ROTFL: MAO!

[robkelk]

Technically speaking, http://forums.sjgames.com/showthread.php?t=77307]not fanfic, but hey...

But then you have to pull start your chicken. And nobody wants that.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Black Aeronaut]

Technically speaking, not fanfic, but hey...

But then you have to pull start your chicken. And nobody wants that.

*SNRT!*  That is some interesting mental imagery.  I would love to have it on a T-shirt. 

[robkelk]

It only took 87 posts in the thread for Shadowjack to start http://forum.rpg.net/showpost.php?p=135 ... stcount=87...

Mikuji /salutes. "MA'AM!"
Kaorinite: "There might be a Talisman hidden in this girl; take her pure heart."
Mikuji: "Ah, yes, of course. Thank you, Ma'am!"
Mikuji /walks up to Rei.
Rei /braces herself.
Mikuji /unbuttons her youma shirt.
Rei: "Er... "

Mikuji uses Dark Star Assault Cleavage upon Rei!

Rei: "WHAT."
Mikuji: "The power of boobs compels you!"
Rei: "¡No! ¡My only weakness!"

Usagi: "I AM THE TERROR WHO TRIPS IN THE NIGHT! I am the brassiere too tight for the bosom of Crime and Injustice!"
Rei: "¿The hell?"
Usagi: "They're right there! It's distracting! HOW DARE YOU TEMPT FAIR EARTHLING MAIDENS WITH YOUR SAUCY EXTRADIMENSIONAL WAYS! For Love, Justice, and Modest Dress Codes -- I am Sailor Moon! And in the name of the Moon, I WILL PUNISH YOU!"

Mina: "Same sorts of monsters, though."
Mako: "Also, tits."
Ami: "I beg your pardon?"
Usagi: "Yeah, is it just me, or is the opposition a little more buxom than before?"
Mina: "I have no idea to what you are referring."
Ami: "Well, you see, Usagi, you're reaching an age when a girl starts to notice certain things -- "
Mako: "Did you see the red one and her youma? Criminy! Makes me feel small."
Rei: "'Well in hand.' I mentioned she said that, right? Sheesh. Talk about rubbing it in. ... Oh, hell, I did not just say that."
Usagi: "You might say she was just trying to stay abreast of the situation!"
Rei /twitch.
Mina: "Well, hey, you've gotta make sure to keep a youma like that on the bounce!"
Rei /twitch twitch.
Mako: "They've got awfully short mammaries."
Ami: "You need to make certain that they cleave closely to their targets."
Mina: "Oo, good obscure one."
Rei /smokes slightly.
Mina: "Uh-oh, watch out. It looks like the next punster, Rei will knock 'er about!"
Rei /smiles. "... Now would I do a thing like that to my bosom buddies?"
Ami: "And thus does Rei Hino make boobs of us all."

Edit: And from a later post in the thread, commenting on the L/R confusion that lead to Kaolinite being called "Kaorinite" in the fansub he's watching:

My only disappointment in the name correction is that I can't joke about Kaorinite's mega-crush on Miss Sakakite.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Wiregeek]

Hermione, unable to help herself, glanced at Professor McGonagall and saw that Professor McGonagall was giving her an encouraging smile - or she was giving the two of them some kind of smile, anyway - so Hermione looked back at the Headmaster and said, the small quaver in her voice a little larger now, "Since you became Headmaster forty years ago, there've been eleven students to graduate Hogwarts who became heroes, I mean people like Miles Naismith and so on, and ten of those were boys. Cimorene Linderwall was the only witch."

Bolding mine..

Miles Farking Naismith, Wizard.

...the world trembles.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[The Wanderer]

...where is that from?

I mean, the implications involved in the mention of Cimorene alone, even without also mentioning Miles Naismith in the same breath, catch my immediate interest...

[Sweno]

methods of rationality, check the updates thread
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy

[Herr Bad Moon]

Bolding mine..

Miles Farking Naismith, Wizard.

...the world trembles.

You should be terrified of a fully trained http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dealing_with_Dragons]Cimorene Linderwall She is going to sensible everyone's ass into submission.
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[CattyNebulart]

Actually I think the best line from the last MoR chapter is the following;

Most books didn't say "And then they refused to give up, no matter how sensible it would have been, because that would've been too embarrassing"; but a great deal of history made a lot more sense that way.

