ROTFL: The comeback

[yesilmavi]

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Disclaimer: If you build a monster from human corpses, logic dictates to use a human brain as well, does it not? ... Then Igor, ...WHY IS IT HUMPING MY LEG!
--
from
www.fanfiction.net/s/3022...mbie_Ranma
by www.fanfiction.net/u/1052...ibi-Reaper
(disgea/naruto author)
(he also wrote a potter/discworld(rincewind) crossover)

[robkelk]

And funny enough that I've made it my new signature here...
-Rob Kelk
"I heard there was a trial run of soylent blue, but they had to cease production when the George Carlin ran out..."
Mark Jones, 13 Jan 2008
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[WengFook]

---

Many people have witnessed the aged Hokage staring wistfully at the picture of the Fourth located in his office. These people assumed that he was sad that such a heros life was cut short in a terrible tragedy. These people were wrong.
No, Sarutobi was just very regretful for not kicking the total living shit out of that blonde bastard while he was still alive. Sarutobi enjoyed retirement. He was old and tired of the Hokages responsibilities. In fact, he never really wanted the position in the first place. He was tricked by the soggy Second and that wood using son of a bitch known as the First. Women do not throw themselves at the Hokage, as he was led to believe. Instead, they throw paperwork at you. Stacks and stacks of paperwork.

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From Big Red. A Naruto Fanfic_______________________________
"Walls are meant to be broken." - Makes sense figuratively and literally.
"Asuka is angry with me, All's Right with the world." -Shinji Ikari, Once More With Feeling.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[yesilmavi]

big reds link.
www.fanfiction.net/s/3713780/2/Big_Red

[ECSNorway]

Colonel Mustang attempts to get some work done in the Ministry of Magic, and gets very frustrated... fortunately, Lt. Hawkeye arrives just in time:

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"Sir, drop the hand and step away from the bureaucrat."

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Full Metal Magic--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

---

Werewolves are supposed to be infectious. I think I'm a werewolf now.
Naruto stared at him blankly. Oh. Okay. ...Refresh my memory here: what's a werewolf, again?
Like a magical wolf. Only it's not some kind of normal disease. It's some sort of a cursed disease, Kiba said with a frown, pulling up his collar.
And you think you're a cursed wolf now? he asked. Why?
My sense of smell is getting stronger, he said, pulling up his collar. A lot stronger.
Maybe you're bloodline is just turning into a real bloodline, Naruto reasoned. Like puberty... or something.
Maybe... Kiba said, scratching his head and still looking unconvinced. ...My hair's a bit thicker too.
You haven't cut it properly in years, the blond said skeptically. I, for one, don't notice any big difference.
That's probably true, Kiba admitted. ...I've also been bitten by a werewolf.
Blunt but to the point. He did have a point.
...Now that is some solid evidence, Naruto said. So? What's the problem?

---

Stranded - Naruto-tachi visit Hogwarts--
"I give you the beautiful... the talented... the tirelessly atomic-powered...
R!
DOROTHY!
WAYNERIGHT!
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[WengFook]

---

Kasumi broke the silence by standing and brushing off her apron. Im terribly sorry about all of this. But dont think to badly of Akane. Shes really a sweet girl. Shes just a violent maniac sometimes. Would you like some more tea?

---

from Bound To Eternity, a Naruto/Ranma/SM fic :O
www.fanfiction.net/s/2065...o_Eternity_______________________________
"Walls are meant to be broken." - Makes sense figuratively and literally.
"Asuka is angry with me, All's Right with the world." -Shinji Ikari, Once More With Feeling.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[s3yang]

Eh, I'm pretty sure that's lifted straight out of the canon manga. Said by Kasumi right after Akane bashed Ranma with the table.

[robkelk]

It is. But it's still funny.
-Rob Kelk
"I heard there was a trial run of soylent blue, but they had to cease production when the George Carlin ran out..."
Mark Jones, 13 Jan 2008
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[yesilmavi]

---

Soun turned his head toward the door and watched Ranma leave. He couldn't help but wonder if something was troubling his future son-in-law. This thought process didn't last long, however, as it was interrupted by a panda tapping on his shoulder and pointing at the go board. Soun let out a gasp as he realized that Genma had him beat.
"Umm...err...do-over!"
Genma quickly scribbled onto a wooden sign the words "NO DO-OVERS!"
Soun's spirit sank as he felt the weight of defeat this cruel morning.

