ROTFL: The comeback

[Black Aeronaut]

Nah, I found it on ff.net as well, though it took some prodigous google-fu on my account since ff.net's search function is fubared. Sorry, but I don't
have the link on this computer. ^_^;;

[The Hunterminator]

blackaeronaut wrote:

---

Nah, I found it on ff.net as well, though it took some prodigous google-fu on my account since ff.net's search function is fubared. Sorry, but I
don't have the link on this computer. ^_^;;

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4320933/29/

It's not exactly a serious story, but it's a fun quasi coherent mish-mash of crossovers around what seems to be the theme of "The new gods of
chaos fuck up everyone as much as possible"

[Black Aeronaut]

It's not exactly a serious story, but it's a fun quasi coherent mish-mash of crossovers around what seems to be the theme of "The new gods of
chaos fuck up everyone as much as possible"

Yeah, what he said.

[Shepherd]

"You got anything that would allow me to contact you when I've scouted the place?"

Kaze nodded and then rummaged about in the small rucksack he carried under his arm.

Ranma blinked as the evon held out a small, silver clamshell-shaped device made of plastic. "This is... you have a cell phone?"

"Of course," Kaze said. "I do not share the view of certain doddering old - mostly elven - magi that Earth Realm technology is worthless,
unreliable alchemy to be shunned for older practices."

K's brow furrowed. "But... if you had a cell all this time... shouldn't you have called home to tell your church what happened to you? I mean,
they still don't know you survived, right?"

"Are you out of your armor-plated mind?" The priest shouted incredulously. "Do you have any idea what the roaming charges for this thing is?
We're over two hundred miles from the nearest service area! My family may be rich, but I live on stipends and gambling winnings!"

- Nexus II, Chapter 15 ( www.fanfiction.net/s/1325244/15/Nexus_II )
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[LilFluff]

"Eek!! A cockroach!" Ukyo froze at the sound of the dreaded cry. She quickly looked over at the tables where a very short bipedal creature covered in
a spiky chitinous shell was viciously beating a customer. The other clients were either engaged in attempting to fend off other similar creatures or running
towards the door. Ukyo felt her heart sink, this was incredibly bad for business.

Journey, a Ranma fanfic

And a touch later in the same fic...

"Well, that is a bit odd. Leviathan has always been petty, with a rather wide cruel streak, but this seems to go a bit beyond that. Did you perhaps
catch her attention in some manner."

"Yeah...she was pounding away at Ammit. She wasn't really winning or nuthin, but I could tell she was delaying us enough that Mephisto might
actually get there in time. So I caught her attention, and gave Ammit enough breathing space to go on the offensive."

"Exactly how did you catch her attention?" Nabiki inquired, smirking as she guessed the answer.

"Well the usual things you say in battle. You know."

"Ranma! You didn't…call her names or something. Did you?" Akane asked, knowing the answer.

"Well I might have said something about her being uncute."

The females in the group gave a collective groan. "Ranma don't you know that's the worst thing you can say to a woman!" Akane
exclaimed.

"So you don't think it was the 'built like a brick' comment or the comparison to an ox? Well, if that's all, she can't be too
angry," Ranma innocently stated.

Okay, one more quote, still the same story...

"What did Thoth give you?" Jess moved from the corner she'd been sitting in and walked over to Nabiki. Together they sat on the couch and
looked over Thoth's gift. Kasumi started dusting the guests.

"Hmm. 'How To Become A Priest Of Thoth In Ten Easy Steps, written by Thoth'," Nabiki started to read the book, with Jess looking over her
shoulder. It promised to be an interesting week.
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[TheTwisted1]

How about this:

Bang. The door to the lab swung wide open as the room filled with brilliant white light. "I'm telling you, it was just like Whitestone - " a
young boy's voice trailed off. The Scarecrow and Dr. Horrible turned slow, wide-eyed looks at the group filling the doorway. In the lead was a doctor
wearing a grey-and-black ninja mask along with his labcoat. Beside him was a young boy, dressed in cowboy boots and denim, with a red bandana around his neck
and a fabulous, luxuriant moustache growing from his upper lip. Behind them, a gorilla with a clipboard and a large brown velociraptor narrowed angry eyes at
the intruders. Then things got a little weird.