E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[paladindythe]

This bit is from the Fate Stay/Night / Seikirei crossover In Flight, ch15
 

"Ara ara," Miya 'tsked' the group at large, her smile wide and benevolent and her eyes crinkled shut. "Didn't Emiya-kun already say?" It gathered behind her, a darkness composed of pure malice and eye gouging hate. Slowly, strands of dark hair began to slither over the lavender mane of the alien landlady, a gruesome mass edging its way up wards, until finally like Sadako emerging from her well, the hannya mask snapped itself upright, glaring down at the gathered masses with a gaze that could freeze the heart. "There is no violence in Izumo House," Miya repeated, still beaming beatifically at the now cowering residents and guests.
Tsukiumi had at some point abandoned her pride and now clutched onto Musubi, an embrace that was returned for comfort's sake as the shrine girl tried not to be overwhelmed by the hideous specter before her as well. Yukari had dropped behind Shiina, burying her face into his shoulder to block out the horrific sight before her, and Kuu had plunged her face into her other surrogate brother's chest to block the vision before her, leaving poor Shiina to bear witness to the unfolding traumatic event alone.
That's it. Forget the profiles about the so called 'Ashikabi of the East'. Forget getting to know the capabilities of my gathered flock. Forget mastering my Reality Marble. Forget perfecting my runes. Forget even honing my sword play. I had a new priority.
I was going to learn this technique, or I was going to die trying.

  

[stormcloud]

From end of Chapter 45 of Embers by Vathara.

Preview of 46:

"Prince Zuko." Iroh's voice was full of foreboding. "You will not try to blackmail the Avatar."

"Yes," Zuko said with that same fierce smile. "I will."

[robkelk]

http://www.cg-lair.co.uk/daleks/secemp421.htm]This page is funny even without the context... although the first panel of the next page is funnier.
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[robkelk]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144486/29/Infinity]Infinity, chapter 29:

"Go. To. H-"

"Chrono! Language." Lindy chided.

"-ave a bad day, because I find you an unpleasant person." Chrono finished.

"How mean! Just for that, you don't get a kiss." Amaterasu said. The worst part was that she sounded genuinely hurt by possibly the lamest insult in the history of time.

"Go to Hell." Amy snarled.

"Oooooh, someone's got a cruuuuuush..." Said the voice over the PA in a sing-song tone.

Lindy sighed. "Amy. Chrono. This really isn't the time to exercise your crush on each other."

"We do not have a-"

"Hi Tess! Hi Vi! Hi Nanako!" Susanoo said.

"Nanoha!"

"Who?"

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Norgarth]

While reading through "Connecting the Dots" (a JLU/Naruto crossover), I found this in Chapter 7 (Batman vs Sasuke)

The thing that really annoyed Sasuke about the Sharingan was that, on the off chance you faced an incredibly skilled opponent, you could SEE yourself about to get hit and you wouldn't be able to do a single thing about it. Oh sure, you could maybe roll with the punch a little, harden your muscles or whatever… but the point stood—the Sharingan allowed you to see yourself get humiliated in slow-motion.

Two minutes into their fight, Sasuke had already seen it fourteen times. From different angles, in different ways, with different amounts of perception. Some he didn't even see—he felt the blow come out of nowhere and jerked around just in time to avoid the follow-up. Kusanagi had gone flying away somewhere early in the fight, and though Sasuke knew where it was, he could not make the time to get over to it. Indeed, it was all he could do just to keep up with the flurry of blows coming at him. Sasuke did his best to copy the moves, but… they were so completely unpredictable! The attacks seemed to come from all kinds of styles, orientations, and philosophies. Sasuke could not see how the man managed to link them together.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[robkelk]

http://forum.rpg.net/showpost.php?p=135 ... tcount=316]Shadowjack's up to Sailor Moon S episode 92...

Meanwhile: Death Busters' Labs, Where the Future is Being Made Today
The Professor: "Beaker!"
Kaolinite: "Meep." /hands over one beaker.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[LilFluff]

Samarkand on the beta review of the recent chapter of Spark Gate:

The next chapter has been written and is in the process of being flight
checked by the fine folks at Heterodyne Labs. A new safety record--only
ten minions injured! Keep it up, people!

And Agatha's thoughts on being a prisoner...

There was, however, an unfair lack of opportunities to escape. Whatever
mechanism locked the door wasn't about to be picked by a handy
hair-pin. There were no guards to brain with conveniently heavy urns.
No ventilation shafts to crawl into. Not even rats to train into a
hyper-intelligent swarm to dig an escape tunnel, as Othar Trygvassen had
done in the dungeons of Professor Nefarion. The only thing to do was
stare out the window.

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Proginoskes]

This is hardly new, and has probably been posted before, but Susan Ivanova's conversation with Ezri Tigan in Symphony of the Sword No. 5: Prelude in A Minor. An excerpt:

Hesitantly, her eager expression fading, Ezri asked, "Do you
not -need- an assistant counselor here, Commander?"
"No. No, Mock Ensign, we do not," Ivanova replied. "We are,
as it happens, all -quite incurably mad- here, and as such we have no
need of a counselor of any kind. Besides, what would we need a
counselor for?" she went on expansively. "We have Mr. Garibaldi.
Whenever any of us is feeling down, we can always count on
Mr. Garibaldi to do something to cheer us up. Like filling our
underwear drawer with oatmeal, or billeting visiting Klingons in our
quarters."

