lace 'n bows 'n ponytails an' carry 'round a kawaii talkin' rabbit or somethin', you and me are gonna have words, you hear?"
"Yes, Ranma," Usagi said with a bit of a smile and a lot of relief.
Epilogue
Blossom Apartments, Ottawa
"So," Rob said, somewhat embarrassed.
"No more pranks?"
"No more pranks. Please."
"Yeah. This one fell flat."
"It could have been worse, Usagi. What would you have done if Ranma had said yes?"
Footnotes- Despite what Common Knowledge says, the phrase "In the name of the Moon... fuck off!" does not appear in "Sailor Hellblazer". Part 1 includes "In the name of love.... fuck off."
- "Nabs" is a fanon nickname which cannot be written in hiragana, katakana, or kanji. "Na-chan" is our best guess as to what Ranma is actually calling Nabiki in all of those other fanfics.
- Quotes from "When Ranma Met Aiko (and Tamiko and Fumiko and Misaki), a ranma fanfic", "Featherbrite's Tale", "Sailors of Nerima A Nabiki's Heartache Omake", "Minako's Story", "Permutation", "Sailor Hellblazer", and "Relatively Absent", copyright by their respective authors, are used (sometimes in modified forms) as allowed under section 29.21 (1) of the Copyright Act of Canada, R.S.C., 1985, c. C-42.
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| 2016-10-27: Thermal - er, Culture Shock |
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Posted by: robkelk - 08-14-2024, 07:59 PM - Forum: Stories
- No Replies
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Blossom Apartments, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
October 27th, 2016
4:00 pm ET
"Why is it snowing?"
Rob Donaldson was puzzled for a moment at Ruiko Saten's question. "Why wouldn't it be snowing?"
"It's October!"
Rob sighed. "This is Canada. For us, this is Thursday."
"I want to go home."
Kuroko Shirai followed Ruiko in, taking off her coat as soon as she was past the building's vestibule. "Ruiko-san, until that whole mess with the various universes is cleaned up, we are home."
Ruiko looked over at Kuroko. "That isn't helping, Kuroko-san."
"I'm sorry." She turned to Rob. "But I do have to agree about the snow. Is this some freak of nature?"
"I'm afraid not - this is the right time for the first snowfall of the year. But the ground won't be cold enough for snow to stay around for a couple of weeks yet. Before you ask: no, the air will probably not warm up again until next spring."
Kuroko frowned. "I'm going to freeze out there."
Rob remembered that Kuroko had bought the least of all the girls when they first went clothes shopping, nearly two months ago. "Didn't you buy any slacks when the five of you bought new wardrobes back in September?"
"Slacks are not ladylike." (Minako Aino nodded in agreement with Kuroko.)
"Perhaps. However, they help keep your body heat near your body when you're outdoors in the winter." Rob thought quickly. "Come to think of it, perhaps you all need some long underwear."
"Never!"
"Kuroko-san, 'never' is a long time ... and in a month or so, the daily high temperatures will be below freezing."
All of the girls looked horrified - excepting Ami Mizuno (who merely looked upset at that news) and Kazari Uiharu (who at first didn't seem to care, then put on a dismayed face).
Kuroko's only reply was, "Perhaps I was hasty with my words."
5:21 pm ET
Mii had confirmed all of the girls' sizes and placed an online order with [https://www.stanfields.com/ a company] that Rob knew of in Nova Scotia - one that he thought made the best winter underwear in Canada.
Minako, Rei Hino, Kuroko, and Kazari were all at the mall a few minutes' walk from the apartment, buying unladylike-but-practical winter clothing. More accurately, they were sitting at a food court table and complaining about buying unladylike-but-practical winter clothing (except for Kazari, who was using the mall's free wi-fi).
"Is nobody here familiar with the word 'fashion'?" Minako groused.
"Indeed," sighed Kuroko. "Not a single thing here would attract anyone's gaze, even in the adults' sizes."
"Rob warned us that this was a small mall, before the five of you arrived." Kazari tapped at her laptop, then smiled. "How about we go on a little trip?"
Rei held up one hand, in a "stop" gesture. "How little?"
"Montreal is only two hours away by train."
"Each way?" After seeing Kazari nod, Minako continued, "I'd say that isn't little, but I heard about the trip Makoto and Ruiko-san took. We have school tomorrow. As soon as we get there, we'd have to come back."
"Right. Kuroko-san, you and I are going to buy a pair of jeans each." Before she could reply, Rei continued, "I don't care how ugly they are. Wear them tomorrow. Saturday, we go shopping some place where they've heard of fashion."
