ROTFL: MAO!

[CattyNebulart]

"Naruto, Sakura, we talk about all of this later. Right now we need to make sure sensei doesn't kill us. Again. Because nobody else could or would possibly start throwing fireballs randomly into the afterlife in some twisted attempt to cause us eternal pain and suffering until our souls finally give in and are destroyed."

All pain now ignored in favor of new and important instincts to survive that surface whenever their Jonin Sensei is mentioned or in any way involved, the three Genin did not trust that being already dead would hinder their sensei's efforts to kill them again by much.

From Late Arrival. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6354319/1/Late_Arrival

The entire story is hilarious.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[ECSNorway]

His first thought, in any situation where interpersonal relations were to occur, was 'What would Naruto do?'

Naturally, when confronted with a situation where he needed to be socially deft and clever, the answer to that particular question was even more important.

Unbeknownst to him, he had no real idea of what Naruto would actually do.

He took a deep breath.

"Hi."

Sai, in henge, watched as all heads in the bar full of shinobi turned to face him.

He paused a few beats.

Taking a beer bottle off the counter, he smashed it over the head of an unsuspecting shinobi closest to him. The shinobi collapsed.

"Does that make you mad enough to start a bar fight?"

The shinobi in the bar looked at each other. One in the back took a swig of his drink. "Not really."

Sai frowned.

He looked at the sharp edges of the broken bottle in his hand.

What would Naruto do?

Finding another nearby shinobi, he stabbed him in the neck with it. Blood gushed from the wound, coating him head to toe.

"How about now?"

He dodged a Kunai.

"Excellent."

Salutary Neglect, Chapter 6 (TFF link)
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[itsune9tl]

from Hill of Swords: chapter 20

"Malicorne," Guiche began, latching onto the change of subject
gratefully. "The order is not meant to be just a means for the members
to impress women. If we're…."
The chubby boy cut off the impending
lecture from his captain instantly. "I know that! But it's still not
fair! Guiche has Montmorency and those three!" he waved at the fangirls.
It looked like I wasn't the only one who never bothered to learn their
names. "Gimli and Raynold have Katie, and are both popular with the rest
of the academy!" Katie flushed brightly at the implication that she was
dating both the boys at once, and the two males looked at each other,
and then both turned to glance to the side while scratching their heads
in embarrassment. "And don't even get me started on you!" he hissed
venomously, pointing a finger in accusation at me. Siesta and Kirche
simultaneously leaned in so they could cuddle against me, and I cleared
my throat and glanced to the side. I heard two snickers emit at that.
One of them I was positive was Louise, and the other was most likely
Derflinger. "Two women at once, another at the castle, and that whole
inn back in the city!" We never should have taken the order to the
Charming Faerie Inn. Really, that had just been adding fuel to the fire.
"You just have women falling out of the sky for you! Why! Why can't
they fall out of the sky for me!"
Right then, in what I instantly
knew as a absolute proof in both the sentience of the Root, and that it
was indeed a malicious entity that took joy from the pain of others, a
naked woman fell out of the sky and landed feet first on the boy in the
middle of the meltdown with a loud shout of "Kyui!"

Also...

"Irukukuu told you! Irukukuu is Irukukuu!" the dragon snapped
childishly, folding her arms as she pouted. It was obvious the immature
reptile turned mammal thought asking her who she was to be a pointless
question after she had already told her name. "If Irukukuu wasn't
Irukukuu than Irukukuu wouldn't have said Irukukuu was Irukukuu,"
Irukukuu grumbled. "But since Irukukuu had already said she was
Irukukuu, then why do you keep asking Irukukuu if Irukukuu is Irukukuu?"
The dragon paused, and put one hand to her chin again. "Kyuuiii," she
mumbled, looking confused. "What was Irukukuu talking about again?"

[Jorlem]

"A familiar spirit?" Accessing database. "In folklore, sometimes
referred to simply as a familiar, a supernatural entity believed to
assist witches and cunning folk in the practice of magic." Wait. The
formatting of this data... Is the Entity resorting to wikipedia?
"According to records, they would appear in numerous guises, often as an
animal but also as times as a human or humanoid..." At this point
Louise interrupted me.