[HoagieOfDoom]

I've started running a game of Cthulhu Tech recently and my players have been having some trouble with a magical duck familiar (long story). One of the PCs is a rather... ravenous Echo Tager and wants to eat the duck, even considering eating it whole in one gulp. This immediately followed:

Spoiler

‎"How seriously strong a laxative do you need to drink to pass a duck through your colon?"

Spoilered for being slightly NSFW.

[yesilmavi]

This is not from a fic.

But could be used in one. (as a scene)

[Bob Schroeck]

<rimshot>
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[ECSNorway]

And Suddenly... NINJAS!

Gaara turned away from Naruto and walked past Kankuro, who followed a few paces behind while helping a limply supporting herself Temari along. As they left, Naruto looked over to Sasuke and his team. “I had it, you know.”

“I know. I just wanted to be badass.” Sasuke replied.

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[robkelk]

http://forum.rpg.net/showpost.php?p=135 ... tcount=394

Usagi: "No, no, I'll be good. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. It's very simple: All I need is Mako to teach me how to cook, Mina to teach me how to speak English, Ami to teach me genetic engineering, and Rei to teach me how to wear a kimono. Thus shall I become the perfect bride!"
Rei: "¡¿Genetic engineering?! ... Wait, that would explain Chibi-Usa."
Mina: "Sorry, I have to go, um, eel my hovercraft." /grabs Artemis and books it.
Mako: "Yeah, whatever she said! Gotta go!" /sprints for the exit.
Ami: "If you want me to teach you genetic engineering, I'll need to learn it first, so in the mean time you should master basic bio and chem, starting with these introductory works -- "
Rei: "Ami, stop. Back up. Reverse. She's not serious, she's doing the whimsical thing again. And, Usagi, I've tried to teach you kimono like a hundred TIMES already. Come on, Ami."
Ami: "... but... books?"

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Norgarth]

From a comment on the Anime Addventure, describing Yomiko Readman's powers:

"She effectively a Green Lantern powered by bibliomania. " 8)
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[ECSNorway]

From the forum thread entitled "Sparkgate: Agatha Heterodyne and the Grasp of the Serpent God", over on SpaceBattles...

"Based on my calculations, the application of maritime vessels to eldritch horrors may be a viable defense strategy."

"...Agatha, you're going to try to kill Cthulhu with a railgun that uses the USS NIMITZ AS A PROJECTILE? FROM ORBIT?"

"Only as a last resort. We'll start with supertankers, if only for economic reasons."

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

Actual story text from Sparkgate. Samantha Carter's reaction to examining a Clank for the first time:

"Sure, I can whip up some gears in the machine shop," Sam said, waving her arms about, "put together that Stirling engine in there over my lunch break. No problem, I just HAVE TO PUNCH PHYSICS IN THE MOUTH AND STEAL ITS LUNCH MONEY!"

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[LilFluff]

From Chapter 9 of Big Human on Campus:

"Man, either the fights are getting harder or I'm getting lazier.
Feels like I spend more time sleeping off bruises than I do going to
class.""It's a habit you should work to correct, to be sure," said a familiar voice from behind him.
Unlike
the members of the exploration club, Ranma showed no fear as he turned
and waved absently to Jadeite, who was standing behind him with bandage
wrappings over his face.
"Hey Professor. What's up? Classes were canceled today, right?" Ranma asked.
Jadeite
was clearly annoyed by the way his sudden appearance hadn't ruffled his
student one bit, but brushed it off. "Actually... I need to ask you a
question."
The Dark General coughed lightly into his fist as Ranma
waited patiently. "The... individual who took me by surprise earlier.
The one with the fire attack. Who was he?"
Ranma was silent for a
short while before he asked. "Are you asking because you want to
congratulate him for earning your respect and maybe take him on as an
apprentice or something?"
Jadeite's eyebrow twitched. "NO. That is not why I wanted to know his name."
"In that case, his name is Saffron," Ranma said immediately.
As he watched the emotionally unstable instructor walk away
and the reality of what he had just done had settled over him, Ranma
felt a small pang of something deep within, agitating his mind with
thoughts of possibilities as of yet unexplored, mistakes made, and
opportunities missed. Almost at once, he grasped onto the feeling, and
his course of action became clear.
"I think I'll go eat lunch
before I fall asleep, actually," he said, making a turn away from the
exit and heading back into the school building.

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.