Between Ottawa, Ontario, and Montréal, Quebec, Canada
October 29th, 2016
10:22 am ET
"What're you looking at, Mina-chan?"
"Farms."
Rei sighed. "Want to play cards?"
"Might as well."
The cabin attendant stopped at the girls' seats and asked, "Would you like to see today's lunch choices?"
The girls looked at the menus and smiled. "Now I see why Rob-san insisted we travel in business class," Minako commented.
Montréal, Quebec, Canada
12:25 pm ET
"What's a RÉSO?"
Kazari sighed. "It's the underground mall, Minako-san."
"So we don't need to go outside to shop? That's even better than I hoped!"
"That depends on how large this mall is," Kuroko pointed out.
"According to this Wikipedia page," Kazari replied, "there's 32 kilometres of tunnels and over 1600 stores."
"Finally! A decent-sized mall!"
Even Rei gave Minako a wondering look at that comment.
1:07 pm ET
"Oh, I like her style." Minako nodded in the direction of a girl who appeared to be about their age.
"Whose style?"
"The dark-haired girl leaving the jewellery store over there, with the same hairdo as you, Kuroko-san." Everyone else glanced her way.
"Not quite the same - we both have twin tails, but her hair's a bit longer."
Minako sighed. "Her hairdo isn't important, except that she's got colour coordination going for her - those ribbons are the same shade as her skirt and hose."
Kuroko gave Minako an annoyed look. "Just because the name of that colour nearly matches my given name doesn't mean you can't say the word. Trust me, nobody will be confused."
"Rob-san said that I had to be more careful with my words."
"Donaldson-san isn't here," Rei pointed out.
"True. Do you think I could get away with wearing something the same shade of red as her top?"
"With your hair and eyes, you could wear anything," Kuroko replied somewhat jealously.
Kazari just watched in envy as the girl left, thinking she could never pull off that look. Then she noticed the girl's skirt didn't cover the top of her hose... and realized where she'd seen the girl before. "I-gotta-go-see-you-at-the-train-station!"
As Minako watched Kazari take off after the girl, she said, "Uiharu-san didn't need to go ask her where she shops."
1:11 pm ET
She casually turned a corner and walked a short way down a corridor that lead to an office building. Sure enough, the girl with flowers in her hair turned the same corner. She'd had enough. Turning on her heel, she asked angrily, "Why are you following me?"
The girl gasped in surprise, but recovered quickly. "Excuse me if I'm wrong, but I think you're somebody like me."
She narrowed her eyes. "Why would you think that?"
"Have you ever read a book with a character who looks like me? I know there's at least one out there. And I've played a video game with a character who looks like you."
"Oh, really? You might be mistaken. Besides, my landlord hasn't supplied very many books for me to read. She says they're too expensive."
"You can find them on the web. If I'm right, your landlord is Bright-san; Donaldson-san said to contact her if we really needed help here. I'm living in Ottawa."
She relaxed - slightly. "So you know who my landlord is and you think you know who I am. Who are you?"
"Oh, I'm sorry! My name is Uiharu Kazari, and I'm from Academy City."
That cleared up the mystery; this girl - Uhiharu-san - had been scooped out of her homeworld, too. "Tohsaka Rin, from Fuyuki City."
"Um..."
"Now what?"
"Is there a Grail War going on right now?"
Rin sighed. "Why is that always the first question people ask? No, we've put that on hold while we're here. Verðandi-sama insisted."
"You've actually met Belldandy-sama? I haven't seen any of the megami yet in Ottawa."
"Well, yes - they are busy with the current situation. I could tell you about her if you want."
Kazari just nodded, eyes wide.
"But not here. Let's go get a cup of tea."
1:58 pm ET
"I never knew that there was so much information available on computers, Uiharu-san."
Kazari smiled at both Rin's comment and her willingness to use what she thought was a good level of familiarity when addressing somebody she'd just met. "You don't have very much experience with using the Internet, do you, Tohsaka-san?"
"The Internet? Is that another computer service, like this Web?"
"The Internet is the network that the World-Wide Web runs on. Most people use both names to refer to the same thing."
"They really should be more precise." After a moment, Rin continued, "Would you show me how to find information about myself?"
"All right!" Kazari moved her laptop so that she should type while Rin watched, opened a new browser window, and connected to Google, turning on Safe Search.
"What is the purpose of that movement?"
"Oh, that turns off searching for the Rule 34 stuff - things that people our age really shouldn't see."
"What sort of things?" asked Rin.
2:07 pm ET
"If I ever meet anyone who drew any such pictures of me, they will die."