From A Familiar Interface.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

The one in the lower left corner.


Edit:
Also, Zorc's song in the new YGO:TAS Evil Council video.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

Necratoid
wrote:

---

... I'm spending
all those San points I just apparently stole and putting them towards
those time manipulation abilities people keep insisting I already
have.

-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[drakensis]

[i]Archer films presents

…

IN MEMORY OF ARCHER!

"That asshole…" Rin kept on growling. "That asshole!"

Starring…

The dashingly handsome ARCHER!

"I'll kill him," Rin said. "So help me, come the next War, I'm finding a way to summon him back just so I can kill him again!"

Specially dedicated to… the goddess of the Zettai Ryouiki, Tohsaka Rin, who I hope doesn't intend to do something stupid, like waiting the next few decades to join the next Holy Grail War to summon me just so she can kill me herself!

Rin began to sound like she was choking.

"Shh, it's starting!" Kuro hushed. "Pass the popcorn!"

The opening credits of the CD that had arrived by courier finished rolling, and everyone was treated to the view of a giant eye. The film quality was very grainy and sort of spastic, with odd starts and stops, but was mostly viewable. In the lower corner was an actively running timestamp, dated several days go, in the early hours of the morning.

"Testing, one, two, three," Archer's unmistakable voice said, only slightly marred by a few strange echoes and breathy noises, like wind blowing over something. The eye drew back, revealing Archer wearing a pair of wireless plastic headphones, its microphone in front of his mouth. As he came into view, so did the rest of the room.

Shiro blinked. "What the… is that my room?"

Archer settled down on a chair in front of the camera– which, judging from its quality, was clearly a webcam– fingers steepled together Ikari Gendo-style. The room behind him was dark, the only illumination coming from a lamp next to him. Still, the background was easily distinguishable as Shiro's room. Shiro, in fact, could be seen sleeping in the background, drool trailing from his mouth and a snot bubble growing on one nostril.

"Yes," Archer said once he seemed to have gotten comfortable. "This is your room, Shiro. Lancer, I am assigning you the task of Shiro-monitor. Please keep him from saying anything stupid for the duration of this video. I don't have a lot of time, and really, he kind of gets on my nerves." Archer looked over his shoulder at the sleeping Shiro as he said this, then resumed facing the screen. "Right, I might as well get this out of the way right now to prevent charges from being pressed. I, the Servant Archer, a participant of the Fifth Holy Grail War, summoned by the Master Tohsaka Rin, also a participant of the Holy Grail War, hereby absolve the group of Belkan Knights known as the Wolkenritter, specifically the knights Zafira, Signum and Vita, of any responsibility in my demise. I seemed perfectly alive and healthy when they left, and really, I'd just kicked their asses. They had no way of knowing I'd die soon after. My death is the direct result of my actions and decisions, and they bear no responsibility for it whatsoever. Please contact Green Lantern-chan and the TSAB as soon as possible so they can drop any attached murder charges." Archer paused to think a moment. "Yes, I do believe that's it. So, everyone, if you are watching this disc, that means I've died in the forest, and everything has gone exactly as planned."

Everyone watching blinked. The sound of teeth grinding began to rise.

"Yes, strange as it is to believe, most of what has happened so far is due to a very complex and many-faceted plan, which I have yet to come up with," Archer said cheerfully amidst the teeth grinding. "Hey, Rin only summoned me a few hours ago and I only just finished cleaning up the mess that resulted in my," he grinned, "completely and one hundred percent successful summoning which did not result in any form of amnesia whatsoever. Give me a few hours and I'd have worked something out by then."

"YOU BASTARD!"" Rin cried. "You evil, lying bastard!"

"I will hasten to point out that the Servant summoned without a proper catalyst inevitably leads to a Master being paired with a Servant who is very similar to the Master," Archer said. "So watch what you say about me, Rin-chan."

Rin twitched. "Did he just call me 'RIN-CHAN'?"

"How the hell does he know how she's going to react to this?" Lancer asked.

"I'm just that awesome, Lancer," Archer in the screen said.

