ROTFL: Can has Cheeseburger?

[Shepherd]

The maniacal laughter continued unabated as Xander finished counting out the right amount of cash and made change.
“Doesn't he ever take a breath?” Dawn asked.
“It’s on a loop,” Xander replied.
“He continually plays maniacal laughter on a loop?” Dawn asked in disbelief as they headed for the door.
“I imagine it saves a lot of wear and tear on the vocal cords,” he replied.
“Thank you! Come again!” the PA announced as they stepped out the door.
“I'd guess so. Do we need a chainsaw?” Dawn asked, thinking of the Evil Dead movies.
Xander shook his head. “Great for flesh wounds, but to really cut through limbs or decapitate things with a chainsaw you need steady continuous pressure. Most things get tossed aside with a little surface damage unless they're rooted to the ground, so it’s not all that effective.”
He scratched his chin thoughtfully. “If you want really effective limb hewing, stick to edged weapons. Axes are best, but they take a lot of strength and room to swing and tire you out quickly. Machetes are ok, but since they're so light weight you need to hack at the same limb a couple of times to cut through it and boy doesn't this make me sound like a serial killer.”

www.tthfanfic.org/Story-21322-5/dogbert ... itting.htm
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Black Aeronaut]

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. “If you want really effective limb hewing, stick to edged weapons. Axes are best, but they take a lot of strength and room to swing and tire you out quickly. Machetes are ok, but since they're so light weight you need to hack at the same limb a couple of times to cut through it and boy doesn't this make me sound like a serial killer.”

www.tthfanfic.org/Story-21322-5/dogbert ... itting.htm

That's why katana are such effective tools in this regard.  They are lightweight and well-balanced, and the slim profile moves through a body with relatively little resistance.  Additionally, the better quality ones have an edge that cuts through both meat and bone quite effectively.  A common test of a blade's cutting ability is to roll up a sheaf of old tatami mats (floor mats made from dried rice-grass) and see how thick of a roll it can cut through.
  

[Shepherd]

Thinking in Little Green Boxes. The entire chapter. So very wrong. So very funny.
www.tthfanfic.org/Story-21031-30/DireSq ... +Boxes.htm
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Wiregeek]

Thinking in Little Green Boxes. [/i

What.

what

wat

please.. please don't turn the light off, daddy... the monsters have harpsichords now.

@_@
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[Bob Schroeck]

From the http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5782108/7/H ... ationality]latest chapter of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality:

There was a certain pause as Draco absorbed this.

"You're so completely going to be in Slytherin."

"I'm so completely going to be in Ravenclaw, thank you very much. I only want power so I can get books."

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[robkelk]

Without having read the fanfic in question, this snippet brings one question to mind: Who let Yomiko Readman into Hogwarts?
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[LilFluff]

From, Ranma Saotome Doesn't Miyah:

It seemed her new 'gift', as Neko called it, had a limit. A part of
her mind began drawing up a list of tests and trials to explore her new
ability even as she pushed ahead in her conversation with Neko. "If I
collapsed, then how did I get home? I don't really see a rabb- cabbit
carrying me."Neko made a soft coughing sound in the back of his
throat(an odd noise coming from something that looked like that Nabiki
thought). ^Err…your sister.^
Nabiki just stared, feeling her
eyebrow starting to twitch. "Which sister?"
^Mumble mumble mumble^
"Did
you just think 'mumble mumble mumble' at me!?"

And a touch later...

Again, Elsewhere…What? You didn't think I was going to go right
back to Ranma did you? I mean come on, I know the story's named after
him and all but the word doesn't revolve around the guy. I can advance
the plot in other ways you know. I'm creative guys! Really creative
damnit, so why don't you just…oh no! The Fourth Wall, no, no,
NnnooooOO!!!
Splat!
Again, Elsewhere…

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[LilFluff]

Did I mention I'm way behind on Tail Kinker's Exchange Student? Well from chapter, 7 "English", is this nice bit of foreshadowing at the end (I don't think this really counts as a spoiler, but feel free to skip).

"As I said, I cannot order you to do this."
Mara nodded.
It was one thing that no Demon, no matter how highly-ranked, could
order another Demon to do.
"Then, I volunteer for this
assignment."
Hild grinned evilly. "Why, thank you, Mara." She
raised a hand. "I was hoping you'd be willing to do so."
Mara
paled. "Is this gonna hurt?"
"Oh...only a whole lot."

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Black Aeronaut]

From the BT/Clancy-verse Round Robin Story Thread:

Prof. Rei had decided to research by taking all the Macross, Dougram, and Gundam series DVDs and watching them in one long marathon session. Someone brought in Genesis Climber Mospeada, Megazone 23, and Bubblegum Crisis for comparison's sake. Then eventually they got to Full Metal Panic. Then FMP: Fumoffu. Before they knew it, they were watching the Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi.
The women of Prof. Rei's team had to drag them out of the room. "That's not research anymore! Get back to work, you lazy goofs!"