"It's one of the perils of being famous, I'm afraid." Kazari sighed. "Besides, until a couple of months ago, everybody in this reality thought we were fictional. I can't blame them for projecting that sort of desire onto a fictional person instead of a real person."
"I feel real."
"So do I. But as long as we aren't using our abilities so that we can fit in with everyone else..."
"... nobody knows that we're us and so there's nothing we can do about it." Rin sighed deeply.
Kazari sipped her tea. "I need to learn how to make tea this well."
Rin glowered at her. "You are changing the topic."
She nodded brightly. "Yes, I am! Please let me change the topic! At least I'm not asking why you sound like my supervisor, Konori-san."
"Oh, very well."
Kazari relaxed. She really didn't want to tell Rin what sort of game she had been in. "How do I learn to make tea that's this good? I've tried looking for advice on the Web, but my tea never gets any better."
"There are some things you just can't learn from books, Uiharu-san. This is one of them. Buy some good tea - I'll help you learn how to do that - brew some - I'll help you learn how to do that, too - taste it, and adjust your future actions based on the results."
"I think we're already buying good tea."
"Is it in tea bags?"
"No, Donaldson-san only buys loose tea."
"That's a good start."
2:41 pm ET
"That's a pretty gem."
"This? It's copper carbonate - barely a gemstone. You can have it if you want it." Rin slid it across the table to Kazari.
"Copper carbonate? Malachite? I'd better not."
"Oh, yes; you mentioned who your roommates are. I won't force you to take it."
"Well, now," came a gruff voice from the next table over, "if she doesn't want it, I'll take it. In fact, I'll take all the valuables you're carrying." The speaker pulled out a pistol while he stood. Raising his voice, he continued, "Nobody be a hero, and you'll all live! Everybody get your wallets out, now! And get your phones out and turn them off, too!"
Rin's eyes narrowed. Kazari typed a few strokes on her laptop's keyboard, then closed the lid. "Please don't hurt me, sir," she said as she slid the computer across the table.
"You're a smart kid. Yeah, I'll probably get a couple of bucks for this. C'mon, people, I haven't got all day!"
Three minutes later, the thief was out the door, with Kazari's computer, the contents of the café's cash register, and everybody's wallets and cellphones.
As the clerk picked up the store's phone to call the police, Kazari waved at her. "Please let me take care of this." She pulled out her cellphone - not the one that Donaldson-san had given her when she first arrived in this reality and had just been stolen, but the one she had brought with her - turned it on, and tapped an icon. "He's turned left around a corner 40 meters away and is walking at a normal pace - oh, he just turned right."
"You can track him with that?" Rin's eyes were wide.
"I'm tracking my computer. As long as he has it, I know where he is."
"Then let's go."
2:49 pm ET
He'd made it to a quiet corner out of view of the average passer-by. Time to check the take. Cash, cellphones, a PC ... which didn't look like any model he was familiar with, but what did he know? He just sold the things to his fence.
Then he heard somebody clear her throat. He looked up and saw the girl who had been carrying all of his gemstones. "What the hell? How'd you find me?"
She said something - not English, not French ... maybe Latin? - and one of the gems he'd taken from her started to glow.
"What the f-"
He never had the chance to finish.
As the thief collapsed, Rin smiled. "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for we are subtle and quick to anger." Kazari smiled at the Tolkien quote.
Rin bent down to recover her property from the insensate criminal.
"Oh, don't do that here," Kazari said, then picked up the bag with all of the stolen property. "Let's get this back to the café. We can sort it out there."
3:03 pm ET
Rin picked up the last of her gems, then turned to Kazari. "Does this sort of thing happen to you often?"
Kazari smiled thinly. "Too often for my preference. I'd rather have a desk job than be out in the field."
"You talk as if you're a police officer."
"Well, I was one back in Academy City, and you sound so much like my superior in Judgment back home that I was reminded of that life. But I'd rather not have to explain how we got everybody's property back."
"I believe that Bright-san knows somebody in the police. I'll ask her to explain once I'm home."
"Why not ask her now?"
Rin stared at Kazari for a brief moment, then facepalmed. "I keep forgetting that I carry a telephone now." She got out her phone, opened it, and looked at the screen for a moment - then turned and asked "Uiharu-san, how do I make a call with this, again?"
Kazari sighed, and almost said. "I knew you were old-fashioned, Tohsaka-san, but this is ridiculous"... before seeing the smile on her new friend's face.
7:22 pm ET
"Uiharu-san, you missed some great bargains! Where were you all afternoon?"
Kazari smiled. "I was making a friend. I'll introduce you to her at the party we'll all be attending on Halloween."
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