Lancer twitched. "Okay, that's just creepy."
[/i]

FATE: Holy Grail War of 2814 
My apologies for the huge section, but it was kind of hard to only pick out one part and it's not funny without the context of Archer being dead and this being his last testament.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Proginoskes]

Reminds me of the sequence in Dr. Who where the Doctor has made a video many years upstream from the main action, using a transcript of the very video which he got off the Web downstream of the main action, leading to the gem:
Doctor [on video]: "You see, people assume that time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but it's really more a ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey… stuff."
Companion [main action]: "That sentence got away from you, there."
Doctor [on video]: "Yeah, it did get away from me, didn't it?"

[Jorlem]

Ah, Blink. That was a great episode.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Wiregeek]

'twas my first Doctor Who episode.

Congruent with that is the last episode of Series One (New Season One, whatever you want to call it), wherein the Doctor has holorecorded an emergency message to Rose, and she ends up cringing in front of the Tardis center console, behind the Holo!Doctor's right shoulder.

At the end of the bit he says 'And I want you to promise me one thing, just one thing', and then _turns and faces her_ and finishes his statement.

My description sucks, but it was, I thought, one of the most powerful moments from Series One.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[LilFluff]

So, as I am catching up on Nobody Dies I run across this bit...

"That doesn't change the fact that you slept with Asuka!"
"Well, of course he slept with her. They live together, don't they?"
Shinji
and Uri turn, slowly, and look up. They look way, way up. Standing over
them, overshadowing the entire beach, Unit-01 looks down on them, eyes
glowing a steady yellow. Standing on the shoulder of Unit-01, Yui
scribbles furiously on a piece of cardboard.
"I mean, it's really rude to leave the light on and make noise when someone's trying to sleep," Ichi continues, "I don't like it when they leave the hangar lights on after my bed time, even when Go-kun or Zwei are having late tests."
Yui
holds up the sign, written in super sized letters, 'She is mentally six
years old. PS: I WILL END YOU IF I HAVE TO TELL HER WHERE BABIES COME
FROM.'
"Right," Shinji says, "We're talking about later bedtimes. Aren't we, Uri?"
He elbows Uri in the ribs, the other boy coughing and glaring at him.
"Yes, yes, of course we are," he says, "Bedtimes. Right."
"Well, that's good," Ichi continues, falling back down to one knee, "Because we should talk about it and not have a big fight. Especially because, if you hurt Shinji, I stand on you."
With
that, the yellow eyes dim, and Unit-01 shuts back down. Waving, Yui
gives a smile to both boys and slides off down the arm, walking back to
Misato.
"We'll talk about this later," Uri says, "Count on it."

From Nobody Dies, chapter 76 Beach Episode
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Bob Schroeck]

“Where is everybody?” Johnny asked, looking around.

“Sue is doing something with Alicia; I heard the words fashion and fall clothing and used a personal teleporter to escape,” Reed said.

“You created a personal teleporter?” Peter asked.

“No, Doom left it here the last time he attacked – or his robot duplicate did; I was never sure about that,” Reed intoned before taking a sip of coffee.

“You used something that Doom may have booby trapped rather than go shopping?” Johnny asked incredulously.

“Sue is teaching Alicia about color and fashion now that she can see, while Alicia is explaining the subtleties she used to measure clothes while she was blind – what would you have chosen?”

“Good point,” Peter agreed.

“So, where did you teleport to?”

“Doom's castle,” Reed replied. “I explained what was going on and he was surprisingly understanding, but insisted I face it like a man and used his personal override to teleport us back.”

“How'd you escape?” Peter asked.

“I merely pointed out that I had not the skills needed, while Doom was a ruler who had shown he was my superior in all areas of artistic merit,” Reed said with a smirk.

“I thought the symbiote would negate the need for clothes shopping?” Johnny asked.

“Apparently they need to show Alicia what the clothes look like and see what the latest fashion trends are,” Reed explained.

0oOo0

“Foolish peasant,” Doom roared, “it is obvious that the dear Alicia is a fall not a winter!”

Janet van Dyne, aka the Wasp member of the Avengers had been sneaking up on Doom in Wasp form, to free the two women he had hostage, stopped and reconsidered the situation, and morphing back to full size she offered her own opinion, as she was a famous fashion designer, “True she is definitely a fall, but the tailor isn't completely wrong, some winter accents on a fall ensemble would look wonderful on her.”

