No-one commented? Hmm the intro is a little off putting but still.
Sticking the tongue out is repeated, bad style.
He heard her shriek 'moron!' - among other things - as he ran to keep his job, boots clunking against the ground.
Seems kind of stupid to have the largest defense force reserved for the capitol, not that I would put it past the politicians but still. Then again Tokyo would be a vital strategic objective, maybe mention something along those lines in the briefing if you want the force taken seriously?
Overall it's ok, but it could use some more polish (probably why you posted it here in the first place, isn't it?)
It reminds me a bit of the beginning of Code Geas, where the nationalist stance is also quite strong and off-putting. It makes a lot of sense for a military unit though, so I'm not sure what you should/could do about it.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Quote:"I could say the same to you, idiot!" The woman countered, sticking her tongue out as she picked herself up off the ground. She brushed her deep black ponytail over her shoulder and stuck out her tongue again as he got up. "It's rude to run into people, you know!"
Sticking the tongue out is repeated, bad style.
Quote: He heard her shriek of 'moron!' - among other things - as he ran for dear job, boots clunking against the ground.
He heard her shriek 'moron!' - among other things - as he ran to keep his job, boots clunking against the ground.
Quote:"The Black Wolf Corps is the largest defensive army in Japan. Organized by the government, Black Wolf Corps' one and only duty is the defense of the capitol."
Seems kind of stupid to have the largest defense force reserved for the capitol, not that I would put it past the politicians but still. Then again Tokyo would be a vital strategic objective, maybe mention something along those lines in the briefing if you want the force taken seriously?
Overall it's ok, but it could use some more polish (probably why you posted it here in the first place, isn't it?)
It reminds me a bit of the beginning of Code Geas, where the nationalist stance is also quite strong and off-putting. It makes a lot of sense for a military unit though, so I'm not sure what you should/could do about it.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."