---

www.fanfiction.net/s/3842...hts_Beauty

[yesilmavi]

Sakura? Are you alright? For his trouble, Kakashi received an mmm which mightve meant yes and mightve meant yum, perhaps both. He paused for a long moment, struggling to find the right thing to say, or at least to find something that mattered to say. Well ah, alright then. Sasuke, when they come around would you tell them that you all pass? The purpose of this exercise was teamwork, a shinobi who fails their mission is trash but- Hey, Sasuke? Saaaaassukeeee Sasuke too, was unconscious, this was troublesome. Very unyouthful. Well there was always an alternative.
Moments later, Kakashi hopped away to find sanctuary to read until he was sufficiently late for the jounin meeting.

---

insane naruto. (think gaara)
www.fanfiction.net/s/3130...t_Any_Cost

[Foxboy]

www.bulwer-lytton.com/2007.htm
But this is one of my favorites:
I was in a back alley in Fiji, fighting desperately and silently for my life, fighting desperately for oxygen, clawing at the calm and almost gentle pressure of the fabric held over my face by implacable, ebony thighs when I realized -- he was killing me softly with his sarong.
Karl Scott
Brisbane, Australia
''We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat
them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.''

-- James Nicoll

[robkelk]

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www.bulwer-lytton.com/2007.htm

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I prefer these ones, myself:

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Samson looked in the mirror and, when he saw what a fantastic haircut Delilah had given him, he went weak at the knees.

---

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What a pity Dave was too young to have seen "2001: A Space Odyssey," for he might have been able to predict what would happen next, when the ape standing next to the big black slab picked up the tapir bone.

---

-Rob Kelk
"I heard there was a trial run of soylent blue, but they had to cease production when the George Carlin ran out..."
Mark Jones, 13 Jan 2008
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[drakensis]

---

Rei stared at the blonde girl in the Gryffindor uniform. "Y-YOU?" she shouted. "What are YOU doing in the headmaster's office?"
"Nice to see you too, Rei-chan!" Usagi giggled. "Hi Setsuna! Did you tell her everything?"
"Well, almost! She didn't believe me, though, so I thought it would be best to bring her here."
"Okeydokey, then I guess it's best to turn back to old and wise, huh?" She raised a decorated brooch. "Moon Prism Power, turn me back to... oops, maybe I should include Rei this one time. She still has to learn how to do it herself, right?"
Setsuna nodded and Usagi raised her brooch again. "Moon prism Power, turn us back to our old selves!" In a flash of bright, pink light, the forms of the two young schoolgirls vanished, and instead, two men appeared.
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore smiled at the stunned face of Severus Snape. "Hello, Severus!"
"D-dumbledore!" Snape stuttered. "You... I mean, you and me... I..." He looked down and felt his whole body. "I'm back to normal!"
"In a sense," Dumbledore said in his calm voice. "Rei Hino is a part of you as much as Usagi Tsukino has become a part of me. I do not really know why exactly Miss Tsukino's soul chose me instead of someone else, but since so many people are telling me that I am one of the most powerful wizards in this time - which is still debatable - I believe that the soul of the Moon Princess and at the same time, leader of the Sailor Senshi, might have chosen me, Albus Dumbledore, for that reason. And after Miss Meioh explained everything to me, the memories started to come back, one after another." Dumbledore stroked his beard. "And I must say, I am quite flattered."

---

Severus and Rei
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[WengFook]

That... That... has gone beyond ROTFL and into WTFOMFGBBQ territory... O_o_______________________________
"Walls are meant to be broken." - Makes sense figuratively and literally.
"Asuka is angry with me, All's Right with the world." -Shinji Ikari, Once More With Feeling.
_________________________________
Take Your Candle, Go Light Your World.

[Star Ranger4]

More like Roll for SAN loss turf."I was an Otaku before those kids came along and changed the meaning of the word."
-- HM "Howling Mad" Wilson to more than one team-mate.
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children

[robkelk]

More like Roll for SAN loss turf."I was an Otaku before those kids came along and changed the meaning of the word."
-- HM "Howling Mad" Wilson to more than one team-mate.

 
I have a signature block on Usenet that I use for that kind of story...

Ia! Ia! Chibi-Usa ftagan!
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[yesilmavi]

He looked out the nearest window, and saw more of the creatures crawling out of under every building in view.

Gluttony let out a horrified whine.

“Vampires taste bad!”