Doom tapped the chin on his mask absently, apparently unsurprised at the Avenger's sudden appearance. “Doom has to admit that your idea has merit, perhaps some highlights in her hair to enhance the effect.”

From http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-22783-7/ ... py+Cat.htm]Copy Cat, Chapter 7
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[drakensis]

Yamamoto gasped as he was hurled back by this sudden burst of invincible force, the (fake) willpower of a (fake) great hero lending Aizen's blows terrible strength.
"Come out of the shadows, it's your time, 'cause tonight is the night for everyone to see!"

"For my friends!" Aizen said, pursuing and landing another brutal hammer-blow upon the great villain.

"You don't have any!" Yamamoto protested, falling back, his flames flickering uselessly around him.

"It's naaaaaaaaaaaaatural! You know that this is where you gotta be, this must be your destiny!"

"For my loved ones!" Aizen screamed, pushing the aging Captain even further back.

"Again: you don't have any!" Yamamoto said, his sword nearly knocked out of his hands by the sheer force of the shining blade of holy light.

"Sensaaaaaaaaational! And you believe that this is what you've waited for, and it's you that they all adore, and..."

"For every innocent life ended at your orders!" Aizen said, his next attack sending the old man tumbling backwards for several straight seconds before he managed to right himself.

"I... okay, it's hard to argue with that one, but..." Yamamoto admitted.

Uninvited Guests
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Jorlem]

I couldn't decide between that part of the chapter and this one, but since drakensis already posted the one, here's the other:

"Ah... the Central 46 Chamber." Aizen said cheerfully. "I haven't been here since I killed everyone inside it."

"For justice?" Tousen asked.

"Of course. Because... they were... um... planning to... ... ... nuke Switzerland." Aizen said. Nothing happened, so it seemed the Universe was accepting this somewhat contrived plot twist. "Yup, had to stop them."

"Very good. Remember to keep in character sir." Tousen said. "Er... I mean, remember to pursue the true ideals of a hero."

"Of course. Because in the end, what truly matters is... fighting for... peace and freedom." Aizen said, struggling not to laugh.

"That's true." Tousen said.

"... oh, yeah, you actually believe that, don't you?" Aizen said. "You must be eating this stuff up."

"It's like candy to me." Tousen admitted.

-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[azunth]

"What's next? Am I going to get to
meet Amaterasu Omikami when she shows up for lunch next week?"

"Oh, no, Megumi," Belldandy said matter-of-factly as she poured
herself some more tea. "You've already met Amaterasu."

"Oh, well, that's fine, then..." Her eyes snapped open, giving
her a wild, off-kilter look. "WHAT?" she shouted.

From Drunkard's walk, step 5.  I've always found this little segment hilarious.

[Shepherd]

The Sith snorted disdainfully. "The ability to destroy a planet is INSIGNIFICANT compared to the power of the Force."

Hotaru blinked in surprise, taken aback as she stared up at the ancient spirit. "Really?"

"No, not really. That's just something we say," Nal'Shek admitted, shrugging his insubstantial shoulders. "I mean, don't get me wrong, the Force is great, but destroying planets is significant by any scale."

www.fanfiction.net/s/2449022/13/Millennium
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Jorlem]

Many voices.

"We have a confirmed visual on the object!"

"Launch a full assault!"

"Arrows away!"

GOD IS IN HER HEAVEN

"Direct hit!"

ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD

"Take that target down! At all costs!"

"Why is it still standing?"

"Target is still active."

Blood red waves lapping up against a bone white shore.

HIRAGA SAITO

THE THIRD CHILD

An empty city.

A lone boy.

"Where is everybody?"

A whining sound and a crashing explosion.

A monster strides forth, with singular purpose.

A black haired woman on a horse.

"Hi there!"

An impossibly bright light.

A castle crumbles.

Doors slamming shut.

"Welcome to GRAAL?"

A tunnel into the darkness.

"We're a clandestine organisation that answers directly to the Holy See. The key in the effort to rebuild our world."

A giant of light, surrounded by fire.

An older man.

"Fifteen years ago the Second Impact. Half the worlds population was wiped out."

A wasteland of fire and brimstone.