Silly otaku.

[Cobalt Greywalker]

From pages http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=505021&page=14]fourteen and http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?t=505021&page=15]fifteen of the fourth IWIW Sailor Moon thread on rpg.net. I couldn't descide if it was a CTSNB or a CTSB (this is commented on in the thread), so I stuck it here.

Hmm. Husband of Serenity.

Mal.

"Serenity Jr., what the heck happened in your bedroom? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got lose?"

"I would appreciate it if one person in this kingdom would not assume I'm an evil, lecherous hump."
"No one's saying that, sir."
"Yeah, we're pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly."

"Are you in pain?"
"Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know. Right here."
"I saw."
"Don't care much for fancy parties. Too rough."
"It wasn't entirely a disaster."
"I got stabbed! Right here!"

Mal. Bad. In the Lunar.
You, sir, never fail to crack me up completely.

...
The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of Prince Consort Tight-Pants. It's so completely opposite from the, well, serenity of Queen Serenity, that you really wonder how it happened, and know it's not really for you to know.

"So, explain to me again why Sailor Mars wasn't in the dress?"
"Tactics, woman! Needed her in the back. 'Sides, them soft cotton dresses feel kind of nice. There's a whole airflow."
"And you would know that because...?"
"You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I'm a mystery."

And in storytelling terms it'd make up for the fact that Princess Serenity, if you'll pardon my saying so, seems to have been far less interesting than Usagi Tsukino. So whenever things seem to be getting dull around the court, Father suddenly swings through the palace for a month, leaving his muddy boots on things, snarking at the footmen, and sneaking Little Serenity out of the palace and away from the bodyguards ("How does he do that?!" they say, as they frantically organize search parties) to take her fishing or climbing trees or other unprincessly occupations. Then he disappears again to do heroic stuff on the marches of the Realm. Or possibly just go to his hunting cabin and get drunk. There are rumors of both.

"In the name of my pretty floral bonnet, I will punish you!"

"Trust in your moon rod, Serenity, for it's power will protect."
"But mother, what if I don't have my moon rod on hand?"
"Best then to start chucking your jewelry at them."
"MAL!"
"What? Her tiara's not a feather. It's got some decent heft to it."

[M Fnord]

Well, if we're pulling stuff from Shadowjack's Sailor Moon odyssey, here's a bit from thread 3:

(Context: The SM characters Dr. Who cosplaying)

Michiru: We were never big fans of Doctor Who.

Haruka: We much prefer Blake's Seven.

Usagi: So mature...

Hotaru: What about you, Setsuna-mama?

Setsuna: I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON ADRIC!

Mr. Fnord interdimensional man of mystery

FenWiki - Your One-Stop Shop for Fenspace Information

"I. Drink. Your. NERDRAGE!"

[Shepherd]

‘It does say that in the Slayer Handbook’ Wesley agreed. ‘Of course I prefer to think of them as not being so much rules as guidelines’ he added, realising that stealing lines from films that hadn't been made yet was a great way to sound spontaneous and witty, and resolving to do it more often.

Wesley's Mulligan: www.tthfanfic.org/Story-21657-7/Hotpoin ... lligan.htm
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[LilFluff]

Okay, so this is actually a webcomic... But it references all sorts of things (there was recently a lightsaber duel, the professors at the university are characters from classic fiction like Dorian Grey or Dr. Jekyl, etc)
"What the--? Something's different. Hey, what's up with the style-- huh? Where's the artist?"
"She was trying to do full page battle scenes with no backlog and a new job. I made her take a break."
"And you are?"
"The guest artist of course. Now hold still. Copying her style isn't easy."
Nowhere University, 17 August 2007
And not long after...
Heh. "It's Sherlock Holmes!"
"Literary fangirls. So, some fancy schmancy detective shows up. Cop's are a problem so I'll remove it!"
BAM! K.O.
"Holmes is a champion boxer."
"If you'd read the books, you'd know that."
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[The Wanderer]

Technically, if you've seen the recent movie, you might know it too. (To be honest, that was just about the last thing I expected the movie to "get right"...)

[SkyeFire]

The Trope:  As Seen on TVTropes, of course.
The Chapter:  Nobody Dies Ch36
The Quote:  "So," Yui says, "Why Gainax of all studios?"
Excuse me, I have to go find a way to stop laughing so I can breathe again now....

[Shepherd]

Harry was finding himself really, really hoping that his clever new idea didn't actually work. And that the Comed-Tea worked some other way and didn't actually have the omnipotent power to alter reality. It wasn't that he didn't want to be omnipotent. It was that he just couldn't bear the thought of living in a universe that really worked like that. There was something undignified about ascending through the clever use of soda pop.