From the first (and currently only) chapter of Checkerboard's Batman/Dr. Horrible/Dr. McNinja crossover (!) "Medical Help."

--The Twisted One

---

"If you
wish to converse with me, define your
terms."

--Voltaire

[The Hunterminator]

TheTwisted1 wrote:

---

How about this:

Bang. The door to the lab swung wide open as the room filled with brilliant white light. "I'm telling you, it was just like Whitestone - " a
young boy's voice trailed off. The Scarecrow and Dr. Horrible turned slow, wide-eyed looks at the group filling the doorway. In the lead was a doctor
wearing a grey-and-black ninja mask along with his labcoat. Beside him was a young boy, dressed in cowboy boots and denim, with a red bandana around his
neck and a fabulous, luxuriant moustache growing from his upper lip. Behind them, a gorilla with a clipboard and a large brown velociraptor narrowed angry
eyes at the intruders. Then things got a little weird.

From the first (and currently only) chapter of Checkerboard's Batman/Dr. Horrible/Dr. McNinja crossover (!) "Medical Help."




--The Twisted One

---

Dang, you beat me to it. And to stay in topic, a quote from the same fic.

"Gordito," Doc hissed out of the corner of his mouth. "Am I bleeding anywhere?"

"What?"

"Am I bleeding anywhere?" he repeated urgently.

"No...why?" Gordito whispered back.

"Because I see Batman in the corner."

"Batman is in the corner."

Dr. McNinja examined the black-cowled crimefighter. He'd been known to hallucinate when he was on the brink of death - in fact, now that he thought
about it, he'd been hallucinating a lot recently - and he was fairly certain that what he saw could not be real. "Seriously, Gordito."

"He's right there!"

[Shay Guy]

The funniest in-character Snape moment I've ever seen:

"No, no, no!" Neville shouted. His face was flushed with drink, and he downed two inches of firewhiskey in one gulp. "That would
never work, Hermione. I think we should make her write with a great big blood quill that cuts right through her heart…"

"Even blood quills are fallible, Longbottom," Snape said coldly. "Have you not learned anything at all in the five years of your magical
education? Umbridge has no heart. Even if the quill were the size of Hagrid, it would still be impossible."

"We could just use a big knife," Sirius pointed out. "And cut out her lungs."

"You are as foolish as always, Black," Snape said. "If she is one of the undead - as I highly suspect she is - then she does not have to
breathe. We will have to decapitate her."

From chapter 29 of Backwards With Purpose, probably the only Harry Potter Peggy Sue that rivals Nightmares of Futures Past.

---

Pronounced "shy guy."

[Bob Schroeck]

Link, please?
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Morganite]

Looks like http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4101650/1/B ... th_Purpose ...

Edit:

Ron snorted. “No. Is it bad to be having impure thoughts about an eleven year old girl?”

Harry laughed. “It’s better than thinking the same about a ten year old.”

“We’ve become very perverted, Harry.”

^o^

-Morgan. (Obscene activities!)

[ECSNorway]

Seen in a .sig on TFF:

ITACHI: Tsukuyomi. For the next 72 hours, I will continuously stab you with this Katana.

ADAM: (while tied to cross) I reject your reality and substitute my own.

ITACHI: ...what's this dump truck doing here?

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Norgarth]

I'm currently reading 'Summer Knight', the 4th book of The Dresden Files. I'm not even halfway through and there's already been 3
segments that made me lol.

(Bob to Harry)

"Here's where I ask why don't you spend your time doing something safer and more boring. Like maybe administering suppositories to rabid
gorrillas."

(Later in the same conversation, Harry to Bob)

I stared at the skull for a second, while the headache settled comfortably in. "There's got to be a simpler parlance than that."

"That's so typical. You won't steal a baby, but you're too lazy to conjugate."

"Hey," I said, "my sex life has nothing to do with--"

"Conjugate, Harry. Conju--oh, why do I even bother?"

(and finally)

What I could see of the apartment could have been imported from 429-B Baker Street. Dark woods, fancy scrollwork, and patterns of cloth busier than the
makeup girl at a Kiss concert filled every available inch with a Victorian splendor.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[DHBirr]

"Ration bar?" Desjani asked, offering one.