Mounted generals overlook the remains of the battlefield in rage.

"Now the JOTUNS have returned."

Cannons thunder.

"There is little we can do to stop them."

Monsters in many forms, over the blood red seas, over green forests, over blue rivers and lakes.

"With limited options, we had to find a new solution to protect our way of life.

The face of a beast.

A light haired woman.

"You are looking at the most advanced weapons system ever developed by man."

The boy, between the women, facing the beast.

"The Synthetic Humanoid JORMUNGANDR."

The face of the beast.

The face of the boy.

The face of the light haired woman, her face painted.

"YOU will be the pilot."

Above the beast, a bearded man.

"There are others like you."

A painting of a pale girl.

The girl, framed by the light of two moons.

"Other CHILDREN. Burdened with the task of protecting our home."

A city by sunset, from below.

And from above.

"And saving mankind from the brink of extinction."

Darkness falls.

The women, with aids, study a map of the battlefield.

The face of the dark haired woman, fire reflecting in her eyes.

"WE ARE GO FOR LAUNCH!"

The beast, restraints loosening.

The boy, in armor.

The woman, giving the order.

"JORMUNGAND! UNIT ONE!"

Darkness.

"MOVE OUT!"

Lightning.

The beast rises.

The boy rides alone.

The beast steps forth.

The beast faces a monster.

Fire and thunder.

The pale girl.

"The GANDs can beat the JOTUNS."

Armies die in flames, the beast runs wild.

"The fact that we are even here to see this means that mankind has a sliver of hope."

A pale Giant, impaled on a stone, poison dripping into it's face.

The painted woman.

"I want you to understand that you are not the only one risking your life in this fight."

A crowd shelters from the battle in a cavern.

Torches flicker and are extinguished.

"We are all in this together."

The boy, lowering his visor.

Leveling his lance.

Beginning the charge.

The dark haired woman, panicking.

"NO! SAITO!"

The boy.

The beast.

Screaming.

Roaring.

Rebuild of A Familiar Interface,

THE EVANGELION CROSSOVER

You Ain't (NEVER) Gonna See This.

***

Saito (Playing Shinji): I don't get it. I'm not even in this fic? And
what the hell? Does this mean Wardes is my father? And Tabitha my... A
clone of my mother?

Louise (Playing Ritsuko): Don't think to hard about it.

Tabitha 2.0 (Playing Rei): Wise.

Sylphid (Playing JORMUNGAND Unit 00): Kyu! I didn't get to show up!

Siesta (Playing Misato): KICKASS!

Kirche (Playing Asuka): What's she so happy about?

Louise: She gets Saito all to herself. In her apartment. Not to mention
she gets to order Guiche, Monmon and what's-his-name around.

Kirche: Wait, does this mean Monmon has a crush on Louise?

Montmorency (playing Maya): ONLY BECAUSE THE SCRIPT SAYS SO!

Guiche (playing Aoba): Just so you know, I don't have a problem with that.

Louise: Zerbst, what are you even doing here, you don't show up until part two. Playing your own daughter.

Wardes (Playing Gendo): I invited her. Just as planned.

Colbert (playing Fuyutsuki): You're perfect for that part by the way.

Old Osmon (playing Keel): *Chuckles*

Matilda (in drag, playing Kaji): I'm not sure about this myself...

Asakura (wearing armband, caption: ULTRA DIRECTORS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER): No problems, right?

Everyone: No problems at all ma'am!

Random Elf (playing JSSDF soldier): When do we get paid?

Everyone else: *Looks away*

*Screaming and bloodshed*

From here.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

Slenderman's line to the chief just makes me crack up.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[yesilmavi]

Alien

[BYapes]

 ...
 That is both ironic and disgusting at the same time.
 BYapes
Brian Y.
Seed Chronicles

[Bob Schroeck]

This is an old one that I've had in my quote file for years:

"Okay," Ritsuko said, turning around. "MAGI! Coffee, black, twelve sugars!" There was a whir, the sound of gears grinding and engines thrumming, and soon a little trapdoor on the workstation opened and a paper cup filled with coffee ascended from the depths of the MAGI's operating system.

"Neat," commented Shinji.

"Technology of God in action," agreed Ritsuko, sipping her coffee. "Ah. I like my coffee like I like my men."

"What... hot, strong and sweet?" Misato winked knowingly.

Ritsuko frowned. "No. Ground into powder and liquefied."

"Oh," Misato said carefully.

From http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1337948/1/E ... _Unplugged]Evangelion Unplugged, Chapter 1, by Renegade
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[robkelk]

From http://forums.sjgames.com/showthread.php?t=75237]a thread over on the SJGames Forums...

0B1-KN0B: What would you do with $800 000 000 000? (in a near-to-mid-future setting)

Sarge: Create a beanstalk to make getting goods and people to and from orbit much easier and cheaper.

Celestial Goblin: Maybe not the most practical thing, but nazis planned to drain the Mediterranian sea and turn it into farmland!

RyanW: The practical part of me wants to give subsidies to technical and scientific education and to sustainable urbanization projects. Another part of me wants to build an enormous bronze statue of myself standing astride a harbor entrance.

Hans Rancke-Madsen: Why be a piker? Make it a statue straddling the Straits of Gibraltar. And to combine it with the previous suggestion, while you're at it, build a dam across the strait and start pumping...

sir_pudding: Why not combine three projects? We'll put that gigantic statue of RyanW in an impressive enough tophat to house the beanstalk.

whswhs: The straits of Gibraltar aren't on the equator.

vicky_molokh: That sounds like a reason for a fourth project!

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Jorlem]

[Excerpts from a certain defense contractor's memoranda:]
Look, all of our competitors are presently using teenagers as test pilots.  Hell, General Dynamics just unvieled a system fueled by the tears of six year old children.  The Pentagon bought eight and a ten-year support contract.  Child abuse mechanology is the swiftest growing defense market of the new millennium, and we should aim to place ourselves at the forefront!

From Shadowjack's IWIW Evangelion thread.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[LilFluff]

Note: Spoiler for Chapter 1 of Saga of Soul
I've started reading Saga of Soul after reading some good comments about it. The following is from Chapter 2 (with some comments on events in Chapter 1).
From an internal monologue by Eriko...

All right. Let's review:



I, Watanabe Eriko, have spent three months in a coma. I
have memories of that period, during which I explored some form of space
distinct from our own, and was able to manipulate physical reality by
mentally tapping into some form of light and then willing changes to
happen.



These memories are too complex for me to have come up
with them in the short time since my coma. Their consistency suggests
that they were not just my imagination, though that isn't yet certain.



I do not think it is possible that the whole thing was
created by my mind while I was in a coma. More probably, the whole thing
was quite real... thus indicating that there may be quite a lot to the
universe for us to discover and that I just stumbled into.



I'm not going to put myself back in a
coma to experiment further. But I must check if it is possible for me to
use the same reality-warping abilities I had in that other space.



I also need to cut down on my internal monologues.

...

There was a sudden flash that set fire to a nearby bush.


""



There was a big splash as the fire was put out.



The teenage girl looked at the smoldering remains of the bush in front
of her. She looked at the puddle of water. She looked at her hand. She
grinned from ear to ear.



My name is Watanabe Eriko. I'm an upcoming Nobel Prize laureate, and reality is my bitch.

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Jorlem]

"Well, I just wanted to make the offer," Pieter responds,
hands up defensively, "You've been here a while, and I thought you might
be offended that we brought Zophie out of Sheol but not you."
Your
concern is appreciated, Pieter, but there is little reason for me to
live on the surface. I have all the necessities and luxuries I require
here. Besides which, Zophael has taken the form of a Lilim, much like
the Ree have, and Lilly can simply disappear if she wishes.
"That's true, but-"
Besides
which, I am a self hovering flatfish. I have less fingers. I have a
tail. I have a telescoping mouth lined with dagger like teeth which
protects my genitalia. I also have-
Four tentacles burst from the water, each opening a blood red, cat slit eye.
While
I am sure some female students at the high school would appreciate my
abilities and even attempt to romantically pursue me, I am not human. I
have no wish to be human. While your offer is appreciated and is a sign
of our friendship, it is preferred that I stay in Sheol.

From chapter 80 of Nobody Dies.

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Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.