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3153578/29/ ... Incomplete

[yesilmavi]

The most memorable occasion of this in Iruka’s mind was when Naruto was fighting against Kiba. Naruto escaped a particularly nasty attack of Kiba’s by using the replacement technique with Sasuke. Sadly for Naruto and Kiba, neither of them could escape Sasuke’s enraged fangirls.

---

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3996421/1/T ... th_Dojutsu

[Jervic]

Ryoga rolled his eyes. "What's with this self-sacrifice thing you ninjas have going on? Don't you have an ego?"

Konatsu bowed. "No, I do not. I was trained out of mine at an early age."

"I, I see." Ryoga rubbed the back of his head with one hand. "Well, whatever. Let's go find an empty lot and train. Why are there so
many of those around here, anyway?"

"Property value depreciation, I have been told. Our battles make land here too expensive to buy, as no one can afford the maintenance
costs."

"Huh. Well, anyway, you should know that I'll be practicing all my Ki moves, so be prepared, okay? We can't go easy on each other."

Konatsu bowed again. "I will do the same. We must put all our effort into it, yes?"

Ryoga nodded. "Right." Than he looked down at his nearly-naked self. "But, let's get my clothes back first, alright?"

Konatsu blushed. "Of, of course."

"Ugh! Don't do that, you're a guy!"

"I am a woman at heart."

"You didn't blush until I mentioned it!"

"Forgive me. I will endeavor to be more womanly in the future around you."

"That wasn't what I- oh, whatever. Do as you wish."

They walked off, Ryoga turning red and making haste as people stared at his lack of clothing.

A child pointed at them. "What's that couple doing, momma? Why is he naked?"

"Don't look!"

Ryoga turned crimson. Futilely, he turned to the crowd. "Hey, this guy is a man!"

The murmurs grew worse.

Ryoga threw up his hands and stomped off, holding onto his makeshift underwear tightly. Konatsu followed, holding both hands to his face like a shy
schoolgirl.

Ranma Saotome! I will get my revenge!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3988006/5/God_Seed

[yesilmavi]

They had nearly reached the apartment when Gaara asked a question.

"Does all marriage end in death?"

That was a stumper, but nearly every question was with Gaara, because if you used even one wrong word, he'd somehow turn it into a justification for
killing everything in sight the next time he went out. Granted, most of the people Gaara dealt with were meant to end up dead, but it wasn't always a
requirement, though you'd never know it from his body count.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3490420/4/T ... re_of_Love

Some black humor.

[ECSNorway]

Len Hutchins, on Darth Vader:

"Anyway, he's got it together, I'll give him that. Darkness
is his friend in a way I can't even begin to imagine, but he's stone
cold sane, and his moral compass is on 'green'. I've trusted him with
my life, and would again. He stays here off and on, but mostly he
wanders the Rim, righting wrongs, seeking deeper truths, scaring the
bejeezus out of people."

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

Misato was distracted from the two as she surveyed her car. "Oh, God! It's a wreck and I still have 52 payments left on it." she moaned.

"Misato, relax. I'm pretty sure your insurance company will cover it. They can hardly blame you for the explosion and the JSDF has always covered
local damages, since that incident when a parade float of Godzilla got loose and they overreacted."

Later in the same story:

-Military complex war room-

Note: In order to avoid rehashing boring old scenes that don't differ significantly from canon, all technical jargon has been removed and
everything has been translated from 'diplomatic speech' into 'teenage boy bragging about dick size'.

"Hah! Like those overgrown tinker toys you've got will be of any use. Watch this shit!" an American four star general yelled.

Everyone watched the monitor as a fighter launched a rather large missile with N2 stenciled on the side.

BOOM

The monitor screen dissolved to static, as the blast wiped out the camera monitoring the battle.

"Hah, I love blowin' shit up!" the general smirked.

"Let the dust settle and you'll see how worthless your shit is." Gendo muttered, leaning back in his chair and touching fists with his dog,
Fuyutsuki.

"Nigga, please! Ain't nothin' gonna walk away from a nuclear bitch slap."

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Wolff]

Link please? Falling out of aeroplanes and hiding out in holes

Waiting for the sunset to come, people going home

Jump out from behind them and shoot them in the head

Now everybody dancing the dance of the dead

[ECSNorway]

I'll have to dig it up...

In the meantime, a quote from discussion of Shinji's spine, and the lack or presence thereof in fanfic:

"Shinji is so much of a psychological mess that, as seen in 'Children of an Elder God', even exposure to Cosmic Horror can only improve his mental health."

That was quick: Rei:Incarnated
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.