Sorry, I don't have any ideas offhand for how to fix the H/N lead-in... if I looked at the two versions of that scene side by side I might be able to come up with something, but I don't think I have access to the earlier version anymore, and the odds that whatever I might come up with would actually be helpful are fairly slim.
What I was actually thinking of most specifically was Naruto himself. In canon, he trains in certain directions, improves in certain ways, and leave gaping holes in his capabilities in other ways. You've moved decisively from the start to work on filling up those holes - but it seems to me that you've neglected, or at the least made it all too easy to (inadvertently or otherwise) later neglect, building up strength in the areas he did develop in canon. I realize that we're in early days yet, and that it may well be difficult to work in both directions at once (especially given just how big a deficit he needs to make up in the more abstract arena), but the hole is large enough and obvious enough to me to leave a general feeling of unease about the whole matter.
Does that make any more sense?
Your remarks about training philosophy are noted and (tentatively) accepted, I just don't have anything in particular to say in response to them.
Oh! Also, in reference back to the chapter itself: did I miss something in Chapter 1, or did that "Shino and Kabuto" scene come out of nowhere? I don't remember any mention of what they're referring to, what Shino refers to as "what had happened"; is it just my memory being bad, or had this thread not been developed previously?
Quote:Actually, Sakura wasn't the only - or even the primary - one I was thinking of; I could kind of see the sort of thing you're referring to, and there does seem to be room enough for her to be, or to become without much deviation from the path, well-balanced.
I think that you're perhaps incorrect in assuming that it's an either-or situation. Yes, Sakura's training is taking shameless advantage of her control and academic skills - but in the process of working on those, she's also polishing her gen-and-ninjutsu and getting exactly the ideal amount of exercise for her 'chakra muscles'.
What I was actually thinking of most specifically was Naruto himself. In canon, he trains in certain directions, improves in certain ways, and leave gaping holes in his capabilities in other ways. You've moved decisively from the start to work on filling up those holes - but it seems to me that you've neglected, or at the least made it all too easy to (inadvertently or otherwise) later neglect, building up strength in the areas he did develop in canon. I realize that we're in early days yet, and that it may well be difficult to work in both directions at once (especially given just how big a deficit he needs to make up in the more abstract arena), but the hole is large enough and obvious enough to me to leave a general feeling of unease about the whole matter.
Does that make any more sense?
Your remarks about training philosophy are noted and (tentatively) accepted, I just don't have anything in particular to say in response to them.
Oh! Also, in reference back to the chapter itself: did I miss something in Chapter 1, or did that "Shino and Kabuto" scene come out of nowhere? I don't remember any mention of what they're referring to, what Shino refers to as "what had happened"; is it just my memory being bad, or had this thread not been developed previously?