"Tell me it's not a Danaka Yoruk bar."


"It's not a Danaka Yoruk bar."


"Thanks." Geary took the offered bar, then read the label. "It is a Danaka Yoruk bar. Why'd you tell me it wasn't?"


"Because you told me to tell you that," Desjani explained.... "They taste the worst, so everybody ate the others first. We've got some
Syndic ration bars.... The chief who volunteered to taste test them informed me that they have one great virtue." She indicated the bar Geary was
holding. "They make Danaka Yoruk bars taste good by comparison."


"If I have to face death today, why does my possibly last meal have to be a Danaka Yoruk bar?" Geary complained....

-- From The Lost Fleet: Valiant, by Jack Campbell (a.k.a. John G. Hemry). I urgently recommend reading this
series.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[ECSNorway]

From The Lost Fleet: Valiant, by Jack Campbell (a.k.a. John G. Hemry). I urgently recommend reading this series.

I second this.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[SkyeFire]

ITACHI: Tsukuyomi. For the next 72 hours, I will continuously stab you with this Katana.




ADAM: (while tied to cross) I reject your reality and substitute my own.




ITACHI: ...what's this dump truck doing here?

You know, it occurs to me that this would work a lot better with a cement truck.

[zojojojo]

THIS WEEKS SPECIAL GIVEAWAY:

X-Ray Specs. Not the silly Muggle Toy that doesn’t work, a special offer from Quibbler Technologies ONLY for Quibbler subscribers, see through the clothing of anyone! Find out just how lucky a Witch Daphne Potter is. Warning: Using Quibbler Technology X-Ray Specs around certain individuals may lead to nausea, loss of sexual desire, and a general need to scrub out your braincase with bleach. There are some things we just aren’t meant to know. You have been warned.

- harry potter and the marriage contracts
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

[yesilmavi]

From a naruto fanfic called: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3745099/25/People_Lie

Almost
immediately after they started running, however, the renewed motion
and the increasing light startled Sasuke awake. Having never woken
up while being carried by someone before, he naturally stabbed his
blonde transport behind the ear with a kunai.
The
clone dispelled, and Sasuke was immediately confronted by the
challenge of falling. Agile as a cat, he tucked, rolled, and landed
on his feet.
Or,
that’s what would have happened if he hadn’t been almost as sore
as Hinata. Instead he performed a perfect faceplant.
Naruto
and Hinata immediately stopped and ran back to check on him.
Sasuke
sat up, spitting indignantly, kunai still clenched in his hand.
“Hungry?”
Naruto asked. “Decided to have an early dirt breakfast?”

[Sirrocco]

Since people have asked, my typical day of writing is as follows: I like to wake up with Hennessy and oysters, and then, still bleary eyed, I stumble into
my office to be mean to people on the internet. Writing asshole characters doesn't come naturally to me, so I find I need daily practice at being one.
When I decide to write, I often start by killing a hobo and turning his skin into a fine poncho. This gets me into a creative, bloodthirsty mood, and pleases
the dark gods who have claimed my heart. I pound a few red bulls and immediately check my email and favorite porn sites. This usually kills the rest of the
day, but should I get bored of cheap cialis and hastily documented sodomy, I'll usually prepare to actually write. A meal first, I'm partial to
chicken milk and cocaine, then I usually turn off trillian to remove distractions. Furious keyboard pounding is next, (that's the cocaine kicking in) and
then once I get control of my body again I'll settle into some nice serious writing. This may last between five minutes and 16 hours, depending on real
life events, time of day, and other intangible factors. Average production is generally between 3 and 5 thousand words for any given writing session, though
my record is OVER NINE THOUSAND!!

Oh, lord. I'd better tell you all I'm joking or someone, somewhere, will believe me.

I am joking, people.

Chapter 23 of People Lie - the author's note.

[ECSNorway]

From the new Fulcrum bit:

"There you are," he said. "Your presence is now as legal as
anything gets on Grushka. And now let me give you a few items of
practical advice. Do not loiter in marketplaces; the resistance likes
to bomb them. Do not linger outside restaurants and hotels; same
reason. Do not look a redscale in the eyes; he will take this as a
challenge for possession of his mate. Also, it is best to avoid
conversation with the Colonial Marines if possible. They are very
unhappy here and are generally quite willing to file objections to
overly curious passers-by with the butts of their rifles." He rubbed
his chin thoughtfully for a few moments, then said, "I guess that is
about it. Good luck in your search. I would tell you to enjoy your
stay on Grushka, but I believe humans cannot do this."

And, well, it's only gonna get better, folks.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Shepherd]

From chapter 11 of Scorpius Malfoy and the Improbable Plot:

"Did you know that the magical world had never even heard of therapy until you and Aunt Ginny reproduced?" Victoire asked, in what Harry wished
he could believe was a total non sequitur. "And now it's the fastest growing field in magical Britain."

"You should bring that up when you inevitably run for Minister, once Mister Baddock finally gets rid of Shacklebolt," Scorpius advised, a
distant, visionary gleam in his eyes that boded ill for everyone in general and Harry in particular. "I can see it now, Harry: 'A vote for Potter is
a vote for a healthy economy!' 'Harry Potter: providing the community with new jobs and neuroses since 2004!'"

----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[itsune9tl]

Link please.

From the new Fulcrum bit:

"There you are," he said. "Your presence is now as legal as


anything gets on Grushka. And now let me give you a few items of


practical advice. Do not loiter in marketplaces; the resistance likes


to bomb them. Do not linger outside restaurants and hotels; same


reason. Do not look a redscale in the eyes; he will take this as a


challenge for possession of his mate. Also, it is best to avoid


conversation with the Colonial Marines if possible. They are very


unhappy here and are generally quite willing to file objections to


overly curious passers-by with the butts of their rifles." He rubbed


his chin thoughtfully for a few moments, then said, "I guess that is


about it. Good luck in your search. I would tell you to enjoy your


stay on Grushka, but I believe humans cannot do this."

And, well, it's only gonna get better, folks.

[Star Ranger4]

http://www.eyrie-productions.com/

In the message boards, Warriors of the Outer Rim forum
Hear that thunder rolling till it seems to split the sky?
That's every ship in Grayson's Navy taking up the cry-
NO QUARTER!!!
-- "No Quarter", by Echo's Children

[drakensis]

Kakashi stepped in. "Well, if you two are ready to go, Shijimi-sama, we’d certainly like to get there on time."

"Oh, of course Kakashi-kun!" Shijimi said. "I’m sorry for delaying you, I know how important it is to be timely."

and later

"And if I said you were going to war with the Stone country, hmm? What if it was Those that Hide in the Stones that brought war to your door step?" Ursura said.

Naruto looked her in the eye, and said, "The Kage leads the Village. If a Village goes to war, it’s because the Kage said so. If the Stone and the Leaf go to war, it’s because you, the Tsuchikage, said so." He leaned forward, eyes burning with intensity. "If you threaten my precious people like that, I will personally hunt you down and kill you right in your office while you’re wearing your big hat."

Spying no Jutsu
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Ebony]

drakensis wrote:

---

Naruto looked her in the eye, and said, "The Kage leads the Village. If a Village goes to war, it's because the Kage
said so. If the Stone and the Leaf go to war, it's because you, the Tsuchikage, said so." He leaned forward, eyes burning with intensity. "If
you threaten my precious people like that, I will personally hunt you down and kill you right in your office while you're wearing your big
hat."

Spying no Jutsu

The Tsuchikage needs to be appraised of the Jaegermonster definition of a Bad Plan:

"Any plan very chou lose chour hat iz a Bad Plan!"
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[ECSNorway]

More 'The Open Door':

“Skuld… my experience in Hell wasn’t good for me. I picked up a lot of negative emotions that I compacted into a tight ball of darkness, and it formed a little proto-daemon that I could have slowly digested… right up until the point where we swapped a little bit of our souls and the piece from you mixed with it. Skuld… I’m pregnant, and technically, you’re the father,” Lars explained, before adding on, “You have no idea how sorry I am about all of this.”

The look on Skuld’s face was indescribable and bordering on the non-Euclidean.

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.