But he was going to test it experimentally.

www.fanfiction.net/s/5782108/12/Harry_P ... ationality
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Bob Schroeck]

Lightning cracked in the sky of this desolate wasteland, yet despite the thunderclouds, which painted the sky the colour of a bruise, there was no relief for this parched land. The ruins of a dead city, smothered in dust the colour of blood, was revealed in each flash of light. And in those brief moment of light, things could be seen moving, things that moved in a way which was anathema to the human eye, all squirming and crawling and too many legs.

Some would have called this place Hell.

Fools. The depths of the horrors imagined by Dante could not match the abominations that dwelt in this place.

This was Australia.

-- from NGE: Nobody Dies, The Kei Files, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5881723/7/N ... _Kei_Files]Episode 6, by EarthScorpion
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Norgarth]

From the Novel Time Spike (co-authored by Eric Flint)
(note that Richard is British)
   Richard found a map of Illinois in the first petrol station they found that was still open in the middle of the night, not far fron Carbondale.  It took him no more than a minute cross-checking the index with the map to figure out the directions.
   He looked around and saw that Margo was already out of the station and climbing into the vehical outside.  He followed, feeling mildly triumphant.
   "Alright," he said, after he got into the car.  "What we need to do-"
   "I know already.  We take Route 51 north to I-64 and then take I-64 toward St. Louis.  We'll pass the air force base along the way."  She grinned at him.  "I asked the gas station attendant, what do you think?"
   "That's cheating."
   She shook her head.  "We're in the perimeter of a cosmic catastrophe, desperately searching for assistance to get us past official stonewalling, and the man is obsessed with figuring out how to get somewhere the manly way."
  "It's still cheating."
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Bluemage]

From Time Loop, (Chapter 3), which I recced less than an hour ago:
"You sure this will work?" Professor Saotome, an older man in a
lab coat with unkempt gray hair and a gray chin beard, asked Ranma, who
shrugged helplessly.
"At this point, no. But considering
that the energies in question can make something happen as long as
there's even the smallest chance, we don't have much to lose, do we?"
Scratching his head, the scientist shrugged. "Alright then." He tossed a green stone at Ranma. "Give that to Kamina then."
"Right." Ranma nodded and walked up to Kamina, who was just standing against a wall. "So... You know what to do, right?"
"Turn
my Spiral Power to max when I grab that G-Stone and the professor will
bombard me with Getter Rays..." Kamina smirked at him. "What's the
worst that could happen?"
Both the Professor and Ranma
shrugged as Ranma tossed Kamina the G-Stone and the professor hit the
switch to bombard Kamina with Getter Rays.
Moments later
Ranma blinked as he was on the train to Hogwarts, before he groaned.
"Well, that's what it's like when someone divides by Zero, huh?"

---

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.

I've been writing a bit.

[ECSNorway]

"They were an multi-dimensional nation, similar to Ancient Belka, and unfortunately that isn't the only thing they had in common; from what I can tell, they were apparently a very expansionist and militaristic nation as well. The translation is probably not exact, but they referred to themselves as the 'Empire of Infinity', or 'Infinite Empire'. Yes, I know, it sounds a little silly."

"Of course." Chrono agreed. "It's a silly name."

"Isn't it, though?"

"It's not as though we would use similar hyperbole when naming something." Chrono said with a perfect deadpan.

"Of course we…" Began Yuuno Scrya, librarian of the Infinity Library, before trailing off slightly. "… I hate you, Chrono."

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144486/21/Infinity
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[DreadnaughtVV]

"I'm back. Let's go check out." Ino dragged him from his reminiscing. He
seemed to be doing a lot of that today. Reminiscing. It was almost like
he were a character in a story, and the author was just using his brain
as a way to get through writing a lot of long, potentially boring stuff
as fast as possible and keep the plot and action of the story flowing
while still getting all the important details to the readers. And the
whole reason for his reading could have been so that the author had a
much larger selection of words to choose from when writing from his
point of view. Wow. That would be crazy if it were true.

From Naruto: Another Version, Chapter 5.

[ECSNorway]

... yeah, I had to.

Signs and Portents

"What does it mean," asked the young Sidereal, "when Chejop Kejak discourses to us about the Weave of Fate?"

"It means," said his mentor, "that he instructs his juniors."

"And what does it mean when Chejop Kejak's brow furrows?"

"It means that the troubles of the world bear upon his shoulders."

"And what," asked the novice, "does it mean when all the alarms on the Loom go off, and Chejop Kejak jumps up and down, screams, tears his hair, and orders a general alert in all potential realms?"

"It means," said his mentor, "that the Doctor is up to something."

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[SkyeFire]

  From Nobody Dies, ch45:  

"Rei!" Shinji screams, "Don't antagonize Cthulhu!"

[Matrix Dragon]

Anything with Nobody Dies Rei is a Crowning Moment of Funny. She FIST BUMPS NYARLATHOTEP!!

[Norgarth]

... I've really got to get around to reading Nobody Dies. I never seem to remember to look for it when I actually have time to read.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin